Help end an argument for me!

kcshield

OK so here is the deal! It is my general impression that favors have really just become big in the last 10 yrs. My mom and the FMIL are were both 30+ moms and I am a young (22) bride...the future in law's are not originally from the US  so they do not do favors. My mom has never even heard of favors since i am the youngest person in my family by about 14 years + ...seriously the last family wedding I went to I was the flower girl in!

So here is my main point. They are paying almost 100% of the wedding and they do not want them because they think they are totally unnecessary...and frankly so do I but I have received a favor at literally ALL of my friends weddings and I know my family wont be offended if we didn't do it I think my friends would be offended if we didn't. I know that if I had them most family members would just leave them behind. I know I cant just put favors on the "friends" tables and not on the "family" tables... I am at such a cross road here because I know if I want them and the parents don't agree I have to pay for it ( like my photo booth) and that's another expense x 200! HELP...Opinions please!

[Deleted User]

Did you post this on every board?

megk8oz

I dont' know how this "became big in the past 10 years" considering all of my relatives that got married in the 70s and 80s were horrified when they heard I might skip them.

From what I've been gathering, between my relatives and my time on The Knot, is it's actually more common to skip them  now than it was 20 years ago.

I wound up having them  (Found an extra $200 in our budget)... but really, the way they initially reacted, you would think I had suggested eating babies as the entree.

If your relatives are paying and they don't want them, it's their money, they can do what they want with it. If you want them that bad, then you need to scrounge up the money and pay for them yourself. And yes, if you have them, you give one to everybody, or one per couple.

If you don't have them, nobody will miss them. If you do have them, please pick something edible (Nobody wants a champange flute with you and your FI's name and wedding date on it).

trix1223

Big in the last 10 years?  I was married almost 32 years ago, and we had favors, as did everyone I knew.  Matchbooks were very popular back then. 

But ditto Meg:  if you don't want them, don't have them.  But also understand that favors don't have to be big and expensive.  My DD's favors were probably somewhere around the $1 pp mark, probably less.

She had bought favor boxes on clearance.  Tulle circles on clearance.  Ribbon on clearance.  She put a small handful of m&ms in a circle of tulle, tied the circle, placed it in the favor box, and put a box at each place setting.

So if you have 200 people, you can likely, with a little work, have your total cost of favors be under $200.

maggiepatch

I was married the first time in '87 and it was not at all common to do them.  As a matter of fact I have 3 sisters and we were all married in the early 80's (I was the last one) and none of us did them.  Though I do recall the Jordan Almonds wrapped in tuile being the thing to do if you did anything.

I've also gone to countless weddings where I got something and it ended up in the trash.  I really don't need some trinket nor do I need those jordan almonds.   

This time around, I am deciding whether or not to do them only because I happen to have seen something that was very cute (minature wedding cake candy) and I am having a small wedding so it's do-able. 

I say, don't bother and likely no one will even notice. 

bbyckes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_end-argument?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2eb5350d-2191-4514-921a-55859849cc26Post:f7ae3acd-9ef6-4e4c-9f33-2a259959bfb9">Re: Help end an argument for me!</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you post this on every board?
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Exactly.  I'll reiterate what I said in the other post.  Stop whining and pay for the favors yourself if you want them.

ashleyandcj

I think they might be a waste of money and if your family is paying I would let your friends know that it is out of your hands.  We received wine glasses at my aunts wedding with their names on them...  they are nice but we never use them.  I wouldn't really worry that much about it.  If your friends are really your friends they are going to just be happy that they get to be a part of your special day regardless of favors or no favors.

noelwellin

Could this possibly be a regional thing and that's why some think they've become more common recently?  Although it does seem as though OP is the only one who thinks this so maybe not.

Favors can be very annoying unless, as PP stated, they're edible.  Go to a craft store, get some tulle and some ribbon on clearance, buy some colored M&M's on http://www.mymms.com (we did these for a friends shower and they were perfect), and be done.  15 pieces or so per tulle bunch.  Maybe consider the photo booth that you splurged on a type of favor?  Or once you get your photos back from your photographer send each person a copy of one of them (assuming you'll be getting some kind of digital copies yourself, like a CD or a DVD)?  You can get them printed for about 20 cents apiece at Walmart.  You could send those out with your thank you notes.  

zitiqueen

Your friends would be offended if they didn't have a tulle-wrapped box of M&Ms at their seat? Really? That's a really stupid thing to get their panties in a bunch over.

MairePoppy

 Favors aren't necessary, but:

1. Aren't the photo booth photos considered to be favors?

2. You could bake or buy cookies and wrap them up as favors. They will not get left behind.

3. What is wrong with paying for things yourself? The favors are supposed to be a small token of appreciation from you and fi. So the fact that your parents won't pay for them should not be the deciding factor.

jenn.daniel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_end-argument?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2eb5350d-2191-4514-921a-55859849cc26Post:f7ae3acd-9ef6-4e4c-9f33-2a259959bfb9">Re: Help end an argument for me!</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you post this on every board?
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

uggg.  I think so.

deepcovejackie

Pay for them yourself and stop posting the same thing on all of the boards.

kcshield

Nope but my mom posted them on evver borad once she noticed she was winning the argument...I frankly dont want them but since all of  my friends  had them I thought it would be in bad taste not to.

kcshield

Sorry like I said my mom re-posted...we are broke grad school students and were going to do a 10 person court house wedding but my grandpa offered to pay before he passed away because he wanted me to have a traditional wedding...sorry my mom thinks that blogs are like e-mails and you have to send it to everyone for people to see it...lol

trix1223

These are not blogs.  They are message boards.  There's actually a big difference between the two.

Midgie373

I don't think you need favors.  Personally, I think it's more stuff that the evil wedding empire has decided we need to waste money on. 

Kristin789

>>I do recall the Jordan Almonds wrapped in tuile being the thing to do if you did anything.


Sure.  At one time, this was exactly the favor that EVERY bride had.  See below.  Now, we put a flower above every place setting to complete the look we wanted on the table, and to our surprise, every person except three took the flower with them.  So you don't have to do expensive favors if you decide to do them...

Jordan almonds poem that goes on the tie of the tulle bag:
Jordan Almonds for Thee
Five sugared almonds for each guest to eat
To remind us that life is both bitter and sweet.
Five wishes for the new husband and wife --
Health, wealth, happiness, children, and a long life!

More info:
http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-favors/articles/all-about-jordan-almonds.aspx?MsdVisit=1

soontobeschooley

If you really need them pay for them yourself.  They don't have to be all out expensive.  If not, your mom wins and you don't get favors.  End of story.

kdwhitley

Dont judge by your friends weddings. Its your day if you dont want to then its your choice. and if people get upset just overlook them. they should be there for you not the gifts. We are not having them. I think they are cute for those that do but I think unnecessary. My FBIL did favors at his 2nd wedding. But people actually bought the cookie cutters to help give them money for the honeymoon (kinda like pass the hat). They made like 200 bucks on selling their favors. Just an idea.