I need to vent.....

Amymarie_MILLER

When my fiance and I first got engaged we had planned to do a destination wedding with just our parents & two close friends, its what we both dreamed of...well our plans completley changed due to family issues with traveling costs etc. So we decided to have a small ceremony close to home, but the guestlist keeps getting bigger and My FI has made it very clear that he does not want to get married in front of a lot of people & he would prefer to elope, being more private & romantic (which I agree) I just want my family there on my wedding day....sigh. And we have already paid the deposits for the venues. He insists he wants me to continue to plan this wedding although its not want he wants. So now Im just not sure what to do. Im getting so tired of planning a wedding, Its making me crazy & stressed out. Everyone keeps telling me this is suppose to be the "happiest time of our life", but I've been so wrapped up in stupid details I forget what its all about....I dont know what to do. Maybe eloping would just be easier....anyone have any imput?

Paddamill

You can still have the small wedding by just cutting the list down to size. Invite those MOST important to you such as close friends and family only. Remember you guys are in charge!

keegzzz

You can still elope!

Or still have a destination wedding... just have the "destination" be a couple towns over & still only invite those who you were originally wanting to be there.

There's no reason to not have the wedding you BOTH want.

SarahPLiz

Why is the guest list growing? Are you paying or is someone else? If you are paying, then you hold the purse strings and the red marker. Invite who you want and leave the rest off. If someone else is paying and is going nuts with the list, let them know your concerns. If they don't heed them, then refuse their money and wait until you can afford the wedding you want.

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-vent-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2ed924a2-7557-4d4a-b334-53f8e1a927d8Post:a9edffc7-3f50-4de2-8fcf-7fd840702141">Re: I need to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]My friend and her husband eloped one day because they were tired of waiting and stressing.  Then a few months later they had their small wedding and hardly anyone knew that they had eloped!  Haha I thought it was funny and romantic how they kept it a secret...(I only knew because she was a co-worker and I wasn't going to be at wedding).  Try not to let the details get to you! Have fun with it
Posted by sundrop24[/QUOTE]

 have to disagree. I think lying is never funny and romantic, but thats just my opinion. If you elope, by all means tell your family afterwards.

RaiKai

Why is the guest list getting bigger? Just because you are having it locally does not mean you need to invite everyone who lives nearby.....you can STILL limit your guest list to parents and your two close friends.

My DH and I did not want to elope, but we DID want a very small wedding with a limited guest list. We picked a venue in a province over from us as we wanted a "mini-destination wedding", had sixteen guests WE wanted there, a short engagement and no stress in planning as it was what we both wanted. It was very fun for us to both plan, and the wedding weekend was incredibly enjoyable and relaxing. Wedding planning does NOT have to be stressful.

Or elope, but be honest about it afterwards with your family and friends.

Amymarie_MILLER

Thanks for all the imput. I think we'll cut the guestlist & just keep it simple. My parents are paying for the wedding. They arent the ones going crazy with the guestlist, its just that my FI has ALOT of friends and we dont want anyones feelings hurt if we dont invite them, but it is OUR day so I think we need to focus on what we want instead of trying to please everyone else..... So is it rude to have a small ceremony, then invite everyone to the reception? I would think this is okay?

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-vent-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2ed924a2-7557-4d4a-b334-53f8e1a927d8Post:c8f1bb40-5e2c-408e-8ea8-06a74339fb5b">Re: I need to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]So is it rude to have a small ceremony, then invite everyone to the reception? I would think this is okay?
Posted by Amymarie_MILLER[/QUOTE]
If you keep the ceremony VERY small (say, 20 people or less, immediate family only), then usually that's okay.  But if money is the problem, that won't really help, since the reception is the most expensive part of the whole shebang.

We cut our guest list down to just WP and our parents.  Best thing we ever did.

Amymarie_MILLER

Im thinking just immediate family & our wedding party at the ceremony, which would be about 30 people. We have about 175 on the guestlist, so I was thinking about inviting everyone else to the reception. Our reception is going to be pretty laid back, alot of dancing & drinking, and finger foods, no sit down dinner or anything. Money isnt much of an issue, we just want our ceremony to be more small & intimate. I think our guests would understand our reasoning? I would hope so anyways?

baby green bird

it sounds like you both want to elope. find a way to make it work.

Sweetcheeks521

The most important thing is that you guys are getting married and at the end of the day will be MR & MRS.

If what you both want is the small ceremony, take the deposits already put down on the venues as a loss and have the wedding you both dreamed of. It's hard cause sometimes we think the wedding is more for the guests more so than us and our future hubbies. When you tell people that you changed your mind, they will just have to deal with it. It is about you and your the celebration of your love. 

Maybe you should sit down and have a true heart to heart with your fiancee and see what you come up with.  Really listen to him and what he has to say and you will come up with the right answer for the BOTH of you. 

jeannigirl

Personally I think its rude inviting certain people to the reception and not the wedding. If you are doing it on the same day. Sometimes couple will elope then come back and do a reception.

My FI is the very same he doesn't want to have alot of people and have this party. Just invite the ones that are the most important to you and FI and those who are close to you has a couple.

Amymarie_MILLER

I talked to my FI about the whole situation and we decided together to do a small ceremony w/ a big reception. And Im not going to stress about stupid details anymore, lol... So we wont be eloping. Im happy, hes happy. We got it figured out now. Thanks for all the advice=)

eeyring

I think you should either elope or go get married with just a few of your family members like you want. It's sounds like that's what you both want, and what will make the two of you the happiest. If you can't get a refund for what you've already purchased, then you could just have a reception right after or a while after the actual wedding takes place