Government has ruined my wedding plans x_x

pokepoke27

So for the past few months I've been really excited about planning my May 1st 2011 wedding to my foreign FI. I know the immigration paperwork takes a while which is why we were getting things rolling so early on. I went yesterday to talk to an immigration officer and was told that as soon as we get the visa (usually about six months but could be longer/shorter - no guarantees) we have 30 days to use it and then another 90 days after that to get married (otherwise he gets carted outta here). So basically they're telling me that I'll have FOUR MONTHS in which to plan my wedding - there is only so much I can do for a wedding without knowing the date! So bye bye original wedding plan and hello plan b! 

TWO WEDDINGS! 

Wedding number 1(JOP style): Total number of guests invited - 10 (immediate family on both sides) and then going to The Melting Pot afterwards (mmmm..)

Wedding number 2 (traditional style): FI and I save up and get married traditional style, with just the 10 people present at the first ceremony knowing that we're already married and BOOM, it's almost just like I originally planned 

I know that wedding number 1 is mostly about paperwork and legal mumbo-jumbo, but I still would like it to be a little special - I was thinking a cute white knee length dress with a small bouquet of bright, colorful flowers. Have my dad (a professional photographer) snap some shots and use those pretty photos in wedding number 2 (instead of engagement photos). 

So, any suggestions on a Justice of the Peace wedding? I honestly have no clue what those are like 

Huskerfanz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_government-ruined-wedding-plans-xx?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:30ad7a06-0847-4876-a4d3-1f71964ababdPost:e99cac08-0614-4fe8-b26a-72881ff6e690">Government has ruined my wedding plans x_x</a>:
[QUOTE]So for the past few months I've been really excited about planning my May 1st 2011 wedding to my foreign FI. I know the immigration paperwork takes a while which is why we were getting things rolling so early on. I went yesterday to talk to an immigration officer and was told that as soon as we get the visa (usually about six months but could be longer/shorter - no guarantees) we have 30 days to use it and then another 90 days after that to get married (otherwise he gets carted outta here). So basically they're telling me that I'll have FOUR MONTHS in which to plan my wedding - there is only so much I can do for a wedding without knowing the date! So bye bye original wedding plan and hello plan b!  TWO WEDDINGS!  Wedding number 1(JOP style): Total number of guests invited - 10 (immediate family on both sides) and then going to The Melting Pot afterwards (mmmm..) Wedding number 2 (traditional style): FI and I save up and get married traditional style, <strong>with just the 10 people present at the first ceremony knowing that we're already married</strong> and BOOM, it's almost just like I originally planned  I know that wedding number 1 is mostly about paperwork and legal mumbo-jumbo, but I still would like it to be a little special - I was thinking a cute white knee length dress with a small bouquet of bright, colorful flowers. Have my dad (a professional photographer) snap some shots and <strong>use those pretty photos in wedding number 2 </strong>(instead of engagement photos).  So, any suggestions on a Justice of the Peace wedding? I honestly have no clue what those are like 
Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

Won't everyone kind of figure out (if they already haven't-which most probably will) that you are already married if you use the 1st wedding photos in your 2nd "wedding." 

pokepoke27

Well I wasn't thinking of using the ones of the actual first ceremony. My dress won't be so formal that people would think automatically that it's a wedding dress, so we could go to the beautiful park near the courthouse and take some adorable pictures that everyone would assume are engagement pictures.

MyNameIsNot

Please don't lie to your guests.  Call the second wedding your religious ceremony or a renewal.  Don't lie and pretend that you aren't already married.  People will understand that you had to JOP because of the immigration issue.  They won't understand that you lied to them, and they will find out. 

For the JOP, just take whomever you want to the courthouse.  You'll wait in line, fill out some paperwork, and the judge on duty will marry you.  Then go out to lunch. 

ETA: Call the courthouse to find out their policies ahead of time, so that you can incorporate whatever touches you want. 

LesaBear

I can't help you with the JOP but I will tell you that I think it will be very hard to keep people from finding out about the first wedding. I think you can still go with some kind of larger celebration due to the circumstances but I wouldn't try to hide the first wedding.

That said a wedding could be planned in four months. Ask your local board for advice.

shwethasrin

I know it's usually considered rude to have a wedding beforehand with a JP and then have a second ceremony and reception, but IMO getting married ahead of time for immigration reasons is a slightly different story. I would just go before a JP and get married. After all, you can't have the wedding you want unless your FI can actually legally be present in the country. 

Huskerfanz

Well the 2nd event is not a wedding because your JOP ceremony is your wedding.  If you want to do a bigger reception later, you don't need to lie to all of your guests.  Most will more than likely find out in some way that you were already married and probably won't appreciate being lied to. 

You can plan a big wedding in 4 months.  One of my friends got engaged last March and got married in July in a wedding that had over 200 guests. 

SarahPLiz

DO the JOP, then do a party. You can even have a church blessing, but its not a wedding ebcause you are already married. You shouldn't have a shower or a bparty before the second on, because you are already married.

You can plan a wedding in 4 months, and it can be very special, even if its not your original idea. There are certain things you can do in the time when you are waiting on immigration, like buying your dress, designing invites, getting the guest list together, makeing centerpieces and decor, etc. Then you find a place when you know your deadline and just fill in the blanks. It will be stressful, but it can be done.

Don't lie to your guests and pretend you aren't married, when you really are. That's just rude, and it makes you seem greedy for attention and gifts.

redheadfsu

Figure out exactly what you want so when he gets approved for the  K Visa you can book everything & boom it is done. It can be done. Believe me.

Don't have a fake wedding. PLEASE.

Or do a very cute & sweet JOP with close family/ friends & then a picnic, dinner, or drinks to celebrate. (call your local county courthouse for details about how they handle JOPs at the courthouse) . Or you can get a Judge, Notary, or a friend to get ordained & marry you in a park, beach, etc.

But please be honest.

salt78

I stopped reading after "Wedding number 1". Because that's how many you get.

aerinpegadrak

I think most vendors would be somewhat understanding if you explain that you can't book yet because of immigration issues; you can still figure out which ones you like best, and then find a date when they're all available.  Ultimately a wedding is just a party; would you really need more than four months' notice to plan a birthday party?  And, as PP said, there's a lot that you can get out of the way without knowing your exact date, especially if you can narrow it down to a few potential venues and try to keep things flexible.  (For instance, a black and white color scheme will work in any venue, so you could start getting together centerpieces and decorations.)  Four months is far from impossible.  I know someone who planned a full wedding in five days.  It just means you can't be terribly picky.

If one of my friends or family had to do a JOP wedding for immigration reasons, I'd understand, and certainly wouldn't begrudge them a big fluffy further down the line.  If they lied to me about it, I'd be unspeakably hurt, and it would be a very long time before I'd even consider forgiving them.

trix1223

Well, unless you divorced between your JOP wedding and the next one, you can't have two weddings.  So that pretty much answers your question.

Have your first wedding.  And if you must, have a party later.  But you don't get all the accoutrements of a wedding at the party.  No WP, "first dance", I personally would even skip the big white dress and veil, etc.

You're having a wedding, and a follow up party.

Mrs.B6302007

FWIW, we only had a 4 month engagement.  We set the date right away and got started on the planning.  It can be done in 4 months or less.

megk8oz

Ditto the PPs you don't get 2 weddings. If you JOP now, you can have a reception later, but you don't get to call it a wedding.

Do not lie to your guests, because frankly, in these situations, usually somebody slips later on and it creates a very unnecessary sh!tstorm.

I would honestly buckle down and just plan the wedding you want in the 4 months. It can be done. My entire wedding was planned in 5, and honestly, we could have done it in less, and it was nice.

cukimerrydoll

I agree that you shouldn't have 2 weddings.  You can definitely plan one great one in 4 months!

My cousin planned hers in 5 weeks, because her (now) husband was gatting deployed.  It was fantastic - seemed like a lot more preparation time than she had.  But she had a lot of help.

Maybe your immediate families would be willing to help you out with this too.

jenn.daniel

A very nice wedding can be planned in 4 months.  My best friend did it.  She had to email invitations, but other than that nothing was what I would consider unusual.  The ceremony was very nice, and the reception really fit with her personality. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You can do a wedding in 4 months. You can pre-plan a few things - get your dress, your BM dresses, any favors, etc. Decide on colors and invitations. Look for possible venues and vendors and narrow it down to a few who might be open on short notice. Be flexible about the exact date (like: a weekend in May).

Please do not lie to your guests. Even if you don't lie, having another wedding with a big white dress is kinda tacky.

shandiane

I had a friend in a similar situation, she was from the states and her (now) husband was foreign.  They were having troubles getting his paperwork to go through as well, so they had a Justice of the Peace ceremony initially, then they had an actual ceremony and reception both in his home country and here in the states.  Everyone at both ceremonies/receptions were really great about it and just happy to share and celebrate with them.  So I'd agree that you shouldn't have to lie to your guests, they will understand! 
Good luck, hope things go well for you both!

mocha beans

Don't lie to your guests about the first wedding.  You can do a religious ceremony after the JOP ceremony, but please don't lie.

luckyme502

Are you serious, is this a joke?  You want two weddings?  You want to lie to your family and friends?  I know I LOVE it when my friends lie to me. 

526SadieSadie

Yeah, you get one wedding, it doesn't matter if it's in a huge cathedral with 1500 guests or at a courthouse with 10.  You only get one, unless, as someone posted, you get divorced and remarried (for a church ceremony, you most likely will need an annullment).  I completely agree that a beautiful wedding can be planned in four months or less.  My friend and her (now) husband are from Canada, he got a job here and she planned their wedding in a few weeks and from the photos, it was really beautiful.  Be a little more flexible!!  If you're completely stuck on your 2011 wedding, don't lie to your family (do you really want to start your married life that way?).  Have a big party with family and friends, wear a pretty dress, but please, don't try to masquerade it as anything other than what it is!!  It can still be a celebration and you could RENEW your vows.
I played with the idea of rushing to the courthouse with my fiance and our best friends to have a quickie ceremony so I could be covered under his health insurance.  But when I got down to really thinking about it, I decided that if our families found out, they would be really hurt and would probably feel scammed.