Question for the wives

Sierra524

This may come out a little awkward. Lol.
How did your relationship change after getting married?
When did you really "feel married"?

I am only asking because my FI and I pretty much already feel married, so Im wondering what type of changes we will go thru when we get married, since we already feel married.

Maggie0829

H and I were together for 9 years before our wedding and had lived together for almost 2.  Needless to say we already felt "married" before we were legally wed.  After the wedding, nothing changed.  We just went back to our usual routine.

Now, if you and your FI aren't living together until you get married then I can definitely see there being an adjustment period in the beginning.

ZiggyZos

I asked H yesterday if it felt weird to be married (it's been a little over 7 months)... He said it honestly didn't feel any different. We dated for 8 months and were engaged 16 months before our wedding, and lived together for a little over a year. The only thing that changed for me is getting used to referring to him as my HUSBAND. But in terms of relationship? It's the same. ETA: if we hadn't lived together, I think it would have been majorly different, as we had a serious adjustment period. It was nice to get that out of the way well before the wedding.

staar987

We lived together for 2 1/2 years before getting married and had been together around 4. We pretty much felt married already. We had combined finances and everything. So nothing changed for us.

I think that if we didn't live together there would have been a large adjustment period.

GoodLuckBear14

DH and I met twelve years ago, broke up two years after that, started talking three years after that and got back together four years ago.  We got engaged in 2009, moved in the beginning of 2010 and married later that year.  Nothing really changed after we got married.

The first time I really felt married was when landscapers shattered the glass in our patio door and DH was on the phone with the homeowners association who was trying to deny it was their responisbility and the glass must have shattered because our AC was at too low of a temperature in 100+ degree heat.  When he yealled "My wife was home and heard the rock hit the glass" was a moment that made me stop.

Sierra524

I am in the same situation many of you were. I moved in with FI & his mom after only 3 months of being together. We moved into our own place 6 months later, and have been living on our own for almost 2 years already. We already have joint accounts, car insurances, cell phone plans...everything. So, I cant imagine how being married is going to be any different.

MrsMack10612

Friends and coworkers ask me that a lot.

I have to honestly say - nothing changed, except my name and we filed the taxes jointly this year.

We were together for 11 years before getting married, lived together for 9.  We already had joint bank accounts and a lot of our routines already settled.

I agree with PPs that if you haven't lived together, you're in for a much bigger adjustment period than those who did; it will/can take longer to get into those everyday routines, getting used each others habits, that sort of thing.

It's still taking me some time to get used to signing a new name (and my credit cards haven't changed yet, so they are still in my maiden) and the whole "my husband" thing is still taking some getting used to; I know he feels the same about "my wife".

mcda04

My H and I lived together for 8 years before we got married. Everything was joint already and had two kids. My families considered us married so nothing really changed.

There was a little bit of mushiness for the first few days just because we were still so excited from our wedding.

daria24

Not a whole lot changed, we lived together for about 1.5 years before getting married. I do feel more emotionally connected to him now, I find myself missing him more often than I used to, and I think we are both much more open with each other. But I didn't even change my name, so I haven't had that whole experience.

I know for H, the first 'holy crap' moment was on our HM, we had to sign a waiver for one of our excursions and I was in the bathroom, and they told him that as my spouse he could sign for me. For me, it was filling out the forms at my new job and checking the 'married' box. 

Sierra524

Thank you all! I love hearing your stories. I guess I really dont have anything to worry about! I figured that its just going to take some time to get use to the name change and actually "being married" and not being able to check the "single" box on paperwork.

MoonlightSilver

We had been together for 7.5 years and lived together for... 3? I'm not even sure.

Nothing physically changed, and nothing in my heart changed, but there was a feeling of accomplishment. Plus, people *recognized* our union as being more solid, which led me to feel like it was more solid- even if I knew that none of our committments had changed, they had just been publicly stated.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_question-for-the-wives?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:30b38bd5-f0af-4f8b-85b9-cbe69e43f710Post:88e87d8b-495a-40e6-8564-72feb3fc2e55">Re: Question for the wives</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question for the wives : I met DH when I was 15.  We dated in high school.  Nothing serious as far as I was concerned, but he said he loved me and wanted to marry me.  I thought he was just horny.  I went off to college and saw him maybe once a year.  He never gave up.  After falling desperately in love with the wrong man and having my heart broken, I recovered gradually.  At 25, I decided to marry DH, after being together for 4 days.  I planned the wedding in 2 months.  We didn't see each other during that time, since he was in Maryland, and I was in Iowa. Being married was a completely new experience for us both.  We started out as good friends, and things just get better.  All the sturm und drang is long over, and life is better without it.  We have grown together, and learned real love - completely different from the grand passion I felt when I was in my 20s.  Life is good after 37 years of marriage and friendship.  He still chases me around the house, though.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

This is sweet. I find it amazing how you two found each other even after moving away and having other relationships. I love that you say you two have grown together and learned real love. I like to think that my FI and I have already grown together, and will continue to do so. Congrats on 37yrs! I am glad you're around these boards...obviously you know a thing or two about marriage after having a successful marriage even after 37 years.

thejucheidea

Yeah, I'm not forecasting much of a difference. We already have combined finances and have lived together for three years. I'll need to add his name to things like the house, the car note, et cetera, and change my name so. many. places., but otherwise... idk, I don't think it's going to change. We've already been told by surprised people that they thought we were already married and that I had just kept my maiden name.

AddieCake

Ooooh!  I wanna share my story like CMGr's!

About 11 years ago, I met my husband online in Pogo Games. We hit it off as friends and then decided we wanted to date. Two problems: I lived in TX, and he lived in FL, and he was about to join the Navy. I declared I would wait for him. I didn't. I dumped him for another guy while he was in boot camp. Worst mistake of my life. He married a girl he met in the Navy, and we tried to stay friends, but one day, unbeknownst to him, she emailed me and told me to leave him alone b/c he was married. I decided to just let it go and not fight for the friendship of someone I had never actually met in person. We lost touch. 

Fast forward to a few years ago, and I was going through some boxes of stuff after having moved to a new apartment, and I came across a box of his things that he had sent me before going into boot camp. I thought,  Awww...I wonder how Jimmy is doing? The next week, I was procrastinating from grading papers and messing around online and reading a blog on Myspace for a friend of mine. I thought, who else do I know who has a Myspace?  I wonder if Jimmy has a Myspace. I looked, and his relationship status said DIVORCED. I thought, Ohhh, I am so no longer banned from contacting him!  

I took a chance that he had the same email, emailed him with, "Hey, what's new?"  And we've been together ever since. He was in VA, and we did the long distance thing for a year, visiting every 3 months. Then he moved to TX to be with me for 2 years. I knew he was not happy in TX, so I suggested we move to VA, and here we are. 

Even cooler is that when I first started applying for jobs like 14 years ago, I drove here from Illinois for a job interview, took one look around this place where there was NOTHING at the time, and w/o even giving it a chance, cancelled my interview and drove home the next morning. He ended up being stationed here in the Navy. Had I moved here, I might have met him even sooner. That's how I know we were always meant to be here together. One way or another, we would have been here together.  Fate. 

And marriage hasn't changed us at all. 

HobokensFury

Here are the only 2 things that changed when we got married- I have a new last name and he has health insurance.

courtski2004

J and I were together 3 years before we got married, and we lived together for 2 of those years. Nothing has changed, we had a system down for paying bills, saving and all that, but having a joint bank account was probably the only thing that was different once we got married. We tend to look further into the future when we make big personal and financial decisions now.

In talking with friends about how they think their relationship is different after getting married, the one comment that stands out is "Well, you know how before if you got in a fight you might think "this is BS, we could just break up or I could move out", well, you still can it just costs more and there's paperwork involved."

Hearing J refer to me as his wife still makes me smile.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_question-for-the-wives?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:30b38bd5-f0af-4f8b-85b9-cbe69e43f710Post:674aa635-a98a-4536-8e12-23a6863d3bab">Re: Question for the wives</a>:
[QUOTE] That's how I know we were always meant to be here together. One way or another, we would have been here together.  Fate.  And marriage hasn't changed us at all. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

I was going to say the same thing...it must have been fate :] Your story is also sweet. Im glad the notion of having one true love is not gone!

Peledreamsofrain

I love this topic!  Everyone's stories are so cute.

I personally don't feel any different after getting married to my husband.  I still wake up every morning and boggle at the idea that someone is voluntarily hanging around with my snarky butt.  

AddieCake

KWith,that is so cool! I'm irrationally overexcited by that!

WinstonsGirl

Nothing changed for us as we had lived together before.  The Husband thing was weird, or realizing I'm someone's wife.  But I agree with MoonlightSilver.  As soon as I went from Ms. to Mrs. (didn't change my last name though), parents where I teach began treating me ever so slightly differently, as I was now married.  Almost like I was treated as an equal and not someone younger than them, even though I still am.  The change was noticable right after the wedding too.  

ravenray

There was an adjustment for me but only because we got married, move to another country for 3 months and had never lived together before.  I think a lot of my adjustment was dealing with living in another country not so much with being married.  Though there are some things we are still adjusting too.  

But nothing in our relationship changed except the permanency.  It did take me a while getting used to being called his wife, it seemed almost surreal.  

 

I loved everyone else's stories. 

BulgariHeart

We had been together 15 years before getting married, lived together for 13, accomplished a whole lot during this time and have always been madly in love. Nonetheless marriage has made things soooo much sweeter for us. It introduced a new, stronger bond that continues to make us all excited to be our own family! A lot has changed, I feel; H is my next of kin and comes before anyone else in the world.