First Wedding now feels like a Second Wedding

CGO83

So instead of listening to friends and family, I called off the wedding and moved from Arizona back to my home state of New Hampshire. After a few weeks back home and many text messages back and forth, I decided to go back to my fiance so we could work together on our communication problems. I was only gone a month, but all the vendors were contacted by my mom for refunds. Now I have vendors I can't use because of how she cancelled the services, and we have to plan a new date to make sure we'll make it to this one.
On top of that I want to change almost everything about the wedding so it feels like a fresh start, I've already got a dress with pink in it but I'm thinking of going with light blue now. My fiance would be more than happy to go to Vegas or find the next available judge to do the honors. I'm not thinking of changing the wedding that much though!! I just want it a little smaller and simpler, we're trying to pay for it ourselves this time and it feels like having a big wedding will be a little too "showy."
Anyone else ever go through anything like this???

tldh

No.  And if you broke off the engagement, I wouldn't be planning a wedding right now.  I'd give the relationship more time to be absolutely sure that this is the right move. 

Ghoti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_first-wedding-now-feels-like-second-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3741eb9e-edea-457a-8b0d-016ee2773bd0Post:f123b695-cbc8-4465-b4f2-0ba693e8be9d">Re: First Wedding now feels like a Second Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]No.  And if you broke off the engagement, I wouldn't be planning a wedding right now.  I'd give the relationship more time to be absolutely sure that this is the right move. 
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
This.

topcatiom

do you maybe think its too soon to start replanning without having fully resolved the issued that led to your split, i mean you didnt just split but moved like halfway across country, maybe you should take it easy and leave the wedding planning for a bit. of course you could have resolved it all and feel free to say butt out internet stranger!

mkrupar

Why did you call off the wedding the first time? Sounds to me like you shouldn't be planning a wedding, you should be figuring out what led you to do this.

And no, I've never been in that situation.

aleighk1

I agree with PPs. Definitely wait a while to make sure your relationship is going to last before you start a marriage. 

redheadfsu

Please slow down and fix the issues that caused the break up.

Cancelling a wedding is huge, so don't act like everything is fine. It isn't. It was so bad that you cancelled your wedding. Please fix your relationship, not the wedding. You need counseling, not a wedding right now. The last thing on your mind should be a wedding.

Remember that the wedding is just one day. The next day you will have a marriage with all issues you haven't resolved. Not a great way to start a marriage.

aerinpegadrak

I have a friend who called off their engagement.  She got back together with the guy a few weeks later, but they put the wedding on hold for a while.  Soon after that, they called it quits for good.

I agree that wedding planning should be the last thing on your mind right now.  Give it some time, work on the issues that caused you to split in the first place, and then, once you're certain that you've gotten it worked out, set a new date and start over.  If your concerns were strong enough that you were willing to break things off, rushing is absolutely the last thing that you should be doing.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_first-wedding-now-feels-like-second-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3741eb9e-edea-457a-8b0d-016ee2773bd0Post:d2ca1371-5d2e-4aa7-8066-131b578314b2">First Wedding now feels like a Second Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]So instead of listening to friends and family, I called off the wedding and moved from Arizona back to my home state of New Hampshire. After a few weeks back home and many text messages back and forth, I decided to go back to my fiance so we could work together on our communication problems. I was only gone a month, but all the vendors were contacted by my mom for refunds. Now I have vendors I can't use because of how she cancelled the services, <strong>and we have to plan a new date to make sure we'll make it to this one</strong>. On top of that I want to change almost everything about the wedding so it feels like a fresh start, I've already got a dress with pink in it but I'm thinking of going with light blue now. My fiance would be more than happy to go to Vegas or find the next available judge to do the honors. I'm not thinking of changing the wedding that much though!! I just want it a little smaller and simpler, we're trying to pay for it ourselves this time and it feels like having a big wedding will be a little too "showy." Anyone else ever go through anything like this???
Posted by CGO83[/QUOTE]

I'm very confused by the bolded sentence. I'm reading it wondering if you're concerned that if your date is too far off, you might change your mind and cancel the wedding again (?)

I could be totally off with my interpretation and not comprehending this correctly. But if I <strong>am</strong> actually reading that correctly: OP, you're not ready to be married (And should not be marrying this person) if you really think rushing the wedding before you can lose your nerve again is a good idea.


ETA: I <u>have</u> broken off an engagement before. Very long story short: I've only planned one wedding since that moment ... and it was to somebody else.

vixey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_first-wedding-now-feels-like-second-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3741eb9e-edea-457a-8b0d-016ee2773bd0Post:c49c8bbe-8698-45d1-8c7a-7d3e61df1b64">Re: First Wedding now feels like a Second Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to First Wedding now feels like a Second Wedding : I'm very confused by the bolded sentence. I'm reading it wondering if you're concerned that if your date is too far off, you might change your mind and cancel the wedding again (?) I could be totally off with my interpretation and not comprehending this correctly. But if I am actually reading that correctly: OP, you're not ready to be married (And should not be marrying this person) if you really think rushing the wedding before you can lose your nerve again is a good idea.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

That was my interpretation, too.  And no, I've never been in this situation, when I end a relationship it's for a good reason and I don't look back.

HobokensFury

Ditto PP.  I think you should be focusing on the relationship and not planning a wedding.  If you get married with the same issues you had before it's not likely going to work out.

NillaWafer10

It's not so easy to break off a marriage, so I agree with all PP.  You should hold off on getting married until you and your FI have a healthy, stable relationship.  

tldh

I will also add that DH and I broke up after a couple of years and he moved to another state.  When we started talking again, we talked for THREE years before we decided to give our relationship another try.  We dated for a year before becoming engaged and weren't married until nine months after that.

MyNameIsNot

Agreed with the others.

If whatever came between you was big enough that it led you to break of the engagement, you need to focus on that and totally resolve it long before you consider marriage again.  There's nothing wrong with going back to just dating for a few years.

ichellemay1

Agree with PP - definitely get the relationship on track before even thinking about planning a wedding.

CurvyBookworm

Your not alone, my FI left me about three months ago. Back story Im finishing up my college degree away at school, my FI and I had had a huge fight over something stupid on the phone and he told me he was done. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago he wants to get back together. Now we are getting back together and picking up from where we left off but we have decided to first work on the problems that caused him to leave me. I think that thats the best way to do this. But thats just me. Good Luck!

mgmlove

I've never been in your situation. But a little pre-marital counseling might not be a bad idea.

Also, my FMIL and her husband DID go through this. The canceled their wedding bought separate homes and then a month before the original wedding date got back together. They got married on the original date like they had planned. That was two years ago. Unfortunately, they have had a VERY rough two (almost three) years. At some point they separated again and are currently living together. Who knows if it will work in the long run but they are struggling and trying very hard. At the very least, your marriage might not be smooth sailing...you should be prepared for that.

RebeccaB88

Seriously, just date each other for a year or so.  If you still want to get married, then get engaged.  Then give it more time just to make sure.

CGO83

I'm looking at holding off the wedding for another year or more, I'm not using the original date or just adding a few months. I'm not really planning the wedding right now, I was just looking for thoughts. Things are much better than they were, and actually I'm more focused on starting school in January, which I'm very excited about. I don't want to go get married right away, I've never wanted a quickie wedding and I'm not jumping back into getting married while I'm making sure we're going to keep doing well. So there is no date,  but when you make (or edit) a profile you have to have a date.