Poor FI ]:

FutureMrsBoucher

So FI has never had a really good relationship with is mom. She was (and still is verbally and emotionally) abusive. She puts a huge guilt trip on him for going to college and "leaving her" when she's perfectly capable of caring for herself, she just has no motivation to. He hasn't seen her in two years, she isn't coming to his college graduation and he rarely speaks to her. Whenever he DOES talk to her, it's usually because she will call the university police and tell them it's an emergancy and that she needs to talk to him. It freaked him out the first time the police came to his door!
This woman is also very petty, and makes it a point to create as much drama as possible when his dad and step-mom are around. Because of this, FI has decided to not invite his mother to our wedding. It was a tough decision for him, and I even encouraged him to invite her still, but he doesn't want her to ruin the day. No amount of taking her aside and explaining rules and courtesy would make a difference, it never has in the past.

I can tell it's hurting him pretty bad, but I've done everything I can, and will just continue to be as supportive as possible.
The reason for this post is to see if there's anyone else that has had to go through this and if you have any encouraging words I can share with FI... TIA!

jl.williams38

I have had, basically word for word the same issue with my Dad. I am inviting him however. I am too afraid of offending his mother (who is the only Grandmother I have left on this Earth). I can't bear the thought of causing her stress over what is to be a happy day. If it were not for her my Dad would not be invited at all. He is the type of person that if he were to show up to my wedding he would make a scene and make the day about him, upsetting me and enraging my mother. He did not come to my college graduation this past May, which hurt me quite a bit considering that was always his dream for me. The invitation has been extended to him, but I doubt he will come. If he does at all it will be for his mothers sake. He is not walking me down the aisle and is in no way part of the wedding. I support your FI's decision. The day is about the two of you not the added drama that unwanted people can provide. I might add that he is a much stronger person than me, he has made a decision and is sticking to it! That is so brave! It's a big decision one that I am sure was not easy to make. Now that he has made it the best thing to do is completely support the decision and fully stand by him. I hope you two have a wonderful day despite the added stress! Don't let it get you down, after all it is about YOU!

FutureMrsBoucher

jl... thank you for sharing your story with me, and I'm doing exactly that! If you don't mind, we will also be praying for you in your situation. I cannot imagine not having both my parents there, although I was blessed to come from a very supportive, stable home. I think it is a brave thing for you to still invite him for your grandmother's sake. His family is on the smaller side, and to be honest, probably no one but him will miss her being there. Stay strong, and don't let him being there stress you out or change anything! Like you said, " I hope you two have a wonderful day despite the added stress! Don't let it get you down, after all it is about YOU! "

Huskerfanz

If it is hurting him so much, you should probably invite her.

FutureMrsBoucher

HuskerFanz - That's what I told him, but he was the one to make that decision, not me. I was just wondering if anyone else had been through something like this.

kaynix21

Well my FI has a bad relationship with his dad. Not as tough as your FI and his mom though.

FI's dad just hasn't been around and hasn't been a part of his life pretty much at all, especially since I've known him. So there's some tension. As far as I know he didn't help out FIs mom after he left, and FI has an older sister too.

But we are extending FIs dad & GF an invite and the GF has emailed me and sent us a Christmas card with some $ as a gift so I've written back politely so it seems that they'll be coming.

FI insists we do not give him a boutineer and such so he is in no way involved in the wedding either but he'll be there as far as I know.

futuremrsrichardhall

I have the exact same situation with my dad. Except he drinks and would do his best to rub his new wife (who looks like she does crack) in my mom's face. Not only would having him there be upsetting to my mom and myself, but his entire side of the family can no longer stand him either. One of my aunts even went as far as to "reassure" me that any drama caused by his presence would be "handled".. I've decided not to invite him, even though my mom insists that it's important to have my father at my wedding.

I know this is a very difficult situation for you and your FI. But if your FI feels that it's best not to invite her, I think you should continue to support his decision. The last thing you want is for him to be distracted and stressed on your wedding day. Your wedding day is a celebration! Not a family reunion. You don't have to invite everyone. Good luck!

FutureMrsBoucher

Thanks guys! I'm supporting him totally and completely in his decision and leaving it at that. It's just been rough seeing him upset about it. I think we're planning on visiting her soon after the wedding, though, so that we can meet. We'll probably take her a copy of the wedding DVD and a couple pictures or something.