Do I bring it up?

brandichamberlain

So my brother got engaged a few weeks ago (yay!) and I couldn't be more excited for him.  He leaves in a few weeks to be deployed until late July.  Due to his deployment, my FI and I pushed our wedding back until September (to give a few weeks of cushion) so that he could be there; it was important to my whole family.  Today while browsing through facebook, I see that my soon to be SIL has posted something about wanting to plan for August instead of Spring '13 because she will 'burst' if she has to wait that long.  The problem is where our family lives. I live in AR but am getting married 3 hours away, he lives in NC, and my sister lives in Florida. Every person in my family will have to travel for both of our weddings so to put them just a few weeks apart will make most have to choose which one to go to, including myself. I will be pretty hurt if I can't attend my brothers wedding, when we did everything we could so he could attend mine (not that its to keep score, I just want to be there to support him like he is for me). I sent him a text and he said that last he thought was still the spring. I voiced my concerns but then he never responded. Do I just wait it out, or do I politely just bring up my concern to his FI?  I feel like a jerk saying something. TIA!

Kate61487

I'd let it go for now.  You've mentioned it to him and he was unaware, I'm gonna guess that she won't set the date without consulting him.  Hopefully what you've already mentioned will stick and he'll realize that having it just a few weeks before yours isn't the best idea.

blgrout

That is tough, but if it's just talk at this point I'd wait and see if they set their date for August or in the Spring.  It sounds like your brother and you would do anything for each other, which is really cool, so maybe he's talking to his FI about keeping their date in the spring so you can be at their wedding.  I'm sure he'll want you at his wedding too. 

Grits8812

I would wait and see what else is said.  If it is made clear that she is set on getting married right before you, have a more in depth discussion with your brother about your concerns that people will pick one wedding instead of both, and you don't want either of you to have to miss guests because of travel and other expenses.

mandctaft

I wouldn't bring it up myself, but if you are truly that concerned about it at this point, maybe you could talk to your mom about it, so she can possibly mention it, or at least she'll be able to talk to you about your concerns.

Avion22

Having deployed several times, I will tell you that she is NUTS if she thinks she wants to plan a wedding within a month of his expected return date.   For a July return, I think September is the absolute earliest I would recommend anyone plan a wedding.  There are just SO many factors that can affect him getting home on time, not to meniton that there are so many personal adjustments people need to make when returning from deployment that getting married that quickly is NOT a good idea.

Stick with your September wedding, it sounds awesome.  Hopefully your brother and FSIL will come around.

MyNameIsNot

Don't say anything else.  You've already mentioned it to your brother, and he knows the situation with the family.  She can't plan a wedding without him.  When they discuss the date, they will have to consider the family situation when choosing.  

brandichamberlain

My brother just sent me a text and told me that he didn't want to get married that close after getting back so he would talk to her. I'm glad I didn't say anything! Thank you everyone.

emilye1227

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bring-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3bf41c25-78bd-4d6e-8dac-c3be5c9b2756Post:77bbd185-14f0-4206-868c-0f25280db386">Re: Do I bring it up?</a>:
[QUOTE]Having deployed several times, I will tell you that she is NUTS if she thinks she wants to plan a wedding within a month of his expected return date.   For a July return, I think September is the absolute earliest I would recommend anyone plan a wedding.  There are just SO many factors that can affect him getting home on time, not to meniton that there are so many personal adjustments people need to make when returning from deployment that getting married that quickly is NOT a good idea. Stick with your September wedding, it sounds awesome.  Hopefully your brother and FSIL will come around.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more! The date that my now FI was supposed to return home changed so many times I lost count. And then, there's demobilization and readjusting and all kinds of things that need to be taken care of upon return. I agree that September would be the earliest I would plan anything. For me personally, if I was your FSIL, I would want my FI home planning with me anyways.