XP: Email from FML. =(

em01092

JFYI - Before making too many deposits that are not refundable!!!!!!! #1-  Do not put an announcement in the paper for your upcoming wedding!  I will make sure that editor, Gary Jones, refuses to place it the paper. #2 - Do not come here for Easter Sunday and play Tuba!  I do not want to explain why church members are not invited to the reception.  I do not need to tell Mary Ellen that she can not come to the wedding and reception because ya'll put it on the web with an RSVP without thinking. #3 - I do not need to explain that money is not an object  that they are just not wanted to be there and celebrate the wedding of someone that have supported since they were seven years old.  i do not need to explain why Scott was included in their children's wedding but they are not included. 3A - i offered to pay for their dinner plate but it was rejected.  Since money is no object - Maybe ya'll should pay the bar bill.  After all - it's your wedding and money is no object!!!  Or maybe the truth is not out. #3 - I do not need any further embarrassment  - I thought I raised someone that loved God and church family. #4 - Erica wants the building because it has a single aisle.  Not that it is the church she grew up in and loved the family members. Also - Gwinnett county is too expensive.  You only went through conseling to save money and was required by Pastor Phil #5 - Pastor Phil is also surprised.  maybe ya'll will elope or find a new location!!!  I'm wearing black for the wedding.  I already have something that will match Travis's black suit and that is obviously fitted for the inevitable. I am an unhappy mother -  This is not going to change.  As Scott said - "Ya'll have already made one concession about kids and not going to make anymore." My answer back -  "Live with yourself " That's all you have left!! Good luck for a happy long lasting marriage!!! Susie
-----In response to a forward I sent her: 
do not send any more e-mails!  Will go to Savannah tomorrow and probably do not need to hear any more correspondance until after Sunday.  And probably not for a long time! I hope you, Scott, and Grandmother Dot have an idea of the humiliation you have caused me in my small community!  But listening how your maid and matron's of honor are treating you -  You are just too young.  When you get to 60  - you will know who will be your friends.  Family will always be there for you. I know family and I know my church family  and I know my 3 best friends that have stood beside me for 55 plus years.  I had 4  but Gail died two years ago. How many of your friends will be your best in 30 years????  I'm thinking some of your wedding party will be gone in a year.
----------
Y'all...I have never been spoken to like this...not in a very long time since I left my verbally abusive stepmom and my dad's home....I am crying like a baby. 

mybestfriend4eva

TOTAL BITCH!!! Im so sorry Erica. Its such a shame to see someone act like this at such an important time. I cant believe she spoke to you like that. I really hope that you can get past all of this and that she comes to her senses. Again im super sorry to hear you are having to add this major stress on top of everything else. Youre a strong lady and an amazing person. Keep us posted and let me know if you need anything!<SUPER BIG HUGS>

em01092

@Md. yes you hit the nail on the head about everthing, pretty much. Grandma Dot is my mom figure. And how can she say that to me about family always being there when my own mother abandoned me?! Not gave me up for adoption but straight up left me when I was 8. Yeah, family is always there for you alright...*snort.*

@all: Thank you for the replies. I just had to get this out. She is so BSC. Fi definitely is PISSED. When I was telling him, he was super quiet, which means he is mad. She sent him the first email (she was talking about him coming out to play tuba not me) and I forwarded the second to him. He is going to call the pastor tomorrow and then his dad on Monday when they get back in town. We obviously don't feel welcome to have the wedding at the church anymore, and we don't even know if the pastor will marry us if she has made them all hate me...

kriistinuh

Ugh, that is just not right! I am so sorry you are having to deal with her. 

You should just tell her don't even bother coming.

Keep your head up, your wedding day will be wonderful regardless because you and your FI love each other.. that's all that matters.

Renew2

WTF who does that? Seriously, she sounds super petty. I'm so sorry

dnice818

Hehe...you should give us her email address and we'll have some words for her!  j/k...kinda

inhisname2010

I'm so sorry to hear all this happening...my only advice is don't cave into her needs or else she will control both of you the rest of your marraige. It's unfortunate that MIL's can be so nasty instead of accepting and warm...trust me, I have MIL issues of my own but your FI seems great and standing behind you, not her so that's tall the support you need. Forget her. She'll come around once those babies come but the sad thing is, you won't forget the hurt she put you through. I wish they realize their actions before they speak. Stay encouraged!!!

rlavach

WHAT! I can barely believe that one human being can speak to another like that. The fact that you said the first email was sent to your FI is almost scarier. She is willing to talk to her own son like that? Oh no, she has issues. I’m 100% serious about that. She has some serious issues that she needs to seek professional help for. I’m sure she won’t react well to that suggestion, but perhaps your FI can mention it to his Dad and maybe he can bring it up to her.

I’d just block her. Block her email so she can’t harass you like that. I’d even be tempted to block her phone # so she can’t call you. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. I’m sure your FI will handle this. He needs to face his Mom and tell her how inappropriate she’s being. That is unacceptable. 

 

kmac821

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_xp-email-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:193b32bb-a091-4d67-b426-06ffac32612dPost:a89a1847-9045-4a6c-9dbd-32a5a37a2654">Re: XP: Email from FML. =(</a>:
[QUOTE]WHAT! I can barely believe that one human being can speak to another like that. [/QUOTE]

THIS exactly. I'm so sorry Erica, you do not deserve this at all. Do what will make you and your future husband happy, this is a celebration of a union, not a pomp and circumstance circus!! Ughh this makes me sick that there are not only people but mothers out there like this!

futuremrsdavies

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_xp-email-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:193b32bb-a091-4d67-b426-06ffac32612dPost:a89a1847-9045-4a6c-9dbd-32a5a37a2654">Re: XP: Email from FML. =(</a>:
[QUOTE]WHAT! I can barely believe that one human being can speak to another like that. The fact that you said the first email was sent to your FI is almost scarier. She is willing to talk to her own son like that?

THIS EXACTLY!!!  Like pp have said, I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I know it seems impossible and overwhelming now, but I've seen a similar situation with my aunt and my uncle when they were getting married.  My grandmother was just awful to her.  GOD AWFUL.  the only difference was, my uncle didn't take my aunt's side....he always backed his mom.  They unfortunately split 15 years later, and my aunt always said it was because he didn't support her.  You, unlike her, clearly have the support of a loving man, and while it would be nice to have the love and respect of his family, you have all you really need in him. 

And for that, I say Congrats!

karenmruff

Oh, Erica, I am so sorry!  That is terrible.  It's way past rude; it's abusive.

I said the other day, in response to an earlier post, that it probably wasn't worth changing wedding locations.  I take it back.  See if the country club can accommodate your ceremony as well.  We are having ours in a neighboring room, but I have also seen places that 1) reset the room during cocktail hour, or 2) have the guests sit at their tables during the ceremony.  Obviously, 2 isn't ideal, but under the circumstances, you just need sanity.

cdbishop

I am so sorry.  I can't believe she would send something like this to you and your FI.  I know she has been difficult and this is just adding fuel to the fire.  I am glad FI is supporting you and he is going to call the pastor and your father.  Sometimes comprimises must be made (like you did with kids) but it is YOUR wedding day, not for her to get attention from everyone in the church.  I don't even know what else to say.

quiggels219

Wow - that is really bad - I thought I had it bad but my fmil is just super passive agressive in her hatred of me - I'm sorry she is behaving this way. Has fi spoken to her? I wouldn't want her at the wedding but she is fi mother and I'd worry that would be a regret on everyones part sometime in the future. Maybe not?? It is such a shame that fmils act this way - I don't understand it - I don't understand yours or mine or half the ones who are complained about on here, just be nice b/c like it or not your son is marrying this person and have enough confidence in the man you raised to make a good decision, right?

blgrout

Wow.  I am so sorry she is being so BSC Erica. 

This isn't her wedding, it's yours and someone needs to tell her that.  She's not even paying for it!  I am just appalled at her behavior.  You seem like a sweetheart, I just can't undertand why she would be such a biotch to you.

Is there another church you could hold your ceremony at?  It's not a lot of notice, but it's still early enough to pull out of Crazytown and have a wedding in a neutral location that you and your FI pick, where your FMIL isn't a member.

Just remember, this wedding is about you and your FI, not about her. It's your day, not hers.  I'm so sorry she's making this hard.

*hugs*

meganb1977

How rude!  At least you were able to show your fiance and it bothered him too that his mother was speaking to you in that manner.  Hopefully the pastor will be very neutral once you communicate with him and decide where you're going to go from here and your fiance will garner some support from his father when he talks to him.  Ditto rlavach that you ought to ignore further communications with fiance's mother for the time being, block her e-mail and make caller ID your best friend.

starree444

I cant even begin to imagine how you must feel. She is a major major c-word. I don`t use that word very often, but it`s deserved in this case. Tell her she is not welcome at the wedding, and she has no one to blame but herself.

On the bright side, you and FH are now free to do what YOU want.

*hug*

chickenbut143

Hugs, Erica!  As everyone has said, YOU and your FI do not deserve to be treated this way.  I agree that she needs professional help, but you suggesting it could only make this situation worse.    I'm so sorry!  I hope she stops acting BSC and comes around, though it doesn't sound likey.  Just keep your head up and know you've got your FI and US to stand behind you! 
Jaimie

em01092

Thank you so much girls. You all are amazing and I am so thankful that you are here to listen and reassure me I'm not the one who is being rude/wrong/BSC. 

FI is supposed to be calling the pastor tonight, so I'll let you know how all of that goes. We will base our decision whether or not to move the ceremony off of the conversation with the pastor. If he supports us, then she is just SOL, but if he agrees with her and thinks we're in the wrong, he may not even want to marry us anymore...I'd like to think some people out there know how weird and crazy she is, but idk. 

[Deleted User]

OMG I am so sorry!! My jaw dropped as I was reading this, what a terrible person!! You would think that she'd at least be a little more respectful since you're marrying her son, obviously she doesn't care about his feelings. She's making this wedding more about a social event for her rather than a happy occassion for you and Scott. I am so sorry

Delaney85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_xp-email-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:193b32bb-a091-4d67-b426-06ffac32612dPost:2d2bfa9f-547a-4c6a-8bcc-222d8dd94f5b">Re: XP: Email from FML. =(</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG<strong> I am so sorry!! My jaw dropped as I was reading this, what a terrible person!!</strong> You would think that she'd at least be a little more respectful since you're marrying her son, obviously she doesn't care about his feelings. She's making this wedding more about a social event for her rather than a happy occassion for you and Scott. I am so sorry :(
Posted by jebell99[/QUOTE]

I was about to say the exact same thing. I can relate though its my sister in law that treats my parents like this. So wish there was a way for people just to remembers weddings are a happy thing- that some how seems to be forgotten.

blgrout

If he sides with her, I wouldn't want him to marry me.  But that's just me.  Hope things go smoothly tonight!

justad0reme

what a bitch!!  I'm sorry to hear you are going thru all this but it seems that this is helping strengthen your own relationship with your fi as he is standing by you and clearly sees what kind of psycho his mother really is.  I really hope things work out for you and she doesn't get to ruin anything.  Hopefully the pastor will be able to see right thru her and if not you are better off finding someone else to marry you.

Best,

Jen

cgielow

Good luck w/ talking to the pastor - so sorry you are dealing w/ this! I can't believe that she would speak to you or your FI that way. 

laurmd

Wow! I just read all of this and have absolutely nothing to add since PPs summed everything up quite well.. except I wanted to add I"m so sory you're going through this! Maybe she just didn't get the wedding she wanted when she was married and is trying to live vicariously through you? Awful terrible way to do that... but I can't imagine saying those things to someone else. I hope everything works out well *hugs*

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_xp-email-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:193b32bb-a091-4d67-b426-06ffac32612dPost:11b52fe7-f5f2-4da9-8513-ab068c113cd0">Re: XP: Email from FML. =(</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow! I just read all of this and have absolutely nothing to add since PPs summed everything up quite well.. except I wanted to add I"m so sory you're going through this! <strong>Maybe she just didn't get the wedding she wanted when she was married and is trying to live vicariously through you? </strong>Awful terrible way to do that... but I can't imagine saying those things to someone else. I hope everything works out well *hugs*
Posted by laurmd[/QUOTE]

<div>I never like to just throw out the jealous card too much, but I think you may be right. She was engaged like 4 times before marrying FI's dad, and her father refused to pay for a wedding because she'd broken off 3 engagements. So she got married at the JOP and then had a "blessing" about 4 months later, but it wasn't a big to do. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, her brother/FI's uncle is rather well off and threw a pretty lavish wedding for his daughter about 15 years ago. It was at the Ritz, over 300 people, he paid for all of the family's rooms, spared no expense....she has a case of keeping up with the Joneses as well, I believe. </div>

theatretwin

OMG, I read your post with my mouth stuck open! How dare she talk to you that way?!  I really am shocked. When you're planning a wedding, everyone has an opinion, but GEEZ.  I agree with everyone on here and send big hugs. Please do post a follow up to let us know how it goes.

Not knowing exactly your situation, but it's hard when someone else is paying, even for a small part. Think it gives them liscence.  When I started planning my mother and I had some difficult conversations about the guest list, but were able to resolve it, mostly b/c we're paying for our own dang wedding. And b/c the space wouldn't have been able to accomodate the over 50 people she wanted to add. In the end she agreed to pay for the extra people she insisted are invited if they RSVP yes. 

Remember, this is YOUR wedding.  It would be ideal for his family to share in the joy of your love celebration, but if they don't like it, then F them!  My friend recently got married and about 2 months b4 had a huge blowout with her FMIL.  They ended up scaling down the wedding dramatically and the FMIL didn't show. At the wedding everyone was talking, saying 'How could a mother not support her son that way?!!