Hyphenating.

drileybubeck

My FH and I have gone back and forth on this one and luckily it's a few years off, but I still would like to know.  I've looked it up, but I haven't found an answer that pertains to our specific situation.

Let's pretend my last name is Smith and his, Carter.  I'm planning to hyphenate after the wedding, becoming Mrs. Smith-Carter.  He's staying Mr. Carter.  So our kids would be...?

He says Carter.  I say Smith-Carter.  Neither of us know for sure, but I know someone on TK has to.  Help me out, ladies!

lisarose7

It's up to you.  I'm going with Smith-Carter, he's staying Carter, and we're making our future children Smiths.  He has his dad's last name and his dad took off when he was an infant, so he didn't want our kids saddled with the name of a man he has never spoken to or seen.  We decided I'd hyphenate so that I'd have a link to both him and our children, name-wise.  We may decide to give them Carter as an additional middle name but haven't decided for sure yet.

Short version: either Carter, Smith, or Smith-Carter are appropriate.

MyNameIsNot

All of the above are fine.  It's your decision.  

xoxob

I'm Smith-Carter, he is Carter, kids are Carter, BUT if we have a child, its middle name will be Smith.

megk8oz

There's really no "wrong" answer to this one. It really just depends on what you guys like the best.

spaje

Having done birth certificates before... I can tell you... you can name your kid whatever the heck you want... even an entire different name.  It'a all in how you fill out the birthcertificate paperwork!  At least here in CO you can.  But god help ya if you try to change it....

drileybubeck

Damnit!  I was hoping there'd be a "right" answer.  Oh well.

Love your suggestion, xoxob.  My real last name would make a pretty good middle name.

lyndausvi

whatever you want.

Personally any future kids will be just Carter.   I choose to have 2 names and I HATE that I made that choice.. it's been a PITA IMO.  It's more important to my DH to have his name so I will just go that route.

 Beside my dad thinks it's 'dumb' if I give a future kids my last name (which is his last name), so I do not see the point giving my kids a last name of someone who would not be honored by my choice.

amwilli5

I would go with Smith Carter as well.  Luckily you can hyphenate, my friend from elementary school would have taken her husbands last name but it was a little too weird and she won't be mad at me for posting what her name would have been, Ashley Ashby so she and her husband opted for her to just keep her maiden name as you might understand lol.  But I say Smith Carter

peyton.ballew

Not that im not proud of my family but i have always hated my last name. People dont say it right or spell it right. etc. I always wanted to take his last name. He already is hyphenated.. Maugham-Schobey (pron: Maw-fin Skobee). So it would be Silly to be Ballew-Maugham-Schobey. Our kids will be First Middle Maugham-Schobey. I dont think this helps you any but i just thought i would share

tracy_k

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_hyphenating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:47cb3bf3-4900-444a-a306-429abfb7ce61Post:f1b6c388-68c3-455c-8358-f54d4e3d3eac">Re: Hyphenating.</a>:
[QUOTE]The only problem I see with the children not having the same name-hyphenated name as their mother is when in school and other places, there can be confusion.
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

I don't think this is really a problem these days, as so many women have different names than their kids. Particularly in or near larger cities.

MissyCee

maybe I'm old fashioned, but if it were me, the kids would have their father's last name  no matter what I did with my last name after marriage. However, these will be YOUR children and you have to do what feels right for you and your FH.

CA2MT4EveR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_hyphenating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:47cb3bf3-4900-444a-a306-429abfb7ce61Post:a8c9a2ed-2f8d-40fc-a52e-42b7024849c7">Re: Hyphenating.</a>:
[QUOTE]maybe I'm old fashioned, but if it were me, the kids would have their father's last name  no matter what I did with my last name after marriage. However, these will be YOUR children and you have to do what feels right for you and your FH.
Posted by MissyCee[/QUOTE]

I know marriage changes this situation, but if someone were to get k/u unmarried, it is in the childs best interest for the child to keep the mothers last name.  If the couple gets married later on, the child can be "adopted" and the fathers name can be put on the birth certificate.  The reason for this is because you do not know the way the relationship will go and if the father will choose to stay in the life of the child. Also, many states have it where you can change the birth certificate within a year of birth, so if the father prooves himself, he can be added. 

Another thing with the adoption is that if it were a fling or a one night stand that ended in pregnancy, and the mother wanted nothing to do with the father or vice versa, and a new man came into the life of the child, after marrying the mother the new father could adopt that child.  If someone elses name is on the birth certificate, it makes the process that much more difficult.