What is the point in being so rude on here?

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:1502f17f-8a1c-4aa9-9b0a-83d531e542ff">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]But not in colorful text.  Please, please, please not in illegible colored text.
Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]

<strong><font color="#ff00ff">What?</font> <font color="#00ff00">You don't</font> <font color="#00ccff">think this is totally the</font> <font color="#ff6600">coolest thing</font> <font color="#800080">EVAR</font>?</strong>

aggiebug

I do think there are several rude posters on some of these boards.  I have been around long enough that I know most of the girls are not trying to be mean, but they sure can make a post come off very rude.

The biggest reason it still bothers me is because I don't think it helps anything.  If a poster gets on the defensive about their plans it won't change their minds about their choices 99% of the time.  I think if things were phrased better I think a lot more brides would be helped.

aerinpegadrak

Isn't a little early for the monthly "You're all such mean awful people" thread?  I thought it usually happened closer to the end of the month.

aggiebug

actually aering if you read the thread you would realize this is not that type of thread.

luckyme502

The point of being so rude is because it's fun and some of the women who post on here post some ridiculous things! 

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:de7ae5e9-71c0-4925-8c89-8d366bfafcb8">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]actually aering if you read the thread you would realize this is not that type of thread.
Posted by aggiebug[/QUOTE]
Okay, so it's in the form of a question.  Still the same nonsense.

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]actually aering if you read the thread you would realize this is not that type of thread.
Posted by aggiebug[/QUOTE]
Not so much.  But OP asking a question and being civilized instead of acting like a brat about it is different than usual.

golden1215

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:052ecff9-6e6a-4155-bc2e-c8c434e914a0">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]I do think there are several rude posters on some of these boards.  I have been around long enough that I know most of the girls are not trying to be mean, but they sure can make a post come off very rude. The biggest reason it still bothers me is because I don't think it helps anything.  If a poster gets on the defensive about their plans it won't change their minds about their choices 99% of the time.  I think if things were phrased better I think a lot more brides would be helped.
Posted by aggiebug[/QUOTE]

THIS!!!  I think many people do come on asking dumb questions- in retrospect my first post was retarded- but the blunt, sarcastic way it was answered didnt help any.  I'm not saying add hunny and pleases to everything but girls with dumb, but honest, issues/questions are better served if you reply to them with a little more respect or sincerity.

Also, I dont like when a post asks a question and people dont answer the question or feel the need to comment about someone else's response.

Cew- I was one of the yes votes, just so you know we're not all pussies.

bheartsb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:37e365af-549b-4a11-a65e-cb994d6d94a2">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]And here's the thing that bugs me. You've got a poll in your post and it looks like 10 people have voted yes, but no one has had the balls to come in to the thread and talk about it (besides you). Honestly, this is why things will never change. If you really think people are being overly harsh, then say it. Voting anonymously in polls is just just a coward's way out. Don't be scared. It's just the internet.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

I voted yes, and I will say some people can be rude.

longman801

We have the venue (Atrium, Edinburgh) the Celebrant (Humanist, Tim

Maguire), and I have the dress www.theweddingstyle.com/aline- wedding-dresses-c-10.html">http://www.theweddingstyle.com/aline-

wedding-dresses-c-10.html I also randomly have the hairdresser, as a

family friend has been booked to do that.

Exciting stuff!

jamjar11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:4919817e-ab4c-4cb4-ac25-48a1b09b7a60">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is the point in being so rude on here? : This isn't little house on the prairie...not everyone has crystal clean thoughts...Like PP said we are all adults here so i think the language reflects adult conversations...Im sure if we all knew there were 10yr olds reading this there would be much less asshat and <strong>twatwaffle</strong> type words flying around here. We are all adults and this is a place to express our opinion and speak freely..if you don't like the language used on here maybe you should find a different site to browse on...though i doubt you will find another site with perfectly clean language
Posted by jelique7[/QUOTE]

<div>LMFAO! Best curse word I've heard this week! Applause to you. </div><div>
</div><div>As for the OP... there are always going to be people out there on Earth who don't communicate the same as you. These people could seem offensive, But that's just the joy of this 7 billion and growing thing, isn't it? I say just suck it up. If something offends you, say something about it. Chances are, they didn't realize they came across rude. And if they meant to, oh well. Don't let it get to you.</div>

flyjawn

i think people are rude because they can get away with it on a semi-anonymous website.

you could never get away with calling your friends and family names but you can tell off a woman on the other side of the country via the web with no reprecussions.

i was raised to be nice to people, even if they're dumb and annoying.  i do my best not to hurt people's feelings on purpose.

i definitely get the sense that there is a small group of women here who think your cool factor goes up when you act like a bi*ch.

bheartsb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:0dd40fca-0ae6-43cf-9731-869266bb9e1e">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]i<strong> think people are rude because they can get away</strong> with it on a semi-anonymous website. you could never get away with calling your friends and family names but you can tell off a woman on the other side of the country via the web with no reprecussions. i was raised to be nice to people, even if they're dumb and annoying.  i do my best not to hurt people's feelings on purpose. <strong>i definitely get the sense that there is a small group of women here who think your cool factor goes up when you act like a bi*ch.
</strong>Posted by flyjawn[/QUOTE]

well said!

jessicarabbit501

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:55aeeca2-104a-45ec-abaf-dd254ebf9ddc">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't think of any post at the moment, but I have read several in the past month that I have been watching the boards where someone ask for advice and get a whole mess of unneccesary comments. Maybe it's just me though. I am usually a tell it like it is person but I think I am pretty respectful in doing so also. If I find a certain example I'll post it on here.  
Posted by spechtholdn[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>this is the thing that bothers me.  if someone just posts something mean, or berates posters for misspellings or improper punctuation for the heck of it, it brings the whole thread down.  i don't mind people being "rude" or "mean" as long as they're being helpful.  when people post things seemingly just to be mean, make fun of people or put them down , i get super irritated.

</div>

jessicarabbit501

also, i voted yes!

lisalou402

I voted YES!

I have been surprised by the commentary back from many posters, and I was victim to a thread and it freaked me out at first.  One poster actually started a whole new thread talking about that "b*tch who posted previously about no children"...I was horrified.

In the end though, we do come here for opinions, and it's hard to express a whole story in a little post, probably while you're trying to do something else (work!).  People don't know your real story!   

I wrote this on a post before, but here it goes again...people come on boards for different reasons...for community, for support, for venting, for validation.

We also all come from different backgrounds...I may be older, some may be younger, and all that shapes our opinions and feelings. 

Conflict will occur!  I try to avoid it and take what i can.

In fact, i took advice and just used it!! So it's all about getting what each of us needs out of the site...of course...in my opinion!

deepcovejackie

Getting what one needs out of the site is a good phrase.  What alot of posters WANT is validation for their (often rude and ill-advised) ideas, when really what they NEED is a blunt answer that people won't give them IRL.

catemeg

I think most of the "mean" comments on here are meant to be helpful, but are very blunt because it's the internet, and people don't need to be kind and sugar coat things here since they don't really know you.  It's the cold truth your family and friends won't be able to tell you because they're too close.

Plus, often the same problem comes up over and over and people just get frustrated - even though you might not have seen the advice before, they've given it several times to others, and have lost patience. 

And some posters are a little too sensitive - anything other than validation and approval is considered "mean", and there's not much you can do with that.

Then there are the few who just take pleasure in being nasty. These are the ones who like to believe they're better than others, but need to hang around the internet to shoot others down just to feel good about themselves. These are the same kids that were schoolyard bullies in elementary school.

RochelleAnn2302

i kind of feel like the people that use the I am rude because they the "op is looking for validation" line are really just trying to validate their own rudeness and immaturity.... So YES! Some people are rude. I think it is too bad because I am sure it alienates some of the new brides on the board: but It's like Darwinism for TK though!

deepcovejackie

Rochelle--I wasnt using the "op is looking for validation" to excuse any rudeness on my part.  I make a point of refraining from the use of insulting and abusive language always.  I was saying that posters often interpret responses as rude because they're not getting the validation they expected.

RochelleAnn2302

didn't necessarily mean you Jackie, just that I see that argument a lot and i don't think that 1 person being an idiot is justifaction for someone else to be one too!

deepcovejackie

Agreed Rochelle!

bheartsb

Then there are the few who just take pleasure in being nasty

Very true..there' ALWAYS 1 in every bunch

 I think it is too bad because I am sure it alienates some of the new brides on the board

Sad...because it's true.

christinelyn0131

There have been times where I've been like ....maybe I should stop posting on these boards. And yeah, my feelings have been hurt. Pretty often probably. I could vent about a specific time (or two) off the top of my head right now.

I think that a lot of posters don't answer the question, and just share their opinion. (i.e., question: does black go with red? answer: red is such an ugly color. see? answer does not answer question)

So, yeah, posters can be rude. Often. Really often. IDK why.

Just thought I'd weigh in

elmulvey

I voted yes...I have seen times where I think people are being downright rude.  Saying things like I cant believe your FI is marrying you (not a direct quote, but to that effect) or making judgements about peoples families, or their intentions.

However I think the MAJORITY of people who get offended and start saying everyone is being mean to them are the people who dont lurk first and ask questions that have been asked and answered a hundred times or more, and the "typical" posters get annoyed with them. 

nat&peter

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:af967a9b-0f8c-4d95-a4f6-728fd1056841">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been lurking for a while to try to get a feel for the boards. I agree that there are instances of very rude behavior, often from the same people. It's the internet, so unfortunately that will always happen. I feel that kind of discourse is counterprodutive, so I just make a point not to engage in hostile behavior when I see it. Also, I think your Mean Girls allusion is very appropriate, spechtholdn.
Posted by springlee[/QUOTE]

I have to agree with both of you.  I have lurked for a few days and am very disgusted in how some women are very rude and how they treat other women who are here for some good, sound advice.  There is no need to be be a Mean Girl.  Many brides, like myself, will never feel comfortable posting in an environment where they will be bullied just because they shared their stories or asked for advice so they just leave and never come back because of the attitudes of these Mean Girls.

I have decided that I won't likely hang around the TK message boards so this will likely be my only post.

For the record, I voted "yes".

merivale87

I think part of the problem may be that new posters don't take the time to lurk first and find out what TN is all about. Different boards have different feels, and you need to find a place where you are comfortable before you just jump in to posting full-on. Lurking first can help a new poster see that gee, a bunch of these girls just don't think honeymoon registries are a very good idea, let me keep reading and find out why before i throw a hissy fit about how everybody ganged up on me and it JUST ISN'T FAIR!

I lurked a lot when I first joined, and it saved me from having some pretty embarrassing posts, because I could read some other posts and see oh, this is the response I would get if I had asked this question before lurking.