Decline..

allychase

Just got an invitation to my FIs friends FIs bridal shower. I've never spoken to this girl more than two words. And they told me to bring a bottle of wine. Wtf...

RWolff

Meh, they probably just invited literally every female on the guest list to get more gifts. Definitely a decline.

shaygray88

People have ALOT of nerve smh

MrsGandthebeag

Honestly I don't see this as a big deal.  It's your FI's friend.  Go or don't go.  I don't get the wine request though.  That's weird.  

NYCMercedes

This is totally off topic, but I just want to add that I was invited to one bridal shower and the hostess hand wrote at the bottom of the invitation asking me to bring a peach pie. WTF? I don't cook so I certainly wasn't known for that speciality. Fortunately, I got voice mail when I RSVP'd that I could come but without any pie. OP, if you don't want to go, just decline and laugh it off.

allychase

I don't get when people are like what's the big deal, just go or don't go. I post stuff like this in case other people are thinking of inviting people they've met once or twice to a gift giving occasion in honor of them. Because guess what, it's tacky. And to be told to bring wine on top of that? I wouldn't know a single person at that shower. The bride should have thought of that when inviting people. The bridal shower isn't a mini wedding for girls only, its supposed to be your nearest and dearest. If you don't know enough people willing to buy you gifts you don't get to just invite friends of friends. Ill add this isn't even a close friend of FI, we see them maybe twice a year. I will give them benefit of the doubt that they didnt know otherwise but like I said this could be a heads up to lurkers who could find themselves in the same situation.

allychase

NYC, that is so random and tacky all at the same time. Good thing they have you permission to not bring the pie. Sarcasm lol

MrsGandthebeag

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4cdfec63-eb1e-47fc-acc3-2965170a9d07Post:fae5777a-a2c8-454b-a21f-8c7ad19bb4d7">Re:Decline..</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't get when people are like what's the big deal, just go or don't go. I post stuff like this in case other people are thinking of inviting people they've met once or twice to a gift giving occasion in honor of them. Because guess what, it's tacky. And to be told to bring wine on top of that? I wouldn't know a single person at that shower. The bride should have thought of that when inviting people. The bridal shower isn't a mini wedding for girls only, its supposed to be your nearest and dearest. If you don't know enough people willing to buy you gifts you don't get to just invite friends of friends. Ill add this isn't even a close friend of FI, we see them maybe twice a year. I will give them benefit of the doubt that they didnt know otherwise but like I said this could be a heads up to lurkers who could find themselves in the same situation.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

<div>Really, I don't think this is tacky at all.  The poor girl probably just wanted to be nice and extend a freaken invitation to you.  It's not a summons.  You obviously don't want to go, so don't.  The only tacky part is the host asking you to bring wine.  </div>

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4cdfec63-eb1e-47fc-acc3-2965170a9d07Post:fae5777a-a2c8-454b-a21f-8c7ad19bb4d7">Re:Decline..</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't get when people are like what's the big deal, just go or don't go. I post stuff like this in case other people are thinking of inviting people they've met once or twice to a gift giving occasion in honor of them. Because guess what, it's tacky. And to be told to bring wine on top of that? I wouldn't know a single person at that shower. The bride should have thought of that when inviting people. The bridal shower isn't a mini wedding for girls only, its supposed to be your nearest and dearest. If you don't know enough people willing to buy you gifts you don't get to just invite friends of friends. Ill add this isn't even a close friend of FI, we see them maybe twice a year. I will give them benefit of the doubt that they didnt know otherwise but like I said this could be a heads up to lurkers who could find themselves in the same situation.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

While I agree with you and actually butted heads over this same topic with my mother because I have no clue why she would invite people I never even met,  it's a pretty common thing for mothers (especially Italian ones) in our area to invite every single woman on the guest list to the shower. So I'm guessing the girl may not even have a clue.

allychase

Yeah I said they may not know. I already declined and its past the point of them knowing now, but its gift grabby to invite someone to a shower for you that you hardly know. That's part of etiquette and whether or not they know doesn't make it less gift grabby to me. The same as not inviting SO or cash bars, it may be custom in some areas but still tacky. This is the same couple whose groomsmen told us they only picked their date as march because they wanted to get married before us. I didn't wanna go into detail about the couple cause I thought the random invite and mention of wine stood on its own.

random4180

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4cdfec63-eb1e-47fc-acc3-2965170a9d07Post:3ec42a52-c9ce-4b3c-9579-4aa14604bbbf">Re:Decline..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Decline.. : While I agree with you and actually butted heads over this same topic with my mother because I have no clue why she would invite people I never even met,  it's a pretty common thing for mothers (especially Italian ones) in our area <strong>to invite every single woman on the guest list to the shower</strong>. So I'm guessing the girl may not even have a clue.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>My MIL wanted to do this; thank god my H refused on my behalf! It was a total surprise bridal shower thrown by my sisters and resulting guest list was about fifty people <em>less</em> than MIL would have invited. I would have hated to have that many people I had never met before at my bridal shower- and have them surprise me no less! Heck yes I would have been surprised but not in the great way that I was when it was my moms and sisters and SILs and neices.</div>

Jlp818

 I thought you were supposed to extend an invitation to every female on the guest list.  What are the rules for who you are and are not supposed to invite to the bridal shower?

Jlp818

Stage - Thank you for your reply and advice.

 My mom, FMIL and bridesmaids are planning to throw our shower.  I will have to edit down the list I give them to only include family and close friends.  

 In the past, for my sisters' showers, we have thrown large affairs with all of the women invited to the wedding also invited to the shower.  We didn't realize extending everyone an invitation was against proper etiquette. 

allychase

Of course it's different for smaller weddings where you are genuinely close with every female invited, but in cases like this, I see it as the couple were inviting as many as people as possible for as many gifts as possible. And I'm glad the type of person that this was addressed to commented, just goes to show...

Jlp818

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4cdfec63-eb1e-47fc-acc3-2965170a9d07Post:57d748b9-6ee0-4d6d-8c4a-9b3d8f54d657">Re: Decline..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Decline.. : It's not so much that it is against etiquette as it is a sticky situation.  As you can see from this thread, some people love wedding showers and will attend anyone's, some people decline if they don't the bride well and don't think anything else about it, and some (like me and ally) find it offensive to be invited to a shower for someone we aren't close to because it feels like they are just inviting more people to get more gifts.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Ugh I feel like an as$.  I hope people did not feel like we were being gift grabby when we threw my sisters their showers.  We honestly invited everyone because we thought you were supposed to and we genuinely love having parties for the sake of just being together and having fun. 
  I will keep all of this in mind when they ask me for a list of people to invite to mine!

allychase

Its funny because when I told my mom this she was like "Ally, you're supposed to invite all the women on the invite list" and I was like nooooo mom... and explained to her why, and she got it. Some people genuinely don't realize. BUT. And I didn't post this on the etiquette board and I should have, but that doesn't excuse it. 

Like Stage said, it's not exactly against etiquette to invite and host people at a party because TECHNICALLY they don't have to bring you a gift. However a lot of people, like me, side eye an invitation to attend a party where you literally don't know any other person. To me it would seem like common sense to only invite people who are close to me. I'm glad you'll take this into consideration, Jlp.