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Need good advice!

History: Since my fiance and I started dating my parents seemed to like him. Now that we are engaged they have been different. I haven't lived at home since I was 17. So it's not them giving up there little girl or anything.

We did out home work on where we wanted our reception. Not asking for help form my parents or his. His offered help. We booked and paid the retail for the hall to hold our place. After that my mom has been having a fit about the hall. She then took it upon her self to look into another place that is by far more money. Then we said we would go look at a wedding at each place. That wasn't good enough. They now said they would pay if we have it where they want it. But we would still be paying about the same if we pay the whole thing where we want it vs. where they want it. My fiance is had it up to his ears with her and her wants. (That aren't mine nor his style). Now I am not even happy about planning and ready to call it off. I have told her this and she sugar coats everything and said it would be a good idea. YIKES! This is only the beginning she has tried it with everything so far.

I have tried the "you aren't being productive" approach and she still is not getting it. I have told her she is being to pushy, "you have planned you own 2 weddings. Let me plan mine"  thing too and still I'm not getting anywhere. Can someone give me advice so I don't call off the wedding or put a big wedge between her and I.

Thanks so much for your help in advance!
Jen

Re: Need good advice!

  • edited March 2010
    Are you the first in the family to ger married? Maybe it is partially loosing their little girl even though you haven't been living ther for a long time.  My mother is a bit of the same way, when I told her I got engaged she told me I can always change my mind and give the ring back, they never had a problem with him when I was dating.  I think parents don't realize what they are doing sometimes.  I handle it by planning the wedding myself without including my mother.  Sometimes she'll get really excited about some little things but not usually.  Just keep reminding your mom that it is your day and this is special for you.  Have your parents said that they won't attend if you have it at the venue you want?  I know it's sometimes hard to stand up to your parents but if you are misrable then they need to know.  Try not to let them ruin this for you!  Be straightfoward (if you haven't tried this already) is there another family member like a sibling that could talk to them for or with you so they have another opinion besides yours that they are being subborn?  Good luck things will work itself out!
  • Don't have her pay for the wedding if you don't like her planning it.  If she's contributing, she gets just as much of a say, which doesn't seem to be going well for you.  I'd just fill her in on your decisions but not include her in the decision-making process.  That way, she can't gripe about not being involved, but you don't have to convincer her of anything.  If she disagrees with what you do or choose, smile and ignor it.  That's the beauty of not accepting money.

    GL
  • Well, you've already tried what I would have suggested you do.  Maybe you could tell her that you're sticking with our original venue but you'd love to have her help you decide how to decorate/choose a photog etc.
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