Would you be annoyed with your FI if...

kathyjkane

...your beloved cat died suddenly today, you've been devastated because of that, not to mention stressed from wedding planning, and he elects to go out?  

I know, I know, there is more to the story obviously.  I have been crying all day and told him earlier that if he still wanted to go, by all means go, since I have been stressing him out I'm sure.  

He has been a saint all day but I was hoping that he would not go...but at the same time felt a little selfish telling him not to.  But in the end, he said "well, if it's not too horribly inconsiderate, I think I'll go make an appearance for an hour..."

Anyway, my BF (and MOH) said that it was perfectly reasonable to be a little upset.  I dunno...as time goes on tonight I just sit and stew about it.  I wouldn't leave him if he was as upset as I was today, and tonight for that matter.  

My question really, after that whole vent, would you be upset?  I'm scared that when he comes home I'll say something rude.  Thanks for listening.  Please pray for my sweet baby boy Reggie, my precious 4 year old cat who died today.

arixana

Sorry for your loss.
I'm afraid though that if your FH was good to you all day, and then you told him to go out, and then he listened to you and went, then you can't really get mad at him for going. If you really needed him there then you should have told him that when he asked. Otherwise it's unfair for you to set internal expecations for him to meet but give him a different message externally. Besides, guys "deal" with things differently and to him a reasonable way to deal with this is to distract from the pain.

Again, sorry for your loss, I know you are hurting. My answer in no way diminishes the fact that you need to mourn. Our pets are our family.

FutureMrsBoucher

*hugs* i'm so sorry for your loss. i know the feeling...

to be honest with you, yes i would be upset if my FI did that to me; however, looking at the situation from the outside, you really cannot blame him. the way that my FI has explained it to me is: when you tell a guy something, he takes it at face value. when you tell a girl something, she reads between the lines. it's not that he's trying to be rude or anything, it's just that you told him it would be ok so he assumed it was. a girlfriend, on the other hand, would have more than likely heard what was underneath that statement and stayed. 

maybe when he gets back, instead of saying something rude, just let him know that you were sad that he was gone, that you're glad that he's back, and from now one just try to be more straight-forward with him.

my heart and prayers are with you.

mocha beans

Sorry about your kitty :-(

But, you told him to go out and it would be okay, you can't really fault him for going.  Saying one thing and hoping he'll do the opposite doesn't really work that well, especially with guys.  Maybe he thought you wanted some alone time, and that you'd had enough of him for a bit.  I'm like that; I like to have people around for a bit, but then I'd rather they leave so I can be an emotional wreck by myself.

I wouldn't hold it against him.  Next time, though, if you want him to stick around, then tell him that.  Honesty is always the best thing.

Minimax052910

I'm so sorry about your cat! :-( 

Boys can't read hints at all. You have to tell them directly. You shouldn't be upset about him going out after you told him it was okay. 

aerinpegadrak

If you tell him that it's okay to do something, you really can't fault him for doing it.  And people process things very differently; my sister was in a devastating car accident that was nearly fatal, and the night it happened, I kept my previous plans to go to Disneyland with some friends, and it was really much better for me than just staying at home freaking out.

Don't hold it against him, he was just following instructions.

Manda724

I have no advice but i wanted to tell you i was sorry for your loss. loosing a pet is so hard. And it seems your cat wasn't very old. I am so sorry. lots of love and hugs. Feel better.

pandasquishy

Losing a pet is so hard, and I'm sorry for your loss.  

But I have to agree with the previous posts: since you told him he could go out, you can't fault him for going.  Don't stew about it, just try to relax and take some time for yourself to help you get over your loss.

trix1223

Consider this a lesson learned for you.  In the future:  say what you mean.  You can't possibly remain upset with your FI because you told him, YOU told him, it was okay for him to go out.

If you didn't want him to go, you should have said so.  He's your FI.  He's not a psychic or mind reader.  Let go of this one.  It's not his fault.  At all.

Sorry the loss of your sweet pet.

SarahPLiz

Sorry for the loss of your pet, but I second all the PP's. He can't read your mind. I don't think its anyone's idea of fun to stay at home with a crying girl, especially if you can't do anything to make her stop crying. I think he needed a break and you told him to go, so no, you shouldn't be mad at him for going. He just spent ALL day listening to you cry and comforting you. Let him be for a little while.

MrsCross2B

I don't have any advice regarding your Fiance.  But I wanted to say that I am very sorry for your loss.  I understand that this must be devestating for you.  I'll remember you and kitty in my prayers.  BIG HUGS!

Invol

So sorry for the lose of your kitty. I hope everything went well when your FI came home!

Gardini5

Girlfriend! I'm so sorry for your kitty and for you!

I would also hold it against my FI, and tear into him when he got home, but he's really used to it! We go out seperately once in a while and i'm fine with it. I don't love it, but I respect his need to be a man. But I don't really like that he went out when you needed him! I'm a stickler for that (if i'm 9 months pregnant are you going to go out?!)
HAHA that being said i sound like a wench but I agree with you, i would be a little perturbed too!

lisarose7

I might be annoyed, but it sounds like he was relatively supportive.  I broke up with my ex-fiance partly because of his reaction to my cat's death.  I was crying when he called (we lived in different states) and when I told him why, his response was, "is that all?"  On the other hand, when my dog died a few months after we started dating, my current FI came to my apartment after work and held me for hours while I soaked his shirt with tears.  Sounds like you have a keeper.  He's probably a little stressed as well and is just trying to keep everyone happy.  You have my deepest condolences on Reggie's passing.