Oops! Big mouth.

AJuliaNJ

I mentioned to my MOH that my fiance booked a separate suite for me and the bridesmaids to get ready in, and that I didn't know if I'd be sleeping there or not. She brought up that she would really like to stay over the night before the wedding and would it be possible for her to stay in that room. My FI doesn't want her to. Suites are really expensive at our venue and he feels that if someone's going to stay there for free, it should be someone from his family since he paid for it. I think that makes sense. However, MOH is kind of guilt-tripping me because her husband is out of work and she has bought her dress and is paying for my shower favors and invitations (I've repeatedly told her if she feels that people need a favor, which I honestly don't think they really do, she can just make cookies or do something really low cost). What should I do? Ignore it? Push the issue with FI? I don't have the budget to pay for it myself and if I did, FI would ask why I didn't put more towards the DJ or vendor if I had the money to pay for someone else's hotel room.

Avion22

What did you tell her when she asked?

If you didn't say anything yet, then just tell her that you're sorry but your fiance already committed that room to his sister/parents/whoever.   

If you told her yes, then I'm not sure what to tell you, except that she sounds like kind of a free-loader.  I mean, asking to stay for free n a suite that someone else has paid for?   That wasn't offered up for her?   It was rude of her to ask.   But if you told her yes, then it would b really difficult to "untell" her....

AJuliaNJ

No, I didn't tell her yes. I said FI wants to be able to offer it to a family member since he paid for it. I said it is not my room to give out. I think she sees leeway because there is not a specific person staying there. Honestly, FI just doesn't like the idea of someone staying there for free, and it may very well remain unused that night if he doesn't have a family member/friend of his that needs it.

The only way she will be able to stay there is if I stay there and convince FI I want to have my BP with me for a girls night. However, I would not know that til much closer to the wedding. FI is more of a handle things as needed type of person, hence why he won't commit to what he wants to do with the room.

We are going out with a group of girls who are all invited tonight. Do you think I should tell her to ask around if anyone wants to split a (regular) room?

lyndausvi

Just tell her the room is no longer available.  Either it's spoken for or he decided againist getting because you are no going to use it.

However,  I think it's silly to let a room go unused just because he doesn't want your MOH use it for free.   She appears to be helping out a lot and is having money problems.  It could be sort of a gift.      If he wants offer it to family first, that is great   But if no one is going to use the unit I think it's silly to leave it empty.  It just seems IDK, petty?

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oops-big-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:527f2ec9-842b-4427-8e17-adbfc5fe6771Post:5343681b-ddb6-4354-8e18-5a942906f1fb">Re: Oops! Big mouth.</a>:
[QUOTE]Just tell her the room is no longer available.  Either it's spoken for or he decided againist getting because you are no going to use it. However,  I think it's silly to let a room go unused just because he doesn't want your MOH use it for free.   She appears to be helping out a lot and is having money problems.  It could be sort of a gift.      If he wants offer it to family first, that is great   But if no one is going to use the unit I think it's silly to leave it empty.  It just seems IDK, petty?
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Completely agree.  I don't really see the point in letting it go unused .  And?  So he's going to put a family member in the room overnight, but then they'll have to get out in the morning so you and your BMs can get ready/  Where are the people staying there supposed to get ready?  Honestly, putting someone besides a wedding party member in the room isn't logical at all to me.

I'm also concerned about his attitude about it.  He seems very "my money" and "your money".  That doesn't sound like a very attitude for someone that's about to legally become your partner.  Maybe I'm taking it out of context, and if that's possible, just never mind me.

lyndausvi

J&K - after I posted I thought the same thing of a non-WP member staying there.    Even for free I would not stay there if I had to get out so the bride and the WP need to get ready.  It doesn't make sense.

Also about the money.

MairePoppy

Ditto Lynda - I don't understand why your Fi would rather have the room empty, than allow your good friend to stay there. Although she's having money problems, she's generous enough to help with your shower. He sounds stingy.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oops-big-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:527f2ec9-842b-4427-8e17-adbfc5fe6771Post:46e13010-f034-4ea7-bd89-252d72e84b94">Re: Oops! Big mouth.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Oops! Big mouth. : Completely agree.  I don't really see the point in letting it go unused .  And?  So he's going to put a family member in the room overnight, but then they'll have to get out in the morning so you and your BMs can get ready/  Where are the people staying there supposed to get ready?  Honestly, putting someone besides a wedding party member in the room isn't logical at all to me. I'm also concerned about his attitude about it.  He seems very "my money" and "your money".  That doesn't sound like a very attitude for someone that's about to legally become your partner.  Maybe I'm taking it out of context, and if that's possible, just never mind me.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

All of this.  I don't like the overall tone of your FI from your depiction (it could be a totally false impression, but he does seem to be really stingy about his money/your money)

And yeah... I was planning on paying for a room for the bms and I to get ready, and I'm also going to offer for my moh to stay there if she wants.  I might stay there too, I'm not sure.  Either way, it's an empty room the night before, and someone from the bridal party (or someone else who could join us in getting ready there) should use it.

I know a lot of brides/bms start getting ready in the early morning.  Are you going to kick out the family member?  That's weird.

rachelm13

100% agree with PP.  It seems completely odd that someone would WANT to stay in the room that you would be arriving at presumably quite early in the morning to get ready unless that person was going to get ready with you.  

I mean, ideally, the MOH should be the one to have the room anyway maybe?  To help let any vendors you may have in?  Like hair/makeup so they can set up prior to the rest of the WP arriving.  Also, florist with the bouquets?  

I am also cronically early for the getting ready with the bride type things so there is also that to consider, what if no one stayed there and someone got there for an 8am hair appoitnment and the hair stylist and BM were sitting outside the suite waiting for whoever has the key to let them in... could push the schedule back, rushing, stress, YKWIM?  Not to mention if I was the BM waiting, I'd be super p!ssed that I got up early...

AJuliaNJ

Thanks for your feedback, everyone. I promise he is not really a stingy person. I feel horrible for posting this because I just made him look like a bad person over this one odd thing. However, your responses prompted me to casually bring it up. He said he just doesn't think we should commit to anything so far out with the room. He wants it to be available if we need it, and we can revisit it closer to the wedding. When I said family member, I meant someone like his sister, cousin, or mom who would be getting ready with me anyway. Thanks again! Even when it's tough to hear that I or my fiance might be in the wrong feedback is always appreciated.