Love my soon to be Mother-in-law but....

jodyen2

Like I said Love her dearly! She is a awsome person the thing is she has some medical issues going on where she takes medications that sometimes make her a little on the off side. My FI and I were engage almost a yr ago and we were going to have our wedding last Aug but postponed it because she had to go thru surgrey because of a really bad scare, we thought she had cancer. So we are now having it in June but the thing is when we got engaged she was living about 5 mins away from us but her and my soon to be father in law had to temp move to a diff town for a job and now I am not able to get anything done, oh yea and they are paying for the whole wedding. I don't want to be disrecptful but we have nothing plan. I do have my dress and we just got our location for the cermony and reception done. But am not able to get a good time with her to come with us for the bridemaid dresses, or to get the tent rental or catering, etc done and don't know if I should wait and see what happens or do my own thing. My FI tells me not to worry it will all come together but I am starting to get nervous any advise will help. 

[Deleted User]

I think it's really shitty of you to be all worried about this only because they are paying. They obviously have a lot of stuff going on right now. If you want to move faster on the planning, then you should pay for the wedding yourself.

jodyen2

Oh no the money is not an issue at all....luckly. The surgey was back in July and has fully recoverd. I just mention that because we postponed it for this June instead of last Aug. My issue is that with a wedding in June alot of the companys are already getting booked and they have certain expections on how it is going to be which is fine but with her being on the off side with the meds it's hard for me to contact her and talk to her about it. I am not trying to overreact and not much is going in their lives or at least nothing like that

jodyen2

Plus if we even tried to pay for the wedding ourselves we would never hear the end of it from them...especially her. 

cwaggoner07

Assuming that everything comes together, my practical advice (I am having a 7 month engagement, so I understand doing the rush-around) is to first book a photographer, then a DJ/band, then a caterer. There are lots of other things, too... but those book up the fastest.

angele4200

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_love-my-soon-to-be-mother-in-law-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:537a6225-7ac4-4964-814d-17cdc7b9970cPost:025a9a4e-2091-44e4-9017-3b94ee7ce47e">Re: Love my soon to be Mother-in-law but....</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh no the money is not an issue at all....luckly. The surgey was back in July and has fully recoverd. I just mention that because we postponed it for this June instead of last Aug. My issue is that with a wedding in June alot of the companys are already getting booked and they have certain expections on how it is going to be which is fine but with <strong>her being on the off side with the meds</strong> it's hard for me to contact her and talk to her about it. I am not trying to overreact and not much is going in their lives or at least nothing like that
Posted by jodyen2[/QUOTE]

You've said this a couple times now, what do you mean by this? Are you blaming the medication for her not planning AND paying for your wedding? This seems a bit ridiculous IMO.

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_love-my-soon-to-be-mother-in-law-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:537a6225-7ac4-4964-814d-17cdc7b9970cPost:39c97402-e7c8-4b45-aeb1-8141cd07b0e5">Re: Love my soon to be Mother-in-law but....</a>:
[QUOTE]His family is the kind of family if they said they are paying for it they are no matter, we offer to pay for alot of the things or aleast the depoits but they don't want to. <strong>We just got in trouble for getting our rings</strong>, we thought we were suppose to pay for our own but appern not and so they are not waiting us to pay for anything, my FI suggested to let us pay and if they want to just trasfer the funds to his actt but there not to keen on that either...so I fell stuck
Posted by jodyen2[/QUOTE]

<div>Wait, you 'got in trouble'? How? And how old are you? I don't mean to be harsh but adults aren't supposed to 'get in trouble' with their parents.</div>

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_love-my-soon-to-be-mother-in-law-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:537a6225-7ac4-4964-814d-17cdc7b9970cPost:39c97402-e7c8-4b45-aeb1-8141cd07b0e5">Re: Love my soon to be Mother-in-law but....</a>:
[QUOTE]We just got in trouble for getting our rings, we thought we were suppose to pay for our own but appern not
Posted by jodyen2[/QUOTE]


Dude, if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to <strong>not</strong> "get in trouble" for spending your own money on something that you want. It's time to cut the cord-your FILs can't "ground you" or take away your Game Boy or something because you decided to pay for your own wedding. Sure, they can get a little butthurt about it, but seriously, if you don't start showing them that you can and will be taking charge of major life decisions now and setting appropriate boundaries ... well, good luck to you when you guys decide to start having kids.

MyNameIsNot

If you "get in trouble" for buying something, you are nor ready to get married.  

cupcakeluv20850

If I were you...I would print out the "To Do" checklist from the Knot.  I would take this to my future Mother in Law and tell her you have concerns about completing the planning in 4 months.  Most Brides need an entire year to get all of the planning done and remain as close to stress-free as possible.  Then ask her if you can go through the list to revise the dates on your 4 month time table and get her commitment to stick to the dates you BOTH agree upon.  This should help you to get moving on the wedding planning and for her to get on-board!!!

NcsuPsych

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_love-my-soon-to-be-mother-in-law-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:537a6225-7ac4-4964-814d-17cdc7b9970cPost:d1047175-5fef-4d28-b153-fb6210efa510">Re: Love my soon to be Mother-in-law but....</a>:
[QUOTE]If I were you...I would print out the "To Do" checklist from the Knot.  I would take this to my future Mother in Law and tell her you have concerns about completing the planning in 4 months.  Most Brides need an entire year to get all of the planning done and remain as close to stress-free as possible.  Then ask her if you can go through the list to revise the dates on your 4 month time table and get her commitment to stick to the dates you BOTH agree upon.  This should help you to get moving on the wedding planning and for her to get on-board!!!
Posted by cupcakeluv20850[/QUOTE]

You know. . . . I get that OP is stressed about planning in a short time period, however I would never give my MIL a 'to do list', especially when they have so many other things going on. My MIL would look at me like I'd lost my mind.

I would suggest having your FI talk to his parents and calmly express any concerns that are had. If you're adults, this shouldn't be too hard, but the fact that you got 'in trouble' for buying your own rings is kind of strange. Had that happened to us, we would have declined any financial help and would have paid for our own wedding, no matter what the inlaws wanted.

Plenty of brides plan weddings in under 4 months. Mine was planned in 5 months and honestly I was done about 1 month prior to the wedding.

Good luck OP!

Hilraythebride

I don't know if this is just me but I would have felt really uncomfortable having my FILs or anyone else but the two of us pay for our wedding rings.  It is supposed to be a sign of the commitment the two of you share not you, your FI, and his parents. I just find that really odd.

I agree with PPs, I wouldn't really mention it I would just start doing things on my own dime and call them ojnce you have booked some things and let them know you did so.  They may be pissed or whatever but at least your getting the ball rolling.

Either that or pay for it all yourself so you can get it done when, how, and where you want!