ARGH (my rant)

iamsteph

Backstory: I'm from NC originally. That's where my family is. I am now in Maryland. It is where I am getting married.

My Dad is walking me down the isle. My brother is a groomsman, my sister is MOH, and my niece is the flowergirl. They all agreed to do these things. I bought sis her dress and shoes. I bought flowergirl her dress. Dad is paying for his and bros tuxes. They've not been involved in any wedding stuff, sis won't really answer calls and definitely doesn't answer my texts. Whatever.

Rehearsal is on Friday, wedding is Saturday. I've asked them to come up on Thursday (it's 8 hours of driving). I offered to let them all stay at my house, eat my food, etc, despite the fact that it will just add tons of stress to an already stressful couple of days to save them money. Dad says "no, no, i'll pay for a hotel room''. 

Yet, I can't get a straight answer about how they're going to get here (none of their cars would make the trip very well, and the train gets more expensive with every week that passes - and I can't really afford to pay for four train tickets on top of paying for a wedding anyways) or where they're staying. I'M STRESSING! Despite not trying to.

And then to top if off, when talking to my Dad tonight, I told him I was stressing over it, and he says "yeah, we're stressing over it too, we'll be glad when this is all over". 

WTH? Seriously Dad? If no one wanted to do it, then why didn't they say no when I asked?! And then he says "oh, i think you're brother was planning on coming up on Saturday"... as in the Saturday of the wedding!

edit: and I am also dealing with the 4th day of coordinator at my venue since we signed our contract in Feb. I keep having to go over the same stuff over and over and over!

coastiegrl25

Wedding do stress others too. Maybe your Dad shouldn't of said that, but it's true. I'm sure it will all work out because they love you and will be there for you. Even if they have to ride a donkey to your wedding. Just let them know the options, and try to not stress out about it. 

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_argh-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5475ad55-3243-49c0-b658-eaec540a5fa4Post:38dfcb9b-cd41-4943-9c3c-1bd95767fbaf">ARGH (my rant)</a>:
[QUOTE]Backstory: I'm from NC originally. That's where my family is. I am now in Maryland. It is where I am getting married. My Dad is walking me down the isle. My brother is a groomsman, my sister is MOH, and my niece is the flowergirl. They all agreed to do these things. I bought sis her dress and shoes. I bought flowergirl her dress. Dad is paying for his and bros tuxes. They've not been involved in any wedding stuff, sis won't really answer calls and definitely doesn't answer my texts. Whatever. Rehearsal is on Friday, wedding is Saturday. I've asked them to come up on Thursday (it's 8 hours of driving). I offered to let them all stay at my house, eat my food, etc, despite the fact that it will just add tons of stress to an already stressful couple of days to save them money. Dad says "no, no, i'll pay for a hotel room''.  Yet, I can't get a straight answer about how they're going to get here (none of their cars would make the trip very well, and the train gets more expensive with every week that passes - and I can't really afford to pay for four train tickets on top of paying for a wedding anyways) or where they're staying. I'M STRESSING! Despite not trying to. And then to top if off, when talking to my Dad tonight, I told him I was stressing over it, and he says "yeah, we're stressing over it too, we'll be glad when this is all over".  WTH? Seriously Dad? If no one wanted to do it, then why didn't they say no when I asked?! And then he says "oh, i think you're brother was planning on coming up on Saturday"... as in the Saturday of the wedding! :( edit: and I am also dealing with the 4th day of coordinator at my venue since we signed our contract in Feb. I keep having to go over the same stuff over and over and over!
Posted by iamsteph[/QUOTE]
These people are adults.  Let them decide how and when they travel for your wedding. 

abbyosu1211

I feel for you.... I'm about a 1 1/2 months away from my wedding, and even I can say I'm ready for it to be over.  It does stress others out, and I'm sure your father meant no harm by saying that.  I understand that it's hard for you to hear cause on top of everything else that was the last thing you wanted someone to say to you.  Your family will find a way up there.  As said before even if it's by donkey lol.  They all love you and will make sure everything works out I'm sure.  Good luck!!!!! Even if your brother doesn't get up there sat I'm sure someone can tell him what he needs to do for the wedding.  As long as he makes it before you walk down the isle is all that matters.  Easier said than done I'm sure.  But really good luck.  Enjoy this time it only happens once. 

[Deleted User]

Weddings are stressful for the rest of the family, too. I know when I was about a month or so out, I just wanted it to be over. I was tired of figuring out all the last minute things that popped up and I was just done with everything. I only wanted to be on that HM.

Definitely let your family decide about their own accomodations before the wedding. They are adults and can figure it out for themselves. If they take you up on staying at your place and you are cool with it, fine, but if they don't, please don't take it personally. Quite honestly, it would be better for you if they got a hotel room.

jmkes

They are adults let them decide how to get there.  You have offered to help them so they know that, that is an option should they choose to go that route.

I'm in the same boat of ready for this to be over and done with.  I don't see how some brides plan weddings for a year or more.  Our engagement will be 6 months and I was sick of everything 2 months ago.  I'm so ready for the next 3 weeks to pass!

iamsteph

Thanks everyone. I know it's stressful for them too. My Dad, other than saying what he did, I'm not too worried about. It's my bro and sis I'm worried about. They are not very responsible (my bro thinks working 25 hours a week is a full time job, and my sister will spend all her money on a trip to Charleston rather than pay her bills). I just really want them all here for the wedding, and I would be so sad if they weren't. 

Mandy's MOH

Family can say things that are hurtful and selfish....and the fact of the matter is- we still have to go on loving them. You're family is acting selfish by not helping you with this process. You expected more of them, and you should. If you still have the time- I would address the issue with mom, or the most responsible one in the group. Express your frustration at their lack of enthusiasm for this important day. Let them know about the extra burden their putting on you.....if the timing isn't right for a conversation like that- cling to hubby- he'll be there for you. Lower the bar for the next few weeks, and let your family slide. But at some point- make sure they know how they acted, and how it made you feel. If it never gets addressed, it can go on forever.