Am I Being Difficult???

Benny618

My wedding is May 4th.  FI and I live and work in NYC and the wedding is in NJ.  It's getting close and I am getting busy.. my first available Saturday is 4/13, so I made appts for the cake tasting and to meet with the hotel and ask a list of a million questions and then plan the menu.

I emailed FMIL and invited her to come, and she replied that she can't make it that day.  I wrote back that she will be missed but I look forward to seeing her in the city at my next dress fitting in a couple weeks.  She apparently then called FI and told him that we HAVE to change that date, that she wants to come to those meetings, and that if i don't have a weekend we should go on a weekday OR the week before the wedding.

First off, I cannot wait until a week before the wedding to meet with the catering manager.  I have tons of things I need to go over with her, and it feels crazy to just start asking those questions and just start planning the menu 7 days before the wedding..

As for a weekday, I am out of the office all next week because of jury duty and then a destination wedding.  I'm out the first Friday in April because of my bachelorette party, then we have to take a day off of work to go to NJ to get our marriage license (although we don't know the date yet bc we can't schedule that until 4/12 at the earliest).  Then after the wedding I am on our honoeymoon for 2 weeks.  I just can't justify taking another day off of work when that Saturday works perfectly fine for me!  I feel like I'm going to lose it...

I have included FILs in as much as possible, especially because FMIL still complains that her other DIL didn't include her in any wedding planning for their Virginia wedding.  I feel like I have done my best to accomodate her schedule throughout this whole process, and I'm really frustrated that I'm in this position.

Our parents are all splitting the wedding, and I do undestand that money comes with strings, but do those strings include her demanding I take a day off from work to accomodate her schedule?? 

Fi feels "in the middle" and is very compassionate to the fact that his parents are paying for half the wedding, so he feels like we have to take off another day of work if that is what they want... I kind of feel like im standing on an island here and just need a reality check from you guys..

Darbie914

I don't think that you are being difficult at all.  If she wants to attend so badly, have FI explain that you have expended all of your paid time off and that you simply cannot take more time off.  Perhaps she can switch her plans around to make those meetings.  And if she can't come, it's not the end of the world.

Just because someone is helping to pay for the wedding does not mean you have to work your entire schedule around them.

MoonlightSilver

You are not being difficult. Just have your FI tell your MIL that it's not possible for you to change the date, but if her plans change she is still welcome to come with you. 

Simply Fated

If you can't take a day off, you can't take a day off.
Are there no other weekend days between that saturday and the week before your wedding that you can maybe have one of those appointments on? Or maybe schedule a follow-up appointment for one of those things?

She is paying, so maybe if she has any questions for the venue or any requests, you can relay them for her. And you can fill her in on everything that happened, maybe take pictures or what ever.
Don't take off from work, though. That is SUCH a pet peeve of mine when people ask me to just miss work, like one day of work isn't a big deal. If I miss work, I don't get paid.

AddieCake

Not difficult at all. As the bride, you have a lot of appointments and things to schedule, and you're right that a week before the wedding is cutting it close to discuss catering. You shouldn't be expected to be inconvenienced to accommodate your FMIL.

QueerFemme

I am surprised you don't have your menu and cake tasting already done, honestly.  04/13 is only 3 weeks before your wedding. I have never heard of doing a tasting and menu that late in the game.  There is no way I would push it back further than that.

Benny618

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-i-being-difficult?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:56951882-79ce-41a7-842d-d39732fa8bbdPost:997555ac-328b-420a-a6a8-164926fb4cde">Re: Am I Being Difficult???</a>:
[QUOTE]I am surprised you don't have your menu and cake tasting already done, honestly.  04/13 is only 3 weeks before your wedding. I have never heard of doing a tasting and menu that late in the game.  There is no way I would push it back further than that.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

We already did the tasting, we now have to finalize everything

misshart00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-i-being-difficult?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:56951882-79ce-41a7-842d-d39732fa8bbdPost:997555ac-328b-420a-a6a8-164926fb4cde">Re: Am I Being Difficult???</a>:
[QUOTE]I am surprised you don't have your menu and cake tasting already done, honestly.  04/13 is only 3 weeks before your wedding. I have never heard of doing a tasting and menu that late in the game.  There is no way I would push it back further than that.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]



I was thinking this too. Do you need meal choices on your RSVP card? If not, I guess it's not a huge deal, but I definitely wouldn't be waiting until the week before. That's around when theyll need a final head count.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-i-being-difficult?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:56951882-79ce-41a7-842d-d39732fa8bbdPost:789e266d-0e27-4d5e-a572-6d7d2935f8b6">Re: Am I Being Difficult???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I Being Difficult??? : We already did the tasting, we now have to finalize everything
Posted by Benny618[/QUOTE]

Your original post says "cake tasting"?

lyndausvi

Do you really need to met with them?


IDK?   I planned my NJ  wedding from the islands.  I was there 10 months out, 4 months out and 3 days out.    Except for the cake tasting is there any way you can figure out some stuff via emails/phone calls?


To answer your question.  I don't think you are being difficult.  But if she is paying I don't think she is being completely unreasonable  either. There must be away to come together to figure out what questions each of you need answers.  I bet a lot of them can be answered not in person.

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-i-being-difficult?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:56951882-79ce-41a7-842d-d39732fa8bbdPost:f1123566-9256-4796-9c5e-00ae34049caf">Re: Am I Being Difficult???</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you really need to met with them? IDK?   I planned my NJ  wedding from the islands.  I was there 10 months out, 4 months out and 3 days out.    Except for the cake tasting is there any way you can figure out some stuff via emails/phone calls? To answer your question.  I don't think you are being difficult.  But if she is paying I don't think she is being completely unreasonable  either. There must be away to come together to figure out what questions each of you need answers.  I bet a lot of them can be answered not in person.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
All of this. If your tastings are done; I don't see why you have to go in personally. I honestly preferred email because I had everything in writing. For deposits and payments, my H was making them by himself and I'd just file the receipts. No big deal.

The menu can also be addressed one week before when you give them final counts but if you absolutely can't do it a week before, then it's unreasonable for your MIL to ask you to change your appts.