Another Co-worker Question

RhiannonZ

Hello,

 I already typed this up once, but I think with the new changes, it's not loading. Anyway, I need some advice. I work at a small school in northern Iowa. I know everyone and hang out with quite a few people. We are having a private family ceremony and dinner and then a large reception with a dance, drinks, appetizers, desserts, etc. So, is it okay to put an invite in the teacher's lounge and then invite individual teachers/staff that I am close to? Just wondering if you guys think this would be okay or can relate?

Thanks,

 Rhiannon

Happy Planning! 

JaimeeP

You should send individual invitations with names of the invitees on them. You will need to include RSVP instructions so you will have an accuarate headcount. Posting a general invitation in the lounge will create confusion. Also, it seems very impersonal.

goheels05

Posting your invitation in the teachers' lounge is generally a bad idea.  Some people are going to see it and think it's a plea for gifts.  You'll have no way of knowing how many are coming, and you won't be able to give your caterer an accurate headcount. 

Do you mean invite them to the reception only or both the wedding and the reception?

First, ask yourself these questions regarding anyone you're considering inviting:
1) do I hang out with/speak to this person outside of work?
2) would I continue to be friends with this person if they or I changed jobs?

If the answer is no, do not invite them.  If the answer is yes, you invite them by sending an invitation directly to their home.  Their spouse must be invited, as well.

ffmaid

Send actual invites to the whole reception to those you want to attend.
Second tier only part of the reception invites is worse then not being invited at all. Anyone you invite invite to the whole thing.
But remeber unless they are really your close out of work friends as well your coworkers really do not care that much about your wedding and will probably not want to attend anyway .

RhiannonZ

The wedding is private as well as our meal....only family. Then we are having a large reception with appetizers/dessert/drinks and a dance from 7-11. I won't need a head-count for that. It is also the day after Christmas, so not everyone will be able to make it anyway. I feel it would be rude to not put an invite in the lounge...that's just what is done. If there is an event, people put an invite in there. For example, there is a baby shower today. I am not asking for gifts as this is the second time around for myself. Anyway, just a little additional explanation. Sounds like maybe I should just invite the ones I want to the reception. And most people know that it's only family at the wedding as I talk about the wedding and plans all the time when people ask at school. 

Thanks for the advice! 

gigipurr84

Give everyone an individual invite, but since you said that you don't expect gifts or whatever, don't make the invitations formal. Buy a pack of blank cards and hand-write them and stick them in people's mailboxes at school. I am teacher too, but a wedding is still a big deal, no matter what. A sign in the lounge may actually cause others to think that they personally weren't invited, so they may not think that you really want them to go. I am much more likely to attend something when someone  gives me an invite.

feleciae19

I am a teacher too.
What if you do not want to invite everyone?
 Is it okay to invite some and not others.
Do you have to invite people that give you gifts?

ffmaid

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_another-co-worker-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:56f6448b-b05e-4626-a041-99f9f08e8bf5Post:81d69dcc-16f2-4554-bd6b-d440a2f59767">Re: Another Co-worker Question</a>:
[QUOTE]The wedding is private as well as our meal....only family. Then we are having a large reception with appetizers/dessert/drinks and a dance from 7-11.\Posted by RhiannonZ[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but the 2nd tier thing is rude. Think about it how would you feel if you found out that you were not worthy of the real reception. It has nothing to do with gifts as they are never required of guests and guests will still feel obligated to get them for you. If you do not want everyone at the meal at least hold the 2nd tier event on a different day so that it is clear that they are not really invited to your wedding and are placeholder. Think about it how would you feel if you received a wedding reception invite and thus rearranged your holiday plans in order to attend out of care for the couple and then found out that you were not really invited to the real thing but instead only 2nd tier not really wanted guests. Anyone you invite should be invited to the whole reception.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_another-co-worker-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:56f6448b-b05e-4626-a041-99f9f08e8bf5Post:81d69dcc-16f2-4554-bd6b-d440a2f59767">Re: Another Co-worker Question</a>:
[QUOTE]The wedding is private as well as our meal....only family. Then we are having a large reception with appetizers/dessert/drinks and a dance from 7-11. Posted by RhiannonZ[/QUOTE]

This is not ok.

goheels05

Sweetheart, this is a horrible idea, and very offensive to your guests.  How would you feel if you were 2nd string to someone elses wedding and were excluded from the meal portion?  I think you really need to re-think this.

kellyandtim1

Def send individually.  Unldess your wedding is a back yard bbq.  People at my work do that all the time - put an invite up on the fridge in our lunch room.  Annoys the heck out of me.  If you don't have the decency to send me my own invite, then I'm not going to be sending a gift or attending. 

lindz221

I have to disagree with a few people, I have been to a wedding where the meal/ceremony was only for family and then there was a party for everyone after. I was not offended at all - they are good friends but I knew they were trying to save money by doing it this way. The reception was still a lot of fun even though I didn't attend the meal & ceremony.

MyNameIsNot

Lindz,  It is rude to tier your guests.  Just because you weren't personally offended doesn't make it less rude.  Most people would be offended by that. 

I'm not personally offended when someone burps loudly without saying excuse me.  But that doesn't mean it is any less rude, it just means I don't care. 

gigipurr84

I don't think most people will find it rude if you keep the private dinner very very small, and then have the large reception on a different day. Like have the ceremony and dinner on Friday, and then the large party on Saturday.