NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:31e2dd12-baa2-4951-82cc-1266c253d062">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!! : Why would they need to sit quietly for 4 hours? They can sit long enough to eat and then they can get up and move around like the adults. WHy wouldn't they be up, moving around, talking, and dancing like everyone else???   I love kids and I can't imagine my wedding without the kids in my family, but I don't knock anyone else for not wanting them there. That being said, not all kids are hellions, and infants usually dont bother anyone. They eat and sleep. Ive seen grown adults act worse than children at weddings. I went to a wedding this summer that included children. They had coloring books, which kept the kids entertained for the ceremony. Then we went to the reception, where they ate and danced and talked just like the rest of us. Why would you want to stick your kid in a corner with a coloring book during a party?? Your argument makes no sense.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

Sarah, I'm not sure if that was to me, but if it was you missed my point, I think.  The person to whom I was responding said they bought the coloring books for the reception, not the ceremony.

And I was responding that IMO as a teacher of little kids, it wasn't going to work.  That, as you said, shuttling kids off to a table with a coloring book just wasn't going to work, because they'd want to be where the fun was.

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:2469624d-0a4f-4fad-a5cb-cb59c5b01ef1">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!! : Sarah, I'm not sure if that was to me, but if it was you missed my point, I think.  The person to whom I was responding said they bought the coloring books for the reception, not the ceremony. And I was responding that IMO as a teacher of little kids, it wasn't going to work.  That, as you said, shuttling kids off to a table with a coloring book just wasn't going to work, because they'd want to be where the fun was.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Nevemind, then Trix, you and I are on the same page. I misunderstood. Darn mutlitasking @work!!

Zooloo

I have two children and would never in my wildest imagination think that just because I received an invitation to an event, my children are somehow automatically invited to that event, too.  The majority of people are going to, in fact, assume that weddings are by and large adult parties.  Children are most often only invited when they are a part of the wedding party or close family.

It is also normally assumed that you are only inviting the people whose names appear on the invitation.  Phrases like "adult only reception" make me cringe, because not only are you unnecessarily drawing attention to who you clearly feel very strongly about NOT inviting, but you are also sending the message that you think your guests are so clueless they need you to point out the obvious to them.

unforgettable81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:e030bfc5-ab59-472e-a2d5-aa38b79cf2db">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!! : This is a terrible philosophy.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Doing what the bride wants is not a terrible philosophy. It's her special day and she should be able to make such choices without being micromanaged. With the bride in question it's not just about money and not liking children. It's the entire theme.

briawna

<p>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:3ac39ef8-5879-48d4-b05a-414c556a983d">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!! : This is where you are wrong. Breastfed infants eat on demand not on schedule. Could be every 20 minutes, could be every 3 hours & there's no way to tell because there's no measurements on a boob like there is a bottle. I dont feel that there is anything wrong with adult only weddings/receptions but I do feel that perhaps you should be a little better educated before you go attacking people.
Posted by mainemommy[/QUOTE]


As I said before, I am the oldest of 7, and have been through the infant stage many times before.  My sister has had two, as well.  There are Breast Pumps and Bottle Formulas for  a reason.  Most nursing mothers HAVE to use one of these options at some time or another.  To assume that you can make it through the entire breast-feeding phase without an occassional back-up is naive.</p><p>If a mother is unwilling to pump (I can't imagine why, though) or have Baby take a formula for one or two out of a hundred feedings, then her personal choice in that matter may preclude her from coming.</p>
<p>Whether or not a mother chooses to leave her nursing infant with a care-taker and attend the wedding isn't really my business or my point, however.  The point is that to ASSUME that these women all MUST have exceptions made for them (or that it is the equivelant of your favorite hand bag) and that a nursing infant is not optional at a wedding is ridiculuous.  My main point is that children are a huge responsibility and YES, some of them are well-behaved.  But even the best behaved children are unpredictable.  And unless you personally raised every child present you couldn't garuntee that they wouldn't cause problems.  Infants do sleep and eat most of the time, but when they do get gas or have a teething pain or get upset for any other reason, their screams are like nails on a chalk board to me.  Is it fair to expect a bride to worry about this on her wedding day?  Especially if she and her FI are not family/kid oriented?</p>
<p>Another factor that everyone wants to bring up is that adults can sometimes behave worse than children.  This is kind of a silly comparison.  The bride and groom hand select the adults at their wedding and know their temperment.  They don't know all their friend's and relatives CHILDREN'S temperments, however.  And furthermore, adults can be pulled aside or sent home, and understand basic ettiquette.  Ever try reasoning with a three year old?  It is very frustrating.  They usually cause very different kinds of disruptions, too.  Adults might get drunk and fall on the dance floor, and the video might end up on you tube for a good laugh, but kids are more likely to stick their nasty, dirty hand straight into the middle of the gorgeous four tier cake you spent hundreds of dollars on.  BIG DIFFERENCE!</p>
<p>All this said, I don't think kids are always a bad idea.  We are having NO KIDS at the ceremony and allowing kids at the reception, but requiring they be in a designated kids room with hired sitters if they are under 6 and 6-10 year olds will be required to be in that room unless they are with parents.  Kids can work, but they have to be approached reasonably and with realistic expectations.  Expecting all your friends' and relatives' kids to act like little darlings through the whole event is naive.</p>

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:a0ed608d-56fb-4e64-8d15-473030b95ea7">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!! : Doing what the bride wants is not a terrible philosophy. It's her special day and she should be able to make such choices without being micromanaged. With the bride in question it's not just about money and not liking children.<strong> It's the entire theme.
</strong>Posted by unforgettable81[/QUOTE]

Unless the theme is horror movies, or drunken debauchery, then I think its probably ok for kids to be there.

I agree with Aerin. While it is the bride AND groom's special day, there is no need for them to be rude or treat their guests with any less respect than they would on a normal day. It is actually the day for the B&G to be on their best behavior.

briawna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:3ac39ef8-5879-48d4-b05a-414c556a983d">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!! : This is where you are wrong. Breastfed infants eat on demand not on schedule. Could be every 20 minutes, could be every 3 hours & there's no way to tell because there's no measurements on a boob like there is a bottle. I dont feel that there is anything wrong with adult only weddings/receptions but I do feel that perhaps you should be a little better educated before you go attacking people.
Posted by mainemommy[/QUOTE]

And another thing about the breast-feeding issue.  I personally DO NOT want any women breast-feeding in public at my wedding.  This is inappropriate.  I know it's a hot-bed social issue and many women claim that it should be publically accepted because it's a natural process.  Well, pissing is a natural process, but I can garuntee none of our groomsmen will be relieving themselves in public.
Yet another reason why the Breast-Pump or Formula option is the alternative here.  Having baby-sat PLENTY of infants under 9 months before I know it is possible for them to be away from mom for a couple of hours.  And if a new mother's not comfortable with this, stay home.

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:6069eed9-19e3-412d-aa6b-0280923aa615">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!! :   Expecting all your friends' and relatives' kids to act like little darlings through the whole event is naive.
Posted by briawna[/QUOTE]

I guess I never expect kids to be perfect darlings, I only expect them to be themselves. I know and love each child invited to our wedding, and I am confident in my ability to laugh at their little mishaps and not let them ruin my day. I never expect a child to act like an adult, but i know they all know how to behave, and will do their best. I guess we are just different, but I am not naive, just more forgiving.

Cly37

People are going to be offended no matter how you say it - *really* offended. I know this from watching other brides try it several different ways. Have you considered hiring a baby sitter to watch all the kids in a separate but close location (a room to the side, basement, outside small tent, etc)? If you put on your wedding website and let people know by word of mouth that you are having sitting service, you might be able to get your screamless wedding without offending people. I don't know if it's possible with your venue, but perhaps it's something to consider...

ChrisCandJeffC

This is the one time I didn't follow wedding etiquette.  On the response card I added "adult only reception immediately following ceremony".

Fystybride

My invites stated 'Adult only reception immediately to follow' and I don't feel a bit bad about it.  He and I have FOUR kids and I don't want to look at them or deal with them that evening.  They will attend the ceremony and of course eat something...but once the lights go down they are to retreat upstairs to our rooms and do what kids do...read a book, watch TV...I don't care.  I will have coverage for them, someone to make sure they are taken care of, but as far as our wedding, which we paid for ourselves- if anyone doesn't like the terms they can shove it.  Then again, it's obviously not our first wedding, and we have only 70 guests, and it's not a traditional sort of thing anyway.  At about $75.00 per person, I feel as though we can invite who we like and if they can't come then that's their loss...
(...and that $75.00pp doesn't include the rooms that we are also paying for, shuttle and everything short of a full tank of gas just to get there!)

Lenore2010

Most of the weddings I have been to have been adults only. I actually have been to two weddings where the reception card said "adults only reception". That was for a very large wedding-500 guests and they decided I think to cut to the chase. Not polite, but effective I guess and I did not hear anyone complain.

Weddings are not great places for children-the ceremonies are a lot to ask them to sit through. The receptions are not even a particularly appropriate environment for them (most weddings involve a lot of people getting drunk, maybe in a "fun" kind of way but still drunk). The dressed up adults are living in fear of little Susie getting to their clothes with their little food stained hands. Oh, and lets not forget the noise factor. 

Parents do not want to actually hear any of that, but deep in their hearts they know it is all true. I have seen very few parents resenting adult only weddings.

Lenore2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:62c71f45-ef66-4e70-9398-92b23ddbc8be">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!! : And another thing about the breast-feeding issue.  I personally DO NOT want any women breast-feeding in public at my wedding.  This is inappropriate.  I know it's a hot-bed social issue and many women claim that it should be publically accepted because it's a natural process.  Well, pissing is a natural process, but I can garuntee none of our groomsmen will be relieving themselves in public. Yet another reason why the Breast-Pump or Formula option is the alternative here.  Having baby-sat PLENTY of infants under 9 months before I know it is possible for them to be away from mom for a couple of hours.  And if a new mother's not comfortable with this, stay home.
Posted by briawna[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Amen! This is why they have pumps. Yet another reason to not have children at a wedding-public breast feeding is absolutely disgusting to me. 

</div>

dsouldiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:a0ed608d-56fb-4e64-8d15-473030b95ea7">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!! : Doing what the bride wants is not a terrible philosophy. It's her special day and she should be able to make such choices without being micromanaged. With the bride in question it's not just about money and not liking children. It's the entire theme.
Posted by unforgettable81[/QUOTE]

Here here! yes the reception is for the guests but that doesn't make it independent of the Bride and Groom's wishes, it is still <em>their</em> Wedding day.  Brides and Grooms should be able the make the decision to include or exclude children and invited guests should be able to respect that and choose to attend or not attend without whinging about it.

Jeni10csc

We don't want kids at our wedding either.  Although it is true that you do not write "no Children" or "NO anything" anywhere on the invite, one of my friends had the line "respectfully, an adult occasion" on her reception cards and that's what we're planning to do. I'm also telling everyone I know that Iwe want an adults only reception.  I don't know about you, but some of my guests will not even look to see who the invitation is addresses to on the envelope. 

caseyandlizzie

I would prefer to have no children, but I'm just hoping that my friends with children will take advantage of a night out without their children. If they decide to bring them, I will be fine with it.

Lenore2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:562e9543-6853-4a0c-bc7e-e26d418785be">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, you don't want any screaming kids at your wedding, I get it, its your day blah blah blah it's "your" wedding. When people come to your wedding they are also taking their time, money etc to be with you.  Did you ever stop to think of the expenses of your guests or you only care about yourself?? $$$$$ Guest: Gift for bride and groom (some also give bridal shower gifts in addition) Possible take time off from work,  and/or to travel, gas to your wedding.  Not everyone works M-F. Clothes to buy for your wedding if nessecary  Almost entire day for your wedding=a lost day of home,family errands, $$ possible added expense for babysiiter So, I get a little annoyed when I hear this crap about no kids as it sounds selfish ungrateful.  Get over yourself.  I think you are expecting a lot (especially in this economy) of your guests. It's like everyone that is coming to your wedding is expected to dole out $$$$ or at least a couple hundred bucks to attend(oh, I am so sure they are dying to attend!) Oh I forgot you are giving them a meal (probaly sub standard luke warm at best) and drinks!!  So, if a family has 5 weddings to attend during the summer think about all the money they have to spend!! OH, I guess its okay for yours though since you are so special. Everyone else be damned if they don't like it!!! If you have such a problem with it you should at least provide a babysitter or some references of babysitters and help the parents out. And, yes I know you are spending a lot of money!! So, you are going to say it's all about what you want!  No wedding is perfect, if it's not the kids crying or being hyper its something else. 
Posted by callalily07[/QUOTE]

So, if not being able to bring the adorable children to the wedding is <strong>that terrible, </strong>people have the option of not attending. A wedding is not a command performance except for the closest family, and these days even some of them bail. Some people with kids just cannot get over the idea that they should be welcomed any and everywhere. Not so, in my opinion.

AmandaK2010

The problem I have with a lot of what many of you are saying is that you are CHOSING what kids can attend your wedding.  That means you are not having a child free reception, but that your families kids are allowed but no one elses.  I think that is super rude.  I wanted a kids free wedding (my FI's neice and nephews are out of control) but we have to invite them.  If I were told that I can't bring my kids but I saw other kids at the reception, I would be extremely offended.  I think it needs to be all or nothing.  That is why I get to have screaming kids at my wedding 

davis2cruz

My fiance and I are not planning on having children at our wedding.  We are making three exceptions for his three nephews... but in honesty, I'm trying to think of a way to keep them occupied during the ceremony -- one of his nephews has been known to blurt out whatever is on his mind at extremely inappropriate times.  There are exceptional children who don't do this, but it's hard to pick and chose whose kids can come and whose cannot -- that could cause for some extremely hurt feelings once the wedding comes and parents see other kids there and their's weren't invited.  I am planning on only including the parent's names and hoping they get the drift.  If not, I suppose I will have to call and explain... as difficult as that may be.  I have also considered putting on the invitation, "Adult Only Reception to Follow"  or something along those lines... I mean, if their kids cannot come to the reception, would they really bring them to the ceremony?

AdeleDazeem

I really don't have anything else to add on this topic, but if one more person whines "it's my special day!!!!!", then I think my head may explode.  It's a wedding, not a coronation.

And I agree with just about everything Aerin said above.

mrs.mims

i think i'm gonna flip out. 2 out of 4 of my bridesmaids are pregnant and both are due 3 weeks before my wedding. not only am i freaking about them having to order the dresses now because they are being discontinued and not available in November, and they have to order 2 sizes up and account for baby weight, but now I am really flipping about how they are going to NEED their kids there because they are new babies. These are my best friends. I am having a 31/2 year old flower girl (my daughter) and a 31/2 y/o ring bearer but dont want anymore extra kids. Especially considering (not to be rude, I am a mother) having to pay $68.00 per child over the age of 2!!!!! They do not eat $68.00 worth of food in a week, let alone one night. Oh geez...what to do , what to do...

nefariousmango

We love kids and are STILL having a kid-free wedding, aside from the three flower girls and the ring bearer.  We're at the age where once we start saying kids can come, we end up with 20+ kids under 12 amongst our 110 adult intivees and we honestly can't afford that many extra guests!  Lots of people have told us they're greatful to have a reason to hire a baby sitter and have a night out, and some people have grouped together to find a couple babysitters and have booked a hotel room so the kids will be in the same building as the reception in case of emergency.  Our wedding coordinator at the hotel suggested it, and they can order pizza and watch movies or do whatever, all seperate from the reception!  The flower girls and ring bearer will join the rest of the kids there after the ceremony.

Of course, some people won't be able to attend because they don't want to leave their children or whatever, but most of them are living out of state and were relieved to have an excuse not to fly accross the country.  We'll miss them, but we completely understand.  My favorite RSVP response: "We're looking forward to seeing the wedding photos, and to seeing you at the next family wedding when our daughter is no longer nursing."

dsouldiva

OK so if it's not about the bride and groom at all then why not just say yes to all the random guest requests "can my sister come" or let the FMIL or MOB invite everyone they've ever met? I mean if it's ALL about the guests then where do you stop??

The point is the B&G have to consider the needs of the guests that they INVITE not the one's they choose not to.  Most couples with kids are quite used to getting a babysitter when they go out, they don't generally drag their kids to restaurants or bars when they go out.  As long as you give people plenty of notice of when the wedding is taking place, it's up to the guest to sort out a babysitter.  If they are coming from OOT then you need to give this a bit more thought and perhaps consider hiring or recommending a reputable, trusted sitter.  But you're not a bad host for choosing to make your reception Adults only.

I agree though that if you are having some kids you need to invite all.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:f502a273-22c3-41ac-9c0f-e5b21aa65349">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]You won't if you put the number in ahead of time, which is what I have done.  I did not leave open the chance for folks to add guests. So if I am inviting only one person, the invite reads - We have reserved 1 seat in your honor.  If two, I added "2", and so forth.  That way, folks know they are the only ones being invited.  Obviously, if you leave the line blank, you will have trouble - I did not do that.
Posted by slbriz34[/QUOTE]

Except that you leave yourself open to people substituting because, after all, you've reserved two seats for them.  So Marge wakes up on the day of your wedding and she had stomach flu, and can't come.  Homer says "Well, they've reserved two seats for us.  C'mon Bart.  We're goin' to a weddin'."  You didn't say he couldn't bring his son~you said two seats are reserved and so he's using two.

As for having a nursery/babysitter.....the people who won't leave their kids with a sitter at home certainly aren't going to be willing to leave their kids with a strange in a hotel.  Sounds like a good idea, but doesn't always work.

At my cousin's wedding, she arranged for a sitter for my kids, my sister's kids, and her brother and SIL's DD.  My kids stayed with the sitter.  My sister's kids stayed with the sitter.  Her brother and SIL's 3 yr old DD couldn't possibly be left with a sitter and stayed at the reception.

Honestly, you can try to take care of this in all sorts of coy and cute ways, but the fact is that some people decide that their li'l snowflake MUST go everywhere with them, because after all, they're just so precious.  With those people, you have to be flat out honest and let them know that children are not invited.

jena.n.ross

Just to chime in: if I were told I couldn't bring my child/ren, then showed up and saw your flower girl/ring bearer, favorite niece/whatever, I'd be very offended.  I would take it personally.  As someone else said, I would probably leave very early.   Enjoy the money I gave you as a gift, and the money I spent on a sitter so that I could come bring it to you. 

briawna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:e1a499b7-d430-45a0-ac1a-d46f237191c2">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the person who said that it should be all or nothing when it comes to kids. If I was told no kids and left mine home then came and saw your tiny relatives, <strong>I would be super pissed. Not just "offended", actually mad enough to leave your reception very early.</strong>
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]

Really?!  You're that petty and unreasonable?  Anyone with that attitude can GLADLY leave my reception early.  Where does this "It's all about me! Why wasn't I included!" attitude come from?  For Christ's sake, it's a wedding, not a personal vendetta against anyone with kids.  How can you people not see the difference between relatives and children of friends/coworkers?  I have siblings who are still "children."  I see them every day and they are a permanent part of my life.  Of course they will be at my wedding and in the pictures.  My fiance's bosses four kids whom I have never met and whom neither of us know don't belong in our pictures, eating our food, or on our dance floor. 

The notion that you CAN'T choose to have relatives only when it comes to kids is ludicruous.  A wedding is NOT just about the Bride and Groom, I agree.  But all the people saying this are taking it WAY too far the other direction.  The bride and groom HAVE to be there.  That's what the whole flippin day is ABOUT.  The guests can CHOOSE to come or not, and while I have personally done everything in my power to make my guests happy, comfortable, and included, catering to every person's whims is not my goal!  They get to have fun on my dollar, which means on my terms!  The wedding is not for the guests, either!  It's not "FOR" any person or group of people, and this is an unhealthy mentality.  It is a celebration and a sharing of memories.  RELATIVES belong in those memories.  Strange children you don't know don't.

If you would be so offended as to storm out in a dramatic huff because your kids weren't invited and the bride's little sister and brother were, then you are an ego-centric person who can't think outside themselves.  Harsh, but true.  

briawna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:75c4f945-dfe8-42b3-953f-1ccb99bf1265">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Just to chime in: if I were told I couldn't bring my child/ren, then showed up and saw your flower girl/ring bearer, favorite niece/whatever, I'd be very offended.  I would take it personally.  As someone else said, I would probably leave very early.   Enjoy the money I gave you as a gift, and the money I spent on a sitter so that I could come bring it to you. 
Posted by jena.n.ross[/QUOTE]

Here's yet another of these people who has the audacity to not see the difference between a FLOWER GIRL and RING BEARER and their own random children who do not have a relationship wtih the bride and groom.  You really can't see the difference?  Do you really believe your children belong everywhere just because they are your dependents? 
How about people whose elderly parents live with them?  They are dependents.  Should all of your guests bring their elderly parents to your wedding?  How about pets?  My two little dogs are very well behanved, "I SWEAR!"  and they are the equivalent of children to me.  They go everywhere with me, so why can't I bring my dogs? 
and on and on and on . . . .

People!  If you are going to choose to get offended about every little perceived slight in this world, then you are going live very sad, very drama-laden lives.  If you are best friend of the bride and she is your kid's God-mother, then maybe you have some room to politely ask the bride if your kid can come.  But otherwise, just shut up.

The notion that the bride and groom OWE something to you just because you brought a present is silly.  Not even all weddings request presents.  My Fiance and I are deliberately not including any registry information on the invitation and are not requesting gifts of any kind. 

[Deleted User]

Is random capitalization the new "in" thing?

nefariousmango

Thank you, Briwana! 

People: 
Yes, your kids are special, and I understand that you love them and want to spend as much time as possible with them, but grow the frik up!  A wedding is not the appropriate moment to share your kids with everyone, and it is rarely an appropriate place for children whom the bride and groom do not know.  This is a moment for the bride and groom to celebrate their love with the people closest to them, and for their friends and family to celebrate with them.  Chances are, your kids don't give a cr@p about the bride and groom, so what makes you think your kids even want to go?  Hire a babysitter, get them cupcakes (so they don't "miss out" on cake), and enjoy an adult night with other adults.  If the bride and groom chose to have children in the wedding, act like the adults you are and get over the fact that someone elses' kids mean more to the happy couple than your kids do!  If you can't handle that, then don't go.  Period.

Our flower girls and ring bearer are the kids of relatives who we know very well; we've baby-sat for them throughout the years and have always been close to their parents (our cousins).  FI's boss has three daughters who we also know and love, and FI's coworkers bring their babies to work because they have a casual office environment and FI is a favorite lap for one of the toddlers.  We are not inviting all their children, and they have all been very understanding and, as I said early, have even pooled resources to hire a couple babysitters for the event. 

I swear, I will never understand people who just can't leave their kids at home with a sitter!  There are lots of highly qualified people  (adults, even!) out there, most are more than willing to do a test run with you home but in another room, and you can always call them and check in on your kids a million times if you really need to.