Planning Troubles

iam beloved

I'm really beginning to think that planning this wedding is more trouble than its worth. While its a bigger wedding than most of my families have been, its still pretty small (only about 100 people). At first I was so excited about getting married, but now everybody is trying to make me do things their way. I've went from having 2 bridesmaides to 4. I had to tell my mom today that I only wanted one flower girl. And I hate the thought of my older sister as a bridesmaid (I'm terrified she's gonna show up drunk or high) but if I told her no, she wouldn't let her daughter as my flowergirl. Then as soon as I said yes, she asked about my little sister and I couldn't say no to her when I just said yes to the first one.

Plus, all of my bridesmaids live far away, so they can't help me with all the planning (and one of them is getting married a week before me so she has enough to deal with). That leaves my mom to help me, and she keeps putting things on hold because she's too busy with my brother and her soon to be third ex husband. So everytime I mention doing something for the wedding she gets mad and says I demand to much of her time when so far I've only asked her to go look at dresses and meet the Cake/Flower vender (which is the same person, so it's not like I'm asking her to go all over the place. We're meeting a mile down the road!

Between that and work, I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't want a perfect wedding, just nice, and no one seems to care. I've ended up throwing fits everyday for the last 4 days, yelling and screaming. I can't wait til its over with.

101010ido

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:62dddd1c-d4fb-46a2-a968-75919c3143f6Post:c3655e16-47d9-46a9-926a-22d3f82a7eed">Planning Troubles</a>:
[QUOTE] I've ended up throwing fits everyday for the last 4 days, yelling and screaming. I can't wait til its over with.
Posted by iam beloved[/QUOTE]

<p class="MsoNormal">WOW, I am sorry you are going through this. Your wedding and wedding planning should be a happy time. However, you need to put you big girl panties on. You can plan a wedding by yourself. No, it is not the best. Why can't FI go with you to look at cake/flowers?<span style="font-family:Calibri;"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"> </span></p>

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:62dddd1c-d4fb-46a2-a968-75919c3143f6Post:c3655e16-47d9-46a9-926a-22d3f82a7eed">Planning Troubles</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm really beginning to think that planning this wedding is more trouble than its worth. While its a bigger wedding than most of my families have been, its still pretty small (only about 100 people). At first I was so excited about getting married, but now everybody is trying to make me do things their way. I've went from having 2 bridesmaides to 4. I had to tell my mom today that I only wanted one flower girl. And I hate the thought of my older sister as a bridesmaid (I'm terrified she's gonna show up drunk or high) but if I told her no, she wouldn't let her daughter as my flowergirl. Then as soon as I said yes, she asked about my little sister and I couldn't say no to her when I just said yes to the first one. Plus, all of my bridesmaids live far away, so they can't help me with all the planning (and one of them is getting married a week before me so she has enough to deal with). That leaves my mom to help me, and she keeps putting things on hold because she's too busy with my brother and her soon to be third ex husband. So everytime I mention doing something for the wedding she gets mad and says I demand to much of her time when so far I've only asked her to go look at dresses and meet the Cake/Flower vender (which is the same person, so it's not like I'm asking her to go all over the place. We're meeting a mile down the road! Between that and work, I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't want a perfect wedding, just nice, and no one seems to care. I've ended up throwing fits everyday for the last 4 days, yelling and screaming. I can't wait til its over with.
Posted by iam beloved[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No one is required to help you plan YOUR wedding, except your fiance. The fact that your bms live far away should have virtually no effect on your planning. Throwing fits is not a way for an adult to act, it's behavior for 3 year olds. Just take a second, breathe, think about what's really important to you and your wedding, and go from there. Why can't you go to flowers and cake alone? You know what flavor cake you like right? You know what flowers look pretty!

</div>

iam beloved

I have been trying to deal with everything on my own, and know it's possible, but all the stress has been adding up. I've let things that's been bugging me for months build up, and overreact at small things. It's immature and try not to, but can't help it sometimes.

And he lives across the country. He's in the military and doesn't have the leave to come home. Even if he did, we would rather him use that for the time around the wedding.

stina93446

Weddings are only as stressful as you make them. Seriously, if your mom says that she can't do it, either find someone who WANTS to do it (because no one is required except yourself) or do it alone. Or hire a wedding planner....

iam beloved

I know that no one has to help me, and thats why I haven't asked for much help. From my bridesmaids I've only asked for them to set aside a weekend to look at dresses for them. And as for the flower/cake person, its a friend of my moms who I've never met. And since it's not an actual "business" It'd go much smoother if she was there to at least make introductions. And just to let you know, I usually don't act like a three year old, but working six days a week, half of them doubleshifts, and then having to come home to clean up after my mom and brother, while loaning her money to pay for his band fees instead of putting it towards the wedding (and her accusing me of using her money), and allowing her to use my car while her's is broken (so half the time I don't have a way to get to places to plan for the wedding), anyone would crack under the stress.

duckie1905

First of all, no one (not even your mom) is required to help you plan.  It is the responsibility of the couple to plan the wedding and if your FI can't it looks like it falls on you.  If you need help planning the wedding you have envisioned, hire someone.

as stina said, wedding planning is only as stressful as you make it.  If you can't handle it you need to scale it back to a manageable level.  It really isn't worth it to drive yourself crazy and have nervous breakdowns.  All you really need to get married is a license, officiant, and probably $40.  All the other stuff is just extra.  You don't even need to have a reception if you don't invite any guests.

I know it is simplistic but it is true.  There is no reason to do this to yourself.

iam beloved

We can't afford a Wedding planner. And truthfully, me and my fiance talked about what kind of wedding we wanted before we got engaged. I told him I would rather just elope. Just me, him, my 2 best friends, and whoever he wanted there. But his family would have a heart attack if he did. So we agreed on a small wedding. But my mom is just so happy that theres a marraige before a baby in the family that she wants to show off. i know that it's my wedding and she has no say in what happens, but it's often easier to just give in then try to get my way. The reason I've been having fits is because she's yelling at me because I told her that her ex and his daughter (both of whom treat me horribly for no other reason than I exist) wasn't invited.

pandasquishy

I planned our wedding with DH halfway around the world.  I know it's hard, but it can be done, just breathe and take it one step at a time.  I found what helped me the most was to make a giant to-do list of every little thing I had to do.  It was overwhelming to look at but when things are broken down, you can can get them done easier and faster.  

Everything will be ok!

iam beloved

Thanks. I just don't want to pick something out and it turn out horrible. Or get duped. A friend of mine ordered flowers for her wedding and paid for them and everything, but never got them. She never got her money back and had to make her own.

LaurelleColette

Well whats good is that you have time.  I'm planning everything with only the help of my mother as well.  Just write down a list and get everything done ASAP.  I've found that the more people that you tell about the wedding planning, the more opinions and suggestions you'll get that won't necessarily be welcomed.  The only people that need to know are you, your fiance and the person/people paying for everything.  It's your wedding and it will be your perfect day.  Just take a breathe.  Get it all done now so that as the wedding gets closer you don't have to worry about it.  And if anyone ask, just say that all of the contracts are signed and the deposits are made...so no changes!  Good luck girl and congrats!

jenn.daniel

Planning can be overwhelming, but it really helps to break it all into pieces.  Don't worry about y until you've figured out x.  And don't talk to your mother about the wedding. 

MyNameIsNot

Maybe you should consider pushing the wedding back a little bit.  It sounds like you are having budget issues, so it would give you more time to save.  You could wait until you no longer need to work 6 doubles a week and are a little more stable.  Are there plans in the works for you and FI to live in the same place soon?  If so, you could wait until then so that the two of you can plan together.

aerinpegadrak

As far as vendors, just read every review you can get your hands on (local board, Wedding Wire, BBB, etc.) and only go with the ones who are well-reviewed.  Once you've done the legwork and found vendors you can trust, just give them a budget and let them take it from there.  Pushing it back might also really help you, giving you more time to get everything done.  If you search on Craigslist, you might be able to find a planner who's just getting started and would be willing to cut you a deal.

Just breathe.  It's a lot to plan, but thousands of women pull it off every day.