Sounds crazy while planning but anyone do a prenup?

fairy_diva

My FI and I have been talking and while neither one of us are rich by any means, we do have property and retirements and such that we want safe in case of a divorce. I know some people think we are crazy talking about a divorce while planning , but you never know what 10 years down the road my bring. 

My FI has family land we purchased and plan to build our home on, but he doesn't want me to take it away or be forced to sell it if we would split.  I have agreed to 50% of the appraisal price of house & land if we did divorce. He also would not be able to touch my retirement plans or other personal assets. 

We are totally in love and couldn't see any problems but you never know. 

LisaTyler1984

Maybe it's different if you get married when you are older and have lots of assets, but It's not something I would do in my mid-twenties. Everything we build will be built together. Plus, I can never fathom getting divorced and would be insulted if my FI suggested it. It would sound to me like we were starting off on shaky ground.

ootmother2

I had a prenup because of family trusts, it was required by the trusts and I always knew  that. 

My daughter had the same for said reason.

I think it's common sense for everyone.  No one plans on divorce or death (prenup will prevent ILs from inheriting) but the do happen.

duckie1905

I think it is the opposite of crazy to talk prenup during planning.  I think it is smart and realistic.  I think not talking about it or not getting one because you think that will automatically set you up for divorce is silly.  It is like saying you won't get car insurance because that will increase your chances of getting into a car accident.

DH and I have one and are darn happy we do.

Ashly018

My situation is a little complicated... I will be having one because of a family trust, and my fiance is fine with that, and totally understands.  His mother is demanding he have one but feels I have no reason to have one (she doesn't know about the trust, she thinks it's all inheritance), my mom feels that it's fine if he has one, but that once we have kids it needs to be modified or voided.  He doesn't want one on his part at all .... So right now we know there will definetly be the one of on the side of the trust.  As for his family.... I don't even want to go there....

FutureMrsFraser

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sounds-crazy-planning-but-anyone-prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7375ce96-9a48-4185-85db-bebef1ae8657Post:331d3831-202c-42ce-b84d-8c2ba9c2b677">Re: Sounds crazy while planning but anyone do a prenup?</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe it's different if you get married when you are older and have lots of assets, but It's not something I would do in my mid-twenties. Everything we build will be built together. Plus, I can never fathom getting divorced and would be insulted if my FI suggested it. It would sound to me like we were starting off on shaky ground.
Posted by LisaTyler1984[/QUOTE]

I agree.

spinner84

I think to get insulted if your fiance suggests a prenup is a bit immature. It's not about emotions, it's about practicality ,and if it's tough to think about now, imagine how hard it would be if your heart were broken and there were kids involved. Besides, it's not just about in cases of divorce, it is also about managing your own money (even if you split salaries, like we will, so it doesn't matter who earns more), having individual investments, managing your own inheritances, and not losing everything if one of you has to declare bankruptsy from a bad investment.

Ashly018

I never thought about divorce when I got married the first time, and lucky for me he didn't fight me in the divorce.  Everything that we came into the marriage we took back out, and any debt that we had was devided into who had primary use of the debt like the credic cards.  I took over the bebt for the card I used most, and he took the one he used most.  Our divorce was clean and we are still really good friends... I am investing a lot more into this up coming marriage, so being prepared is the best bet.

fairy_diva

I am completely for the prenup.  I understand that we are not planning for nor do we want a divorce. I was not insulted when he brought it up, he mentioned this weekend while we were driving.  He said he had been thinking about it for a while and basically has seen a LOT of divorce in his family, so he wants to protect the land he has worked and waited on for years.  He rented the land for the past 7 years hoping for a chance to buy, and during this time he put a lot of work and sweat equity into it.  He was so cute bringing it up, he was afraid I would get mad.
We are both in our 30s and do have separate assets to protect.  I also wil have my home paid for in 2 years, making it mine.  So I would also protect that also.  I have retirement & IRAs that I would protect.
Its not a complicated prenup, but worth it to us.

Schroeder246

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sounds-crazy-planning-but-anyone-prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7375ce96-9a48-4185-85db-bebef1ae8657Post:331d3831-202c-42ce-b84d-8c2ba9c2b677">Re: Sounds crazy while planning but anyone do a prenup?</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe it's different if you get married when you are older and have lots of assets, but It's not something I would do in my mid-twenties. Everything we build will be built together. Plus, <strong>I can never fathom getting divorced</strong> and would be insulted if my FI suggested it. It would sound to me like we were starting off on shaky ground.
Posted by LisaTyler1984[/QUOTE]

<div>I always hate responses like these.  Who "fathoms" getting divorced?!  You really think that the people in this world who are getting divorced somehow saw it coming while they were planning a wedding?  <em>Nobody</em> plans on getting divorced, which is why so many of them are ugly.</div><div>
</div><div>The idea that people who enter into prenups are "starting off on shaky ground" is ridiculous.  When you buy home insurance, are you planning on something happening to your house?  No, you're being smart and realistic and knowing that if something <em>were </em>to happen, you'd already have a plan in place.  You'd still be devastated at the loss/destruction of your home, but at least you wouldn't have to think about how to find the money to fix things, where to go in the meantime, etc.</div><div>
</div><div>For those who have significant assets, prenups are the incredibly smart and mature thing to do.  It doesn't "jinx" your marriage.  My fiance has a sizable inheritance from when his mother died.  Talking about a prenup made us closer and helped us learn more about how we both handle finances.  Considering that finances are the <em>#1 reason</em> for divorce, putting everything out on the table honestly is the practical thing to do.</div><div>
</div><div>Everyone plans for a long and happy marriage, even people with prenups.  To think otherwise, frankly, is insulting.</div>

fairy_diva

Thanks for the positive responses!  I think we are only being mature and responsible for talking about it.  I agree, no one plans for a divorce, but they can and do happen and when they do, most are ugly.  I knew some of you guys would understand why we are doing this!

LisaTyler1984

If your fiance is asking for a prenup I would be holding my breath that he shows up to the altar because he has some sort of doubts. Sorry for you girls! 

fairy_diva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sounds-crazy-planning-but-anyone-prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7375ce96-9a48-4185-85db-bebef1ae8657Post:98ed93a5-981e-41c1-bc08-aa4e85e1477d">Re: Sounds crazy while planning but anyone do a prenup?</a>:
[QUOTE]If your fiance is asking for a prenup I would be holding my breath that he shows up to the altar because he has some sort of doubts. Sorry for you girls! 
Posted by LisaTyler1984[/QUOTE]


<em>Do you really think so?</em> 

Sorry but I don't.  As a matter of fact,<strong><em> </em></strong>I was the one that came up with the idea.  I am willing to place a bet on him showing up at the altar. 

Honestly to be quite frank and rude (since I find your statement very rude)  I make about twice what he does a year and the prenup just shows him that I am not interested in ever taking something from him that means the world to him.

Long story short, he is the child if divorced parents and had been bounced around his entire childhood.  He has never had a "home" that lasted more than a few months maybe as long as a year.  The biggest stability in his life was his grandparents, and the land in question was thiers years ago.  He moved in a started renting the run down house on it 7 years ago with the hopes to save and buy it the first opportunity.  In Dec 08 his Aunt died very suddenly( the land was hers) and it ended up in a long probate and entanglement. She had her own CPA business and the mess was awful since she hadn't planned on dying at her age.

This past Oct he got the chance he had been waiting on, to be able to make his down payment and purchase the land.  He did this, this is the land we are planning to build our new home on.  He now owns 5 acres of land that is breath taking! I can't wait to build and live there.

I, on the other hand, had a very normal stable and uneventful childhood. My parents have been married to each other for 38 years.   I graduated honors and went on college.  I purchased my own home at 25 and it will be <span style="font-weight:bold;">PAID</span> for in 2012 (about the time we hope to have our new home completed).  I have worked my butt of to own what I do and quite frankly wouldn't want it taken from me if the situation was reversed.

People do not ever plan on a divorce, everyone is in love when they marry and only see a future together.  Its being a responsible ADULT to think ahead and make plans for the "what if"  If you are so in love that you would <span style="font-style:italic;">NEVER</span>  think ahead to the what if, then hopefully you won't be one of those that get kicked in the teeth by it later.

Just some facts for ya:

In 2008, 46% of all marriages involve a remarriage for one or both spouses. It is estimated that 40% of all marriages have ended in divorce as of 2008

Divorce Rate:
<table border="0" width="423" summary="Meeting Results" id="gradient-style"><thead><tr><th width="151" scope="col">Age</th> <th width="96" scope="col">Women</th> <th width="102" scope="col">Men</th> </tr> </thead> <tfoot> </tfoot> <tbody> <tr> <td>Under 20 years old</td> <td>27.6%</td> <td>11.7%</td> </tr> <tr> <td>20 to 24 years old</td> <td>36.6%</td> <td>38.8%</td> </tr> <tr> <td>25 to 29 years old</td> <td>16.4%</td> <td>22.3%</td> </tr> <tr> <td>30 to 34 years old</td> <td>8.5%</td> <td>11.6%</td> </tr> <tr> <td>35 to 39 years old</td> <td>5.1%</td> <td>6.5%</td></tr></tbody></table>

And according to the statisticswe are  in the lowest divorce rate catagory.  We both know what we want out of life, we have beth been through good and bad relationships.

Several years ago a very good friend of mine almost lost everything in a divorce,  He owned 3 businesses and never thought to do a prenup when he married. After all they were in love!  Fast forward 5 years, his wife decided she didn't like working and wanted to live the "good life" She moved out and then hit him with divorce papers and also tried to take him for most of everything he had.  He ended up paying out a VERY large settlement just to get her out of his hair and life.  He remarried last summer, he and hiw new wife have a prenup that protects them both.  She was cheated on by her first husband and wanted to protect herself and her retirement investedments if they fell out of love and divorced. She had been married for 12 years at the time of her divorce.

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sounds-crazy-planning-but-anyone-prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7375ce96-9a48-4185-85db-bebef1ae8657Post:98ed93a5-981e-41c1-bc08-aa4e85e1477d">Re: Sounds crazy while planning but anyone do a prenup?</a>:
[QUOTE]If your fiance is asking for a prenup I would be holding my breath that he shows up to the altar because he has some sort of doubts. Sorry for you girls! 
Posted by LisaTyler1984[/QUOTE]

Really?  This is one of the most ignorant things you've ever said (and you've had a few gems over the last few weeks).

There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself, your spouse, and your family and if you are honestly naive enough to believe what you wrote I suggest you begin to educate yourself on reality and not continue to live in your lalala fantasy world.

Your crap is insulting to all of us that have prenups and have them because we are smart enough to know that protection in these matters is important.

LisaTyler1984

Stop taking everything so seriously. I'm just trying to rile you crazy people up. It's hilarious.  I actually do think prenups are ok if you get married later in life or have a lot of assets to protect. But, I WOULD be insulted if I was asked to sign one, at 25, entering a marriage where we are basically both starting out. 

sgervais88

In 2008, 46% of all marriages involve a remarriage for one or both spouses. It is estimated that 40% of all marriages have ended in divorce as of 2008

Divorce Rate:

Age	Women	Men
Under 20 years old	27.6%	11.7%
20 to 24 years old	36.6%	38.8%
25 to 29 years old	16.4%	22.3%
30 to 34 years old	8.5%	11.6%
35 to 39 years old	5.1%	6.5%

I hope I quoted that right. Idk.

Anyway, I just thought it was interesting that the divorce rate is LOWER for those under 20 years old than it was for those 20 to 24 years old. Are these statistics correct??

duckie1905

I apologize for my strong reaction-I was obviously not paying attention.

but, my statement stands.  Being insulted by a prenup is ridiculous.  It is like being insulted by car insurance.