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Recently married, how do I respond to...

the already constant nagging of complete strangers asking when we will be having kids. I find this completley bizzare. Random people find out we were just married and ask " so when are you having kids?" Anyone else run into this and if so how do you react?

Re: Recently married, how do I respond to...

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    I know exactly how you feel, accept I'm not married, just engaged! It's like people think just because your getting married, it's because your pregnant!  It's awful!

    I have talked to a lot of girls on here and they have almost the same response: Be nice, only give short answers( like "no" or "maybe someday")and get off topic as quickly as you can!
    ~Soon to become Mrs. O'Kane!~
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    edited July 2012
    Whenever I get the, "When are you two starting a family?" I always reply with, "What do you mean? We already have. My husband is my family." It just irks me too.

    I was at the doctor a couple weeks ago and she asked about kids and I said we didn't think we wanted to have them at all, and she gave my leg a little pat and goes, "Oh you will, dear, you will." I wanted to punch her.


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    Miss Manners sugggest answering rude questions like this with "Why do you want to know?" (this works really well when accompanied by Lucy's raised-eyebrow-confused-expression technique).  

    People are asking my husband and I this question as well.  If it's people who are close friends, then we usually answer with "We're just enjoying being married now."   
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    My usual responses, of varying levels of rudeness. I take this question kind of hard because I might not be able to have kids because of medical issues, but don't really want kids anyway. My family started on me to have kids since I was 18 so I've had years of fielding this nonsense.
    "when we want them"
    "what an awfully personal question! I'll save you the embarrassment and pretend you didn't ask"
    "I don't know, when are you?"
    "we'd like to but don't know how, could you explain it to me?" 
    "the contents of my uterus are none of your business"
    "I can't have them." look sad and turn away
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    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
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    06.10.10

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    I haven't had random strangers pestering me, but my IL's and H's grandparents are bothering the heck out of us.  We just went on vacation with his entire family and his mom and dad kept saying how they can't wait to become grandparents and then would give me and H a look that basically said "get a move on!"  And then H's grandparents kept saying that they can't wait until another little one enters the world.

    Every single time they would mention the word kids, H and I would just give them a confused look and say "We already have a kid, her name is Gracie, congrats you are the proud grandparents/great grandparents of an adorable yellow lab!"

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    My standard response is "when my husband grows a uterus."
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    I've never had anyone seriously ask me that before. While I'd like to think that I'd use a snippy response, I'm more likely to just say 'why do you want to know?' 
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    I would go with a VERY surprised face and say "Whoa! We just got married! One big step at a time!" I've heard that response used, and the asker always looks like they just realized that what they asked was too personal and rude.

    After reading this thread, I'm officially a big fan of spunky414's "what an awfully personal question! I'll save you the embarrassment and pretend you didn't ask".

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    I have fertility and medical issues, and FI already has two boys and doesn't want more, so my planned answer will be that the wedding made our family complete.  If they really want to keep pushing, and I can't bean dip them, then I'll throw out the 'I can't' response, or ask if the questioner is offering to be a surrogate for us.  If one of those doesn't shut them up, they're beyond it.

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    It depends on who's asking for me.  If it's my immediate family or close friends, and they appear to be curious (not pressuring), we'll give them a serious answer.  If they are more pressuring than curious though, I use the "when people stop asking" line.

    If it's someone who it's really none of their business, but they are at least polite about it, I just say "when we're ready, we're just enjoying being married right now".  And if it's none of their business and their rude, I just flat out say "that's really none of your business".

    Just a word of warning though, you'd better get used to invasive questions now, because they won't stop once you actually do get pregnant.  The subject will just change.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_recently-married-how-do-i-respond-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7bfec8b3-1459-47b4-a498-10b9fbe739a8Post:77bbb5fa-8d1e-4c2b-bfea-1e006b782371">Re: Recently married, how do I respond to...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whenever I get the, "When are you two starting a family?" I always reply with, "What do you mean? We already have. My husband is my family." It just irks me too. I was at the doctor a couple weeks ago and she asked about kids and I said we didn't think we wanted to have them at all, and she gave my leg a little pat and goes, "Oh you will, dear, you will." I wanted to punch her.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    WTF!??  It's bad enough with complete strangers say this kind of crap.  It makes me INSANE when medical professionals do it.  
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    edited July 2012
    My daughter was 17 y.o. when I got married, so I just tilt my head to the side and ask "have you been smoking crack?" I do know people who have had babies when they have kids who are almost adults, but I am not one of those people. I'm on the home stretch baby!!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_recently-married-how-do-i-respond-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7bfec8b3-1459-47b4-a498-10b9fbe739a8Post:77bbb5fa-8d1e-4c2b-bfea-1e006b782371">Re: Recently married, how do I respond to...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whenever I get the, "When are you two starting a family?" I always reply with, "What do you mean? We already have. My husband is my family." It just irks me too. I was at the doctor a couple weeks ago and she asked about kids and I said we didn't think we wanted to have them at all, and she gave my leg a little pat and goes, "Oh you will, dear, you will." I wanted to punch her.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    My (now ex-) doctor did the same damn thing. When I told her no...and we went over the fact that it would be very dangerous for me and a prospective baby to be preggo she told me I was "being needy and I need to stop punishing my (at the time future-) husband for my selfishness."
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_recently-married-how-do-i-respond-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7bfec8b3-1459-47b4-a498-10b9fbe739a8Post:73633153-fa15-4146-a57c-33c0d2245b03">Re: Recently married, how do I respond to...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Recently married, how do I respond to... : My (now ex-) doctor did the same damn thing. When I told her no...and we went over the fact that it would be very dangerous for me and a prospective baby to be preggo she told me I was "being needy and I need to stop punishing my (at the time future-) husband for my selfishness."
    Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]
    I'm very glad to hear that she's your EX doctor. WTF??
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_recently-married-how-do-i-respond-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7bfec8b3-1459-47b4-a498-10b9fbe739a8Post:a9b3d927-4f0a-403f-9a77-ff0dd2d4685c">Re: Recently married, how do I respond to...</a>:
    [QUOTE]My favorite answers are, "I <strong>think we need to get to know each other better</strong>.", or "We'll start trying when people stop asking."  But I've never had the nerve to use that one.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    haha this is my favorite!
    Anniversary
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_recently-married-how-do-i-respond-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7bfec8b3-1459-47b4-a498-10b9fbe739a8Post:77bbb5fa-8d1e-4c2b-bfea-1e006b782371">Re: Recently married, how do I respond to...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whenever I get the, "When are you two starting a family?" I always reply with, "What do you mean? We already have. My husband is my family." It just irks me too. I was at the doctor a couple weeks ago and she asked about kids and I said we didn't think we wanted to have them at all, and she gave my leg a little pat and goes, "Oh you will, dear, you will." I wanted to punch her.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    Wow I feel like this is so inappropriate! My response to people is just "we're not." And I don't say anything else. People need to mind their own business.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_recently-married-how-do-i-respond-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7bfec8b3-1459-47b4-a498-10b9fbe739a8Post:4e6914d2-0366-4a13-a7e6-b3ff31b47fac">Re: Recently married, how do I respond to...</a>:
    [QUOTE]"As soon as you help me pay for it."
    Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]


    I've used this one on MIL. When she requested grandkids ASAP at Easter, I told her "sure, as long as you give us $20,000 to raise it." That shut her up quickly.
    Due 10/21/13 with our first baby BabyFruit Ticker
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    My standard response was "Approximately 9 months after conceiving"  
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    I tell anybody who asks that "I just had 3 kittens". Which for some reason, works a lot better than anything else I've had to say over the years, lol.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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    edited August 2012
    "Well, considering we're still in school, hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, the very last thing we need right now is a crying, screaming, pooping drain on our already scarce resources. No offence to the crying screaming pooping things already out there." 

    *smile*

    Of course, this response is situation specific, and only works for people in grad school.

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