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Am I being a bad friend?

I just got a save the date from good friends who are getting married 5 days before the ethics bar exam I must take this summer.   Its a big deal to pass this test, and its a huge deal that they are getting married.  I'm not sure I can make it due to this conflict, and my friends are saying I need to go, my FI says I should focus on the bar.  I'm not sure I can go, is that totally selfish and unreasonable?  Is this making me a bad friend?
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Re: Am I being a bad friend?

  • For focusing on your future? No, you're not being a bad friend. Still, if you're close to these people, and happy for them, make sure they know it. If you don't go, and even if you don't send a gift, I would write them a nice letter. You aren't selfish if you choose not to go, but you'd be an awful friend if you just blew tem off without a peep.
  • If it 's local, I'd go.  You could probablyl use a break from studying for a night, anyway.  If it involves travel, I'd decline.
  • Well of course I'm sending a letter and gift even if I don't go.  As far as the local thing, it would be a 2 hour flight to get there, but again I would love to go and if it weren't for this I wouldn't miss it.  Anyway, thanks for your help, I'm just not sure what to do.  
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  • I probably wouldn't go. You're not being bad friend.

    You could probably study on the flight...but stil.
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  • You aren't being a bad friend if you don't go.  Taking the bar exam is the culmination of years of hard work and will require every bit of studying you can handle, particularly when not passing could have dire consequences in this economy.  However, if you're talking about the MPRE, you really don't need to worry.  The majority of attorneys find it to be by far the easiest part of the process; it's very anti-climactic.  If you read whatever study guide you'll be using and take a practice test or two, you should be able to evaluate the amount of studying you will need to do.  You'll probably find you don't need to give up going to the wedding or you'll at least make an informed decision not to go.  Also, remember you can use the 4 hour round trip to study (which may be all you need). 
  • I agree with PPs. You are NOT a bad friend...obviously this exam is a big deal and something you have been working hard to get to. However, I also think that one night will not kill you as long as you are familiar with your material. Like one PP said, a night off could be a huge blessing! As long as this wedding is not too far away from you're home, I'd say you're safe to go...but if these are good friends of yours, they will understand! They know this is a big deal for you...just as you know their wedding is a big deal for them!
    Christy Visit my wedding planning/DIY blog: http://joshandchristylovestory.blogspot.com/
  • If it were local, I'd say yes.  But since a 2 hour plane flight is involved, then no, you're not being a bad friend.  Weddings are NEVER just the 2 hour plane flight.  Send a nice gift and a heartfelt note and take the couple out for dinner to celebrate with them after the wedding.  
    imageAnniversary

    RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
    You made my wedding day complete.
  • Agreed with PP. Unless it is your best friend, you can just send a gift and apologize for not making it. If it was local, than I would say there is no excuse for not going since you have so much time to plan for it [and study] in advance. But since it involves a flight... it is okay to not go... but again, it kinda depends on how good of friends you are. If you can plan for it and study around it, you should try to go.  I would never miss my best friend's wedding.

  • I'm probably in the minority here but it seems to me with some self-discipline you could pull off both.  There isn't a direct conflict between the dates.  If there was, I think it is a no-brainer to stay home for the exam.  But you are in control of how much time you spend studying, and going to the wedding doesn't need to change the amount of your prep time.  You already know well in advance that there could be this time pressure. Add another two days to your prep time, so that you feel comfortable with the material before taking the time off, and then get back into it after the trip.  In the end, the trip won't make a difference.  You may whiz through the exam but, in the future, regret that you didn't make an effort to be at your friends' wedding. PS - I love that you are wrestling with this in advance of the "ethics" exam - LOL!  :-)

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-being-bad-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7c39bd22-117e-4683-8463-d9bdb72d86d9Post:ca858bff-d854-4781-94ec-6949d1bf81b5">Re: Am I being a bad friend?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well of course I'm sending a letter and gift even if I don't go.  As far as the local thing, it would be a 2 hour flight to get there, but again I would love to go and if it weren't for this I wouldn't miss it.  Anyway, thanks for your help, I'm just not sure what to do.  
    Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

    <div>There's no way I would have flown anywhere the weekend before sitting for a bar exam.  A 2 hour flight means you'll be gone at least one night, probably two.  And it's not like you could get there and study in your room the whole time.  You'd have to be social.  </div><div>
    </div><div>You need to be able to focus 100% on studying, then, and travelling will just stress you out.  </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-being-bad-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7c39bd22-117e-4683-8463-d9bdb72d86d9Post:83dc611d-8f22-4fb7-825e-7914b3652aab">Re: Am I being a bad friend?</a>:
    [QUOTE]However, if you're talking about the MPRE, you really don't need to worry.  The majority of attorneys find it to be by far the easiest part of the process; it's very anti-climactic.  If you read whatever study guide you'll be using and take a practice test or two, you should be able to evaluate the amount of studying you will need to do.  You'll probably find you don't need to give up going to the wedding or you'll at least make an informed decision not to go.  Also, remember you can use the 4 hour round trip to study (which may be all you need). 
    Posted by SatelliteGirl[/QUOTE]

    This.  The MPRE is easy.  Don't miss a good friend's wedding to study for it.
    Married 10/2/10
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-being-bad-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7c39bd22-117e-4683-8463-d9bdb72d86d9Post:7eb0a7e8-a08b-4622-8dda-6405cfd74bb9">Re: Am I being a bad friend?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being a bad friend? : This.  The MPRE is easy.  Don't miss a good friend's wedding to study for it.
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

    <div>Oh, good call.  A monkey can pass the MPRE.  Just take the barbri course.  </div>
  • No not at all, I wasnt able to make it to my friends wedding which was yesterday, because of money issues. So, your not a bad friend they totally understand. Smile



    Marlies-  


    Oct. 13, 2010 Marrying my best friend!

    We met in high school been together ever since 2006<3 

  • Uhhh, you didn't go to your friend's wedding because of "money issues," yet you are planning your own wedding, which inevitably costs money? This makes no sense. I think you might be the bad friend.
  • How does that make her a bad friend?  I don't get that.  Their money situation is a private matter, and if she couldn't go, she couldn't.
  • No, not a bad friend.  I am sure they will understand if you explain it to them, I know I would.  I had to put off taking the LSAT to plan my wedding, I wish I had not.
    My wedding Bio My baking Blog View from Le'ahi Diamond Head image
  • Are you talking about the bar itself or just the MPRE?  If it's the MPRE then you can definitely go to your friends wedding if you want to- you only need to study for it for a total of 20 hours to pass and you can do some of that on the plane. Most people pass. Plus, you can retake it in the unlikely scenario you don't pass.  If you missed your friend's wedding because you studied 50 hours for the MPRE then you may be mad at yourself later. 

    If you are talking about the actual bar, I think it would be difficult for you to have a good time while at your friends wedding with the bar looming over you and you might regret going while you are spending months waiting for your results.  I think if she is a good friend, she will respect your decision no matter what you decide.

    Hope this helps!!
    I couldn't tell you the day that I fell in love...but fall I did...head over heels in fact...Can't wait until I marry the love of my life.
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