Attended Ceremony; Skipped Reception

GardenMaven

My parents were invited to a wedding in December.  They RSVP'ed that they would be attending.  My dad had to bow out at the last minute due to being called up by the Red Cross to head out to New York.  No big deal.

Well I just found out that my mom attended the ceremony, but then did not attend the reception.  She said she was just too tired and decided to stay home.  There was a three hour gap between the two and the reception was an Hor'dourve only reception held at dinner time.  

On the one hand I see her perspective, but on the other hand I think it is rude that she didn't go.  And it is hard to see something my mom does as rude, because she is THE nicest person in the world and is a huge people pleaser.  I just don't know what to think!

Just a note, she said, "I was there for the most important part."  Doesn't change the fact that I think it was rude, but she had a point.  The actual exchange of vows and signing of the marriage license IS the most important part!

Sassenach1743

A three hour gap?? I think that is too long and the risk of guests doing exactly what your mom did (even without rude intentions) is too high.

QueerFemme

I agree with Stage, a 3 hour gap means you are going to lose guests.  I don't think what your mom did was rude.  I do think the bride & groom was rude for having that big gap though.

Peledreamsofrain

Ditto, it wasn't your mother who was rude. Expecting guests to hang about for that long with nothing to do is rude. That's why the cocktail hour is utilized. It properly entertains and hosts people between events.

GardenMaven

I think it was more that it was my mom who did it. I do realize that none of you know my mom, so that would be irrelevant to you. I had asked her a research question about the reception and she just said, "oh, I didn't go". It was just out of character for her. But yeah, the BG broke a few etiquette rules with their wedding. I partly blame reddit's "frugal weddings" forum for that. That thing is horrifying. I know the groom went on there for sure and I had to tell FI to stay away. Potluck reception anyone?

lyndausvi

fact is most brides lose people from the time the RSVP's come in and the actual reception.  It's just a part of planning a party.   Between the 3 hours gap and not having your dad there, I really would not make this a big deal.   

We RSVP'd to a wedding of DH's employees. DH got called into work last minute because well , everyone else was at the said wedding.  I just went to the ceremony and skipped the receptions.  I had no desire to be there by myself.  We did not socialize with the couple.  I think the only invited us because DH was their boss.

RamonaFlowers

With a 3-hour gap, I'm really not even remotely shocked that there were people that decided to attend one and not the other.

AddieCake

I would have left, too. 3 hours is an absurd gap.

MyNameIsNot

She probably should have let them know that they wouldn't be coming to the reception when she found out about your dad, because the couple might have been able to save the cost of their plates.  

But really, with a three hour gap, this couple brought this on themselves.  I'm certain your mom wasn't the only one who decided against the reception at the last minute.  There were probably a lot of people that didn't feel like waiting around for the couple.  

cnf2013

Three hour gap and no dinner for a dinner time reception blows. I'd guess she wasn't the only one.

FI and I once rsvp'ed to a wedding and only ended up going to the ceremony. It was a combination of an absurd time gap between the two events in a very rural town with nowhere to go to kill time. And also Lowes calling to say they showed up to our house that we had literally closed on the day before and couldn't fit the fridge through the door. So we bailed. I later apologized and it was no harm and no foul. 

GardenMaven

This is a little late, but I just wanted to reply to let everyone know I read your responses!  Thank you for the comments.  I think my mom made a good decision.  As I mentioned, it was just a bit out of character for her, so I think that is why it bothered me more than anything.  When I first heard about the huge gap I was in awe.  I still have no idea why they did that especially with an app only reception.  My mom got to have a full dinner at home at least.