OMG Vent! sorry long

Chick&Guy

Okk so I have to vent a little bit!!! My Fiance is a groomsman in his cousin's wedding.  When he RSVPd that we would be at the wedding he got a text from the bride-to-be saying "Sorry the invitation was just for you, you cannot bring (my name here)" I was totally blown away. 

I was even more blown away when Fiance's mother agreed with the descision. 

Some background info....I have been with FI for longer than his cousin has even know this girl existed.  We have been engaged since July so that is not a new thing either.  I have never liked the girl but I have never let anyone know that and I was planning on going to the wedding and being as supportive as possible and wishing them the best.  Oh, might I add that I do not like this girl with good reason (she blatantly tried to hook my Fiance up with one of her friends when we were in a rough spot, which is none of her business).

So I realize that since Im offended and already did not like the girl I am probably over reacting but OMG I AM LIVID. 

achiduck

Wow.. what a horrendously rude family.

I would show up anyway.

jolla92126

If I were your FI, I would decline (both being in and attending).

NcsuPsych

Annnnnd where is your FI during all of this?

Chick&Guy

I shared this with some girls I am close to and my family and they all said pretty much the same thing...that if they/their man was put in this situation he would decline going at all.  I did not ask my Fiance to do that because he is part of the WP but beleive me if he was just invited as a guest there is no way he would be going!!

I guess I am kind of hurt (I know this is childish) that my FI didnt even offer to not go because my feelings were hurt and Im hearing about all these other guys that would decline all on their own with no prompting from their ladies!

Chick&Guy

My Fiance is one of those guys who does whatever their mother tell them so the fact that his mother agreed with what was happening he didnt think twice about it.  I definitely changed his mind and told him that that is NOT normal and is considered very rude especially since Im not just a +1...he has said that he is going to talk to his cousin and tell him that he will still be there for him but will not be staying at the reception.

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:3ab854d1-831e-4fa7-a4dd-56bd655439df">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiance is one of those guys who does whatever their mother tell them so the fact that his mother agreed with what was happening he didnt think twice about it.  I definitely changed his mind and told him that that is NOT normal and is considered very rude especially since Im not just a +1...<strong>he has said that he is going to talk to his cousin and tell him that he will still be there for him but will not be staying at the reception.
</strong>Posted by Chick&Guy[/QUOTE]
I agree with Edie. Hopefully the cousin will give in and allow you to attend (as he should), but if not, this is a great compromise.

Sorry you have to deal with this. What a rude bride. And rude of your FMIL to agree with it; what is wrong with her?!

Juris11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:3ab854d1-831e-4fa7-a4dd-56bd655439df">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My Fiance is one of those guys who does whatever their mother tell them so the fact that his mother agreed with what was happening he didnt think twice about it</strong>.  I definitely changed his mind and told him that that is NOT normal and is considered very rude especially since Im not just a +1...he has said that he is going to talk to his cousin and tell him that he will still be there for him but will not be staying at the reception.
Posted by Chick&Guy[/QUOTE]

Not to be rude, but I find this incredibly concerning and see the potential for many future arguments in this.

Grits8812

it is common courtesoy to invite a guests fiance/wife/girlfriend/whoever.  i think he should text her back and say "sorry but if the invite was only for me, and she cannot come, then i wont be able to be there.  we are a family now."

if she insists he be there, show up with him. if they are going to be rude and not consider you in any of their family plans, then you should be rude right back. 

two wrongs dont make a right, but two rights make a left. 

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:8e227e3d-761c-4308-8c6b-896f63e89969">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]it is common courtesoy to invite a guests fiance/wife/girlfriend/whoever.  i think he should text her back and say "sorry but if the invite was only for me, and she cannot come, then i wont be able to be there.  we are a family now." if she insists he be there, show up with him. if they are going to be rude and not consider you in any of their family plans, then you should be rude right back. <strong> two wrongs dont make a right, but two rights make a left. 
</strong>Posted by Grits8812[/QUOTE]
???

Actually, to be precise, two rights mean you're now going in the reverse direction you were going.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:3ab854d1-831e-4fa7-a4dd-56bd655439df">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiance is one of those guys who does whatever their mother tell them so the fact that his mother agreed with what was happening he didnt think twice about it.  I definitely changed his mind and told him that that is NOT normal and is considered very rude especially since Im not just a +1...<strong>he has said that he is going to talk to his cousin and tell him that he will still be there for him but will not be staying at the reception.
</strong>Posted by Chick&Guy[/QUOTE]

I think that is a good compromise. And it is good that he is standing up for you.

I completely understand you being hurt.

renegade gaucho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:3ab854d1-831e-4fa7-a4dd-56bd655439df">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My Fiance is one of those guys who does whatever their mother tell them so the fact that his mother agreed with what was happening he didnt think twice about it. </strong> I definitely changed his mind and told him that that is NOT normal and is considered very rude especially since Im not just a +1...he has said that he is going to talk to his cousin and tell him that he will still be there for him but will not be staying at the reception.
Posted by Chick&Guy[/QUOTE]
Yeah, that you didn't get invited to a wedding is the least of your problems here.

jesslca113

I agree with Juris.  Mommas boy??  This will never change.  There is no question that my FI would tell his cousin to get lost.  How rude of the bride.  I would show up anyways.  Sit with someone in the family that likes you. 

redheadfsu

I disagree with those that are saying he is still a mamma's boy.

He isn't going to the reception, which means he is standing up for OP. That he isn't a mamma's boy. That he is picking OP's side, not his mom's side.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:066ce2d7-5697-4a55-ba8c-919f155221a5">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: OMG Vent! sorry long : I agree with this, and to be quite honest, I don't care if I'm being rude. OP- You're setting yourself up for a world of trouble marrying a boy that can't say no to his mom.  What happens when you decide you want kids in 5 years but she decides you have to have them in 2?  Is your H going to start poking holes in the condom?  After all, you can't upset dear old mom.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div><div>
</div><div>Marrying a guy who always does what his mother tells him he should is a recipe for disaster.  Add on the fact that she obviously doesn't care about you or have any respect for your relationship (thus her siding with the rude couple) you are in for a lot of struggle.  </div><div>
</div><div>While I think it's good that he's decided to skip the reception, I'd honestly be really upset if my H even went to the ceremony.  If his mother agreed with a family member who tried to cut me out of a family event, he and his mother would be having a serious talk.  </div>

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:8e227e3d-761c-4308-8c6b-896f63e89969">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]it is common courtesoy to invite a guests fiance/wife/girlfriend/whoever.  i think he should text her back and say "sorry but if the invite was only for me, and she cannot come, then i wont be able to be there.  we are a family now." if she insists he be there, show up with him. if they are going to be rude and not consider you in any of their family plans, then you should be rude right back.  <strong>two wrongs dont make a right, but two rights make a left. 
</strong>Posted by Grits8812[/QUOTE]

The saying I think you're going for is "Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do."

OP - It's at least a step that your FI has made it clear he won't be attending the reception without you, but I agree with PPs that his always agreeing with his mother is a much bigger issue.  It was ridiculously rude of them to exclude you and I know my H would have refused the invitation.

KarleeKrause35

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:8e227e3d-761c-4308-8c6b-896f63e89969">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]it is common courtesoy to invite a guests fiance/wife/girlfriend/whoever.  i think he should text her back and say "sorry but if the invite was only for me, and she cannot come, then i wont be able to be there.  we are a family now." if she insists he be there, show up with him. if they are going to be rude and not consider you in any of their family plans, <strong>then you should be rude right back</strong>.  two wrongs dont make a right, but two rights make a left. 
Posted by Grits8812[/QUOTE]

I don't think going to the wedding regardless of whether she was invited and then being an asshole all day is going to change her problems.

OP- I agree with redhead. He is making a compromise, and that's good. Although you say it's because of something his mom said, I also imagine that he feels very pressured as he holds a position of honor in the wedding. It's horrible that they are not including you in this, and I'm sorry it's happening.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:8dde7f5e-97d8-41a5-9750-15d4d76c6fb9">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: OMG Vent! sorry long : <strong>The saying I think you're going for is "Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.</strong>" OP - It's at least a step that your FI has made it clear he won't be attending the reception without you, but I agree with PPs that his always agreeing with his mother is a much bigger issue.  It was ridiculously rude of them to exclude you and I know my H would have refused the invitation.
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

<div>I'd always heard "two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane."</div><div>
</div><div>I like yours better.</div>

RebeccaB88

Yep, you have wayyyyyy bigger problems on your plate than just a wedding invitation.

Mama's boy = dealbreaker.

Personally, I'd show up at the ceremony with him, if he goes.  Once it's confirmed that you aren't welcome at the reception, then both of you can skip it. 

MY FI would be expected to skip the whole thing, though.

smilygrl17

A similar(ish) thing happened to me. My best friends sister, who is like a lil sis to me, was getting married to my (now) BIL. My H and I were engaged at the time, but even if we weren't engaged, my relationship with her would have made me invited to the wedding. Long story short, she 'uninvited' me a few weeks before the wedding. My H was extremely mad especially since we as a couple had been there for the two of them but also I personally had been there for her over the years. It was his brothers wedding and he did not go, on his own accord, I thought he should have gone, but he felt if I was uninvited then he was uninvited since we are a couple.

Cinderella30

I have to agree with pp....  A man who can't stand up for himself and does only what his mother tells him to do is worrisome.  It's also rude of his mother to agree with FI's cousin instead of speaking with said cousin and insisting that you be included....you know, since you're going to be part of the family.  My husband would've definitely declined the entire invite if I wasn't included.

Chick&Guy

The whole momma's boy thing was an immediate area of concern that we have talked about in the past....he did not even see that he was brainwashed and didnt even think twice when his mom would screw him over until I started pointing out how messed up her actions were.....to say the least FMIL and I do not see eye to eye.  Luckily FI is definitely waking up and realizing that it is ok to disagree with his mother as he is demonstrating in all areas of his life. 

I didnt ask him not to go at all because im trying to 'take the high road' and let her look like the snotty b***** .

FI has said that when family members ask where I am or why he is leaving he wont hesitate to explain how the bride refused to allow me to attend. 

Im looking at it as he is backing me and agrees that this is effed up but he is still honoring his cousins wishes and supporting him.

Chick&Guy

Since these people will be a part of the rest of our lives on some degree?? Because my FI and his cousin are co workers and family and would like to have a relationship regardless of whether I like who his cousin is marrying??

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:1602df83-90d1-417b-96ac-20ba0fd60d43">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]Since these people will be a part of the rest of our lives on some degree?? Because my FI and his cousin are co workers and family and would like to have a relationship regardless of whether I like who his cousin is marrying??
Posted by Chick&Guy[/QUOTE]

<div>You do realize that the cousin is equally responsible for treating you and your relationship badly, right?  This is not something the cousin's FI is doing behind his back.  This cousin is publicly saying that he doesn't respect you or your relationship with your FI.  This is something your FI should be addressing with him if he respects you.</div>

renegade gaucho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:1602df83-90d1-417b-96ac-20ba0fd60d43">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]Since these people will be a part of the rest of our lives on some degree?? Because my FI and his cousin are co workers and family and would like to have a relationship regardless of whether I like who his cousin is marrying??
Posted by Chick&Guy[/QUOTE]
Why are you blaming all of this on the bride?  Presumably, she and her fiance made the guest list together, so you and your fiance should be just as upset with him as you are with her.  And your fiance's cousin obviously doesn't consider you family, since everyone else in the family was invited to the wedding.  You are getting married- your fiance's loyalty should lie first and foremost with you.

RailWayWife

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_omg-vent-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a0981f9-80ea-4f41-b928-8801ecb71c45Post:8e227e3d-761c-4308-8c6b-896f63e89969">Re: OMG Vent! sorry long</a>:
[QUOTE]it is common courtesoy to invite a guests fiance/wife/girlfriend/whoever.  i think he should text her back and say<strong> "sorry but if the invite was only for me, and she cannot come, then i wont be able to be there.  we are a family now."</strong> if she insists he be there, show up with him. if they are going to be rude and not consider you in any of their family plans, then you should be rude right back.  two wrongs dont make a right, but two rights make a left. 
Posted by Grits8812[/QUOTE]


This exactly. This bride is EXTREMELY rude. Who would even do that?! If your fiance is important enough to them that he is in the wedding party then you should most definatly be invited! I cant believe someone would do that!