Anyone else felt this way?

lexa10

I'm new at writing on these boards, so some of you may be able to help me or give me some advice. I'm not one to wear my feelings on my shoulders or get my feelings hurt easily, but have have any of you kinda felt attacked by some of the comments made by other posters?
I have only posted a few things, but whenever I do, people reply back with things like, "I can't even reply to this post because there are so many typoes," or, "You should really be more aticulate if you want others to post back."
Have any of you had this experience?  I don't mean to offend anyone or anything like that, I was just wondering?
Any advice is much appreciated!!

Anysunrise

Well, as far as the typo thing...

Communication on the internet is almost soley text. When you post something without taking the effort to be clear and concise, people will dismiss it, because it's an effort to try and make it out. Think of it like slurring or muttering your words in real life.

The mean part a lot of people talk about here is, for the most part, people just being honest with you. Don't take it personally. After all, does it really matter if some random person you will never meet said something that you could take offensively? The majority of posters here will give you solid advice, and that's all that's really important.

coastiegrl25

People were just telling you that if they can understand what you were saying, they would be able to help more. How is that rude?

iamsteph

I will say I've read a post and had no trouble understanding it, and someone commented about punctuation and such. 

However, people are rude in real life, why would you expect the internet to be any better? Just ignore any comments you don't like, take to heart the ones you do, and move on with your day. There's no reason to let the opinion of someone you'll never meet affect your day!

bmoruzzi

I TOTALLY agree with you!!!  I'm so glad you asked this question.  I've personally felt attacked when asking questions too.  I really wonder why people have to be so nasty when they are getting married.  This is a very happy time and everyone should be nice to one another.  I understand honesty, and I appreciate it, but I always think there is a nice way to say things, and a not so nice way.  Some people do the later unfortunately.

tldh

How you write on these boards is how you present yourself.  It is almost impossible to read posts where the person does not form paragraphs or separate paragraphs with a space.  There is a spell check on the bottom bar that should be used every single time.

It is frustrating to read something that is just poorly written.  There have been times where I have quoted the question and done proofreading editing on it just so others could read what in the world was written.  I had to wait hours to give any answer because of how frustrating it is to read something that isn't written on even a sixth grade level.  I put myself in a timeout like this just to make sure I answer the question and don't come off snarky.

Little nitpicking however, I try to avoid.

mkrupar

Another why are the Knot girls so mean post?

OP - If we can't understand what you're asking because we can't get past the typos and lack of punctuation, it's hard for us to help you. That is why people point those things out. It's not meant to be harsh, it's just a fact.

"I TOTALLY agree with you!!!  I'm so glad you asked this question.  I've personally felt attacked when asking questions too.  I really wonder why people have to be so nasty when they are getting married.  This is a very happy time and everyone should be nice to one another.  I understand honesty, and I appreciate it, but I always think there is a nice way to say things, and a not so nice way.  Some people do the later unfortunately."

BMORUZZI - two things: 1) you should change you screen name to something that is not your email address. That just opens you up to people being able to find you and search for you on the internet.

2) People aren't nasty. When I started posting, I though the girls were mean, but I realized that they weren't here to validate my ridiculous thoughts. If you come to these boards looking for validation for something that really truly is a bad idea, we're going to tell you. You're right, there is a nice way to say things, but it's easy to mis-interpret a response that you don't agree with as just a person being mean. That's because we're typing here, you don't get emotions or subtleties through text. Lurk a little more, and you'll realize that there are some great people on here with very valid advice.

johnsonia

I felt this way after my first post. Not sure what board you are talking about, but i frequent the Not Engaged Yet  - and right at the top of the main page is a permanent post labeled Welcome to  Not Engaged yet . This post ta;l about the main topics of convo & what are common annoyances of the women. Perhaps you asked a question that has been answered 900 times already. 

As for punctuation, the PP are correct. What you type is all other have to go in when reading, so re-read, spell check and make sure what you're typing is what you mean. Sure typos happen, but I always re-read b4 I click POST. 

anyway, Welcome to TK and hope you have better experiences!

bmoruzzi

mkrupar, I am not tech savvy and would love for you to tell me how to change my screen name.  I went back to the profile section and it says that once you create your screen name, you can't change it.  Unfortunately for me I chose to use my email address.  I didn't realize at the time that I shouldn't have done it.  But, I do have a question for you.  Why the hell would someone try to search for me on the internet?  Do people really have nothing better to do with their lives?  I have nothing to hide.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-felt-this-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a51b5d1-738f-4933-a052-9a0d97a79b71Post:d2d9f0c7-9b95-4578-8bb8-cfed16188d6c">Re: Anyone else felt this way?</a>:
[QUOTE]mkrupar, I am not tech savvy and would love for you to tell me how to change my screen name.  I went back to the profile section and it says that once you create your screen name, you can't change it.  Unfortunately for me I chose to use my email address.  I didn't realize at the time that I shouldn't have done it.  But, I do have a question for you.  Why the hell would someone try to search for me on the internet?  Do people really have nothing better to do with their lives?  I have nothing to hide.
Posted by bmoruzzi@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

I'm not saying people will, but there are some f*d up people out there. I think some of the ladies have mentioned people finding out first and last names of other posters and flower orders being cancelled, venues being cancelled, etc. I'm not saying anyone will, but annonimity is one of the only things you've got when you post on a public forum. Unfortunately, you're right, you can't change your screen name once it's created, you'll have to delete this account and start another. It's too bad TK doesn't warn you about those things before creating a SN, but the girls here are pretty good about letting people know having full email addresses are not a good idea.

ETA: These board are public there could be people out there lurking that have nothing to do with weddings, strange I know, but any type of personal information put out there can be used to find you. It's just a safety precaution.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-felt-this-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a51b5d1-738f-4933-a052-9a0d97a79b71Post:d2d9f0c7-9b95-4578-8bb8-cfed16188d6c">Re: Anyone else felt this way?</a>:
[QUOTE]mkrupar, I am not tech savvy and would love for you to tell me how to change my screen name.  I went back to the profile section and it says that once you create your screen name, you can't change it.  Unfortunately for me I chose to use my email address.  I didn't realize at the time that I shouldn't have done it.  But, I do have a question for you.  <strong>Why the hell would someone try to search for me on the internet?  Do people really have nothing better to do with their lives?  I have nothing to hide.</strong>
Posted by bmoruzzi@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

There are crazy people out there who watch these sites but never post.  It's also a way to trace your real identity.

She was just trying to give you friendly advice.  I think you have to create a new profile which isn't difficult at all.

trix1223

I think there's a big difference, a very big difference, between being "mean" and giving what I think of as "tough love".

Yes, there are some posters who go over the line, and make personal comments about others.  But there's a huge difference between saying that someone is terrible, and saying that their idea is terrible.

 And generally, what posters who are regs here are doing is giving a much needed reality check to someone who's read too many bridal magazines, watched too many bridal tv shows, or seen too many bridal websites where the "its YOUR  day, do what you want" mentality is pervasive.

And I think too often, people are unable to separate the two.  If someone comes on these boards and says "How can I tell my guests that they can only wear the color green to my wedding?"  there's a very good chance that I'm going to tell them that they can't because it's a ridiculous idea.  It doesn't mean that they're a terrible person.  It means that they're on the brink of making a terrible decision.

When my kids were little, I used to tell them, when they screwed up, that I didn't like what they did.  But it never meant that I didn't still like/love them.

IMO, 99% of the time someone gets a "mean" response, it's because when they were given feedback that didn't validate their idea, they came back defensive and snotty.

Stick around.  Try several boards.  Get a feel for which one feels best to you.  And if you think that the international boards are "too mean", then stick to local area boards which tend toward validation and less toward "tough love".

GL

aerinpegadrak

The one and only thing you have to represent yourself here is your words.  If you don't give a damn about what you're saying, why should anyone else here care?  There's a little button below your posts to use for spell-check, it's not that difficult.  I have absolutely no sympathy for someone who whines that they're having trouble making themselves understood online when they can't be bothered to use proper English.

heyimbren

You had TWO people respond to your latest post and suggest that you break your posts into paragraphs with punctuation to make it easier to read. TWO. Who SUGGESTED you do that.

Seriously? You might want to move on from TK if this is how you're going to react after every post you make.

jemmini6

I'll go for the "mean" response now if that's what you want...

Posting on one board, getting fairly supportive comments (with the exception of suggesting you articulate a little better so that you are easier understood) then coming to another board and whining about how everyone was "soooo mean and rude", is really lame.

We get that you are excited, we've all been there, so sure, you can forget about grammar.  But just because someone suggests that you type legibly, doesn't make them "mean".  If you think that's mean, you really need to grow some thicker skin to post on TK.  And don't go whining on other boards....we do read them too and it makes people think less of you (for example, I thought you were relatively ok on NEY, now I think you are annoying and whiny)

lexa10

The comments on my most recent post are not the first ones I have gotten.

coastiegrl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-felt-this-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a51b5d1-738f-4933-a052-9a0d97a79b71Post:f5f001f0-2af7-4998-8e6a-e1877026b446">Re: Anyone else felt this way?</a>:
[QUOTE]The comments on my most recent post are not the first ones I have gotten.
Posted by lexa10[/QUOTE]

Umm, shouldn't that tell you ANYTHING? I mean, if more than one person is saying something everytime you post, that should be a red flag. So make a change or your'e going to hear the same thing every time.

It looks to me that you aren't as mature as you said in your PP's, to be still a teenager dating a 28 year old man, and there is NO other option than to get married before you get out of school.  ::eye roll::

lexa10

I think that my time on TK boards is coming to an end. I never meant to offend anyone by anything I said and I'm sorry that my posts were unclear and hard to read. I started posting on here so that I could talk to other brides about their ideas and be able to chit chat back and forth about stuff, but that isn't the experience I've had.
Best wishes to you all!

heyimbren

Let's see, over a week ago you got ONE comment from Stage that a space bar is your friend on Reception Ideas. And then she even broke up your paragraph and still replied to your post without any negativitiy.

And after looking at your posts, that's it besides the latest one on NEY. Quit backpedalling.

lexa10

I didn't post this on the other board because my question didn't have anything to do with the topics on that particular board.

coastiegrl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-felt-this-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a51b5d1-738f-4933-a052-9a0d97a79b71Post:082886dd-7c91-46b0-9b99-82ac25f571ca">Re: Anyone else felt this way?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't post this on the other board because my question didn't have anything to do with the topics on that particular board.
Posted by lexa10[/QUOTE]

SMH. Just..just SMH. 

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-felt-this-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a51b5d1-738f-4933-a052-9a0d97a79b71Post:082886dd-7c91-46b0-9b99-82ac25f571ca">Re: Anyone else felt this way?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't post this on the other board because my question didn't have anything to do with the topics on that particular board.
Posted by lexa10[/QUOTE]

Either you missed my point or I'm missing yours. My point is: out of all the posts you've made, you've had 3 people (total) suggest that you break your posts into paragraphs and use punctuation to make them easier to read and then you're complaining about how mean people are to you. If you feel that way, fine, just GBCK.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-felt-this-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a51b5d1-738f-4933-a052-9a0d97a79b71Post:082886dd-7c91-46b0-9b99-82ac25f571ca">Re: Anyone else felt this way?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't post this on the other board because my question didn't have anything to do with the topics on that particular board.
Posted by lexa10[/QUOTE]

If you're done posting, then stop posting and go do something else.

nda_roxybabe

OP- I'm confused, are you engaged or not? In some of your older post you mention FI then in some more recent posts you say he is your BF and you want to get married soon...

kellya01

According to her profile, the wedding is May in 2011, so I think we can call her officially "engaged."  I am fairly new to posting on TK boards (yet I joined TK last year when my BF told me he was buying a ring).  We finally got engaged on 9/24 (just a few weeks ago).  I made myself basically stick to wedding dress hunting until the ring and proposal!  

I hope we haven't scared the OP off the boards -- sometimes we are looking for validation (as a PP said), and sometimes we need others to drive us in a different direction.  Text on a computer screen is easy to misunderstand based on what kind of lens each of us has in our own lives and points of view, and any kind of hurt in our real lives can translate into our expressed feelings on TK boards.  

I still hover on the boards, gleaning some REALLY great ideas, and posting some of mine too... TK boards are wonderful to hash out my ideas so my bridesmaids aren't sick to death of wedding stuff by next July!  

nda_roxybabe

Yea, but in one of her most recent posts she said they'd like to get married next may/ june and her BF has not proposed yet. Then in other posts she says her FI.
Anyways, TK makes ou pick a wedding date so it doesn't mean too much.
Mine says June 2011 but I am not engaged.

kellya01

LOLZ, true -- I remember TK making me pick out my wedding date.  I just put it SO far away that it was really unrealistic.  Well, it seems that several have found TK boards to be hurtful... I'm relatively new, but again, I have only found great advice and ideas to make me re-think what I thought I had decided on.  In fact, I was originally thinking "kelly green" for my bridesmaids dresses, and I thought I was so SURE about it, but after posting it on the boards, I was able to get a few more ideas and now I've gotten to the point of "I need to see what it looks like in person before deciding on this color."  Cool place to be ... open to advice, accepting even if it comes across as criticism, and able to adjust what I want to be accepted by people reminiscent of folks in my own social circle.  I ramble.  But glad to be an example of a newbie to TK who loves hearing and reading advice on wedding planning!! 

nda_roxybabe

kelly- I think it depends on the person really. You can either be open to the advice you get here or let it get to you and offend you.
I like the community of friends.

SeaTea02

Wow, I was actually pretty nice to you, but let me tell you what, running to another board to complain about the mean old NYE girls is very immature. You sound very whiney and emotional. You should really deal with those you have a problem with more directly.

tlbattaglia

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-felt-this-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8a51b5d1-738f-4933-a052-9a0d97a79b71Post:4c5e5ad3-2e42-44fd-8ef6-8791ffc53276">Anyone else felt this way?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm new at writing on these boards, so some of you may be able to help me or give me some advice. I'm not one to wear my feelings on my shoulders or get my feelings hurt easily, but have have any of you kinda felt attacked by some of the comments made by other posters? I have only posted a few things, but whenever I do, people reply back with things like, "I can't even reply to this post because there are so many typoes," or, "You should really be more aticulate if you want others to post back." Have any of you had this experience?  I don't mean to offend anyone or anything like that, I was just wondering? Any advice is much appreciated!!
Posted by lexa10[/QUOTE]

I definitely have felt this way.  And the fact that people are picking at your post, proves the point.  Hang in there.  I just found boards that I'm more comfortable posting in. 

bdulli13

I joined TK a few months ago, and just recently started posting on the boards. I've seen a few people like OP who are just... well, you know. Truthfully, I have yet to read anything that the regular posters have said that wasn't 100% TRUE, even if it wasn't sugarcoated fluff. Girls come here for opinions. Some clearly can't handle them once they get them. If you don't want honesty, you shouldn't ask strangers for advice, IMO.

Personally, I think you're all fab, and can't wait for all the advice you can provide me with, snarky or not!!! (Hey... I have all brothers... I'll take it where I can get it!)