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April 2012 Weddings

invite one get 12 free?!

Several months ago I sent a mass FB message to all family members so I could obtain adresses.  This was a blanket message in no way mentioning the wedding.  I got responses from almost everyone and some extra people.  I sent out STD to those I truely want to come and some friends who I know will not be able to make it across country but mean a lot to me.  One cousin actually moved closeby for school so I sent her one as well, she was living alone and is an adult.  Since october she has moved back in with her aunt.  I was unaware of this until last week when she emailed me her new address.  I wouldnt have even realized she was living with the family until my mom brought up how now that Vicky is living with her aunt I now have to invite her aunt, the aunts husband and their two kids!  WTF!  not only that since the aunt is likethis with her 2 sisters i would have to invite them and their families as well. 
Mom is now pissed that "I am being rude splitting up a family"  but she isnt footing the bill, FI and I are.  I did not plan an invite for one cousin and a guest to snowball into 11 more people being invited. Is it rude to invite just the cousin or am i obligated to invite all these people and their adult children.  I did not budget for that many people and I cannot afford a whole other table for them. What should i do?
"All I want is for you to be happy And, take this woman and make you my family And, finally you have found someone perfect And, finally you have found Yourself." -RHCP image

Re: invite one get 12 free?!

  • I dont think you're under any obligation to invite them all - that's an entire table of people which means more food, an extra centerpiece, and whatever else goes with your tables. If you're moms not offering to pay for then it's unfair of her to request (it would still be unfair even if she did offer to pay but not as bad). I'd stick to my guns and say there is just no room. On a side note I'd you see this other family it may be awkward for a minute but it doesn't sound like you're close anyways and they should be mature enough to deal with it
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I get where your mom is coming from, but I agree that it's not her place to decide. You didn't know this was going to happen and turn into such an awkward situation, so it's not your fault. You just have to weigh your options here. If you really can't afford it, you can't afford it. It's not like you're 9months out and have plenty of time to save. You're getting close to the deadlines here!

    If your mom mentions it again, I would either say the topic is closed, or say, "Mom, FI and I did not budget for these 11 extra people. It will mean not only more food but an additional table which means linens, a centerpiece, etc, plus favors, programs, etc. If you could help us with the cost, since you're so insistant they attend, that'd be great." This will either get her to shut up about it or she'll pony up the cash for them. 
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • I understand you completely when you are paying for everything a few extra people here & there it can add up fast , we just got a reply card where we invited a couple & they replied with 5 people ( their 2 kids & their 15 year olds boyfriend ) my mother is one of 12 kids & my fiance Mom is one of 16 kids so we have very large families & now our wedding of 175 has turned into approx 250 , we have decided to wait till all the reply cards are in to decide on the final menu selection , the food may not be as fancy but everyone will be fed . 

    Are there any invited guest that may not come ? you might be able to fit them in without changing your final number, but you should not feel obligated to invite the either.   
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited January 2012
    Im thinking on waiting to see if we get any early regrets.  I know it sucks since its basically a B - list but i cannot fathom adding a whole table for guests this late in the game.  I already trimmed the list twice so this was a nasty surprise.  I'll just save her invite for later since shes a local.

    Dad explained the extra cost of a whole table to mom but she was still pissed.  I was given a nice monetary gift from mom and dad but its for our house fund, totally not for wedding.  I think it would be frivolous to burn through it for unsolicited guests.
    "All I want is for you to be happy And, take this woman and make you my family And, finally you have found someone perfect And, finally you have found Yourself." -RHCP image
  • In Response to Re: invite one get 12 free?!:
    [QUOTE]Im thinking on waiting to see if we get any early regrets.  I know it sucks since its basically a B - list but i cannot fathom adding a whole table for guests this late in the game.  I already trimmed the list twice so this was a nasty surprise.  I'll just save her invite for later since shes a local. Dad explained the extra cost of a whole table to mom but she was still pissed.  I was given a nice monetary gift from mom and dad but its for our house fund, totally not for wedding.  I think it would be frivolous to burn through it for unsolicited guests.
    Posted by tinstarsunshine[/QUOTE]

    nah, I wouldnt consider this a B-list..it's niceof you to try to accomodate the awkward situation.   But I might not send any invites to that household until youre sure who gets an invite and who doesnt.
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