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Just began the planning for my 2nd wedding

Hello all,
I'm a bride in my 40's. I have found the love of my life who is amazing, spectacular and treats me so perfectly.

He romantically got on one knee and asked me to marry him on New Year's Eve...byt the next week I had a binder almost filled.

We talked about doing it calmly, coolly, and I want to, but hey, I am a girl.

I know exactly what I want to do and I am not planning on wearing a normal wedding dress, instead I want to have a 1940's supper club reception with a long, formal amazing gown.

We're keeping it simple in ceremony (i.e. no flower girls, bridesmaids, etc) but the reception is going to be killer.

Since we don't want gifts I want to build a website where people can donate to a charity or our honeymoon in Italy...that's not tacky is it?

Love to hear thoughts,

Lorena

Re: Just began the planning for my 2nd wedding

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    Yup, any mention of gifts (even if it's to say no gifts) is bad etiquette.
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    Anniversary
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    Your wedding sounds lovely, Lorena, but I would rethink asking people to "donate" to either of these things.

    First, charity registries are kinda side-eyed by people, and it may seem kinda showy (look at us--we want to give up gifts for charitable donations).  You may not mean it that way, but it can come off that way.

    Second, what did you have in mind for the honeymoon fund?  If you're asking them to put cash in an account, you can't ask people for money.  If you're thinking of doing one of those honeymoon registries in which people purchase activities for you, in reality, those companies just send you a check for that amount anyway, so it's like you're asking for money.

    If you dont need anything, don't register.  Or do a really small registry.  Either way, people will get the hint and give you mostly cash.  It's really the only way to do it without looking tacky.

    Congrats and good luck on your planning!

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_just-began-planning-2nd-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:912394d4-c39c-4c99-8d68-0040a619c659Post:22f4ced0-976f-4ea0-b555-2f81ecd964aa">Re: Just began the planning for my 2nd wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Just began the planning for my 2nd wedding : REALLY tacky. You should never expect gifts as it is.  If you don't want boxed gifts, don't register.  Not registering is a pretty big sign that cash would be appreciated.  If anyone is kind enough to give you money as a gift, you can put it toward your HM or donate it on your own.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    Aww you're so nice, and responded :)  I was calling MUD and I just didn't have the energy!
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    edited January 2012
    Soooo tacky.

    But congrats and have fun in Italy (on your own dime)
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker Learning to make a good brisket is only the beginning. www.shiksatoyenta.wordpress.com
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    If people ask ( your parents, relatives, you, etc.) just let people know that you do not have a registry and are currently are saving for Italy. But do not have a honeymoon registry, that is tacky.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
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    Congrats on your wedding! I always wanted to go to Italy~
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    A honeymoon is a privilege. No one should be asked to pay for it for you. Would you plan a regular vacation and ask others to foot the bill? That's all a honeymoon is, a vacation after your wedding.

    Your wedding is NOT a fundraiser. If people give you gifts, whether they be cash, gift cards or actual items, then that's wonderful. But they're not required to. If you want to plan a honeymoon in Italy, then you need to be able to pay for that yourself.
    Peggy
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    Mrs Bee~ I love American Horror Story!~I watched the entire first season this weekend. Yay stuck in bed sick weekend!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_just-began-planning-2nd-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:912394d4-c39c-4c99-8d68-0040a619c659Post:97cbd907-26a8-48c4-bf07-b0f12eb31aa5">Re: Just began the planning for my 2nd wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mrs Bee~ I love American Horror Story!~I watched the entire first season this weekend. Yay stuck in bed sick weekend!
    Posted by Chobot[/QUOTE]

    That's an awesome show to be stuck watching in bed! I got really into it while it was on. I kind of can't wait for it to be on DVD so I can watch it straight through all over again.
    Peggy
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    I beleive that it is tacky and bad ettiquette to ask for money or gifts in any form.  My fiancee and I have created a free wedding website and have put the information on the registry portion of the website.  I know a lot of brides to be put the information for their wedding website on their save the dates or invites but I thought this was tacky as well.  zKind of makes it seem like you are just wanting people to stumble upon the registry portion.  Look, if people want to give you something and don't know what you want or where you are registrered, they will do the old fashioned thing and ask you or someone in the family.
    Since you specifically asked if it was tacky I would have to go with what most brides to be and say yes.  But, you know who is coming to your reception and will be gift giving better than the rest of us.  For me, I just couldn't bring myself to ask my grandmother or struggling friends to foot the bill for us to swim with the dolphins or enjoy a night on the town.  These are things you do if you can afford them yourself or are blesed and get enough money without asking.  
    One way I see that you can make the chances better of getting cash are to ask for less gifts and after they are bought don't put up any other ones but really that is so not what its all about! You shouldn't expect anything at all and be thankful for what you get!!
    Also, be very careful if you choose to do a honeymoon registry, I have heard some horror stories about woman registering for elaborete vacations and having almost no one contribute to them, and then being stuck to pay for the rest on their own by a certain date.  In my mind, you are better of going with the small registry and using word of mouth!  Thats what people used to do for years before weddings, and if you can afford it, figure out what you want to do after the wedding, sure its not ideal but will certainly be the better decision in the end!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker "A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime"
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