Help Mother of the Bride Problems

srpesw7985

My parents are paying 100% for my wedding. We have started to compile our guest list and problems have already started.
On my family side we are inviting 45 people
On my future hubby's side we are inviting 54 people including family and friends of the groom's parents.
We have invited roughly 120 of our own friends.
Now the problem is my mother and father want to invite an unknown number of people to the wedding. Most of which neither me or my future hubby have ever met. My mom is throwing a huge fit about there not being any room for them to invite people and that we have to cut from our guest list to accomodate their invites. Now there are ligitimatly people they want to invite that I would really like to have at my wedding, but inviting 24 people from my mother's work that I"ve never met seems a bit weird. What should I do?

jeannigirl

Well since she is paying for it whats the problem? Is it because her inviting more you have to take you & FI's friends off the Guest list? If thats the situation that you can either not have your parents pay and you guys handle the stuff yourself.

If they are contributing they should have some say. Talk with her and tell her how you feel and that you do not want to take any of your friends from the wedding list. Did she tell you that you had to cut your guest list? This is your wedding see what you can all work out.

srpesw7985

Yes, she has asked us to cut our list. I know they are paying and I do want them to invite people. But is it right for them to make us cut our list to accomodate people they are not necessarily that close to. They are only inviting them because they work with them and if they invite one co-worker they have to invite all of them?

jeannigirl

I think that is totally wrong that she is asking you to cut your friends. You really need to let her know that you are not going to cut out those close to you and FI.

Personally I think it is idiotic for her to invite people just because their co-workers. I am sorry you have to be dealing with this. Can you two afford to pay for your own wedding? The problem is when parents are paying they will coordinate everything. What does your FI say and how does he feel about this?

srpesw7985

We haven't even been engaged for a month yet. My FI feels the same way. His parents wanted to invite more people as well, but they understand it's our wedding and we discussed the problem with my mother. I think for my mom she wants more people there then my FI's parents. Like you said if they are paying for those extra people then they can invite whomever they want, but making us cut our list because she can't cut hers upsets me!

stina93446

Why not chip in some of your own money to pay the difference for the extra guests? it seems fair because she is paying for the whole shindig. Have you picked out a venue yet? Does this venue allow that many people? Does she realize that each of these other people needs to have a seat and a meal and that all adds up? She's footing the entire thing? If she is  ok with the new added expenses, is there a way to keep EVERYONE on the guest list?

MyNameIsNot

If she is paying, she gets final say on the guest list.  If you want to control it, you need to pony up the $$.

quotequeen

Insisting on inviting people that you and your fiance have never even met is ridiculous, but unfortunately, if you want her money, you have to play by her rules.

redheadfsu

Sit down & try to explain to her that you don't know the people she wants to invite. Explain (Nicely & Calmly) you would love to have your friends view your wedding instead of people you don't know. BUT the one with the money ultimately decides. So if she says No, turn the money down & pay for the wedding you want.

526SadieSadie

This is such a sticky situation, I'm so sorry!
I think it's time that you sit down with the inlaws, your FH and your parents and hash it all out. 
I do agree that if your parents are paying, they should get to control the guest list, but maybe if your inlaws offer to pay for their side of the family, your mom won't feel like she has to out-do anyone?  The inviting of your mom's co-workers is also tricky.  I used to work with my mom so her co workers were once my co workers and there are only four of them, so they were getting invited one way or the other. 
Is there a compromise?  Maybe invite a couple of co-workers, maybe the few that she takes lunch with or chats with more around the office? 
Even though your family is paying, you shouldn't have to exclude your friends...

duckie1905

Sorry, but if she's paying she gets final say on everything. If she wants to invite people you don't know she has every right to do so because it is her money.  If she asks you to uninvite every single one of your friends she has every right to do so because it is her money.  It sucks but thats what you get when you don't pay for things yourself; you are at the mercy of the person writing the checks.

If you want control you need to be prepared to put up the money.  If not, you need to go with whatever she wants.  It may be your wedding but, essentially, it is her show.

MairePoppy

Your parents can invite their friends since they are hosting and paying for everything. You and Fi should pay for the extra guests if your venue will accommodate that many. Start saving your $$$.