What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?

MRSreadcomicbooks

Wasn't really sure where to put this question, but here it is!

What are some things that the men typically like to have a hand in when planning?  I was sure my fiance would be a more hands-on planner, but as it turns out, he doesn't have as much interest as I had hoped. I don't mind, really...I have a lot of other people willing to help me in the process.

But the day will not just be about me. It's about us, and I really want it to reflect our personalities as much as possible. We're not shy about what we like, and our wedding will be, I hope, kind of bold and unique.

I have realized over the last month-ish that he doesn't want as much of a hand in the planning process as I had hoped. I know, though, that it can't be all up to me, or it won't reflect us as a couple nearly as much as it should.

There are a lot of things, of course, that I can decide on my own or with help from my family or his...but certain things should be up to the both of us, right?

So what do your men like to help with/what are they willing to help with?

Also I am not that good at making decisions on my own, mostly when they involve money - because I'm worried I'm spending too much and he will not be happy with my choice! I just don't have the grasp for money that he does. I tend to be very frugal with mine at times, and not want to spend a dime (thus not buying even things I need) - and at other times I just go spend-crazy and buy things I DON'T need at all!

GoodLuckBear14

You do know that every man is different right?

DH was involved in everything except the flowers.  DHs of some friends did nothing more than put on their tux and show up.

AddieCake

Every guy is different. The only things my husband was interested in were the flavor of the cake (just our part, not the cupcake flavors for guests) and Star Wars music for the Recessional. Other things, I ran by him and he gave his opinion on, but he was content to leave the decisions up to me. He helped with anything I asked for help with, though. 

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:c6de95db-d138-49bf-805e-382f188cd841">What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wasn't really sure where to put this question, but here it is! What are some things that the men typically like to have a hand in when planning?  I was sure my fiance would be a more hands-on planner, but as it turns out, he doesn't have as much interest as I had hoped. I don't mind, really...I have a lot of other people willing to help me in the process. But the day will not just be about me. It's about us, and I really want it to reflect our personalities as much as possible. We're not shy about what we like, and our wedding will be, I hope, kind of bold and unique. <strong>I have realized over the last month-ish that he doesn't want as much of a hand in the planning process as I had hoped. I know, though, that it can't be all up to me, or it won't reflect us as a couple nearly as much as it should.</strong> There are a lot of things, of course, that I can decide on my own or with help from my family or his...but certain things should be up to the both of us, right? So what do your men like to help with/what are they willing to help with? Also I am not that good at making decisions on my own, mostly when they involve money - because I'm worried I'm spending too much and he will not be happy with my choice! I just don't have the grasp for money that he does. I tend to be very frugal with mine at times, and not want to spend a dime (thus not buying even things I need) - and at other times I just go spend-crazy and buy things I DON'T need at all!
Posted by MRSreadcomicbooks[/QUOTE]

So if he doesn't play a more active role in planning the wedding... what? You'll call the whole thing off?

Maggie0829

Like the other PP have said , every guy is different.  There are some that want to be involved 100% while others could care less.

My H wanted a say in the venue, the food, the booze and the honeymoon.  He could have cared less what colors we used or what flowers or what the invitations looked like.  Like a good H though, he did show interest and expressed his opinion when I showed him things in these areas but he always said at the end "Whatever you decide is fine by me."

He helped when I asked him and also came to me a few times and asked if I needed him to do anything.  That was the best thing he did because sometimes you get a bit overwhelmed/consummed in things especially if you are doing a lot of DIY things (like me) so it was nice for him to ask if I needed anything, whether it be a neck massage or help with cutting out paper for the invites.

courtski2004

J is really into music and beer, so he was very interested in being a part of picking the DJ and creating a must-play list of songs, and was responsible for picking the kinds of keg beer we would have. He was really excited to pick out the grooms cake as well.
On other things that I knew he didn't care as much about (like invitations/save the dates/colors), I showed him three of my favorite options and asked his opinion. I wasn't overwhelming him with the broad scope of things, and he was given the option to pick something that I already knew I liked. For the most part, he still didn't really care about what color the BM dresses were, what flowers we had, or what kind of wine was served, but he felt more involved than me just blindly doing things and hoping he didn't give a hoot.

As the wedding drew closer, he became more and more involved and was really excited. 
BUT, every guy is different. My sister got married last year and BIL was very involved in different parts of the planning than J was.

HobokensFury

Here is what my husband cared about. 1) Booze, 2) invites (he's a desisner) 3, the cake and 4) that he could wear pink.

HobokensFury

DIscussion is reopen. Sorry about the mixup.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:27dd9ed9-58e3-4e3b-9752-1e4aefe264bc">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't listen to these so called women.  All men think alike!  They all want to pick the dress.  That's it.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

And flowers. Don't forget the flowers.

jennylee813

lol - they're right - every man is different.

I've asked FI about things, and if he isn't interested, that's fine. It's also helpful to narrow things down, so it's less overwhelming. For example, I saw an invite that I liked, and asked his opinion. He liked it, but not the colour, and asked if it came in others. He wants the guys to wear black suits, so they will.

Don't forget, you've likely been thinking about your wedding since you married Barbie off to Ken. Your FI; not so much.

MoniqueAbrahamsen

My FI  is most interested in the venue, writing vows, the cake, the food, the rings, registry and the tuxes.

The rest of the stuff he's okay with me showing him my top two or three favorites and he'll let me know which one he prefers and I'll go with that. I consulted with him about the color scheme, save the dates and invitations. He doesn't care about the linens, flowers, decor etc.

Every man is different, I think my FI is fairly interested in the wedding planning, it's a big day that we're paying for so he wants to make sure everything we get is well worth what we spend.

thejucheidea

My fiance just cared about choosing his side of the wedding party. I also gave him a list of cake flavors for our little personal cake (as it needs to be gluten and milk free for me) and he told me the flavors he didn't want. Otherwise, he can't care any less. I've been going to friends when I have something I want an opinion on, heh.

B2Z728

My H made sure to tell me he wanted to be involved with choosing the baker. Not because he cared about what the cake looked like, he wanted a delicious cake and didn't want to miss out on samples. He doesn't drink so food was important to him. We chose our food choices together and fortunately agreed on almost all the choices. 

He also really cared about choosing his and his groomsmen attire, and wanted it to be surprise to me. So I gave him a color swatch of the bridesmaid dresses if he wanted to match anything and let him enjoy the process. 

tlc35

My FI cares about music and he helped pick the venue. He doesn't seem to care much what he wears or decor. He wants to keep things as simple as possible and really cares about the honeymoon. Sometimes I do wish he wanted to have more input but this is not a major issue.

MRSreadcomicbooks

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:a785ae22-0797-4c39-81ab-ca947a5790f6">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to What do men typically like to have a say in when planning? : So if he doesn't play a more active role in planning the wedding... what? You'll call the whole thing off?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
Um...nope, never said that. He just normally shows an interest in things I'm interested in. This has been an exception. Doesn't change the way I feel about him.

MRSreadcomicbooks

I'm definitely aware that every guy is different. Some like to be more involved and some have a million better things they would like to do. I was more asking what your husbands like to have a hand in. I know mine is not the only one who doesn't really care. The way he puts it, he just wants to marry me...he doesn't care about the details. But, that's okay. My sister is going to help me a lot, and when I need his input on a decision he will be there!

Anyways, thanks for your answers, ladies! I know now more about what to sort of expect here, and how to go about it!

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:451be962-9e44-408d-b0eb-2661d92a558e">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm definitely aware that every guy is different. Some like to be more involved and some have a million better things they would like to do. I was more asking what your husbands like to have a hand in. I know mine is not the only one who doesn't really care. The way he puts it, he just wants to marry me...he doesn't care about the details. But, that's okay. My sister is going to help me a lot, and when I need his input on a decision he will be there! Anyways, thanks for your answers, ladies! <strong>I know now more about what to sort of expect here, and how to go about it!
</strong>Posted by MRSreadcomicbooks[/QUOTE]

What is that suppose to mean?

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:af380347-b5bf-430e-b9d9-8b3be32e57d5">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning? : What is that suppose to mean?
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and guessing she means she realizes she's not going to get rainbow farts from us and that she's okay with it.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:e8c78c8e-3b93-4dba-9187-9119eb185570">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning? : I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and guessing she means she realizes she's not going to get rainbow farts from us and that she's okay with it.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Hopefully she also realizes she needs to be clearer in what she asks otherwise she will get the smarta$$ responses.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:112f75e1-982f-49e9-b0b7-01154350163d">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning? : Um...nope, never said that. He just normally shows an interest in things I'm interested in. This has been an exception. Doesn't change the way I feel about him.
Posted by MRSreadcomicbooks[/QUOTE]

You have to admit the way you worded that in your OP was rather idiotic. OMG, if he doesn't show complete and total interest in the plate chargers and whether or not we have baby's breath in the bridal party's bouquets and breath mints in the bathroom baskets, that means the wedding won't  be about us, it'll just be about me and what I want!!!

Peledreamsofrain

Honestly, why are you asking strangers what your FI would like in his own wedding?  We have no idea.

I can tell you what MY husband was interested in, but if my husband and your FI are the same man, we have some bigger issues to discuss between you and me. :P

MRSreadcomicbooks

Wow, you ladies need to get of the house more often.

MRSreadcomicbooks

All I asked was what your men were interested in doing. Not to say that every man is alike or that mine will be the exact same. I KNOW men don't care about every single detail. It was a question asked out of curiosity. Oy.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:b762c816-6332-4217-a840-f8903f99de40">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, you ladies need to get of the house more often.
Posted by MRSreadcomicbooks[/QUOTE]

Again, what do you mean by all the snide comments?  You asked a question.  We answered.  Period.  Not sure why you feel the need to be rude.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:81b0a133-7bf6-40d7-99b8-c95dd9bf8b09">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]All I asked was what your men were interested in doing. Not to say that every man is alike or that mine will be the exact same. I KNOW men don't care about every single detail. It was a question asked out of curiosity. Oy.
Posted by MRSreadcomicbooks[/QUOTE]

I will refer you to my last post.  You asked.  We answered.

When you post on these boards you open yourself up to opinions and comments that you may or may not like.  We can only go by what you post.

MRSreadcomicbooks

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:bdfbfabc-d37b-43f8-90da-759610bc114a">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning? : Again, what do you mean by all the snide comments?  You asked a question.  We answered.  Period.  Not sure why you feel the need to be rude.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
Um because the majority of the people here gave snarky/smart ass answers, that's why. Pretty sad if you just sit on here and attack people all day who are simply asking questions...

MRSreadcomicbooks

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:59a401a9-a010-4197-8bfd-39e346536daa">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning? : I will refer you to my last post.  You asked.  We answered. When you post on these boards you open yourself up to opinions and comments that you may or may not like.  We can only go by what you post.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
I didn't say a single thing to opened me up to rudeness or name-calling. Not in the least. In fact I asked a well-articulated question with proper grammar and everything!

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:9caaa84d-e1ac-442c-bc6a-c8a6515e754c">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning? : Um because the majority of the people here gave<strong> snarky/smart ass answers</strong>, that's why. Pretty sad if you just sit on here and attack people all day who are simply asking questions...
Posted by MRSreadcomicbooks[/QUOTE]

They weren't snarky or smart a$$ (not the one's I read anyways).  They were truthful and blunt.  There is a difference.

And I am sure that I gave you a very nice response on my first post and didn't "attack" you in the slightest.

Oh and no, we don't just sit here all day attacking people.  We are on these boards because we like to talk about weddings and posters have actually grown friendships with other posters and like to keep in contact.  Forums are hobbies for people, like sewing, video games, painting, etc.  It isn't about being rude to people.  But you posting snide comments when no one was mean to you is rude.

MRSreadcomicbooks

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-do-men-typically-like-to-have-a-say-in-when-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:93c47174-d916-446c-8e7a-03cf81aeda54Post:1bbd01c5-0065-48d6-9f50-dfbd42fd0e2c">Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do men typically like to have a say in when planning? : That's what mine cared about.  Well, not so much picking it as just making sure that it was easy to remove.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Yep, so far he's given his opinion on my dress. I haven't bought one yet but I saw one online MONTHS ago (actually came up on my Etsy home page - no, I wasn't looking) before we got engaged. He said it's very "me" and he'd want to see me in that. :)

leagri2813

My fiance has a pretty good say into things. But then again I made it clear I wanted his opinion on things. if it bothers you that he's not helping with making choices then tell him to help with some stuff. Since I talked to my fiance he has started looking up things on his own. Makes me feel like he cares a little bit.

Karmasmom

Is it possible that he's thinking that the wedding isn't until Sept, 2014 so he doesn't need to be involved so much so soon? He might not realize that you want to make final decisions on things this far in advance.