Horrible (Possible) Groomsmen!!!! HELP

elspeth1

So my FI has one brother and one sister. I have one brother. We know we want his sister and my brother in the wedding party but, both of us do not get along with his spoiled brother. He has been as mean as possible to me since day one. My parents cannot stand him and do not want him involved. The problem is that FI's mom wants everyone involved and I am afraid she will pull some sort of stunt (like her refusing to come or not letting FI's sister be involved). I have no idea what to do?!!?!?

saxy414

That's a little tricky if even his brother doesn't get along with him, and ultimately it should be your FI's choice whether to ask him or not.  Does he think it would cause major family drama to not ask his brother? 

It stinks that he's not easy to get along with, and his mom sounds great too if you're afraid she'll pull a "stunt."  IMO, though, it's probably easier to ask him to be a part of your WP than to have to deal with hearing him/FMIL saying for years and years to come that he wasn't asked to be a groomsman.  Then just do your best to be the bigger person and ignore him as much as possible.     

SarahPLiz

This is your FI's choice, and your parents never get to pick your WP. It should be the people you are closest too. However, sometimes its easier to suck it up and have the unwanted person in there to keep family peace. After all, you will be related to these people the rest of your life.

Let FI make the decision, since its his brother.

ETA: Your wedding is WAY too far away to be picking a wedding party. THis should happen 6-8 months out. If you pick to early, you risk picking wrong, as relationships can change over time. If anyone asks you NOW about the WP, just tell them that its too far out to choose a wedding party, as there is nothing they need to do before 6 months out. At that time, all they HAVE to do is get the right attire. I advise you NOT to pick ANYONE right now. Don't evne worry about the decision. Maybe go looking at venues, but it is way too far in advance to plan anything at this point.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_horrible-possible-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9a1b0368-4190-4ae4-994e-f3463830d458Post:fc6c048c-a8bd-4b21-98c5-6fca16412e00">Horrible (Possible) Groomsmen!!!! HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]So my FI has one brother and one sister. I have one brother. We know we want his sister and my brother in the wedding party but, both of us do not get along with his spoiled brother. He has been as mean as possible to me since day one. My parents cannot stand him and do not want him involved. The problem is that FI's mom wants everyone involved and I am afraid she will pull some sort of stunt (like her refusing to come or not letting FI's sister be involved). I have no idea what to do?!!?!?
Posted by elspeth1[/QUOTE]

Is FI's mom paying for your wedding? And how could she "not let" FI's sister be involved? Is his sister a minor?

brookelynpaisley

This is totally up to your brother. While I understand that his mother's wishes and potential antics complicated things, he needs to sit down with her - alone - and have an adult conversation about his choice (it sounds like he's opting to not include the brother). He then needs to stick by it. Your parents, his mom, etc. should have no bearing on his ultimate decision.

I personally am all for including family to keep the peace, but that ultimately has to be the bride or groom's decision.

elspeth1

Is FI's mom paying for your wedding? And how could she "not let" FI's sister be involved? Is his sister a minor?
No, actually she is not putting forth any money. And, yes, FI's sister will be 17 at the time of the wedding. The Fi and I have talked about it and decided to sit down with the whole family and discuse and problems. It's not just that the little brother is spoiled he has been a jerk to me since day one. Saying things like "The real reason your fat is cuase your lazy" and saying things to my FI like "I don't understand why you even talk to her, cause she is a fat b****" I usually am the bigger person by ignoring him but recently he has been telling people that we are pregnant. He is driving me crazy.