Finally chose our wedding party!!

riverjib

This was a tough decision. My fi was quick to choose his BM and grooms men...his BF growing up, his two brothers, my brother, and my sister's husband. He's really close to all of them. My decision was stickier...my sister was the obvious MOH choice, but I have 17 female cousins, 6 of whom are about my age, and I've always been as close with as any of my friends through childhood, school, and my adult years. It's been four months since we got engaged, and so far we've only officially asked the BM and MOH. The wedding is not until next June, so I figured I had time to plan the details, but I realized I really needed to at the very least make this decision.

 We talked about it with my sister and brother-in-law tonight, and I finally picked the perfect group. I chose only the cousin that has been closest to me, one of my best friends, one of his best friends, and his younger cousin...she's only 14, but she's the only girl of his 15 cousins, and she looks up to him. She shocked the hell out of him last year when she asked if he was going to marry me, because she thought I fit right into the family! When he told me that, I was really moved...she's used to being the center of attention among her older cousins, and she's apparently prone to getting jealous of her cousins' girlfriends :-)

I was not the type who mentally planned my wedding before I even met the right guy, and I had no idea how hard it was to pick a bridal party!!! I thought it would be easier and more natural, somehow, but this was my first introduction into the politics involved in planning a wedding! It feels like a big step to me...now we can move forward in planning the details...

Did anyone else feel similar pressures in making this decision?

Blueyed228

I felt pressured to have just as many BM as he had GM.  Or at least come close.  He has 8, and I only really wanted 3, but we compromised.  Well actually, he won, lol.  I have 8 now.

SarahPLiz

Your wedding is not for another 16 months. You picked way too early. Your WP doesn't need to do anything until about 6 months out (get attire), so I hope you don't expect them to be excited and squee-ing for the whole time you are planning. That's an unrealistic expectation, and the reason why its suggested you wait until 6-8 months out to ask.
I didn't have a hard time picking, just my 2 sisters on my side and FI's best friend on his. I guess it wasn't hard because we weren't worried about even sides or reciprocal obligations. Your WP should be those you are closest with. When you start picking people just to fill spots, that's where the drama and unrealistic expectations begin. Come lurk on the WP board and you'll see what I mean.

In any case, now that you have picked, once you asked you can't unask, so make sure its who you really can't imagine not having up there with you. Good Luck!

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_finally-chose-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9a6cd807-8df2-4ecc-9788-a49af81cccd4Post:9d99dbaa-9564-4f4a-a1b3-5209ae91ba57">Re: Finally chose our wedding party!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I felt pressured to have just as many BM as he had GM.  Or at least come close.  He has 8, and I only really wanted 3, but we compromised.  Well actually, he won, lol.  I have 8 now.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Why did you need to have 8? You <strong>are</strong> aware that if your sides are uneven that your marriage is still valid, right?

Or are the laws different in Massachusetts?

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_finally-chose-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9a6cd807-8df2-4ecc-9788-a49af81cccd4Post:9d99dbaa-9564-4f4a-a1b3-5209ae91ba57">Re: Finally chose our wedding party!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I felt pressured to have just as many BM as he had GM.  Or at least come close.  He has 8, and I only really wanted 3, but we compromised.  Well actually, he won, lol.  I have 8 now.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>Well that's just silly. </div><div>
</div><div>Neither one of us had any trouble picking our WP.  We knew who we wanted to be up there with us, and that was that.  We didn't feel pressure to choose by number or pick to make things even.</div><div>
</div><div>And yes, our WP was uneven and it never mattered.</div>

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_finally-chose-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9a6cd807-8df2-4ecc-9788-a49af81cccd4Post:2e0893fd-1235-4c21-a073-a9d504284036">Re: Finally chose our wedding party!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Finally chose our wedding party!! : Well that's just silly.  Neither one of us had any trouble picking our WP.  We knew who we wanted to be up there with us, and that was that.  We didn't feel pressure to choose by number or pick to make things even. And yes, our WP was uneven and it never mattered.
Posted by duckie1905[/QUOTE]

I know it doesn't matter if its even.  I only meant that after the 3 I wanted, if I invited certain people in, to avoid hurt feelings etc, I wanted to invite others.  I love all of my girls, and didn't invite them just to invite them in.  I just didn't realize that he had so many guy friends he wanted as his GM.  I have been in wedding that had uneven numbers and we just doubled up.  It was fine and definitely did not matter.

Luckily all of my girls are really excited to be Bm's.  We are the last of our group to get married so they are all experienced and keep asking what I need for help.  I keep telling them all I need them to do is show up, but they are persistent!

FutureMrsBoucher

I'm happy that you're happy [:

I have 5 younger sisters and they're all in my wedding party. One is a MOH, one a BM, one a Jr BM and two flower girls. I have two more friends that are in my WP, another MOH and another BM. 

To be honest, if I had all the women that I wanted in my WP, I wouldn't really have any guests! So it was a really tough decision for me, too. But now that it's done I'm happy. I'm glad that you're happy.

cukimerrydoll

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_finally-chose-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9a6cd807-8df2-4ecc-9788-a49af81cccd4Post:51e8773d-9ca7-4db0-b447-67efcdabde46">Re: Finally chose our wedding party!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Luckily all of my girls are really excited to be Bm's.  We are the last of our group to get married so they are all experienced and keep asking what I need for help.  I keep telling them all I need them to do is show up, but they are persistent!
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
That's exactly how mine are!  But we're ordering invites soon, so we'll have some assembly to get started on!

And we're going to start stocking up on centerpiece materials - to spread out the cost, so we'll have some more assembly.  But we're DIYers, so we love it!