Need to vent

mrchnochrry

Ok... I know I'm probably sounding like a major b**** here, but I really need to vent...

One of my really good friends just got engaged. I'm really happy for her and all, but I honestly don't think it was for the right reasons...

My FI and I have been together forever (like 8 years) and we finally got engaged in February. My friend has been with her man for 1 year (and he's just not right for her, I'm not the only one who feels this way and the opinions have been voiced.) Anyway, they weren't even thinking about any long term commitments until I got my ring. Here we are not even 5 months later and they're engaged.... To make matter worse, they've set their date a month before ours.

I was trying to get her to go dress shoppping with me (she's that good of a friend I value her opinion with my dress). She then tries to set us up a date to go dress shopping.... together... Call me crazy, but I when I want to shop for my wedding dress, I want it to be about me, the bride... I don't want another bride-to-be stealing my thunder...

Am I being crazy here? Or do I have a right to be a little ticked off??

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9ad7137a-130f-40d2-bb6a-6e8a50342bd0Post:5cf05a80-3a6e-4ec1-945f-375bbfe31bb4">Need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok... I know I'm probably sounding like a major b**** here, but I really need to vent... One of my really good friends just got engaged. I'm really happy for her and all, but I honestly don't think it was for the right reasons... My FI and I have been together forever (like 8 years) and we finally got engaged in February. My friend has been with her man for 1 year (and he's just not right for her, I'm not the only one who feels this way and the opinions have been voiced.) Anyway, they weren't even thinking about any long term commitments until I got my ring. Here we are not even 5 months later and they're engaged.... To make matter worse, they've set their date a month before ours. I was trying to get her to go dress shoppping with me (she's that good of a friend I value her opinion with my dress). She then tries to set us up a date to go dress shopping.... together... Call me crazy, but I when I want to shop for my wedding dress, I want it to be about me, the bride... I don't want another bride-to-be stealing my thunder... Am I being crazy here? Or do I have a right to be a little ticked off??
Posted by mrchnochrry[/QUOTE]

You have no right to be ticked off. Seriously your friend cant get engaged within 6 months of you? You got engaged first- you "win". You're being silly and childish.

I do understand wanting to go dress shoping for just you though.

Kristin789

I'm not going to comment on the seemingly-rushed engagement of your friend.

But I will suggest that you go dress shopping with your mother, and your friend go dress shopping with her mother.  Shopping for the dress has traditionally been a very important rite of passage for the mother and daughter...

nda_roxybabe

Oh good riddance Kristin. People can go dress shopping with whomever they like. It isn't 1950 anymore.

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9ad7137a-130f-40d2-bb6a-6e8a50342bd0Post:fffd78d3-99f9-490e-9270-5878502feff1">Re: Need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'm not going to comment on the seemingly-rushed engagement of your friend.</strong> But I will suggest that you go dress shopping with your mother, and your friend go dress shopping with her mother.  Shopping for the dress has traditionally been a very important rite of passage for the mother and daughter...
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Okay, Jesus McJudgerson. It's a good thing you chose not to comment, as you have absolutely no right to, just as OP has no right to be miffed about any of this.

And dressing shopping is a rite of passge eh, like having your cherry popped?

Blueyed228

I got engaged after a year and fail to see the issue with that. 

You get 1 day.  She could get married the week before you and you would still have no right to be upset.

You whole post sounds like "me, Me, ME!"

Be happy for your friend.  The world does not stop because you are planning a wedding.  Your wedding is over a year away.  Alot is going to happen between now and then.  I am sure other people you know are going to get engaged, married, pregnant.  Sounds like you have a little growing up to do if this stuff is going to bother you this much.

carolynnmarieg

Bottom line (IMO):

Yes, your instinctual frustration/annoyance is understandable....

AND you need to get over it.

I can empathize: my mother (yeah!) got engaged a few months after me and has already gotten married, while we've still got just less than a year to go; I've also been with my FI longer than she has.

Still, we went shopping together and I have put things off re my wedding for hers. Mildly and childishly annoying, yes, but not nearly as important to me as having my mother have an enjoyable wedding experience.  We went shopping, she found her dress, and I was there.

Regardless of your general disapproval of your friend's betrothal, it's important for you to be as supportive as you can be.  Even is she IS trying to steal your thunder, that's her immaturity; try not to match it with your own.

I suggest that you have yourself a nice little pity party at home and then try to find a way to let it go and be happy for her; presuming that she's happy for herself.

carolynnmarieg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9ad7137a-130f-40d2-bb6a-6e8a50342bd0Post:b808a802-f5b7-4614-aeeb-226181c39f67">Re: Need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh good riddance Kristin. People can go dress shopping with whomever they like. It isn't 1950 anymore.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]
Also: YES!

Simply Fated

On first reading your post, it sounds like you're jealous of your friend, because you had to wait 8 years and she only had to wait, what, half a year? Don't get me wrong, I don't think that was how you intended to sound. I'm just saying that's how it sounded.

I really wouldn't worry about her engagement or her wedding date or anything like that. You guys have a whole month inbetween your weddings.

And, yeah, pick different dates to go dress shopping. And this is just a bit of advice from me... set a date for her dress shopping first. Get hers out of the way otherwise she'll monopolize your shoping day looking for her own dresses. And you shouldn't do that to her, of course.

Srbageldog

My bro and sis-in-law got engaged a month before my FI proposed to me. They had been together 4 years at that point while we had been together 2 months.
They also got married 2 years ago and our wedding date is still 16 months away. I remember going to a bridal show with my future sis-in-law and feeling like I dominated everything, because our original wedding date fell before theirs.
Point being? Grow up and realize that marriage- and love- doesn't simply focus on one or two individuals. I have waited years for my FI to actually be ready. WE have grown so much since then. Origanally nobody thought he was good enough for me. But he is a great person. A great human being. And well-worth the wait.
Love isn't about numbers, or the amount of time your friend has been engaged. Love is numberless. It is ageless. It feels right when it is right. Nobody can regulate it. It is what it is.

klm03013

I agree with what others have said about the whole engagement. It's her relationship and I highly doubt that she would make such a serious commitment just because you have a ring. It could be-gasp-because she actually wants to marry this person! I also don't see how the date of her wedding should matter at all as long as it isn't the same as yours.

That being said, you don't have to go dress shopping with her if you don't want to. My friend and I originally planned on going together when it was the first time and we just wanted to try on a bunch of different thiings and have fun. We ended up having to do two separate appointments later, but neither one of us treaded on the other's toes or looked for our own dresses at the other's appointment. I think maybe your friend just thinks it would be a fun bonding experience. She may want to share the excitement, not be upset that somebody else is getting married the same year she is.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9ad7137a-130f-40d2-bb6a-6e8a50342bd0Post:9fd71830-6665-444a-b6ce-970e0919ed49">Re: Need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I got engaged after a year and fail to see the issue with that.  You get 1 day.  She could get married the week before you and you would still have no right to be upset. You whole post sounds like "me, Me, ME!" Be happy for your friend.  The world does not stop because you are planning a wedding.  Your wedding is over a year away.  Alot is going to happen between now and then.  I am sure other people you know are going to get engaged, married, pregnant.  <strong>Sounds like you have a little growing up to do if this stuff is going to bother you this much.</strong>
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

This exactly!

baystateapple

No, you don't have the right to be upset.  They can get married whenever they want to.

Although I do understand wanting to go dress shopping for yourself, alone.  You can politely decline by saying "My mom/sister/MOH really had her heart set on going with me alone.  But I can't wait to look for bridesmaid dresses with you!"

aerinpegadrak

I actually went dress shopping with an engaged friend, and we both tried on dresses together.  It was more efficient that way.  Personally, dress shopping was about finding a suitable outfit for a party.  It wasn't some mystic rite of passage (gag) wherein The Bride basked in the adoration of lesser mortals.

People aren't going to drop everything and focus on you for the entire duration of your engagement, nor should they.  Life goes on while you're planning your party, and that includes other people getting engaged and married.  If you honestly see a problem with that, you're probably not mature enough to be getting married.

trix1223

Wow, my DH and I got engaged just shy of 8 months after our first date.  We were married 11 months later.  That was 32 years ago.  I realize that Kristin is horrified, but when you know, you know. 

I'm pretty sure that your friend didn't get engaged because you had a ring on your finger.  I think you're giving yourself way too much credit here.  It's just possible that, well gosh,  they love each other and want to get married.  You know....what you and your FI felt.

If you don't want her along when dress shopping, go shopping yourself with your mom.  Tell her that you've talked with your mom and you really wanted it to be a mother-daughter moment.

And then get over the silliness.  Stealing your thunder?  Really?

JoyTate1

OK: A year is NOT a short amount of time to date someone to get engaged.  Not everyone meets the guy they want to be with in high school/college. 

They got engaged 5 months after you and you think it is because YOU are engaged?  Get over yourself.  That is a long time.  I had a friend get engaged 2 months after me with a guy she had been dating for, um, 2 months!  Never once did I think it had anything to do with the ring on MY finger.

If dress shopping together is something you don't want to do, grow some cohones and tell her, "I would love to go with you on that day for YOU to try on dresses, then we can go _____ for me to try them on."  Or just go with someone else. 

Sloane99

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9ad7137a-130f-40d2-bb6a-6e8a50342bd0Post:5cf05a80-3a6e-4ec1-945f-375bbfe31bb4">Need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE] I was trying to get her to go dress shoppping with me (she's that good of a friend I value her opinion with my dress). She then tries to set us up a date to go dress shopping.... together... Call me crazy, but I when I want to shop for my wedding dress, I want it to be about me, the bride... I don't want another bride-to-be stealing my thunder... Am I being crazy here? Or do I have a right to be a little ticked off??
Posted by mrchnochrry[/QUOTE]

So if you want to go dress shopping with her, then do, and maybe, I dunno, communicate with her tell her that you would like two separate appointments.

The rest of your post is irrelevant.

mrchnochrry

Thanks for all the nice and not so nice feedback. I know I'm being silly and as the title of my post I just needed to vent and when I vent I tend to sound like a 6-year-old.

I'm happy for her as long as she's happy.

jlmeier5

i agree take it as a compliment that she wants to do things just like you! i say be happy for her and go dress shopping with her together! it's really fun... and you may not approve of her man but thats why it's HER man not yours! so just be happy that she is and live thats all you can do

Mioh1

After my FI and I got engaged my cousin went out and asked his g/f to marry him, and they've only been together for 2 months while we've been together for 5 years. At first I'll admit it kinda ticked me off because he just asked her because she kept bitching about my engagement. But I got over it within two minutes. Fast fowards 4 months later and they already broke off the engagement. What I mean to say it doesn't matter how long they've been together as long as they're right for each other. If they're not fate will take it's course. Just concentrate on your own relationship.