Chit Chat

Day after party

Both FI and FMIL have recently talked to me about a party the day after.  FI's brother and sister in law hosted their own day after party and invited both families (aunts, uncles, cousins also).  Her extended family is a total of 10 people so there were not too many people from her side. 

FI's family is large and very close.  Everyone who is invited will come because that is the nature of the family.  All of his cousins are in the wedding as well.  When you add up my extended family and his extended families, plus friends in the wedding party, it is over 85 people! 

FMIL says that we have to have this because it is tradition and "you know how close our family is."  Personally, I do not want over 80 people at my house ever, in fact, it is not even close to big enough for that many people.    I especially do not want to worry about 80 people at my house the day after my wedding.  Also, why would I want to put all of those people through us opening gifts?  Also, how is having something one time a tradition?  None of his other cousins has ever done this after their weddings. 

I told FI that I do not want to do this.  He understands but says that his family is expecting it.  I said that if his family is expecting it then one of them can host it.  I do not want to deal with it.  I suggested that just the wedding party, parents and his grandmother be invited.  That is still over 30 people. 

Am I being unreasonable?  Can I refuse to have this?  Does anyone have a better solution? 

Re: Day after party

  • I couldn't imagine 80 people in my house the DAY after my wedding.  Can you savor it a little bit before you celebrate it again?  Depending on what time your wedding is, you have to entertain people a whole 12 - 16 hours after you just threw a whole wedding?

    You said it best: if they're so insistant on it, they can throw it.  They may want to make it a tradition, but that doesn't mean you should have to put up with it because of that.  I'd either veto it all together or tell someone else to host it.
  • I don't think you are being unreasonable either!!  If it's going to happen... it shouldn't be at your own house.  I'd say, someone else host it, or there will not be one.  There's no reason to put yourself through the stress of having it at your own house the very day after your wedding!
  • SCnPMSCnPM member
    10 Comments
    edited April 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_day-after-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9bf41c32-ad70-4659-b0f9-a02380a8e0e7Post:9e3d7279-ddd2-4b2e-9bc9-6addc9ae8ef4">Re: Day after party</a>:
    [QUOTE]You are absolutely not unreasonable, and you should not be expected to host a large party like that.  Tell FMIL that you won't be hosting anything, but that if she wants to do something, you'll happily attend.  You don't need to make excuses, but you'll be really tired after the wedding, and waking up early to put together a large party won't be fun.   My parents hosted a cookout the day after our wedding, and it was great.  But there's no way FI and I could have done all of that the day after.   If FMIL does do it, don't do the gifts.  Just attend and hang out with everyone.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    This exactly... There is no way that I would have that many people at our home the next day, nor would anyone in my family "expect it".  I don't want to call your FMIL rude, but that is how she is acting to expect that of you.

    My parents are hosting a cookout at their house the next day for some OOT family, my FILs, our bridal party, and my FI and I. That is perfect.. There also will be no gift opening there, either.. Just good company and time to spend with everyone before we leave for our honeymoon the next day.

    I think the gift opening is something that should be done by you and your husband in the privacy of your own home (of course unless you want to open gifts in front of everyone that's completely up to you). If your FMIL wants to give you HER gift at the day-after-party, you can open hers.. But expecting you to open all of your gifts in front of other people doesn't seem reasonable/acceptable to me IMO..

    Good luck<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
  • Oh hell no! The only person I wanted at my house the day after my wedding was DH.

    Actually, that was the only person I wanted to see in general that day, hahaha. I was all too happy to quickly pack up the car and take off on our little road trip to Disney. I love my family and friends, don't get me wrong, but the day after the wedding I was exhausted and partied-out and just wanting some peace and quiet with my new husband ... I don't think I could have handled another party the next day no matter who hosted it. And while I'm incredibly close with my family, they would have thought I was nuts if I'd wanted it any other way.

    Ditto the PPs, if somebody else wants to host this party, then you can go and hang out for a few hours. But do not host one yourself. You're going to be tired. You most likely won't have the energy. Really, somebody should understand that.


    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
    image

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • Thanks girls.  I truly knew that I was not being unreasonable, but I did need someone to comfirm that for me.  FI's family can be pretty crazy about get togethers sometimes.  FMIL just really freaked me out when she called and told me that it was tradition and that she was going to bring ham (which I cannot stand and will not serve at my house) and Aunt R was bringing potatoes. 

    Thanks for helping me know my decision is correct!  It made me feel much better about the whole thing.  I talked to my mom  who wants to have our OOT relatives over for brunch so that is what I want to do.  (His entire family is here, so his family is not going to be invited beyond his parents).

  • Wow. That is ridiculous.

    My family talked about doing a little brunch...one of my cousins did that and opened gifts. I talked to FI and he said he had no desire to open presents infront of everyone but he would do brunch before we left on the HM if I wanted.....
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards