Donation Card Placement

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:3cc48c68-8c97-4c0c-988b-1030df8bd7cf">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : True. The foundations we are donating to are foundations that affected people in our family. My grandfather died of leukemia so we are donating to the leukemia and lymphoma society and then FI's uncle died of a spinal injury so we are going to donate to a spinal cord injury foundation. Your stepdad may be right with his comment, but in this case our donation DOES effect our family. I'm sure that doesn't change anything, we probably wont do the card, but this case is different b/c these causes matter to our families. I know it doesn't matter to all of our guests but it's not like it matters to no one.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Oh, it DID affect my family, it just didn't affect HIM.   It also affected lots of people we knew.  And the thing is... even if everyone agreed that that particular disease or ailment needed to be cured, and they were personally affected by it and lost a loved one, etc.  Often, it is the organization that people have issue with.  Like, a particular organization uses 80% of their donation money for administrative costs, and very little actually goes into research & development or helping victims of the disease.

All I'm saying is... no matter what you do, you risk offending people.  A cookie might not be everyone's favorite treat, but chances are, it isn't going to be offensive to anyone.

StephBeanWed61502

Owning, if you are dead set on a "non traditional" favor, what about a photobooth? We did that instead of favors. It worked out to about five bucks per guest, and it was a massive hit. And I get that the charities are near to your heart, but donating to something that is important TO YOU is not, and never will be, a "gift" to your guests. No, favors are not required, but if you choose to do them, they really ought to be about the recipients, not the givers.

beardo1111

We are not doing favors.  We are not doing a public donation.  I can't imagine any of our guests thinking that we are "just after their money" considering that the amount we are paying to host them will likely be more than the value of any gift they choose to bring.

I dunno OP....your logic just confuses me...

TheVirginians

I've been to weddings and received notes that the B & G donated in lieu of favors. I have never heard any of the guests ever say anything after reading the note. I always figured it was because they thought same as I: why are you telling us what you did with your money?

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:63e8a6ac-d4f5-480b-8ec1-6e4d63d15442">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]We are not doing favors.  We are not doing a public donation.  I can't imagine any of our guests thinking that we are "just after their money" considering that the amount we are paying to host them will likely be more than the value of any gift they choose to bring. I dunno OP....your logic just confuses me...
Posted by beardo1111[/QUOTE]

Well my parents are paying to host them and everyone knows that not b/c we told them that but b/c everyone knows we have no money. We would have just eloped if we had to pay for it ourselves. That's besides the point... but basically yes we are walking away with all their money and we wouldn't be paying a dime. That's why I kinda wanted peiple to know we did something good with it and that our parents helped us, so we are helping others.

The card is apparently AWish so it's not happening, but heck, I'd like knowing if someone did something nice.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:01d74909-24d9-4307-a585-deeadd246571">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to weddings and received notes that the B & G donated in lieu of favors. I have never heard any of the guests ever say anything after reading the note. I always figured it was because they thought same as I: why are you telling us what you did with your money?
Posted by va4ryans[/QUOTE]

Well it might be your money but if you make any $$ on your wedding, technically it is their money so they have a right to know what you did with it. I posted this in my last post- we're getting help with our wedding so I'd like people to know, yes we had help, so we're giving the help back to others.

I understand and appreciate what all you PP's are saying though.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:18007d5a-3e59-403a-aa87-c7f26977be12">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : So it IS about getting the pat on the back.  It's about the satisfaction of knowing others think you're oh so good for donating.  The intent behind your donation is showing off. It's none of your business if someone else did something nice.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

No the donation is a token of thanks to my parents for their help.

lls31

Now I'm confused.  You want to make a donation in lieu of favors for your guests in order to thank your parents for contributing to your wedding?

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:6a8ea2d3-edbe-4dcd-af1c-237a29b9be67">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]Now I'm confused.  You want to make a donation in lieu of favors for your guests in order to thank your parents for contributing to your wedding?
Posted by lls31[/QUOTE]

Yeah, none of that made sense to me.   *shrug*

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:6a8ea2d3-edbe-4dcd-af1c-237a29b9be67">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]Now I'm confused.  You want to make a donation in lieu of favors for your guests in order to thank your parents for contributing to your wedding?
Posted by lls31[/QUOTE]

No I want our guests to know we didn't walk away with their money and be greedy with it. We will be paying $0 for this wedding- that is common knowledge to all our guests- no one needs to ask, everyone knows- we have no money, that is pretty evident. I wanted to make the donation to be like "we are very appreciative of you coming and we are using your money to benefit others who need it more than we do"- not to show off. But if it comes off as AWish, then we're not doing a public donation... but that was the rationale for it. Pay it forward, mom and dad help us, we help others... your money is helping us help others.

But ya, the card is not happening.

lls31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:57f1f977-9edf-4666-8750-14376a3d56e5">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : <strong>No I want our guests to know we didn't walk away with their money and be greedy with it.</strong> We will be paying $0 for this wedding- that is common knowledge to all our guests- no one needs to ask, everyone knows- we have no money, that is pretty evident. <strong>I wanted to make the donation to be like "we are very appreciative of you coming and we are using your money to benefit others who need it more than we do"</strong>- not to show off. But if it comes off as AWish, then we're not doing a public donation... but that was the rationale for it. Pay it forward, mom and dad help us, we help others... your money is helping us help others. But ya, the card is not happening.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

<div>1 - I just think this is silly.  When I give someone a monetary gift, I could care less what they do with it.  Donate it, put it in savings, buy material things.  Who cares?</div><div>
</div><div>2 - A thank you card will suffice.</div>

courtski2004

Why would the donation be made on the guests behalf if it was really to thank your parents? And why would the thank you to your parents be in place of a favor to your guests but pass it off as such?

My parents generously paid for most of our wedding, but I didn't make the thank you and gift that I gave them in return public knowledge. That was completely between the four of us. To be honest, I've never once wondered 'Gosh, this is a great wedding for my poor penniless friends, I bet their parents really shelled out for this! I sure do wonder if and how they thanked mom and dad for their generosity!' It isn't my business, just as it isn't anyone's business to know what was paid for by whom. KWIM?

beardo1111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:1517f83a-38ac-463f-9111-ce0ba977ba9b">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : Well my parents are paying to host them and everyone knows that not b/c we told them that but b/c <strong>everyone knows we have no money</strong>. We would have just eloped if we had to pay for it ourselves. That's besides the point... but basically <strong>yes we are walking away with all their money and we wouldn't be paying a dime</strong>. That's why I kinda wanted peiple to know we did something good with it and that our parents helped us, so we are helping others. The card is apparently AWish so it's not happening, but heck, I'd like knowing if someone did something nice.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Maybe I'm missing something.....but if you have no money, what exactly are you using to make this donation?  If the point is to thank your parents them you could simply donation and give them the card, give them a nice parents gift, or use this money (wherever you're getting it) to help pay for part of the wedding.

And who's money are you walking away with?  Your parents?  The guests?  Are you planning on using cash wedding gifts towards the donation?

Honestly beyond confused.

beardo1111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:57f1f977-9edf-4666-8750-14376a3d56e5">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : No I want our guests to know we didn't walk away with their money and be greedy with it. We will be paying $0 for this wedding- that is common knowledge to all our guests- no one needs to ask, everyone knows- we have no money, that is pretty evident. <strong>I wanted to make the donation to be like "we are very appreciative of you coming and we are using your money to benefit others who need it more than we do"</strong>- not to show off. But if it comes off as AWish, then we're not doing a public donation... but that was the rationale for it. Pay it forward, mom and dad help us, we help others... your money is helping us help others. But ya, the card is not happening.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

But if you are using your guests' money (sounds like you are counting on cash gifts) to make a donation....but then that donation is the favor to the guests......does that equal regifting?  Conversely if you use your guests' cash gifts to make this donation.....but then that donation is really a thank you gift to your parents........then your guests are giving a gift to your parents?

I'm going to stop following this thread because my head is spinning trying to figure out OP's logic.

SKPM

[QUOTE]Maybe I'm missing something.....but if you have no money, what exactly are you using to make this donation? If the point is to thank your parents them you could simply donation and give them the card, give them a nice parents gift, or use this money wherever you're getting it to help pay for part of the wedding.And who's money are you walking away with? Your parents? The guests? Are you planning on using cash wedding gifts towards the donation?Honestly beyond confused. Posted by beardo1111[/QUOTE]

This was my thought. If you're so broke that you aren't contributing a dime to your wedding, forget the charity. You need to be donating to your own savings account.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:7ab3f649-d7ee-47a6-a5dc-d8cc8c2684dd">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]I get what you all are saying- my opinions may be different than most peoples- I'd rather have the b&g donate in their names and let me know they did that then receive some incredibly awesome favor. I dunno, tangible items can't really compare to good gestures of the heart- but that is me. I guess we can still donate and think of a good non-cheesy favor that will probably get left there anyway. Siiiigh
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
Or just donate, don't do a favor, and don't tell anybody about your donation. 

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:57f1f977-9edf-4666-8750-14376a3d56e5">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : No I want our guests to know we didn't walk away with their money and be greedy with it. We will be paying $0 for this wedding- that is common knowledge to all our guests- no one needs to ask, everyone knows- we have no money, that is pretty evident. I wanted to make the donation to be like "we are very appreciative of you coming and we are using your money to benefit others who need it more than we do"- not to show off. But if it comes off as AWish, then we're not doing a public donation... but that was the rationale for it. Pay it forward, mom and dad help us, we help others... your money is helping us help others. But ya, the card is not happening.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
That doesn't make any sense.  Favors have nothing to do with what gifts you may receive from your guests.  I don't follow your logic here at all.

OwningAHome1981

We would be making the donation afterwards I guess with the money we get from the wedding. I haven't thought about the specifics, I just know that we want to. I feel it's the right thing to do- considering how much we are being given and how much my parents are sacrificing to give us this wedding.

We'll just do a private donation, that's all. I thought the card was a good idea, but I guess it's not. I know I wouldn't care as a guest if i saw it- as long as it was not in my name, but I guess some people do care. :::shrug:::

To the poster who said it's your money no one cares what you do with it- ehhh to a certain extent, I do. I went to a wedding for a couple who after the wedding the bride randomly just bought a Mercedes. Obviously she used our money to get it, b/c who out of the blue just goes out and buys a luxury car, when she has never ever talked about ever owning a car like that. It made me feel like, really THAT is what you bought?? They could have bought a house with it!

 

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:5012965c-1fe2-423d-9a41-b3a46690e424">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]We would be making the donation afterwards I guess with the money we get from the wedding. I haven't thought about the specifics, I just know that we want to. I feel it's the right thing to do- considering how much we are being given and how much my parents are sacrificing to give us this wedding. We'll just do a private donation, that's all. I thought the card was a good idea, but I guess it's not. I know I wouldn't care as a guest if i saw it- as long as it was not in my name, but I guess some people do care. :::shrug::: To the poster who said it's your money no one cares what you do with it- ehhh to a certain extent, I do.<strong> I went to a wedding for a couple who after the wedding the bride randomly just bought a Mercedes. Obviously she used our money to get it, b/c who out of the blue just goes out and buys a luxury car, when she has never ever talked about ever owning a car like that. It made me feel like, really THAT is what you bought?? They could have bought a house with it!  
</strong>Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Just how much do you give as a gift?????  If it's enough to by a Mercedes, I'm throwing a big do-over wedding and inviting you so I can buy my BMW.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:7f80d1e8-6a4e-4bac-b7a5-acb2196aca59">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : Just how much do you give as a gift?????  If it's enough to by a Mercedes, I'm throwing a big do-over wedding and inviting you so I can buy my BMW.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

I mean not MY money, the guests money... OUR= in the general sense. She used all the money from the guests to buy a luxury car. I thought that was kind of tacky... but it's her money.

AmandaSC1988

I never post here, I just lurk... but I just couldn't stay quiet. If you are using your gift money for donations. Just tell them in the thank you note you send after the wedding? Why make a public display of money that you don't even know you have received? Thank You Notes seem like the place to tell your guests what you did with their gift. ...Maybe I did it wrong.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:57e87e7f-cac7-47a2-a532-00f5f7e45837">Re:Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Donation Card Placement: What exactly is tacky about owning or buying a nice car? What did you WANT her to do with your money? You sound seriously judgemental and really kind of awful right now, just so you know.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I would hope she would have done the sensible smart thing and save it for a house or for a future child's college. Not everyone does that or has to, but that's what I'd like the money to go to. I would like to know I am helping them build a life together and not helping them buy random luxury crap that they don't need.

Judgemental, whatever. I was just saying that b/c it's someone else's money now doesn't mean I like or have to like how they spend it, but a lot of times I don't and I'd have been a lot of happier knowing that at least they donated it to help someone.... which is why I like when I see donation cards.

That's MY feeling. If you don't agree, that's fine. I don't recall ever putting anyone down in this thread. If that makes you feel better, than go ahead.

SKPM

In Response to Re:Donation Card Placement: [QUOTE] I would hope she would have done the sensible smart thing and save it for a house or for a future child's college. Not everyone does that or has to, but that's what I'd like the money to go to. I would like to know I am helping them build a life together and not helping them buy random luxury crap that they don't need.Judgemental, whatever. I was just saying that b/c it's someone else's money now doesn't mean I like or have to like how they spend it, but a lot of timesnbsp;I don't and I'd have been a lot of happier knowing that at least they donated it to help someone.... which is why I like when I see donation cards. That's MY feeling. If you don't agree, that's fine. I don't recall ever putting anyone down in this thread. Ifnbsp;that makes you feel better, than go ahead. Posted by OwningAHome1981 [/QUOTE]

A few things. 1. You don't get to dictate or judge how other people spend their money. Once you give money, it belongs to the recipient. 2. If you don't like number 1 then you don't have to give money. You can get the couple a physical gift, a GC to somewhere of your approval, or a savings bond. 3. Personally, I would never plan to use wedding gifts to pay for kids' college. Mainly because I don't want kids, but also because IMO a gift for the couple should be spent on the couple. On something they need or want. Even if it's a car. Side note, I bought a new car less than a month after my wedding, and what my former guests might have thought about it literally never crossed my mind.

lls31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:b9d2f6c1-2862-4afc-91c0-8fec8da0064d">Re:Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Donation Card Placement : I would hope she would have done the sensible smart thing and save it for a house or for a future child's college. Not everyone does that or has to, but that's what I'd like the money to go to. I would like to know I am helping them build a life together and not helping them buy random luxury crap that they don't need. Judgemental, whatever. I was just saying that b/c it's someone else's money now doesn't mean I like or have to like how they spend it, but a lot of times I don't and I'd have been a lot of happier knowing that at least they donated it to help someone.... which is why I like when I see donation cards. That's MY feeling. If you don't agree, that's fine. I don't recall ever putting anyone down in this thread. If that makes you feel better, than go ahead.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It's none of your business how anyone else spends their money.  Once you gift the money to them, it becomes theirs and you have no say in what they do with it.

</div>

Ali092011

I agree with PPs that it is NOT necessary for anyone to know how their gift was used. In a thank you note, sure, it's nice to know that a monetary gift made a positive impact on the recipient's life, but I personally couldn't care less if the bride and groom spend it on a down payment for a house or a brand new sports car. How do you know these imaginary people don't already have college savings for their future children or whatever? And even if they don't, who cares? Also, while we're being judgy about other people and their money, I have to say I think it's always a lovely and generous gesture to donate to a cause you support. However, you keep going on and on about how you have NO MONEY whatsoever and that your guests all know that you have NO MONEY whatsoever. Are you worried that some guests might give you monetary gifts so that you and your husband form some semblance of a savings account, not so you can turn around and donate it? I donate when I can, but when the Alumni Association of my university called me asking for money yesterday, I had to say no because we are drained financially from having new plumbing installed no pun intended. Just food for thought, though I'm not going to judge you for donating money given to you as a gift. It is yours to do with what you please.

beardo1111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:002e80b0-cc6a-43b9-a978-57ea13554c60">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement :<strong> Stop judging other people for how they spend their money</strong> (that's right its not your money after you give it to someone else.  It's theirs to do with as they wish).  <strong>The fact that you were planning on donating after the wedding makes your entire thread moot.  You wouldn't have received the card until after the wedding so you wouldn't have been able to post it where everyone could see anyway.</strong>
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

THIS.  OP - I don't know what's worse - how judgemental you sound or how superficial/nonsensical your donation plan is.  Just.....stop. 

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:b9d2f6c1-2862-4afc-91c0-8fec8da0064d">Re:Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Donation Card Placement : I would hope she would have done the sensible smart thing and save it for a house or for a future child's college. Not everyone does that or has to, but that's what I'd like the money to go to. I would like to know I am helping them build a life together and not helping them buy random luxury crap that they don't need. Judgemental, whatever. I was just saying that b/c it's someone else's money now doesn't mean I like or have to like how they spend it, but a lot of times I don't and I'd have been a lot of happier knowing that at least they donated it to help someone.... which is why I like when I see donation cards. That's MY feeling. If you don't agree, that's fine. I don't recall ever putting anyone down in this thread. If that makes you feel better, than go ahead.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Well, what comes around goes around.  I hope you realize that a lot of people will judge the hell out of you for donating money they gave you as a wedding gift if they find out.  At least this woman bought something that she and her husband can use - if she did indeed use wedding money for this.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:b9d2f6c1-2862-4afc-91c0-8fec8da0064d">Re:Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Donation Card Placement :<strong> I would hope she would have done the sensible smart thing and save it for a house or for a future child's college.</strong> Not everyone does that or has to, but that's what I'd like the money to go to. I would like to know I am helping them build a life together and not helping them buy random luxury crap that they don't need. Judgemental, whatever. I was just saying that b/c it's someone else's money now doesn't mean I like or have to like how they spend it, but a lot of times I don't and I'd have been a lot of happier knowing that at least they donated it to help someone.... which is why I like when I see donation cards. That's MY feeling. If you don't agree, that's fine. I don't recall ever putting anyone down in this thread. If that makes you feel better, than go ahead.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

So, should we apologize to all of our guests who gave us money? We used it to buy H an SUV with 4WD for the winter, despite the fact that we already have two vehicles, AND we've put a ton of that money into unexpected repairs on my vehicle. In all, we've spent about half of our wedding money on vehicles. We also spent a good chunk of it on our honeymoon (nice dinners, mostly).

StephBeanWed61502

We spent our wedding money on ::gasp!:: moving to a new apartment.  That we don't and will never own.  It's like we THREW OUR GUESTS' MONEY DOWN THE DRAIN!!!!  Because the only appropriate way to "build a life together" is by buying a house AS-SOON-AS-FLIPPING-POSSIBLE.  Even if buying a house makes absolutely no sense for us right now - or possibly ever - based on our current and future career and life goals.

Owning, FYI, your Long Island is showing in a really ugly way right now with that whole "oh em gee they should've bought a HOUSE, not a CAR, because EVERY PERSON EVER EVERYWHERE MUST OWN A HOUSE!" 

Sorry for the outburst, but this mentality is driving me crazy right now.  If one more person looks at me like I shot a baby in the face when I tell them we are not currently and will not at any point in the future be shopping for a freakin' house, I may go postal.  Apparently, no one learned a damned thing about home ownership not being "zomg the best thing ever for everyone" from the foreclosure crisis.

QueerFemme

I know this thread has been posted to death... but, one more opinion.  I would be MUCH happier if a bride and groom used my gift money to buy something tangible (even a luxury item like a Mercedes) or went on a fabulous trip, or went out to a nice dinner instead of knowing that they donated "my" money to a cause I may not support.