Deciding between 2 dates.....

ginaleigh80

Okay, we are newly engaged and in the beginning process of planning out wedding.
I've said from the start that I wanted to get married on May 14 2011 because May 14 is my grandparents anniversary and I was close to them growing up. I know it would mean a lot to my grandfather too since my grandmother passed a few years ago.
The problem with this date is that my future MIL's 50th birthday will be the next day- May 15. And our neice was born this year May 17, so her 1st birthday will be around that time as well. There's just a lot going on. (And future MIL has grumbled a little at the date. Though she says she's not really upset about it.)

Our other date in mind would be April 23 2011. But that's the Saturday before Easter. And the issue with that is, well, it's Easter weekend.

We are kind of boxed in because of my school schedule (I'm going back t school full-time) and May 14 is after the end of Spring semester and April 23 is the weekend that Spring Break starts. (Yes, it's very late next spring because Easter is so late.)

I really can't decide on the date! Also, as of right now we're planning a beach wedding, so we don't want it too late in the summer because it will be miserable and hot.

Any suggestions?

catemeg

It's a sweet gesture for your grandparents, but your relationship with your FMIL is very important.  You're not just putting this close to her birthday this year - forever you will have your anniversary right before her birthday.  For your 10th anniversary, it will be her 60th birthday.  For your 20th anniversary, it will be her 70th.  You'll be taking away a little of the spotlight.

That said, I do believe you get only one day, either for a birthday or a wedding date.  But if she's grumbling, she probably feels a little put out, and you don't want to start out on that foot.

With regards to Easter, I don't think that really matters.  At least in my family, no one makes a very big deal of Easter.  A little church, some egg hunts for kids, a family dinner, but that's it.  Will you have a lot of OOT guests?  To me, being out of town for Easter wouldn't matter at all, but some people might want to be home.  Regardless, if no one is traveling super far, if you have it on Saturday, it shouldn't be a problem.

I would suggest you find another way to honor your grandparents and have your wedding in April - perhaps wear something of your grandmother's as your "something old"?

loop0406

I would go with April

aerinpegadrak

Our wedding was a Friday, and that week included the birthdays of my stepdad, my MOH, and my brother and sister.  We got a couple of ice cream cakes for the rehearsal lunch that said "Happy birthday."  Usually people don't really care too much about birthdays after 21, but 50 is a pretty big milestone.  I'd have your FI ask her how she really feels about the date; if she really is hurt and just putting on a brave face, you should consider something else.  Yeah, your wedding only happens once, but so does turning 50.

waltzingmatilda13

I think April would be better in that scenario.  But have you looked at venues yet? Keep a couple of dates in mind as begin looking, because believe it or not places may already be booked already. But if it's really going to upset FMIL, I would avoid the day before her birthday if at all possible.

trix1223

If you're getting married in a church, please be aware that most churches will not hold wedding ceremonies on the day before Easter.  The church in which I work doesn't.  We're just far too busy getting ready for Easter services the next morning.

And not only for the church aspect, but I think the Saturday of Easter weekend is a less than optimal choice for a wedding.  For many famiies, it's a busy weekend and a family weekend.  I would think that a good number of OOT guests might not attend, especially if they have to fly home on Easter Sunday.

I personally wouldn't care about the birthday thing.  In our family, my son and DIL, DD and SIL, and DH and I all have anniversaries the same week in July.  In addition, all three of my kids were born the same week in Sept.  so we're used to sharing things.

I think it could be very sweet to have a b'day cake at your reception for your MIL.

But if she really is going to get in a twist about it (I just don't get adults getting into a twist about birthdays, but that's me), then I'd look for a third date.

KatyRoseM

It really depends how important Easter is to your family.  Do you have a big family get together?  Go to church?  Just do the eggs?  If its not a big day for your family don't worry about it. 

Are there any other options?  How about a Friday instead?  Just think outside the box a bit if you are running into these problems. 

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_deciding-between-2-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a10833ba-0954-4501-a8b9-f4d59f04cd98Post:7fff9443-40cf-4c05-885d-3b285f24cf13">Re: Deciding between 2 dates.....</a>:
[QUOTE]It really depends how important Easter is to your family.  Do you have a big family get together?  Go to church?  Just do the eggs?  If its not a big day for your family don't worry about it.  Are there any other options?  How about a Friday instead?  Just think outside the box a bit if you are running into these problems. 
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

Katy:  just to point out, if she sticks with her Easter weekend plan, then Friday is even worse.  That's Good Friday.  I'm hard pressed to imagine any church or member of the clergy who would perform a wedding on Good Friday. 

For many, Good Friday is a somber day, where a wedding celebration (and the eating of meat) is just not done.

jenn.daniel

I know our church doesn't allow weddings on Easter weekend.  Even if you're not religious, it's probably going to be a problem for at least some of your guests.

I doubt your FMIL cares about it being near her birthday.  We're getting married on FI's aunt's b-day.  She's a little miffed, but not enough for us to move the date.  I told her we could put candles on the cake for her, but she didn't go for that.    your niece's b-day doesn't sound relevent either - she won't remember anything anyway.

Conclusion: go for May 14.

jessicarabbit501

since you're a student, would you want your wedding falling a week after Finals?  I wouldnt it.  Your April and May sound packed.  Why not shoot for early June?  You could luck out and get a non-miserable day.

ginaleigh80

Most of the family is "cultural" Catholic, but wouldn't mind a wedding in the middle of Easter for one year. Or at least that's what FI is saying. I know my family wouldn't care. But I hadn't thought of not being able to get someone to marry us. We're planning a beach wedding, so the church thing wouldn't be a problem for us. As for guests coming, since we're getting married 4 hours away, everyone who is going to be there will be there. They all know the plans and are board with the beach idea.

I did just look at the average temps for Pensacola in Jan.! LOL I don't know that FI would go for that though. And that would be pushing a lot on us now to get it all planned in 6 months.

Another reason for not pushing it past May is hurricane season starts June 1. Honestly, even May makes me a little nervous about that though...

I mentioned to FI about getting married and then just going on our honeymoon later, but he did not like that idea at all. I really I don't either. Especially since this will be our first vacation just the two of us. (And not with our 2yo twins!)

Maybe we'll go with the week where our cruise (honeymoon) will be cheapest! Hahaha!

stacy&tige

Honestly I can and can't understand why your FMIL might be a little upset. On the one hand its her birthday and everyone likes to be recognized on their birthday and turning 50 can be a big deal. Is she planning a birthday party or something on that day? If she's planning a party or get together I would consider April instead.

But on the other hand, if she just doesn't want to share then I'd say May is better. She's 49/50, she'll get over it. Have your FI talk to her about why it bothers her. Easter is hard for travel and families. Plus, finding an officiant would probably not be easy.

May is my top pick.

dittmerbullard2010

Personally, I would go with May 14th. I am a big fan of honoring relatives that meant something to you. I think it is a special date and would be very sweet. Yeah it is close to your MIL's birthday but so what? I am getting married 3 days before my grandmothers' (both of them) birthday, and 7 days before mine.

NillaWafer10

This is tough.  My MIL would like nothing more than to forget her birthday, so we would have it on her birthday weekend.  My pastor would have been the disgruntled one if we chose to have our wedding during Easter weekend.  It's really a really stressful weekend for the church.

Maybe you could do it the weekend of FMIL's birthday, but throw her a really big bash a month or so before.  You could also have a special cake made for her.  Since she has shown that her birthday is important to her, I would plan on having a family dinner and presents on her birthday.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_deciding-between-2-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a10833ba-0954-4501-a8b9-f4d59f04cd98Post:7362df03-6a2e-4722-a4b6-b78dae6ced25">Re: Deciding between 2 dates.....</a>:
[QUOTE]This is tough.  My MIL would like nothing more than to forget her birthday, so we would have it on her birthday weekend.  <strong>My pastor would have been the disgruntled one if we chose to have our wedding during Easter weekend. </strong> It's really a really stressful weekend for the church. Maybe you could do it the weekend of FMIL's birthday, but throw her a really big bash a month or so before.  You could also have a special cake made for her.  Since she has shown that her birthday is important to her, I would plan on having a family dinner and presents on her birthday.
Posted by NillaWafer10[/QUOTE]

nilla:  it's not that the pastor would be "disgruntled".  It's that most churches I know simply will not do a wedding on Easter Weekend.  It's just not appropriate for that weekend to celebrate a wedding in a church.

It would be okay to have the wedding outside of a church, but I expect it would difficult to find a member of the clergy who would officiate, unless perhaps they were a retired minister.

Ashes_3

I think the April thing will be better for you! But definately find out about your church or the venue your having it at first! Make sure IT IS AVAILABLE!! We're having ours May 14th..and every weekend around that time at our venue is already booked!

merivale87

I would go for April. Having it so close to an immediate family members birthday isn't fair to them, at least IMO.

InfamousQBert

personally, i would opt for the april date, but if you have family that's really religious, that's during Lent, which might mean they can't drink or even possibly go to a party, depending on HOW closely they observe that season. just something to add to the formula!