at wits end with family already!

nm02155

So I've been engaged for 11 months now.  FI and I want a wedding that is a celebration for everyone.  His parents have been divorced for years and dont talk therefore leading people to treat FI differently (long story).  FI and his dad dont speak at all.  And my family totally dont want me getting married dont know bc FI is from the same country they are from but from the capital. IDK long story
So I told him that we should just forget about the whole traditional wedding.  Do justice of the peace and have a celebration after.

AM I BEING CRAZY??? 

NotNumbers

And my family totally dont want me getting married dont know bc FI is from the same country they are from but from the capital.

Ok, I'm not really understanding that part (in fact the whole post is pretty confusing).  That aside, plan the wedding you want to have, invite the parents and it is then up to them whether or not they attend.

MyNameIsNot

I don't get it.

If you want to JOP, JOP.  But if you have a celebration after, you're going to have all the same issues that you're having anyway.  Just plan the wedding you want and tell everyone to come or not.

redheadfsu

Your post is a little confusing.

 If you are having family drama over planning a wedding, why won't you have family drama planning a celebration? (which I'm assuming is a reception soon after the JOP)

But talk to your family, try to work on the problems. See if a friend can mediate.

cukimerrydoll

Just because family dynamics aren't ideal doesn't mean you don't have to have the wedding of your dreams.

If you want to have a traditional wedding with a ceremony to follow, but your folks want JOP style, then they don't have to be there.

You could find a nice chapel for a small wedding with those who are supportive of your marriage followed by a larger reception. 

It's probably not what you pictured, but if people don't support the wedding, would you really want them there?  And it's a decent compromise for what you want - and a chapel can be more budget friendly too.

Anon I. Mouse

You'll still have drama with a celebration, or even a JOP if you want to invite some people, won't you?

It's your wedding, you can still have the wedding you want even if there is drama with the family. Are you going to spend the rest of your lives changing your own wants and desires put of fear of family drama? Be clear with them about your intentions for the wedding, and let them deal with their own stuff about it.

And, don't invite people just to invite people. I am thinking in particular for example of why would FI's father be invited if they don't talk - weddings generally are not the place to "rekindle" relationships. He can invite him of course if he wants them there, but it it is not necessary he does if he doesn't just to fill the pews or whatever. FI and I did not invite our fathers for example (or that side of the family), as we are also either totally or somewhat estranged from our fathers/fathers family and as it is a small, intimate wedding we were not comfortable inviting them just to invite them. I am not even sure at this point if they know we are getting married (that is how close we are), but when they find out and they ask us about it we will talk to them about why we did not invite them and so forth (with compassion of course!).

ashleypastori

Don't let family drama stop you from having the wedding of your dreams.  Have the wedding that you want, wherever you want, and invite the people that are closest to you and that will support you and be happy for you.  You could always do a small chapel with a few very close friends or family, or even just the two of you on a beach or a mountain somewhere.  You can still look back on it with fond memories and not just think of it as "doing what you had to do to get married".  Then if you wanted to do a small reception just for friends, or just for each family, that would be fine.

jeannigirl

I know that it can't be easy with the family drama and know that their are alot of us that are in that same boat with you.
So you need to lay aside all the family drama and plan the wedding that you and your FI want. Whatever that may be, but running to a JOP just to avoid the drama is not fair to you or your FI.

We actually are not inviting alot of family members for that same problem. You invite those who are supportive of you and your FI, if not then you can explain to them if they ask why their not invited, you can be honest but nice.

Enjoy your wedding planning and please don't allow yourselves to be caught up in that garbage.