F Bachelor Parties--- Drama (Very Long!)

MCCRARYSCOTT

So my fiancé had his bachelor party Saturday. And I purposely planned a girls dinner night to have something to do with my friends.  I wasn’t real worried if they were going to end up going to a strip club, actually if that was what they ended up doing over what really happened I would be happier right now! So about 20 of his guy friends, including 6 of his groomsmen went to a St. Pat’s parade and were tailgating and then they went bar hopping. They rented a hotel room at one of the really nice casino’s and were planning to do a little gambling that night.  You would think this would be an awesome fun Bachelor party.  Well one of my fiancés friends and groomsmen, who I can’t really stand, screwed everything up.   I was to the point where I was beginning to be “okay” with him and trust him, but as always he proved me wrong and blew my trust. (He is immature, irresponsible, rude, arrogant, disrespectful, acts like a kid for attention—the list goes on and on).  So I get a call about Midnight-ish from my Fiancé. He basically was a little drunk and upset and almost crying on the phone telling me how his bachelor party was nothing like he expected.  Told me that his one friend (the one I mentioned above) had split up and disappeared from the group after the parade. So they spent like over an hour trying to find him and get in touch with him but had no luck. (I don’t know why he would even wander off from the group of guys to begin with, in a foreign city drunk and acting like a Jack @ss) Anyways it wasn’t until my fiancé got a call from the police and found out that his friend had been beat up and was unconscious and could have a broken jaw. He was rushed to the hospital.  I think his friend must have been belligerent or rude to the wrong people and that was what caused it. I just know how he is and some of the stupid stuff he always does and how he likes to piss people off.  (Let’s put it this way, out of our circle of friends and the other guys that have gone to college, none of the other girlfriends or wives like him and in fact he wasn’t even invited to any of his other friend’s weddings because people think he’s such a liability and risk to mess stuff up or cause trouble).  Everyone makes jokes about him and says you can’t take him out in public or he’s a wild animal, etc. So he’s out of the hospital doing okay. Nothing was broken, but swollen, bruised and he needed a lot of stitches.  I’m a little worried about this too with him being in our wedding in 5 weeks whether he will be healed all the way or have a swollen face in all of the pictures.  I’m kind of to the point where I don’t even want him in the wedding anymore!  I’m so worried that he is going to ruin our wedding day or something will go wrong. I told my fiancé that this is supposed to be our day and one of the biggest events and memories of our lives and we’ve invested so much time and money into making the day special. I worry with him there something bad is bound to happen!  It sucks because I know I will be nervous and stressed out as it is and I don’t want more stress or to feel like I have to babysit a grown man.  We have 5 bridesmaids and a Jr. bridesmaid (Fi’s sister who is 11 and I think she could walk by herself or we have 2 ushers and one of them could become a groomsmen) I just don’t want him in the wedding after all this!!!   I was starting to like him because I felt he had become different and more responsible since he got a girlfriend and the last couple times we’ve all hung out, he’s behaved himself around her.  But this just proves to me, he hasn’t really changed completely and I still can’t trust him.So back to the phone call I get from my fiancé to tell me about everything, he tells me half of his friends were passed out drunk by midnight, he felt like a babysitter and his brother spent so much money on the hotel, party bus and everything and not many of his friends chipped in their fair share and he ended up giving his brother $200 (for his own bachelor party!)  And then this friend ended in the hospital. He said it wasn’t as fun as he anticipated.  I feel really bad that he had such a bad time. He was even telling me on the phone that he has learned who is true friends are and was agreeing that he didn’t need to be in our wedding.  But then the next day he gets home and now I guess has a change of heart or is afraid to tell him I guess. He says he already rented his tux. But he actually just paid the $40 deposit for it, which can be refunded.  He tells me what’s the difference of him being in the wedding or just coming to the reception.  I told him that’s fine he can be in the wedding, but I think he needs to talk to him and tell him he can’t he behave like this (he’s lucky he didn’t get hurt worse) and he can’t do anything stupid to ruin our day.  It just really sucks to have someone in our wedding though that I really can’t stand now after all this.

karenmruff

I'm sorry that your fiance had such a rotten B party, but I'm glad that he is safe at least.  I agree that he needs to talk to his friend for the friend's own good.  At the same time, if they've been friends this long, it would be really rough to ask him to leave the wedding party.  Like, end of friendship rough.  I think it's too late to ask him to step down, just from a friend point of view.

That said, can you hire a bouncer or something so that you have someone (not a guest) who can escort him out of the reception if necessary?  I've heard of several other Knotties having one on hand for family drama reasons.

blgrout

I'm sorry to hear your FI didn't have a great b-party.  That friend sounds very immature and definitely made some wrong choices, and I definitely think you and your FI need to be in agreement about keeping him in or kicking him out of the WP, which it sounds like you are.  I do think it's a good idea for your FI to sit down and talk to him about how he acts and that it's important to you and him both that he try and act like an adult for your day.  Who knows, maybe getting his arse kicked in Vegas will help him realize that acting like an idiot isn't a good thing and will help him grow up a little bit. 

As far as wedding pictures go, I doubt that he would be that bruised or swollen still in 5 weeks, if he is it should be minimal I would think.  And it's not your job to babysit him, but your FI should have someone in the WP to help keep him in check if he starts being a jackass.  Don't let someone stupid ruin your wedding day--he's clearly not worth that.  

I'm sorry that ya'll went through that though!  

kmac821

whoa, crazy! that sucks and is probably my worst nightmare. i think you're handling it pretty well, but don't worry about it too much. He can't ruin your day because no matter what you two will be married and that is what counts! Just keep him on a short leash and maybe let the bartender at the reception know that he can (and probably should) cut this guy off after 5 drinks.

chickenbut143

I agree w/ the PP.  Maybe getting the stuff beat out of him - changed the way he'll act for awhile.  Will his girlfriend be at your wedding?  I assume so, AND if she is you said it yourself, hes a different person and behaves.  I'd still have your FI sit down & talk to him though. 

rlavach

Yikes, what a nightmare. I'm not trying to make light of the subject, but it almost sounds like a movie. I agree with the PP that your FI needs to lay it  on the table with him. I'm know that any good bartender can tell when someone is becoming drunk and is required to stop serving them. But, they are capable of asking other people to get them drinks or just steal off of tables. I'd definitely talk about this to your reception hall & see how they handle such situations. I'm just glad that your FI is ok.

em01092

Oy vey. That is craziness all around. I'm glad everyone is ok, well for the most part. I'm anxious to see how he handles this as well. He may realize what a dummy he has been and just needed this to show him what harm it can do. I bet he feels pretty stupid. 

cdbishop

Wow.  I agree with some PP's.  I think it is important for your FI to sit down and talk to this friend about expectations for the wedding day and i like the idea of having another groomsmen keep an eye on him throughout the night so it isn't your problem.  As for pictures, I wouldn't worry too much, I think the bruising and swelling should be minimal at that point.  

I kind of know how you feel as FI has a college friend who is as you described (immature, drinks too much, creep at points) and was originally considering about having him be a GM since all of his other college friends are groomsmen.  FI decided he didn't want to be around him the morning of the wedding because of his behavior and never asked him.  This friend then refused to go to the bachelor party because he was upset he isn't a groomsmen, made me worry less at the B-party.  But I know the type of friend this is and I know that it can be tough to deal with.  So I'm sorry! I hope you are able to talk to this guy!

inhisname2010

Sheesh...what a bachelor party...sorry to hear. I hope your FI has the courage to have this important conversation with him...and WATCH HIS ALCOHOL INTAKE THE DAY OF!!!

MCCRARYSCOTT

Thanks everyone for some advice and encouragement. I've been very emotional the last few days.  Sorry my post was so long too. It was suppose to be in paragraphs but it didnt copy over that way. I like the idea of letting the bartender know he has the right to cut him off. And hopefully all the other groomsmen will keep an eye out on him. I'll be sure he only gets like 1 beer on the party bus and yes his girlfriend will be there too so that should help. I really just felt like i needed to vent my frustration.

I'm not trying to be a bride who is worried about only appearances too, but i feel like i just lost total complete respect for him and that he's not a great friend. I dont understand what my Fi see's in him.  If someone constantly acted like this to me or did stupid stuff around me, i would cut them out of my life. i feel like he just doesnt understand where i am coming from. Its like he has blinders on when everyone else talks bad about him or makes jokes about him. This is just not the kind of friend i would want associating around our future children someday! I've told him this is suppose to be the happiest time of our lives and "our special day" and we've investing so much time and money into this and he's just a huge liability that worries me.

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_f-bachelor-parties-drama-very-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:f054e8cf-52f8-4600-8d5e-7aa4359b7721Post:7f74953c-6905-4df3-88e0-5fd55847777d">Re: F Bachelor Parties--- Drama (Very Long!)</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone for some advice and encouragement. I've been very emotional the last few days.  Sorry my post was so long too. It was suppose to be in paragraphs but it didnt copy over that way. I like the idea of letting the bartender know he has the right to cut him off. And hopefully all the other groomsmen will keep an eye out on him. I'll be sure he only gets like 1 beer on the party bus and yes his girlfriend will be there too so that should help. I really just felt like i needed to vent my frustration. I'm not trying to be a bride who is worried about only appearances too, but i feel like i just lost total complete respect for him and that he's not a great friend. I dont understand what my Fi see's in him.<strong>  If someone constantly acted like this to me or did stupid stuff around me, i would cut them out of my life.</strong> i feel like he just doesnt understand where i am coming from. Its like he has blinders on when everyone else talks bad about him or makes jokes about him. This is just not the kind of friend i would want associating around our future children someday! I've told him this is suppose to be the happiest time of our lives and "our special day" and we've investing so much time and money into this and he's just a huge liability that worries me.
Posted by MCCRARYSCOTT[/QUOTE]
I am exactly the same way. I have ZERO tolerance for those types of people. A few months ago my FI found out that my BFF was actually spreading some pretty vicious rumors about me & basically trying to sabotage our relationship. Yeah, it was bad. It took a long time to believe it. When I saw enough proof that it was true, I cut her out. 100% completely. No contact. She hasn't tried to contact me anyway. My FI was shocked that I made such a clean break. He would've still kept some ties.<div>
</div><div>I think guys just have different brain patterns. They think so weird. Maybe they're trying to be understanding and forgiving. Those are good things, but obviously not when it negatively affects us. There was one guy that FI eventually did cut out when I made it clear that it was a detriment to our relationship. It takes time for them to see it.</div>

MCCRARYSCOTT

@ rlavach---- You said it sounds like a movie...

Yea it should be called Hangover Pt. 3 or Wedding party disasters. LOL. I'm just trying not to stress over it anymore.