Money Question Help!

CEMurphy04

Help! I coulnd't find an appropriate topic to put this post under so I am hoping someone can help me here!  Ok, My fiance and I have been engaged since the end of October, planning a September 1st, 2012 wedding.  A few weeks after the engagement and date being set, my parents offered me a set amount of money for the wedding.  My finaces parents are both divorced and remarried and we have gotten together with both sets multiple times since the engagement.  Neither set of parents has offered to give us any money whatsoever towards the wedding.  Anytime I bring up to my fiance, asking either of them if they are planning on helping us out with it, my fiance won't.  He just tells me to do whatever I want to do, or whatever I need to do with the wedding and he will cover it (we don't make a ton of money FYI.)  I understand that he and I will be paying for certain things we want but he doesn't understand that if I knew for sure if his parents were or were not helping out, it would be better for the whole planning process!  I can avoid booking certain things, or buying certain things if I know we will have to cover it ourselves and be in debt for years over it!  I have booked a few things, like a photobooth that I still plan on getting the deposit back on if his parents give us nothing.  

I went to see someone about invitations and she said I need to have my guest list by the end of January, which depends greatly on our budget.  My fiances mom decided to add 23 of her husbands family (even though my fiance has barely even met all of them!)

What I am asking for is some advice on how to better approach the topic with my fiance.  Please help me!!

freebread03

It was very nice of your parents to offer, but unfortunately it would be quite rude to ask his parents for money for your wedding.  Ultimately, you and your FI are the ones who should be paying for your wedding, and you'd be smart to choose the wedding you can afford NOW and not go into debt.

If and only if his parents mention helping with the wedding would it be appropriate to discuss specifics.  Your FI is right to not ask his parents for money.  Most couples pay for their own weddings, so you won't be any different (in fact, you're quite fortunate that your parents have offered to help).

LizziebeeUT

Well the first thing is that it is very rude to ask anyone for money. If they want to help, they will offer it.

But, you guys really do need to sit down and work out a budget. Its not cool that your FI is just blowing it off.

You need to plan as if you are receiving no help. So if that means you can't afford a photobooth, than don't put a deposit on a photobooth.

Make a list of things you absolutely need.
Venue
Officient
wedding license


than make a list of things that you would like to have
seven-tiered cake
photobooth
videographer

make sure you budget enough for the must-haves, than if you get any extra help from family than you can focus on the want-tos.

Hopefully someone does step-up and offer to help you, but until that happens, sit your FI down and come up with a budget.

redheadfsu

You can't ask anyone for money. As an adult you are responsible for your own party. People can offer, but you do not ask for money.

RebeccaB88

If they don't offer, then you plan on them not contributing.  But also, if they don't contribute, they don't get a say in how anything is done (including adding to the guest list).  So, you have that going for you.

jesslca113

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_money-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6394890-c935-4d57-b583-345bd3487fdaPost:64818b21-66c0-4334-a0f5-7cb4cf9a8e00">Money Question Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Help! I coulnd't find an appropriate topic to put this post under so I am hoping someone can help me here!  Ok, My fiance and I have been engaged since the end of October, planning a September 1st, 2012 wedding.  A few weeks after the engagement and date being set, my parents offered me a set amount of money for the wedding.  My finaces parents are both divorced and remarried and we have gotten together with both sets multiple times since the engagement.  Neither set of parents has offered to give us any money whatsoever towards the wedding.  Anytime I bring up to my fiance, asking either of them if they are planning on helping us out with it, my fiance won't.  He just tells me to do whatever I want to do, or whatever I need to do with the wedding and he will cover it (we don't make a ton of money FYI.)  I understand that he and I will be paying for certain things we want but he doesn't understand that if I knew for sure if his parents were or were not helping out, it would be better for the whole planning process!  <strong>I can avoid booking certain things, or buying certain things if I know we will have to cover it ourselves and be in debt for years over it! </strong> I have booked a few things, like a photobooth that I still plan on getting the deposit back on if his parents give us nothing.   I went to see someone about invitations and she said I need to have my guest list by the end of January, which depends greatly on our budget.  My fiances mom decided to add 23 of her husbands family (even though my fiance has barely even met all of them!) What I am asking for is some advice on how to better approach the topic with my fiance.  Please help me!!
Posted by CEMurphy04[/QUOTE]

I agree with the PPs that it's very rude to ask someone for money.  While it's nice to have help from your parents it's not their responsibility.  You need to plan your wedding according to your budget.  If you get money from your guys' parents then that's just an added bonus.

Maybe your FI's parents don't want to be in debt either!  Remember, they are divorced... which sometimes puts you in debt for years.  A wedding shouldn't put you in debt for years.  You can plan a nice wedding on little money.  Start with the necessities and anything else is a bonus.

Cynthia1207

Pay for the wedding YOU can afford.  Also, don't count on, and definitely don't spend, any money you have not yet received in hand.  Many brides come on these boards sharing stories of how they were expecting a certain amount from someone and never received it.

This is your wedding.  You should be paying for it.  Asking people for money is extremely rude.  If they offer to help than you can accept, if they don't,  that's their decision and you nothing to say about it.  Stop bringing it up to your FI because in the end it's going to cause unnecessary conflict between the two of you.  Make a budget on what you can afford and stick to that.  If you receive extra money, take it as a bonus.  Just don't blatantly ask for it.

renegade gaucho

Stop putting deposits down on things that you can't afford to pay for yourselves.

While your fiance is correct that it would be inappropriate to ask anyone for money, his attitude that you should just plan whatever you want and he will cover it is a bad idea.  The two of you need to establish a reasonable budget based on what your parents have offered (assuming that's a reliable offer) and what the two of you can afford to contribute, keeping in mind that just because you have the money doesn't mean you should blow it all on a wedding.  You need to work as a team to distinguish between needs and wants, set priorities, and find ways to put together your wedding without going into debt or leaving yourselves with no savings.

If your fiance's parents aren't contributing at all, they don't get to dictate the guest list.  When FMIL tells you who she wants to invite, your fiance needs to tell her that your budget won't allow for that, and he will be limiting his side of the guest list to the people who are most important to him.