Time to take a step back.

shanding4787

I think it may be time to take a little break from anything wedding planning related. Things are getting way too stressful and FI are fighting way too much about crap...totally not something I want to be doing now. We're only have a few big things left but it's those things that we can't seem to agree on. Ugh.

cwaggoner07

We planned our ENTIRE wedding in 7 months. Taking an entire month off wouldn't kill you at all.

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_time-to-take-a-step-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:adb72094-c789-460f-93a2-04889075628fPost:026b271f-0794-4376-ac82-07909a8fd62b">Re: Time to take a step back.</a>:
[QUOTE]What are you guys fighting over?  
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

The biggest one is the guest list. We have VERY different views on it. I want something smaller, ike 150 or less and he wants 400. With the hall we have we can only hold 320 which I think it a very good compromise on my end but he just keeps complaining about it. He's a very social person and worked at a bar for 15 years and feels the need to invite EVERYONE he's ever met.

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_time-to-take-a-step-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:adb72094-c789-460f-93a2-04889075628fPost:a9a524ff-79cb-4542-b896-3d69ccbc2b67">Re: Time to take a step back.</a>:
[QUOTE]We planned our ENTIRE wedding in 7 months. Taking an entire month off wouldn't kill you at all.
Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

I think that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I have an appt with my bridesmaids on Oct 16th to order the dresses, so from now until then, I'm just backing off.

Maggie0829

I think you made a very good compromise on the guest list.  You increased your count by quite a lot to make your FI happy.  I am assuming you have a budget because almost every bride does...are you two paying for the wedding?  If so does he realize just how much more you will have to spend to invite 80 more people?  If not, I would lay it all out for him in a spreadsheet to show him the difference in every single price.  Then after you have done that tell him that from now until you order your BM dresses wedding planning is going to be put on the back burner to give time for both of you to relax and de-stress.  Hopefully during this time he will consider the costs and realize that 320 guests is a great compromise.

Now if you two aren't paying for the wedding then it really is up to the hosts on how many people to invite and if they say no to 80 more people there is really nothing your FI can say about it.

Sorry that you are going through some stress.  The guest list is usually the hardest part.  Enjoy your month off and relax!

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_time-to-take-a-step-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:adb72094-c789-460f-93a2-04889075628fPost:c358c354-b08f-480d-b173-16dc614f08df">Re: Time to take a step back.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you made a very good compromise on the guest list.  You increased your count by quite a lot to make your FI happy.  I am assuming you have a budget because almost every bride does...are you two paying for the wedding?  If so does he realize just how much more you will have to spend to invite 80 more people?  If not, I would lay it all out for him in a spreadsheet to show him the difference in every single price.  Then after you have done that tell him that from now until you order your BM dresses wedding planning is going to be put on the back burner to give time for both of you to relax and de-stress.  Hopefully during this time he will consider the costs and realize that 320 guests is a great compromise. Now if you two aren't paying for the wedding then it really is up to the hosts on how many people to invite and if they say no to 80 more people there is really nothing your FI can say about it. Sorry that you are going through some stress.  The guest list is usually the hardest part.  Enjoy your month off and relax!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Yes, we are paying for it, and I have laid out the numbers for him in black and white, and while we are getting a REALLY good deal on alcohol/catering, it is still a lot of money. His thought though is, "we're already spending $X so what's another $X?". In that aspect, yea it's not <em>that</em> big deal, but having that many people is not what I want at all. I want to be able to enjoy my reception and not walk around talking to all 300 some odd people there (some of which I've never met)

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_time-to-take-a-step-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:adb72094-c789-460f-93a2-04889075628fPost:6786aeca-a872-4f6a-99ca-797a65469bea">Re: Time to take a step back.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time to take a step back. : The biggest one is the guest list. We have VERY different views on it. I want something smaller, ike 150 or less and <strong>he wants 400. With the hall we have we can only hold 320</strong> which I think it a very good compromise on my end but he just keeps complaining about it. He's a very social person and worked at a bar for 15 years and feels the need to invite EVERYONE he's ever met.
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

Did you already book the hall? 

Does he realize, if the hall can only hold 320 people your guestlist (including vendors) can only be 320?

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_time-to-take-a-step-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:adb72094-c789-460f-93a2-04889075628fPost:774c5550-70e0-49b3-8fb7-292674d314c6">Re: Time to take a step back.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time to take a step back. : Did you already book the hall?  Does he realize, if the hall can only hold 320 people your guestlist (including vendors) can only be 320?
Posted by LiLe422[/QUOTE]

Oh, this is a good point.

I think after a month of rest and relaxation from wedding planning really have a discussion with him (and make it the final discussion).  Let him know that even though you wanted something on the smaller side you decided to compromise with him and increase the guest list thus he should compromise in return.  Also remind him of your hall limit.

I do remember you saying in another post (hopefully it was you) that you could rent more of the hall if you needed to.  Yeah, I would put my foot down and tell him that this is the size you are working with and this is how many people it can hold.  Period.

The only plus is that your FI seems uber excited to share such a great day with so many people!

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_time-to-take-a-step-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:adb72094-c789-460f-93a2-04889075628fPost:b66f6b13-c8ef-4861-bf90-6658edce9092">Re: Time to take a step back.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time to take a step back. : Oh, this is a good point. I think after a month of rest and relaxation from wedding planning really have a discussion with him (and make it the final discussion).  Let him know that even though you wanted something on the smaller side you decided to compromise with him and increase the guest list thus he should compromise in return.  Also remind him of your hall limit. I do remember you saying in another post (hopefully it was you) that you could rent more of the hall if you needed to.  Yeah, I would put my foot down and tell him that this is the size you are working with and this is how many people it can hold.  Period. The only plus is that your FI seems uber excited to share such a great day with so many people!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Yes we booked the hall and had an issue a few weeks ago and instead of renting the whole hall, we're down to half of it now. So he knows that we can only have 320, but he's still throwing a fit about it. I'm making him sit down tonight and go through the list because I dont understand how there could possibly be anymore people he would even want to add that aren't already on the list. And if you want them there then either too bad, or take someone off and put that person in there spot. I mean, even for his co-workers, he has four tables (40 people all together coworkers and spouses) and I have one. I told him he needs to cut it back to two tables and I will have the same.

Other than that the only thing we've argued about is the tuxes. He's never voiced an opinion so I had no idea he was so against the guys wearing red vests, but whatever, he wants them in all black then fine.

Maggie0829

Well maybe you should just let him throw his hissy fit about the max guest limit.  Since there is a max limit set there really isn't anything you can do about it so this is something he is just going to have to get over.