Anybody else over this? (very long rant)

notagirlikeme

When I initially was told about "The Knot" I thought it was such a great idea.  My opinion has changed dramatically.  People come here to seek advice about etiquette and get ideas about their weddings but, end up getting torn apart and critiqued about their grammar and possible lack of intelligence.  Usually the initial question gets buried under the sarcastic comments.

What's more irritating is that most of the responses come from the same group of ladies.  You know, the ones who copy the original posting so the person asking the question can't go back and correct mistakes.  Oh, and let's not forget the ganging up on the poor question maker by giving each other props for the insults.  I especially love that they refer to people's wedding days as "it's just one party".  Or how about "What do you expect when you post something online?", or "Why don't people read the previous postings?"  Seriously?

Apparently they spend huge amounts of time browsing this site to unleash their frustrations, of perhaps their own disappointing weddings or marriages, onto unsuspecting, happily engaged people.  Another note is that most of these posters haven't even had their own weddings yet!  I actually Pm'd a couple of them to comment on their comments.  One said she was sorry that I "hated her" and then blocked me.  What are you 12?

Anyway, "The Knot" doesn't come with a tutorial and newer users may ask questions that many of these girls have answered.  How about not answering the questions if this is so distasteful to some of you?  Take your rude comments and negative advice to another website where it would be more appropriate.

As for me reading the comments has really helped me appreciate what a fantastic group of people I have surrounded myself with.  My wedding day may only be "one party" but, it's going to be an amazing day.  I hope that many other brides-to-be feel this way too.  So, to all the new posters out there, there are actually happily engaged people on this site.  Don't let all of these little "gangsters' put you down.

Anyone else feel the same way?

duckie1905

No,

Actually the first time I posted on here I got torn to shreds.  Did it suck?  Yes.  Were they right?  Yes.

The ladies on here said all the things that the people in my life never would've said to me, and I needed to hear it.

I hear on weddingwire they spew happiness, rainbows, glitter, and puppies everywhere.

pandasquishy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anybody-else-over-this-very-long-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b6536f23-32fe-467a-a012-7011f0214becPost:4e7e3039-181a-4eeb-855b-4486ed83746b">Anybody else over this? (very long rant)</a>:
[QUOTE]When I initially was told about "The Knot" I thought it was such a great idea.  My opinion has changed dramatically.  People come here to seek advice about etiquette and get ideas about their weddings but, end up getting torn apart and critiqued about their grammar and possible lack of intelligence.  Usually the initial question gets buried under the sarcastic comments. What's more irritating is that most of the responses come from the same group of ladies.  You know, the ones who copy the original posting so the person asking the question can't go back and correct mistakes.  Oh, and let's not forget the ganging up on the poor question maker by giving each other props for the insults.  I especially love that they refer to people's wedding days as "it's just one party".  Or how about "What do you expect when you post something online?", or "Why don't people read the previous postings?"  Seriously? <strong>Apparently they spend huge amounts of time browsing this site to unleash their frustrations, of perhaps their own disappointing weddings or marriages, onto unsuspecting, happily engaged people.</strong>  Another note is that most of these posters haven't even had their own weddings yet!  I actually Pm'd a couple of them to comment on their comments.  One said she was sorry that I "hated her" and then blocked me.  What are you 12? An<strong>yway, "The Knot" doesn't come with a tutorial and newer users may ask questions that many of these girls have answered.</strong>  How about not answering the questions if this is so distasteful to some of you?  Take your rude comments and negative advice to another website where it would be more appropriate. As for me reading the comments has really helped me appreciate what a fantastic group of people I have surrounded myself with.  My wedding day may only be "one party" but, it's going to be an amazing day.  I hope that many other brides-to-be feel this way too.  So, to all the new posters out there, there are actually happily engaged people on this site.  Don't let all of these little "gangsters' put you down. Anyone else feel the same way?
Posted by notagirlikeme[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1.  You sound a lot like the WW trolls who've been around all weekend.  If you are, you posted this on the wrong board.  Troll fail.</div><div>
</div><div>2.  Here's a link to that tutorial you claim doesn't exist: <span style="color:#000000;font-family:Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:normal;-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing:2px;-webkit-border-vertical-spacing:2px;" class="Apple-style-span"><strong><a href="http://tinyurl.com/d7lnlx" rel="nofollow">http://tinyurl.com/d7lnlx</a></strong>
</span>
</div>

fairy_diva

I've posted over 200 times and have never been torn to shreds. I've gotten some honest opinions when I have asked for them.  I love the knot boards and the ladies on here have some awesome advice & ideas!

notagirlikeme

I have also received good advice and ideas.  I wasn't referring to my posts.  You can be honest and blunt without being rude and obnoxious.  Thanks, pandasquishy for calling me a troll and copying my post.  It's exactly this type of response that I'm talking about.  Thanks for not letting me down.  I'm not looking for "rainbows and sunshine" but, it's clear that most of the posters are barely out of their teens.  I expect this behavior from my students.

pandasquishy

Glad to help.

psichick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anybody-else-over-this-very-long-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b6536f23-32fe-467a-a012-7011f0214becPost:8c405100-99e1-4809-8c42-19b902f53b49">Re: Anybody else over this? (very long rant)</a>:
[QUOTE]You have to expect a certain degree of honest and brutal  answers when you post on an online forum. Many of the ladies on here, have been for a while, and therefore have seen their fair share of asshattery. Its not saying that all new people are idiots, many have posted and not been torn to shreds (like myself) and many have been torn to shreds and lived to tell the tale. Its also made them more aware that weddings are not JUST about the bride and groom. You have to remember when posting on a board such as Etiquette, that your posts will be criticized on what proper etiquette actually is on the subject.  So while some people may want to host cash bars, kick out bridesmaids, not invite SO's or separate WP from their dates, that in no way,shape or form makes it the proper thing to do. You will not find an etiquette book anywhere that says that any of these behaviors are proper. Do they still happen? YES. Are the ladies on here going to validate it? HELL NO. People on these boards will tell you the best way to have a wedding that makes your guests feel welcome, and make sure brides and their future husbands  are gracious hosts. Is some it harsher than necessary? Sometimes. Is still good advice? Always.
Posted by mags0607[/QUOTE]

i think you're missing the point of her post. it's not that she's saying people don't give good advice, because they do. it's the WAY they give that advice.when someone asks a question and it's something that certain people don't agree with or have a different opinion on, they don't just express that opinion but often also attack, belittle, and completely degrade the poster. that is completely unnecessary. that's what the op is complaining about. not the advice, but how it's presented.

i'm on various forums that make this place look like main street mom's when it comes to tearing people appart though so i'm used to it but some people on here really do have very high opinions of themselves and need to get over it lol

laurenclaire1386

You have zero control over the responses you'll get to your posts. Instead of whining about how mean everyone is, maybe you should find another message board. I can promise you that chastising posters isn't gonna win you any sympathy points.

Shaki

the knot ladies give wonderful advice!

kaynix21

It happens.

Sometimes certain reactions are validated. We're all growns up here.

Pr!nc!pal_Dann!e

People quote posts so that in case the thread gets long, you will actually know what they are referencing to in their response. It has nothing to do with being rude. Yeah, people can be a bit snarky at times, it's just the nature of message boards. Honestly, the people that get torn up are the ones who post crazy and unrealistic stuff and then ask opinions about it.

For instance if someone posts the following: " my bf and I set a date and we are planning the wedding. We haven't gotten the ring yet so he hasn't gotten down on one knee. I am pretty bummed because everyone keeps saying I am engaged, but I'm not! What would you do to deal with this"  yeah....post like this gets people pretty riled up and they will call that person out like there is no tomorrow.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anybody-else-over-this-very-long-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b6536f23-32fe-467a-a012-7011f0214becPost:4e7e3039-181a-4eeb-855b-4486ed83746b">Anybody else over this? (very long rant)</a>:
[QUOTE]"  Seriously? Apparently they spend huge amounts of time browsing this site to unleash their frustrations, of perhaps their own disappointing weddings or marriages, onto unsuspecting, happily engaged people. 
Posted by notagirlikeme[/QUOTE]

Panda, we're clearly bitter and just p!ssed off that we froze in Disney on the HM. Now <strong>nobody's</strong> allowed to be happy!

hartshead

I'm newish too and I must admit I've had some of the same feelings.  I have received wonderful advice on my posts or other peoples posts.   I do believe that the honesty on this board is refreshing. The majority are super helpful and are genuinely interested in giving you advice on how to have an amazing wedding. 

However, it does sort of get lost sometimes in the posts from people using the OP as fodder for their jokes.  Then it becomes a little like a pack mentality - who can be the most sarcastic/funniest rather than answering the question. 

I'm not talking about the people who post stupid sh*t, I'm talking about normal, intelligent women asking a question and then the answers get lost in a sea of insults.  My two cents FWIW.

pandasquishy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anybody-else-over-this-very-long-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b6536f23-32fe-467a-a012-7011f0214becPost:5499eeb0-76e4-4f53-a5a7-bf79b3872e46">Re: Anybody else over this? (very long rant)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Anybody else over this? (very long rant) : Panda, we're clearly bitter and just p!ssed off that we froze in Disney on the HM. Now nobody's allowed to be happy!
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

<div>Damn skippy!  Ain't Panda happy, ain't NOBODY happy!!</div>

notagirlikeme

Ok, phew!!!  I'm glad some of you got the point.  My rant wasn't meant to be a "whine", merely a statement of fact at how irritating it is to try to find answers to questions others have asked and having to sort through the bs comments that have nothing to do with the question.  You're wrong kaynix21 when you said,  "We're all growns up here".  It's not true.  I love how I'm told that I should "find another message board".  I think that's hilarious.  I realize that idiots exist but, how does that give them the right to give advice?  Trust me I'm not looking for sympathy.  I ask this question.  If the wedding isn't for the bride and groom, then why do we have a wedding at all.  Who is it for?  Please only respond if you aren't an idiot.  Thanks.

jaime,ford87

I haven't posted much, but I've read a lot. I've noticed a lot of sarcasm and b*itchiness, but I have to say that none of it surprised me. This is a website that caters almost exclusively to WOMEN. Women who are getting married. I would be shocked if the sarcasm and b*tchiness weren't present. It's the nature of the beast. Does that excuse bad behavior? Absolutely not. But you have to shrug it off because you can't let some b*tch stranger get you down.

lisarose7

I agree that it's frustrating when someone addresses nothing relevant in the original post.  However, that's the nature of internet forums.  Some people just like to show off how "smart" they are by criticizing other people's grammar, lack of knowledge, etc.  They don't take into consideration that when someone's posting when they're upset or emotional about the subject matter they probably aren't too concerned with spelling and grammar no matter how intelligent they may actually be.  In very few internet forums will you find a large number of Mensa candidates.  I just try to ignore the irrelevant responses in order to get to the advise that I might actually find useful.  Unfortunately, posting in a public forum essentially gives everyone a right to respond, idiot or otherwise.  I just do the best I can to only post snarky responses in the Snarky Brides forum where it's expected.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anybody-else-over-this-very-long-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b6536f23-32fe-467a-a012-7011f0214becPost:529022ef-1c93-424b-99c9-53d570fb928d">Re: Anybody else over this? (very long rant)</a>:
[QUOTE] I ask this question.  If the wedding isn't for the bride and groom, then why do we have a wedding at all.  Who is it for?  Please only respond if you aren't an idiot.  Thanks.
Posted by notagirlikeme[/QUOTE]

Weddings are not only for the B and G. Weddings are for their families, and guests, should they choose to have any. All that is necessary for a wedding are two consenting adults, a witness, and an officiant. The rest is an unnecessary party. So if you're going to throw a big party in honor of your marriage, you do it for your families and guests. It's never ok to put out family members and wedding guests in the name of having your "perfect wedding day." And I'm not an idiot.

iamjoesgurl

I agree with psichick.  There are some regulars who are outright rude a lot of the time and sometimes I think it is because they want other regulars to thing they are cool.  Like someone else said, I often skip right over their responses and pay more attention to the constructive responses.  I believe in 100% honesty, but I believe that it loses some credibility when it is delivered in a way that is meant to berate the OP.

lisarose7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anybody-else-over-this-very-long-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b6536f23-32fe-467a-a012-7011f0214becPost:b6802e99-6f21-4bab-b45c-ac1dfddf8242">Re: Anybody else over this? (very long rant)</a>:
[QUOTE]Pot, meet Kettle. You must have loads to discuss.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

HAHAHAHA!!!  Love it.

sgervais88

When I first joined, I was "ripped to shreds" within my first few posts. And guess what? It was honest advice that I needed to hear and I am thankful that I did.

I don't understand why some girls come on here expecting validation for their ideas or plans. If you want validation, go ask your mom/sister/FI/etc to do so.

goheels05

::golf claps to meg::

Notagirllikeme, I've watched this conversation evolve over the past few days, and you are the only person in this thread name-calling and putting others down.  I hardly see how this helps you prove your point. 

ocgirl310

This isn't a response to anything other than the original post.

I agree that 90% of the time people just want to be noisy and Its hard to weed through the comments to find the actual advice sometimes. But playing into it isn't going to help and its a waste of time. Obviously this is the type of board that the moderators and "the Knot" want.

dsouldiva

I think there's a lot of good advice on here and sometimes it can sound harsh if it's a differing opinion but also very necessary to save people from themselves.

However there's also the odd few comments that are of no relevance to anything and are snarky for the sake of being snarky, but whatever, if people want to conduct themselves like pack animals that's on them.  Don't let them spoil what is essentially a great website full of good ideas & advice.

Ken&Cass

I'm new here so I can't speak much on experience at this site but I believe that no matter where you go online in forums these days there are bound to be unhappy people looking to take out their short comings on the rest of the world. I wouldn't get so spun up about it. I haven't posted a question yet, so maybe I will feel differently when I finally do... but for now I'd imagine that if I did ask a question, people would be all over me to. I wouldn't take it personally.

Classic_amity

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anybody-else-over-this-very-long-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b6536f23-32fe-467a-a012-7011f0214becPost:529022ef-1c93-424b-99c9-53d570fb928d">Re: Anybody else over this? (very long rant)</a>:
[QUOTE]I realize that idiots exist but, how does that give them the right to give advice?[/QUOTE]<div>Forget giving advice, idiots can even run countries! </div><div>*cough*Bush*cough*</div><div>
</div><div>Light hearted jokes aside...</div><div>
</div><div>I have to admit, I came on here my first time, got flamed big time and left for a bit because I had no loyalty built up whatsoever. Yet, I found myself ending up here for resources so I gave it a second chance. Now, I am slowly coming here more and more often. </div><div>
</div><div>Sarcasm is an easy, uncreative form of humor and that's why people use it. It's condescending and for some reason, it makes people feel more witty and clever than you. I can brush that off but the name calling is ridiculous... so unnecessary. Like even the use of the word idiot is not cool on this post. It's hard to be slammed by some stranger calling you names. I don't think I will ever be able to brush that off completely. 

</div><div>Just remember, no one wins the internet!</div>

notagirlikeme

Thanks again to those of you who understood what I was getting at.  I seem to be getting dinged for using the term idiot.  I guess it was the "nicest" word I could think of that conveyed my message.  I was called a troll.  I guess using the word idiot is super mean.  Who knew?  Anyway, I'm really glad that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I did notice that my other questions that were aimed at the "so called regs" were completely ignored. Hmmmm.  So, I'll ask again.  What are the qualifications for becoming a "reg"?  When these particular ladies seem to have so much advice to give, I was wondering what they were using as a reference? 

Btw, if those of you who had such an abhorrence to the word idiot would have read the post in which I used the word you would realize that it was only in response to the rude and hostile responses that were directed at me.  I can be just as nasty as the next girl and it's only to support my defense. 

Classic- I loved your "you can't win the internet!"  I hope you don't mind if I use that sometime

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anybody-else-over-this-very-long-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b6536f23-32fe-467a-a012-7011f0214becPost:bbd9fe09-1e89-4b89-b833-aa53b2bd7408">Re: Anybody else over this? (very long rant)</a>:
[QUOTE]Btw, if those of you who had such an abhorrence to the word idiot would have read the post in which I used the word you would realize that it was only in response to the rude and hostile responses that were directed at me.  I can be just as nasty as the next girl and it's only to support my defense.  [/QUOTE]

You sound like you are saying "but they started it!!!11!!!!!11!!" like a small child would.  You can defend yourself without calling people names.  You were by far the most hostile person in this thread.

Regulars are just posters who have been here long enough to understand how these boards work.  They have been around long enough to give good advice.  There is no magical turning point that makes you go from being new to a reg.  So I don't really know what you are asking. 

If you have a problem with the way this board operates, you can always send an email to the knot.  Just know that I have access to everything you have said in this thread, and someone outside this conversation looking in is just going to see you being hostile and ridiculous and calling people names.