A quick poll hidden in a long vent...

caitie789

Hi ladies.  I woke up this moring to an email from an OOT BM that has me a little hurt and put-out and I was just looking for a little Knottie advice/input.Vent-  Our wedding is at 2:30 and we wanted to be done hair and make-up by 12:30 (built a little cushion time for the hair/make-up/photog so really I think it is scheduled to be done at noon).  I emailed a lovely email to all of my bridesmaids thanking them and getting into the nit and gritty details of the week.  They are coming from all areas of the country and I know some are coming at different times.  All of my bridesmaids except one said how helpful the email was and that it was very informative.  The lone ranger commented “wow…that was a lot of information…a little overload…”  Anyways she then went on to say that although she said she would be getting her hair done the times we have allotted for everyone are far to early for her to be up and she would be making her own appointment downtown and that she would make an appointment for another person so she didn’t have to go alone and that person wouldn’t be up early either...[my hometown ladies aren't thrilled with this BM to begin with so I know it leaves only 1 friend to go with her that I really wanted at the suite]  I upgraded my room to a suite so it would hold all of us because everyone said they wanted to get there hair done (total of 6 of us) and 4 wanted makeup, and now she is backing out and trying to take some one with her. She then went on to tell me, not ask, that she would be at the hotel at 12-12:30…just in time for pictures.  She is OOT and I know she wants to spend time with the other BM that she will drag to the salon with her but, come on, why sign up if you aren’t willing to do this all for one.  As a background, she has been giving grief to my other BM’s for their ideas and has been really difficult to plan things with…the wedding is 15 days away and she has yet to pick up her dress to have it altered.  She said she will get it done the week of the wedding…I just don’t know what to do.  I am going to politely say I would like them at the hotel a bit earlier as I had envisioned spending a little more time with them alone…we all know how busy everyone is at the reception…but do I let her know how I feel about everything else?  Is it too late to trade her in for my reader! (kidding…but seriously there is an unaltered dress at the dress shop…) So, what time did you and your ladies get together and get ready for your big days? Thanks if you made it all the way down here!

sboston06

Wow...that would really bug me.  I don't know your friend so only you can determine if it's worth it to say something to her and risk her flipping out on you 15 days before the wedding (and maybe backing out).  If she told you she was getting her hair and/or makeup done at the hotel with the group of girls, I would tell her that you're contracted for 6 people and it's too late to change it (maybe the guilt trip will work?). I only have a tentative timeline in my head of when we're doing things on the big day but I plan on starting hair & makeup at 10 AM for a 2 PM ceremony.  I have 8 or 9 people getting hair & makeup done so I want to make sure there is PLENTY of time.  I'd also like to be done at noon for some pre-ceremony pictures.  Not too much to ask at all!!

Gabs71109

First off - deep breaths. You are so close and your day will be beautiful! My hair appointment was at 11. My sister is a stylist and wanted to have someone at her own salon do her hair so she made sure her appointment was done before I even started so she could be there with me the entire day. The rest of my girls were also there from start to finish.I can't tell you what to do since, as PP mentioned, she is your friend and only you know how she will react. In the end, if she want to get her hair done elsewhere I guess I would just say fine, but I do not think it is "ok" for her to drag your other friend with her. What about talking to friend #2 and letting her know how hurt you are by this?GL girl! Keep us posted!

Mrs Babs

Wow your BM needs to step off her pedestal and realize its your day and she needs to go with the flow a little more. You're not asking her to do anything drastic, just get up at a reasonable time and get her hair done with the rest of the girls, oh and pick up her dress and get it altered if needed. I can't believe you are 15 days out and she hasn't picked up her dress yet. I would be freaking out. I know how hard it is to organize a group of girls but it seems like she is making things more difficult than they need to be. Our ceremony doesn't start until 5 but I want everyone to be ready to go at 3 for when the limo will pick us up at the hotel. The hair/makeup appt is at 10am and I anticipate being out of there between 1:30 and 2. The salon is right down the street so its not a far drive but I want to make sure we are back to get dressed and be ready for the limo. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! GL!

maggiecroteau

We're having a 5:30 ceremony, but we're having pictures at 2:00 in Portsmouth.  So our trolley is picking us up at 1:30.  Accordingly, we are starting our hair and makeup at 8:30am.  All the girls will be coming to the suite and the hair and makeup people will be coming in.  If any of the ladies aren't getting their hair or makeup done professionally, I still hope they will want to come up and hang out.  That's the plan anyway.

danto

We had a 5:30 ceremony. Hair done by 1:30 and  felt CRUNCHED for time. (although I wanted most of my picts ahead of time)Like Gabs said let your BM do whatever she wants - if you try to stress over everyone's schedule they won't take responsibility for themselves.Talk to the friend she wants to be with her and tell her it's important for you two to be together on that day and that she is welcome to hang out with rogue bridesmaid during reception or on another day.  I'm sure she'll understand.Your rogue BM may come around.  It's hard for some ladies to give away the spotlight; I've seen so many make up drama just because they're not used to someone else being the 'center of attention'  There's really nothing you can say to make it better, but if you let her do her thing without causing drama, she may just give in and let you have your day.GL!!!

livandrich

ugh cait i'm so sorry you are dealing with this! IMO, and I don't think i feel this way because i was just a bride, i will do virtually anything the bride of any wedding i am ever in asks me to do!! The first thing you need to do is realize that you are not being unreasonable in any way; her behavior is totally weird. Can you delegate another BM/MOH the task of discussing this with her? Perhaps the fact that she is not close with any of them would make it easier to have someone else deal with it as it will be a little more impersonal. This may be harsh, but my gut would be to have this delegate talk with her and say that if she is not going to have her hair done with everyone else, she is welcome to make another appontment...alone. Then, this person needs to instruct as to what time she needs to join everyone else. There is no room for negotiation here. This isn't the MHS prom at the Wyndham! I would keep this discussion to solely the wedding day- you are 15 days out and it is not worth stressing about her weird attitude throughout the planning process. I had 8 BMs from 6 states and Canada, and unless you are asking her to be at a hair salon 300 miles away at 530 am, she should be there. i just find this behavior unacceptable, but remember that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SOLVE ALL WR ISSUES!!!! delegate!!!! it was the most difficult concept for me to wrap my mind around, but seriously...these 2 weeks will be so much better for you. and wherever bridesmaidzilla gets her hair done, you are going to have a beautiful wedding and marry the love of your ilfe. and that's that!

mboss928

Doesn't she know it's your day and she needs to do whatever you ask of her, especially if it's a reasonable request?!  I think her excuse is totally lame about not wanting to get up early.  She's a good friend of yours and she should want to make your day special and help make it everything you have dreamed about!  And the crap about her bringing another person with her for hair and makeup so you won't just be mad at her - I'm getting heated just thinking about it!  I would say something to both of them and explain that this is really important to you and you only get married once.  They accepted the invitation to be BM's so they need to fulfill their duties - it's not like they didn't know what they were getting themselves into.  I mean how would they like it if you pulled that crap on them 15 days before the wedding?!  I'd swap her out for the reader...kidding...well kinda kidding! haha  I'm sorry that just makes me mad.  I mean you have a million details to worry about and this shouldn't be one of them. Good luck with whatever you decide, keep us posted.

caitie789

Thank you all for the support!  Based on what you guys are saying for times and such, I don’t think the start time was unreasonable.Update:  She made the mistake of CCing all of my BM’s and one of my lovies asked if I was uncomfortable talking to her, she would step up. I don’t mind that she is going to go to another salon, but when I asked about a month ago she said she was down for whatever.  So it’s a wee-bit frustrating.  She is a dear friend that I don’t see very often so I don’t want to make to big a deal about it, but I am ging to request that she has a 9:30 appointment and is at the hotel for 11.  No need to be in her dress ready to go at 11, but just so we can hang out a bit. As far as the other friend that may tag along, I can’t reach her until Sunday as she is in Hawaii with her BF attending another wedding (Nice location, huh!).  For planning purposes I am going to assume that she will go with her, not to spite me but not to fight the other BM (both of us will "bend" to her request), but will tell the hairdresser on Saturday to expect 4 people, not 6.  The hairdresser is a friend of a BM so if I tell her that there may be 5, I don’t think she will freak…so I am not worried about it too much. As far as the dress goes?  It is very aggrivating.  She does live OOT and wasn’t able to attend my shower so she didn’t come with the other girls after the shower to pick ‘em up.  I have offered to ship it to her but she said she would get to it. I am no longer worrying about that.  It’s just a bit inconsiderate and adds to the details. She has been the rogue BM from the get-go.  After a couple of drinks my loose lipped friends let me know she was being difficult...even FH let something slip that she was being rude. She couldn’t make it out to my shower or bachellorette party, which I totally understood, so this just adds a little heat, I just needed to vent to some impartial knoties Mboss- Funny thing about her wedding.  She had 1 MOH (the girl that she will want to go with her to get her hair done) and I was a little hurt, but her hubbie-to-be was only having 1 BM so whatever.  Cut to her Atlanta wedding and the night of the rehearsal and suddenly 4 men are in nice suits with their dates heading to the rehearsal…her hubbie had added 2 guys to the wedding party but it was too late for Sarah to add us (me and our other friend...)because we didn’t have time to get dresses, so instead we met her at her hotel room 3 or 4 hours before her ceremony for pictures and support no questions asked…ahhh such is life…Thanks ladies

caitie789

(wow that was long...)

kellyandmatt2010

Wow what a crazy situation! I agree with what the other pps have said. I just know that if any of my girls were acting that way, the bridezilla in me would be comin' out! GL!