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please help!!

Is anyone else find that their wedding planning is very painful? and awful and that you want to pull your hair out!!

My family is made up of MY MOTHER, MY GRANNY (dads mom), NANA (moms mom). who ALL have an opinion about everything!! My fiances aunt and grandmother went with me to look at dresses and they put a down payment of $400 down on my dress. MY MOTHER WAS HORRIFIED! she said she would never forgive me and i ruined her life. My mother offered her wedding dress (which was hideous on me, and my mother said she did not care if i wore it or not) my mother just was mad she was not included on the dress and she did not get the option to pay for it.

My mother has no money....she is a stay at home mom and they make good money BUT she is thousands of dollars in debt and has a 9 yr old to raise...she could not have paid for my dress (even at $500) AND she never visits me and with school i dont go see her

Let me add that my mother lives 4 hrs away from me, and 7 hrs away from where i am getting married (where my FH is from)

We chose to get married in my fiances hometown because him and his family have a home church that they have always gone to and the preacher baptized him as well as me. The church also was free as well as the fellowship hall to hold the reception. MY NANA WAS FURIOUS because she would have to drive 2 HOURS from her hometown (my family lives spread out) she wanted me to get married in my mothers church...which served no sentimental value to anyone...it was a wedding chapel and even my mother said "who cares"

Me and my fiance are college students and my FH is in the army and money is tight so we are willing to accept all the help we can get.

The flowers...My NANA want me to have silk flowers...im not thrilled. I am getting married in MAY! i wanted some real flowers SHE WAS PISSED!!  She said they are too expensive and some people have allergies...I am now getting silk flowers

The food...My Granny said a long time ago she would buy my food for the reception (finger foods, punch) she would take me to Costco a couple days before the wedding and we would get it and the ladies of the church would prepare it. MY MOM WAS MAD! she said my granny (her ex mother in law) was forcing herself in to the mother role and she started to cry.

 The bridal showers...my NANA wanted to throw a shower and invite all of her ex husbands family (who she does not get along with) she was mad when we said that many people (including his new wife) may be offended and it was kind of taboo. NANA threw a FIT and said im not coming to the wedding

What do i do? i am so tired and i have 3 more months of this. EVERYTHING IS A FIGHT! i cant not have the wedding because we want it to be in the eyes of God and our family. His family is being so good to me, but when i include them MY FAMILY GETS PISSED!!

Im so lost and tired and miserable

Re: please help!!

  • Step 1:  Postpone the wedding
    Step 2:  Graduate
    Step 3:  Get a job
    Step 4:  Save some money
    Step 5:  Throw your own damn wedding so you can do what you want.  Money has strings.
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  • I thought about this but my FH is gettin ready to be deployed and for financial and healthcare reasons we wanna get married before he deploys, we have been together forevever. and its not the money that is the problem...we said if we cant pay for it...we will do without. Its that they dont want OTHER people to pay for it and they dont want to either lol
  • ::headdesk::
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  • I agree..if the circumstances around planning the wedding have made it "painful and awful", why would you want a ton of money to be spent (especially by other people), when the main feeling is really just to get it over with.
    That's not fair to you or to anyone else.
    You can always elope and plan a ceremony later when things have calmed down.
  • You have three options:

    - Elope and deal with the fallout later, when the decision's already been made and there's nothing more to be done
    - Postpone the wedding until you can pay for it without accepting help (or input) from anyone else
    - Take what you're given and stop whining about it

    Wedding planning is only as difficult as YOU make it.  So if you're finding the experience painful, YOU need to do something about it.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I have having all the same problems, it's not just you. Just try your very best to make the best of it and do what  you and your fiance want. I've shed many tears over my wedding planning and I'm just ready to hurry up and get married! Only 75 days and counting of this stress!
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  • Ok, so I've read this post on all 3 boards you've posted this on (Please note "XP" is your friend in these cases). Anyway.

    Saying that it's too hard to put your foot down because you're a "people pleaser" is a pile of crap, because I will admit I'm still (As a married woman) afraid of having it out with my mom, and even I had the guts to just say "This is my money, this is getting done my way. If you don't like it, then you're either going to have to pay for what you do like or 'suffer' in silence because I'm not discussing it anymore".

    Wedding planning is only as hard as the couple getting married chooses to make it.

    Bottom line: if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to put on your big girls panties and do things the way you and your FI want on your own dime.

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  • Flowers - do silk flowers except for your bouquet. Your flowers will be the most photographed and you want them to be as "fresh" as you can. Getting married in May - everyone has allergies - have some claritin on standby

    "His family is being so good to me, but when i include them MY FAMILY GETS PISSED!!"

    It sounde to me like your family has not faced the fact that you are getting MARRIED. The wedding will only be one day in your life (an important day yes but still just one day) The day of the wedding his family will your family too and vise versa for your FH. I would sit down with your family and tell them how you feel. Tell them they need to get used to sharing you with his family.

    Maybe you and your mom could do some handmade decorations for the reception or work on favors together so she doesn't feel left out. I don't know if you really get along but this is a time where mothers and daughters fight but still come together. You won't be her little baby anymore.  I don't know if putting off the ceremony will change opinions so much as it might be a problem with letting you go.

    If it is still to much then just elope and save and plan a ceremony at a later date.

    Ok I offered my $.02.
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  • XP is cross post, meaning your posting on more than one board.

    I vote elope.
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