MOH problems!!!!!

ctl046

i'll try n make this short. last week my MOH came over to hang out n says " i spoke w jamie n amy (her friends not mine) and they said your registry isnt for the engagement party" i told her u can get whatever u want but people usually use the registry for the engagement party n bridal shower, MOH then says "well everything on your reg is ridiculously expensive" i then say no its not there are $2 napkins n towels, there are pic frames plus everyone can use the 20% off coupons MOH says "yea n the pic frams r like $50!" i changed the topic cause i got upset n wanted to avoid an argument. Fast foward to today. MOH texts me "you know if you want a signing pic frame for your wedding youre suppose to buy it yourself" (refering to the $39 signing pic frame on my reg and clearly in the descrip it says perfect engagement/bridal shower gift)

these two incidents really upset me, i tried to explain this to her but she denied the first incident n said she was just making a suggestion about the signing frame. So am i wrong for getting upset n hurt?

jesannnne

I would definitely feel offended. I mean I guess its because she doesnt have a lot of money and she's trying to just be "reasonable" but you should just tell her that its what YOU want and she doesnt have to get you anything. Registry gifts are like suggestions ya know? Things the bride and groom would definitely like but again, guests can get them anything they think is good and of coures, affordable. 

I've had a couple of MOH issues myself but her and I always end up working things out. I hope all goes well for you! xoxo

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ba30dbee-da3b-4943-8366-b81479455446Post:634c8f79-7d19-4f26-af1f-e0728183028d">MOH problems!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]i'll try n make this short. last week my MOH came over to hang out n says " i spoke w jamie n amy (her friends not mine) and they said your registry isnt for the engagement party" i told her u can get whatever u want but people usually use the registry for the engagement party n bridal shower, MOH then says "well everything on your reg is ridiculously expensive" i then say no its not there are $2 napkins n towels, there are pic frames plus everyone can use the 20% off coupons MOH says "yea n the pic frams r like $50!" i changed the topic cause i got upset n wanted to avoid an argument. Fast foward to today. MOH texts me "you know if you want a signing pic frame for your wedding youre suppose to buy it yourself" (refering to the $39 signing pic frame on my reg and clearly in the descrip it says perfect engagement/bridal shower gift) these two incidents really upset me, i tried to explain this to her but she denied the first incident n said she was just making a suggestion about the signing frame. So am i wrong for getting upset n hurt?
Posted by ctl046[/QUOTE]
They have a point, but maybe they should have phrased it better.


Okay... in a lot of circles it's poor form to register for an engagement party. In fact, in some circles, engagement parties aren't even gift giving events.
How did it come about that people were told to use your registry for your engagement party in the first place?

And, yes, technically speaking, anything you use for your wedding should be purchased by you. You wouldn't ask people to pay for your floral arrangements, right? Same goes for guest books.

It's not really a big deal.
Here are my quick adn easy tips, take it or leave it...
- Start spreading the word that the registry isn't for the engagement party and there was just some confusion. Easy peasy.
- Take the guest book off your registry. Easy enough, right?
- Maybe go back through the registry and make sure you hit all different price points.
-Your comment about how guests can use 20% coupons was out of line. That still makes a gift $40, which for some people is still too much. Go back to your friend and apologize. It's better to make amends and move on than dwell on it. Super simple

Don't worry so much about it. It's all over and done with. Good luck!

emarston1

Is it really so difficult to spell "and" instead of "n" ?  In a forum where the only way to communicate is through writing, it is poor ettiquette to not use correct spelling and grammar.  Text speak is not appreciated.

It honestly sounds like you both don't quite understand certain aspects of wedding ettiquette (you registering for your e-party, which I HOPE you did not throw yourself), and her not understanding that registries have gifts of varying amounts.  Is it possible she's having money issues and this really isn't about the gifts but other money she may have to spend for the wedding?  Dress, shoes, gifts, etc., that all adds up.

NcsuPsych

All I have to say, mainly because PP have stated my thoughts, is that it was very hard to get through your post.

Please please please use proper grammar, spelling and punctuation. Doing this, will help you a lot in your future.

Ali092011

If she's your MOH, she probably felt she knew you well enough to be blunt about her feelings. Is she usually very honest? She probably didn't mean to offend you.

However, I think when we put a lot of time and thought into our registries, it becomes a personal thing and we don't feel good about people saying bad things about it. I would probably be offended if I were you, too.

Let's address your points:
1. As SF said, generally people don't register for an engagement party. If you have registered by the time the party comes, people who want to give a gift MAY find your registry on their own, but engagement parties aren't gift-giving events.
2. Go back through your registry. Sure, you have $2 napkins, but if someone really only has $10 to spend on your gift, they may feel strange just getting you five napkins. Try some $10 kitchen gadgets, picture frames, serving dishes, etc. Things that stand on their own as a gift, in other words. Someone with a bigger budget will probably buy all of the napkins and matching placemats, dish towels, whatever as a set.
3. I know many people disagree, but I don't see anything wrong with registering for the guest book frame. One of my BMs registered for her cake cutting set and toasting flutes and got both at her shower. But keep in mind that there are some people who side-eye that kind of thing.

I don't think you're wrong for getting upset, but I would just let it roll off my back if I were you. She feels how she feels, and telling her she upset you probably won't get you anywhere.

mcskatcat

I think it's probably a good thing that she pointed it out to you this early.  This probably means that your registry isn't balanced.  A good registry has a variety of price points, and items that are fairly spread out between those items.  If you have a lot of items that are $50+, then they might have felt like they had slim pickings in the cheaper range. 

Can I ask why these girls were coming to your e-party if they aren't your friends?  I find that odd.

zitiqueen

Please use your big-girl words here.

ctl046

well to those who thought out their advice, i thank you! here are a few answers:

 1. i made sure to have a large variety in prices because i understand people do not have alot of money (yes $10 kitchen gadgets....$4 monogram towel...etc)

2. i did not tell people to get me anything from the registry.....i also dont expect gift...oh and no i didnt throw it myself my parents threw it. and the MOH did the registry w me, thats right she did the entire registry with me. matter of fact we went in on an engagement gift for her brother's wedding off his registry.

3. My MOH was my good friend atleast i thought.

4. when MOH initially mentioned how much everything was i told her people do not have to get me a gift and if they chose to it does not have to be from my registry which was completed in November

5. in regards to grammmar and punctuation, sorry if it was hard to follow but i tried to make it shorter. seems like everyone got the point huh???

6. Also i dont understand a couple of you girls being not so nice about it, we are here getting advice from others who may have gone threw similar things. also we are all here to share in the excitement of the fact that we are getting married!   i'm here for advice not a grade on a paper professors! i wrote how someone would write a quick text to a friend. (ps a couple of the above posts are not spelling error or grammar error free, no one is perfect)

7. i think some of us need to sit and relax and remember how excited we are and that we sometimes need to turn to others, who are not involved, for some good ideas and advice. 

NcsuPsych

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ba30dbee-da3b-4943-8366-b81479455446Post:9ac8719e-e85f-493c-b5b7-4567148dcbfc">Re: MOH problems!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]well to those who thought out their advice, i thank you! here are a few answers:  1. i made sure to have a large variety in prices because i understand people do not have alot of money (yes $10 kitchen gadgets....$4 monogram towel...etc) 2. i did not tell people to get me anything from the registry.....i also dont expect gift...oh and no i didnt throw it myself my parents threw it. and the MOH did the registry w me, thats right she did the entire registry with me. matter of fact we went in on an engagement gift for her brother's wedding off his registry. 3. My MOH was my good friend atleast i thought. 4. when MOH initially mentioned how much everything was i told her people do not have to get me a gift and if they chose to it does not have to be from my registry which was completed in November <span style="font-weight:bold;">5. in regards to </span>grammmar<span style="font-weight:bold;"> and punctuation, sorry if it was hard to follow but i tried to make it shorter. seems like everyone got the point huh??? 6. Also i </span>dont<span style="font-weight:bold;"> understand a couple of you girls being not so nice about it, we are here getting advice from others who may have gone threw similar things. also we are all here to share in the excitement of the fact that we are getting married!   i'm here for advice not a grade on a paper professors! i wrote how someone would write a quick text to a friend. (</span>ps<span style="font-weight:bold;"> a couple of the above posts are not spelling error or grammar error free, no one is perfect) </span>7. i think some of us need to sit and relax and remember how excited we are and that we sometimes need to turn to others, who are not involved, for some good ideas and advice. 
Posted by ctl046[/QUOTE]

Are you trying to say that I didn't put 'thought' into my message?

You'll soon learn that 'text speak' is HIGHLY irritating on a message board and many dislike it.

The way in which you write, is the way in which we 'see' you. If you want to look 'sloopy', by all means, continue to type the way you did. Have fun with that.

jandbweds

LOL!!!
wow ladies!!!!

Notice that the lady who is soo offended by "text-speak" ends her post with a quote that says "I always take life with a grain of salt..." emmmm do you really practice that quote? if you do then why are you ALL twisted up about basic "text speak" you ought to take it with a grain of salt haha...this aint a professional work emailing or blogging circle...
LOL omg ladies chill out a little...someone needed advice that's the baseline here

NcsuPsych

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ba30dbee-da3b-4943-8366-b81479455446Post:38c2c9fd-874e-44c5-81eb-9d6cd713a9e1">Re: MOH problems!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]LOL!!! wow ladies!!!! Notice that the lady who is soo offended by "text-speak" ends her post with a quote that says "I always take life with a grain of salt..." emmmm do you really practice that quote? if you do then why are you ALL twisted up about basic "text speak" you ought to take it with a grain of salt haha...this aint a professional work emailing or blogging circle... LOL omg ladies chill out a little...someone needed advice that's the baseline here :)
Posted by jandbweds[/QUOTE]

Awww honey, you're so adorable. ;)

jandbweds

I totally agree :-D

emarston1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ba30dbee-da3b-4943-8366-b81479455446Post:38c2c9fd-874e-44c5-81eb-9d6cd713a9e1">Re: MOH problems!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]LOL!!! wow ladies!!!! Notice that the lady who is soo offended by "text-speak" ends her post with a quote that says "I always take life with a grain of salt..." emmmm do you really practice that quote? if you do then why are you ALL twisted up about basic "text speak" you ought to take it with a grain of salt haha...this aint a professional work emailing or blogging circle... LOL omg ladies chill out a little...someone needed advice that's the baseline here :)
Posted by jandbweds[/QUOTE]

But the thing is, text speak IS hard to read.  And when the only form of communication is written, it is considered poor ettiquette not to use proper grammar and spelling.  If she wants to violate basic common internet courtesy, fine but that doesn't mean people won't point out what she is doing.

Also, if you're looking for advice from people, why <em>wouldn't</em> you want to write clearly?  People will understand you better and give you better advice if they can understand what you are saying.  It hurt my eyes to get through that garbage so I didn't really feel like putting in effort to give her advice because she didn't put the effort into her post.

NcsuPsych

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ba30dbee-da3b-4943-8366-b81479455446Post:542240b0-329d-47d7-b016-804162b1efc8">Re: MOH problems!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally agree :-D
Posted by jandbweds[/QUOTE]

You're doing it wrong. . .

jandbweds

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ba30dbee-da3b-4943-8366-b81479455446Post:529a60d5-26c3-4188-a471-0028c13a496d">Re: MOH problems!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]CTL046, stop sharing your plans with your MOH.  Don't discuss the wedding with her (beyond getting her dress, of course), and then you'll avoid the unwanted commentary.  Yes - we hope our attendants will be excited and express only positive sentiments, but this is the real world, and everyone has an opinion when it comes to weddings.  Everyone believes that you are dying to hear their opinions, and scream them into your ears. Stop talking wedding with those folks immediately. About the textspeak - it IS regarded as lazy here, because this is a community.  Janbeweds, the ha ha ha only serves to make you sound immature. We're all adults here.  Let's act like it.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]


LOL!!! #rollingonthefloor
calling me immature because of my response?...#potcalling (if you get my drift)
Well its all good, your descriptive quote says it all...*im sending you a hug* hahahaha

Yea you brough up a good point about laziness..I guess it can be seen from that perspective.

Enjoy your Friday ladies!