Why does everything have to be such a big deal???

notagirlikeme

Just when you think you've conquered one obstacle another one rears its ugly head!!  I'm sure everyone can relate, but I digress. 

My fiance and I are getting married in Vegas.  His entire family lives in Ohio and I live here.  Due to the economy and the fact that everyone he knows will have to travel, we realize that most of his family/friends will not be making the trip.  If we were getting married in Ohio everyone would be getting an invite.  His mother is of opinion that we shouldn't send invites to people that she thinks won't be coming.  It will look like we're "trolling" for gifts.  Others say we should send it to everyone we would be inviting if the wedding was to be held in Ohio. 

Thoughts?

emarston1

I agree with you.  You should send an invite to anyone you would invite normally.  It really shouldn't be up to you (or in this case her) to decide other people's financial situations.  People you never thought would come may come and vice versa.  Let them decide if they want to come rather than deciding on her behalf.

jenn.daniel

My mother says the same thing your FI's mother said; however, I will be the one addressing envelopes.  I agree with you.

sudslover

I'm a mom.  Even if I wasn't able to attend your wedding, I'd appreciate the invitation and the thought that you felt I was someone special to you.  JMO    And, I'd be happy to send you a gift anyway.  I've given gifts to my son's friends even when their weddings were small, and I wasn't invited.  People aren't required to send you a gift just because they were invited.

SarahPLiz

Invite everyone you want and don't presume to know if they are coming or not. If you exclude them on the basis that your FMIl thinks they can't afford it, but they know others got invited, then they will feel embarrassed that you think they are broke, and by virtue of that, that they are less important family members because of their financial situation.

FWIW, if I used his mother's rationale, my only living grandparent would not be invited, because I know he is unable to travel here. That would be really sucky of me to not invite my grandfather just because I don't think he can come.

Invitations are invitations. If you wish them all to be there, then invite them. They wil tell you if they can't make it.

Chanel8174

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_everything-such-big-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:bb74b64e-dcd5-4d92-bf38-2638b581efcbPost:e0264173-25cd-41dd-8f32-713dcd73ae43">Re: Why does everything have to be such a big deal???</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a mom.  Even if I wasn't able to attend your wedding, I'd appreciate the invitation and the thought that you felt I was someone special to you.  JMO    And, I'd be happy to send you a gift anyway.  I've given gifts to my son's friends even when their weddings were small, and I wasn't invited.  People aren't required to send you a gift just because they were invited.
Posted by sudslover[/QUOTE]



I AGREE!!!<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

squirrly

You should invite the guests that you would enjoy having present at your wedding - no matter where it's held.  If there's a limit on the number of guests your venue can hold, or that you can afford to accomodate at your reception, then you shouldn't invite more than exceed either of those limits.  However, if you can afford them, they fit in the room, and you'd enjoy having them there - invite them.  They'll decide whether to attend on their own.

Just as a reference, a good friend of mine had a destination wedding and an AHR.  She didn't invite college friends to the wedding, but did to the AHR.  I went to the AHR, but I was really sort of ticked that I wasn't invited to the wedding too - I would have loved to be there.  I found out later that she assumed most of us couldn't afford it b/c of being new college grads.  Please don't decide my finances for me.

Bobbysprncss

I agree with everyone else, send an invite to anyone you want to be there. I wasn't informed of my cousin's wedding because I live in Texas and he's in Alaska and I'm in college. I wouldn't have been able to go but I would have liked to know and would have sent a gift.

aerinpegadrak

You would be surprised who will decide to come and who can't make it, don't try to make that decision for people.

We're holding an AHR after our Vegas wedding, and quite a few of our friends are only getting invited to the AHR.  However, we decided that the wedding would be family/WP only, and we're in a small venue where we wouldn't be able to accommodate everyone.

kaynix21

I think you should invite any woud that you would want to actually invite to your wedding.

It's still nice to be invited, even if they can't make it, they'll probably appreciate the invite.

I'm having the opposite problem.

FI's mom wants me to send out extra invitations to people we don't know (or me at least, she hasn't told me who they are) because she wants them to get an invite but knows they won't come.

I'm worried that they might, and my venue won't fit them if I invite them and they decided to come, so I don't want to.

AmandaS23

Not to thread jack, but Kaynix, I recommend not inviting them.  FI's parents gave us a list of people they wanted invited but knew wouldn't come.  Lo and behold, some of them are making the 900 mile treck to come to the wedding...you just never know.

notagirlikeme

Thanks everyone!  It's nice to have validation on a decision.

cukimerrydoll

It's not trolling for gifts unless you list registry information in the invite. 

It's just that - and invitation.  If they can come, they can come.  If they can't, they can't.  Simple.  My thought is to let them make that decision for themselves.

You can at least use his mom's idea of who will come or won't for a guestimate of how many rooms to block at the hotel.