Life advice needed

Sierra524

Its been an awful day & I have a life vent/need life advice. So, I hope I dont regret putting all this info out there, but I find that all you ladies on here really do give sound advice, and I could use some from somebody who doesnt know me IRL.

Lets see, where to start? Well...I lost my job this morning. Walked in to work, and my manager was standing by my desk & says "its not really working out". That was legit all he said. Nothing else. So, I gathered my things gracefully and left. Once I got into my car, on the drive home, I lost it. The first thing that came to my mind was the wedding. Less than 6 months out, and this happens. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?! Im planning a wedding I can no longer afford. I havent really thought much about it beyond that, because honestly, its not my main priority in the bigger picture of things.

Now I guess a little bit of personal background will help. I dropped out of college after three years, because I couldnt figure out what I really wanted to do. I went in as a communications major, changed to business and then changed to accounting. I just couldnt find anything that I really wanted to do, so I didnt want to continue. Since then, Ive been going from job to job. Again, I cant find anything that Im passionate about and either quit or get let go (this is the 2nd time this has happened). i dont know. I mean, i guess I dont really know what I want to do in my life. How am I ever going to have a steady job and a comfortable life if I cant keep a job?! FI wants to start a family and have this wedding & yet, I cant even contribute to making sure that we can afford our life with just the two of us.
I cant help but kind of feel like a failure.

Okay, I want you all to know that I am not looking for sympathy, so please dont think that.Yes, it sucks I lost my job, but I am lucky to still have a roof over my head, food in my cupboards & a FI who loves me even when I dont feel like I deserve it. I am grateful for those things. I really just need some sound advice about where to go from here, because honestly, I have no idea what to do now. Of course I have talked to a few people about it in my life...my mom and my best friend, but I feel like their advice is so objective because they dont want to hurt my feelings and they just want to comfort me, which is nice. But, I need some real advice.  TIA :] 

misshart00

I'm so sorry you lost your job. That really sucks. I have no advice on the getting a job, but about finding what you want. Several years ago, I read '48 days to the work you love.' It helped me figure out what I wanted to do with my life and it gives you practical advice to make it happen. While it may not get you your dream job right away, it might help you figure out what you want.

winelover123

I'm sorry to hear about your job :-( For your wedding - are your deposits and everything already down? Can you cut the guest list some/go for a less expensive meal to bring down costs? Talk to your FI and see if you're still comfortable with your wedding budget or if you need to change anything. For starting a family, I'd suggest you wait until you're financially stable but that is really and truly a personal decision between you and your FI. For the job: is there a local community college where you can take the Myers-Briggs test and go for so,e career counseling? They can give you some ideas that you haven't thought of. If possible, I'd finish a degree so you have one to fall back on, but I always encourage people to go to school and at least get a good, backup degree. What are you interested? Helping people, animals, are you tech-saavy, a good writer? That would be a decent jumping off point.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_life-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c557c0a0-981b-4335-813d-c9b4c9f6c2eaPost:c33cf9bf-6058-4f6c-a8e4-359124b52d15">Re:Life advice needed</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry you lost your job. That really sucks. I have no advice on the getting a job, but about finding what you want. Several years ago, I read '48 days to the work you love.' It helped me figure out what I wanted to do with my life and it gives you practical advice to make it happen. While it may not get you your dream job right away, it might help you figure out what you want.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

I will def look into that!! It sounds like it could be helpful. Thank you.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_life-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c557c0a0-981b-4335-813d-c9b4c9f6c2eaPost:5042982c-76f2-4ed2-882e-9c5296e91f98">Re: Life advice needed</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry to hear about your job :-( For your wedding - are your deposits and everything already down? Can you cut the guest list some/go for a less expensive meal to bring down costs? Talk to your FI and see if you're still comfortable with your wedding budget or if you need to change anything. For starting a family, I'd suggest you wait until you're financially stable but that is really and truly a personal decision between you and your FI. For the job: is there a local community college where you can take the Myers-Briggs test and go for so,e career counseling? They can give you some ideas that you haven't thought of. If possible, I'd finish a degree so you have one to fall back on, but I always encourage people to go to school and at least get a good, backup degree. What are you interested? Helping people, animals, are you tech-saavy, a good writer? That would be a decent jumping off point.
Posted by winelover123[/QUOTE]

All of my deposits are down already and sent save the dates to 160 ppl, so it goes agaisnt etiquette to suddenly cut my list and not invite those people. Honestly, Im going to wait a few days before I think about the wedding. I just feel like I am so wrapped up in these emotions that I dont want to make a rash decision regarding the wedding. I def want to wait until we are financially stable to have children. I dont know what to do about school. I was going for free because my mom worked there, but now she doesnt. I would have to pay and I am just not sure I can financially afford it. I do think that having a degree is a great back up plan, and leaving school is one of my biggest regrets.

peekaboo2011

I'm so sorry you lost your job.  That really sucks, and I was in that position last year, just minus a wedding to fund.

Would it be possible for you to look into a staffing agency?  I did that for a few months and it's how I found my current job.  I'm not in love with it, but it was really great to be able to do some networking, acquire some more references, etc.  I was also able to find out what I'm good at and enjoyed without having to put on my resume that I was job hopping, since I got to try different things for a week or so at a time.

AddieCake

I'm sorry you lost your job, Sierra. The job you had before, the one where your manager continued to rely on you long past your obligations there, is there any chance you could go back there? I'm assuming since you left, it's not really what you want to do, but it might be an option if you need a job. 

In addition, you definitely need to sit down and think about what your interests and passions are and pursue something in that field. It may mean going back to school, and although money is tight, you can do it one class at a time. Yes, it will take a little longer but will be worth it in the end. 

QueerFemme

I'm sorry this happened to you. My first advice is to try to figure out why you keep losing jobs.  Are you really not putting forth the effort?  Does your disinterst show?    Lots of people work jobs that they aren't passionate about, because they have to pay the bills.  That's part of being a grown up, honestly. 

Second, try to get back in school.  Depending on how much you finished initially, it might not take tha tlong.  Take some online/night courses to finish your undergraduate degree.  If you still aren't sure what you are passionate about, then get a liberal arts degree.  A bachelor's degree will at a minimum, help you get better paying jobs that you aren't passionate about.  Once you decide what you really want to do, you can always get a masters degree, or even some sort of industry specific certification.

When we are kids, we all have the ideas of what we want to be when we grow up.  But, for the most part, people don't usually get to be a princess, an actress or an astronaut.     I'm sorry if this sounds bitchy, but it's time to suck it up and find a job and stick with it for a while until you decide what you want to be when you grow up. Do a good job, even if you don't show up to work every day thrilled.  There are people that work at McDonalds or Walmart and are friendly and work hard.  Those probably aren't their dream jobs, but that paycheck is feeding their family or paying the rent.  Even if it's a job you don't care for, stablity at any job will help you in the future.

monkeysip

I just wanted to say that you're not alone, and I really empathize.

I have a bachelors, a masters, and an additional certification after that and am still not sure if I really want to do what my certification is in.  I feel like I'm not good at much, and the few things I'm really good at I hate doing.  Such is the plight of a lot of people I know too.

Take it day by day.  Try not to worry too much into the future, and try and do what you can now.  I know I'm not much help, but just know that you're not alone. 

and I agree with pp about trying to cut down wedding costs now, instead of hoping the money comes up later.  I know it must be terrible to have to cut so many of your wedding plans, but in the end you'll still be married to your wonderful fiance (then husband!)

AdeleDazeem

Oh wow.  I'm so sorry you lost your job.  Did you think that it wasn't working out?  Did this come straight out of nowhere?  What were you doing and what have you done?

I went to college and had no idea what I wanted to do either.  The only thing I knew is that I wanted to challenge myself.  I picked a chem major because of it.  I managed to land and very low paying job in a lab after college and I again wanted to challenge myself so I went back to school for a Ph.D. in chem.  I'm now three years out from my degree and still working in a lab and trying to work up to a biotech/pharma job.  I'm within striking distance...

My point with all that is that I didn't go out there with any grand plans of what I wanted to do.  I just had a feeling - I want a challenge.  What will challenge me, keep my mind occupied, make me proud of myself, and be in line with what I already know?  I didn't have any long term plans and let my motivation lead me through the career path.  As I got deeper into, I came up with more ideas on what I can achieve that will make me happy.  It's been a very "feel my way along" type of situation.

It's okay if you don't know exactly where you want to land.  But, I think it's terribly important to identify what makes you happy.  Follow that - you can never go wrong.

beardownbchs

I'm sorry Sierra.
I agree with the PP suggesting a staffing agency. At the one I went through, they give you all sorts of tests and then figure out which categories you're best in and place you there.

I never went to college at all because I didn't know what I wanted to do and I didn't want to get myself into crazy debt for no reason. I still don't know what I want to do, really. But my staffing agency placed me with a great company. I'm not in love with the job, but in less than two years I'm the office manager and I love the people I work with. Like PPs said, most people don't love their jobs, but most people continue to work them.

I also agree that you should evaluate what you may be doing that causes you to be let go. Even if it's not your job, you should really act like it is and make a company feel like they need you in order to operate smoothly.

And you're very smart to hold off on thinking about your wedding for a few days. Let in sink in, figure out what your next course of action is and then see what you can do for the wedding.

Again, I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's never a good time to lose a job and it must hurt especially hard right before your wedding.

ciligirl

I second wine lovers recomendation of the Myers Briggs test.  It is very eye opening.  My daughter took it before entering college and it helped her with choosing her major, one she was not even considering because she didn't think she was a people person.  She interned in her field this past summer.  She came home on her first day and said "this is exactly what I want to do with my life."  Here is a link:

http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/

I also like the idea of contacting a temp agency and taking a few days to digest what has happened, not just the what but the why as well. 

winelover123

Also check out what jobs are open in your area. I know in my area there are a lot of openings for bookkeepers. I've been helping a friend look for jobs and suggested that she get her certificate in bookkeeping - it's not a thing she's passionate about, but it would pay the bills. I forget how many credits you need for it - I think 12 or something that you could possibly finish in a she,ester if you go to school full time. Our local community college is awesome, so that's a fairly feasible option for her. Just an example, but look around and see what is hiring and what you could feasibly do.

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_life-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c557c0a0-981b-4335-813d-c9b4c9f6c2eaPost:0b6b823e-322e-4dd7-af30-b3afb0c6c5ad">Re: Life advice needed</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, am I the only one who is a bit irritated that I read all of that, took the time to type out a thoughtful reply, and OP hasn't bothered to return?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Slightly...I've been periodically checking this thread throughout the day. 

emeejeeayen

I'm waiting to post a real response until she comes back, but if I were in her shoes I'd probably be at least halfway through a bottle of wine right now. Just sayin'.

ETA: oh and holy isht, I just realized my wedding is 5 months away exactly from looking at my ticker.

McRogol

Since you unloaded and didn;t come back all day, I'm going to give you the short version of my advice.  

Finish school!  Unless you are a self-motivated, go-getter, who is going to be thinking outside the box for your day-to-day job and income, you're most likely going to need that degree.  From your post it sounds like you've been in a string of jobs that are not the right fit for you.

Keep in mind, that studying a certain subject through coursework is hardly ever like being out there actually doing it.  So, don't lose heart.  You have to perservere!

So...pick yourself up by the bootstraps and spending some time reflecting on how you like to spend your time.  Then, look at your local colleges and universities and go speak to someone to find out if they offer something that matches your interests.  

There are MANY possibilities out there.  

Sierra524

I am so sorry everybody! I was not ignoring the post, I promise!

First, thank you all for your advice! It was nice to hear something other than, "Oh, it will work out fine" like everybody arounds me continues to say. I really appreciate it.

Well, I took the day to lay around in sweatpants, drink some wine, watch chick flicks and hang out with my best friend all day while FI was at work. I didnt make dinner, I didnt clean the house, I did nothing. Well, thats not entirely true. I did manage to tweak my resume a little & send it to four employers, via email. I also managed to file for UC just incase I dont find a job soon. Ive felt pretty crappy all day...emotionally drained & sad. When I get sad, I get sleepy (weird!), so I havent done much all day. Consider this my day of mourning.

I am going to look in to the Meyers Briggs test as a few of you have mentioned. Maybe it can give me some guidance? I am also going to look in to the staffing agencies. We have about 3 really big ones around me, so I am going to be calling & setting up appointments. Peekaboo & beardown, it is helpful to hear that they worked for you! I hear so many mixed things about staffing agencies, but I figure the only way to know if they work is to try them myself.

As far as school goes, I know how important it is that I try to finish my degree. Honestly, I only have maybe a year left of classes (if I were to go full time) to get my bachelors in accounting. I honestly really did like accounting & thought that was what I would want to do as a career. I was good at it! It came easily to me. But, without a degree there is not much you can do in accounting. I decided that I am going to atleast look into what I would have to do to return and such. I wouldnt be able to start until fall, if I did, but I just want to make sure that this is something I really want to do before I go back. I cant waste anymore time in school if I am unsure if thats what I really want to do.

FI & I still havent talked about the wedding plans yet. We agreed today to not talk about it for a few days, just to kind of develop a plan for everything else first. All of the ways you all shared to cut down on wedding cost were great and I fully intend on looking for every single way to cut cost, or possibly just postponing it. I want to fully go over every detail of each option and then talk about it so we are fully prepared to make the decision that is best for us. Stage, if we do continue with the plans, we will def be adjusting our budget for only one income. I agree that I would rather have the possibilty of extra money (if i get a job) rather than not having enough money in the end. There are def a few ways we can cut cost and I am going to really look into them in the next few days.

I also know that I need to really sit down and evaluate why this happened. I wasnt even sure where to start with that, but some of the questions you ladies asked have really helped with that. Stage, to answer your questions...
1. What kind of work have you been doing?  

Clerical. This past job was in insurance. It was mostly clerical stuff, but I would also do some insurance stuff (quotes, new policies, etc.) Prior to that, I was working in a car dealership as a receptionist (the only other place I got fired from) and before that I was working in healthcare as a direct support for individuals with developmental and physcial disabilities (this was the one I quit).

2.Why do you quit when you do, what is the breaking point?

I quit the healthcare job because I literally just could not do it anymore. I worked in an environment that at time could be very dangerous (when dealing with the mental health clients) and very exhausting on your body (the constant lifting and transferring of clients). The hours were long (16 hour days a lot of times) and the company did not care about the employees (I got physically attacked by a client and the company did not do anything about it, they wouldnt even let me leave early that day!) I just really could not handle it anymore. It takes a special kind of person to be able to do that job, and I wasnt able to.

3. Any honest ideas on why you might have been let go at either this job or the last job that let you go?

I really have no idea why I got let go from this job. However, I know exactly why I got fired from the car dealership...I was 15 mins late 1 time. Just that 1 time! But with this recent job, I really dont know. I was always on time (except for once because I had a dr appointment before work, but I gave advance notice that I would be late) and I always did what needed to be done. I also kept myself busy when I didnt have anything to do...reorganizing the files, making sure everything was updated in the system, whatever I could think of. Mind you, I didnt know anything about insurance prior to this job, so I was learning as the time went on. I never claimed to be experience in insurance prior to getting the job either. He knew I had no prior knowledge. I thought I was catching on pretty quickly, but there were a few things I was still having trouble with (business insurance, commerical policies). Maybe I wasnt catching on as quickly as I thought?

4. What were the things you liked about this last job and what were the things you disliked.

I liked my manager. She was really nice. I liked the customers that would come in. I liked learning about insurance. I liked that there were only 3 of us in the office. I didnt like that the owner never really talked to me much & i didnt like doing the same thing over and over again everyday.

Plans for tomorrow: wake up, drink coffee, try some yoga, really super clean my house, make appointments with staffing agencies, check online for jobs, maybe take a drive around to see if anybody is hiring, make some dinner & really sit down & go over our budget and think about things. Its a new day, and Im not going to let this make me sad any longer.

Well, FI wants me to get off the computer now so he can watch Walking Dead. Thanks again for all of your advice. I truely really do appreciate it more than you know. It helps to know that I am not alone in this. Thank you. Be back on tomorrow!

zantster

The responses to Stage's questions were helpful in adding some insight.  Kudos to you for being honest about where you fell short.  PPs have given great advice and starting points.  You are absolutely not alone.  Some years ago when I was fresh out of college I got a one year contract job that I hoped would be renewed but was not.  I found myself out of work for an agonizingly long 7 months.  And if I'm being honest it was definitely because even though I got the job done correctly from a technical perspective, I spent a little too much time chatting with other co-workers and complaining to them about my manager.  I learned my lesson and it never happened again. 

One of the first steps is to take a full self-inventory of where you can improve so that when you do find a job that you want, you don't lose it.  Identify someone (friend, cousin, etc.) that you trust to be blunt with you and ask them to tell you what personal characteristics stand out to them about you that might be affecting your success at work.  If they're a real friend they will tell you. 

So in addition to checking into how prompt you are being at work, perhaps think about your professional relationships and how those have been in other jobs.  Have you been a "team player" always willing to pitch in and help when needed and easy to get along with but not gossiping?  Did you just do the bare minimum where it may have been obvious that you couldn't wait to leave?  Or have you picked up on some subtle hints that you may not have been settling in that great?

Also, try to set up informational interviews while you have the time to find out from working professionals what they do at work every day and how they feel about it.  This could help you pinpoint what is the best fit.  Networking is huge too so make sure you stay in touch with any contacts you have and make new ones since a lot of jobs are obtained based at least in part on who you know.