MOH stealing ideas for her wedding

G&E2013

So my FI and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and he proposed to me in May 2011, my best friend (also my moh) has been with her man for a little over 2 years and he proposed to her some time in September. Her wedding is before mine only because they have the money right now and my FI is in grad school and will graduate in August of 2012, while the whole time I am the only one saving money for our wedding(school consumes his time). I know I should not feel jealous, after all I am a bridesmaid in her wedding, but all she does is talk about her wedding and I cant even say a full sentence without her butting in with somethin about her. Also every idea I come up with about what I want in my wedding she steals, I told her my colors a week or two later she decides my colors are hers, She even suggested us using the same centerpieces so we could split the cost, we are not having twin weddings! She also has the same excuse "It doesnt matter if we have the same colors or decorations, Her and Her FI are going to be the only people who know about the colors and deorations"  I think its rude, she might be my friend but stealing my ideas for MY wedding is ridiculous! I feel taken advantage of. What shoud I do. She is literally the only female friend I have.

redheadfsu

If none of her guests will be at your wedding, then what is the big deal? Plus, sounds like she is trying to help (the splitting the cost thing). But if it bothers you, stop telling her your ideas.

G&E2013

The big deal is that she cannot come up with her own ideas or colors. Her style is vintage(with original colors of a dark pink with navy blue) while mine is more modern with a rustic twist. But as soon as I finalized my colors she changed hers. I want something completely different than she does and we both have very different styles. I have stopped telling her my ideas, but it is very hard not to seeing how she my only friend who is a girl and the fact that we are both engaged is exciting! 

freebread03

I guess you two will just have to have twin weddings.  Oh well!

Chobot

Just stop sharing the small personal details. Just let her know the dress and what time she needs to be there. Let the rest be a surprise. Then when you go to the wedding, see what works and what didnt. She can find her own vendors and ideas.

Cynthia1207

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-stealing-ideas-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:c758e43b-be1a-46cc-bfad-31c24e8de097Post:c3b96b38-d7d0-4f15-a3f4-76a43183b508">Re: MOH stealing ideas for her wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH stealing ideas for her wedding : Tell us your ideas instead. We won't steal them and we can be excited with you :-)
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I was going to say.  Honestly wedding talk gets annoying.  Sometimes you'll want to talk about something and people will be tired of listening.  That's where we come in!  Your month board, (to the left), is a great way for you to share ideas with other brides and talking about your milestones.  Most of you will be doing everything at about the same time so it really does come in handy.

jesslca113

This sounds just like another post on here that I read yesterday.  Everyone is concerned that their ideas are being stolen.  The fact is is that you are not the first one getting married, and you won't be the last.  Everything under the sun has already been done in a wedding.  What makes it special is that it's YOURS.  I would be thrilled to re use some centerpieces or other decorations.  That stuff gets expensive, and in the end it's not what people will remember.  If she is your only girl friend then you two probably have a lot in common, at lot of the same likes.  Hence her "stealing" your ideas.  But since this eeks you so much then I agree with the other PP.  Just tell the people here your ideas.  If they steal them you'll never know it!

LizziebeeUT

One of my bridesmaids got married in the same venue we're getting married in. They have a lot of different centerpiece options that we can use if we don't want to get our own. I was talking to my bmaid about the really pretty tree ones they have and she laughed and said "so you're just going to have the same wedding as us?"

I still to this day can not remember the centerpieces at her wedding. It was that moment that helped me realize I don't need to worry about all the little things. No one is going to remember the centerpieces, or the linens. What I remember from her wedding is how beautiful she looked, her husband in tears, and unfortunately waiting two hours for them to get back from taking pictures and being starving.

Focus more on how you will treat your guests, the menu, the ceremony etc. That is the stuff people will remember.
Don't be afraid to use the same centerpieces as her, because no one will remember them from either wedding.

gsg717

I have a friend that's copying my life- job choice, housing choice, whirlwind romance and engagement, then the ideas I had for my engagement pics, she did those exact shots, wedding ideas etc. At first it was annoying, but then it became amusing and flattering. And then I let it go. I realized that it wasn't worth thinking about, I have WAY too many other things going on to let those thoughts clog my mental space. Instead, I shifted my focus to MY wedding, MY day, with MY fiance, and making sure that MY guests enjoy what I am able to provide for them, in MY own timeframe ($$ is an issue for me, not her, meaning my wedding will happen second as well). Plus, we won't be having the same guests, so who'd know besides her and her FI if some things are the same? And in the grand scheme of things, doesn't EVERYBODY do similar stuff for their weddings?

Now, wedding convo between me and this friend is intentionally short and sweet, and lacks detail, which is nice b/c it gives us more time to chat about the things we used to before our wedding planning days.

beth34608

Your wedding will be unique because you and your FI will be in it !! Good luck!!

Budnotes

Stop telling her your ideas.

meganjoekretz

I began having this concern during the beginning of my planning. My moh had the same reception venue as me, catering, wanted to set the reception up exactly how I was (which I was doing to make it different)... She and I have all the same friends and the last thing I wanted was to have identical weddings. You go thru so much work to make something "yours" and no matter how "childish" it may seem, it hurts. After she told me she was looking at the same photographer and doing the same ceremony idea I had told her we are doing (letters in a wine box instead of unity candle or sand), I had enough. I completely stopped sharing ideas with her and eventually moved my venue elsewhere. After that, everything was back to normal and as great as ever! Just focus on you and your fiancé! It will be the best day of your life.

LittleMissCutiePie

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If it bothers you, I'd just stop the wedding talk. These days, most colour combos, favors, music, etc. is never totally original, so think of it this way: if your friend isn't doing the same as you, someone else will.

Norway_T

I promise that even if you had the same colors and center pieces, same venue,  EVEN same dress your wedding experience would be completely special and unique! I think it's brillant that you girls could share and save on center pieces.  You both  are friends, you have simliar taste, don't worry about things being similar. Plus if you have ideas that your friends like, you can see how they play out at your friends wedding and adjust them to your likings after you see them at your friend wedding.

What an amazing and lucky time that you get to share the experience of planning a wedding with your friend.    Don't get caugh up on the small stuff, enjoy!

G&E2013

She is such a creative person, that is one reason why I cant figure out she would want to use mine, she has ideas for just everything in the world except for her own wedding. Our styles are at 2 completely different ends of the spectrum, so spliting costs would not work, even if we agreed to that.

mhmz

I can understand why you would be hurt, but I do agree that you should cut the wedding conversations a little short with her, and maybe call your mom or aunt instead when you want to talk about this stuff. Not that you absolutely can't talk to your friend, but just be more vague. I do agree that your day will ultimately be your own, no matter what. Hang in there.

speckjian

So... here's a different idea- since there are so many different wedding options out there, why don't you try sharing your ideas, but embed them into a whole bunch of ideas so it's not obvious which ideas are the ones you are choosing (and record for yourself the ideas you want the most)?
That way, you don't have to hold back on sharing, you just need to be enthusiastic about a bunch of options?
I can understand hurt feelings about weddings- I'm the last in my little troupe of friends to get married, and some of my "friends" have treated other brides in sneaky aweful ways.  I like this quote from Mother Theresa (it calms me when people are tough):

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

swisyzinnaM

I understand completely and it is hard, i'm going thru a similiar situation.  You should be able to share your ideas with your friend in complete faith that she is her own person and doesn't want everything you want.  I think its weird and ridiculous and beyond frustrating.  Unfortunately, as I was told by my FI, the only thing to do is keep things to yourself and it is super hard. For instance, my friend keeps asking to see my final decision on my wedding ring and where thats super exciting and I want to share; I'm so afraid that she's gonna end up wearing my ring and I would be livid, so mums the word!!!!

LaMaFa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-stealing-ideas-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c758e43b-be1a-46cc-bfad-31c24e8de097Post:fd6540f5-1847-4cf9-b627-f3818f14f4d4">Re: MOH stealing ideas for her wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]She is such a creative person, that is one reason why I cant figure out she would want to use mine, she has ideas for just everything in the world except for her own wedding. Our styles are at 2 completely different ends of the spectrum, so spliting costs would not work, even if we agreed to that.
Posted by G&E2013[/QUOTE]
Have you mentioned anything at all to your friend about this? If she's your maid of honor, I'd expect you to be very close, and I'd hope you could (maybe delicately) approach her about it. Tell her that you're flattered she likes your ideas so much, but you're surprised she likes so many of them since you have different styles and you think of her as being so much more creative than you- and since you've worked hard to come up with what ideas you are hoping to use. Ask her if she'd maybe like to sit down with you and brainstorm some ideas for her wedding, that way she can have some wonderfully unique elements for her wedding, that you both can be sure no one will be using.
I understand where you're coming from, and I'd be frustrated if that were happening to me too. It could be that she isn't realizing what she's doing and how its making you feel. And even after you talk to her, try to cut back the wedding talk (at least on your end), unless she wants to tell you HER plans, and you can just kind of skirt around discussing what you're doing. If she asks you about stuff, you can also tell her you're trying to surprise everyone with your ideas, and you don't want to give anything away just yet (plus you aren't sure if you'll be able to do some of your ideas, or something along those lines).
Also, like PPs said, it can be good to not constantly talk wedding, because then you keep focuses on the stuff that has made you two friends for so long; and what will keep you friends long after both of your weddings. Dish on your wedding plans and woes on your monthly/location board instead, its why we're all on here!

primish

I think by this time you realize that having twin weddings is not what you want, keep it to yourself any ideas you might like for your wedding and gave her tacky ideas, lets see if she keeps stealing it those

lariquintale

I'm going through the same thing, even worse, because she is my cousin and my whole family will be going to her wedding, so guests are the same. The ideas that she does not steals, she puts critical defect.
She even, literally a week ago I asked: When you have a baby, what will be the name? You already know?
I said yes, and I told her.
Then on New Year's party ... She decided to tell the family the name of her unborn child ... The name I chose.
I was hurt, my FI heard. He sat with me and said that this kind of attitude from her was to be expected, because her personality is the kind that have to call more attention always. I'm tired to know that, she had done a lot of things to hurt me, but at this point, when it comes to decisions like that I thought she would not be like this. It's hard, sad, because I like her even she doing this things with me... So I decided to just not say anything. She's also my best friend,or was (because best friends don't do that kind of thing, on your wedding!) But sometimes, for our good, we have to see reality. People may not have the same kind of consideration that we have with them.
Then it is your choice: Either you do not count any more details, or you can take the risk to see her steel your ideas.