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ftrmrsweatherdon

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achiduck

I was actually expecting this to be a lot worse than it was. Honestly, she's your sister and you knew what you were getting into. Not sure why this is a shock to you. One of the best pieces of advice I got early in my planning process was this:

No one will EVER be as excited about your wedding as you are.

Plus some people are just whiney. She'll probably whine all the way though her pregnancy. Honestly, I would lower your expectations of your sister. It will save you dissappointment in the end.

No matter what she does, your wedding day will still be about your and your FI.

ljsquintz

OP sorry to hear your sister is acting like this.  I think the best thing is to do is let her have her pity party and you ignore it.  Remove her from the planning (ie don't involve her in decisions or ask for her opinion).  Just ask her to show up in the dress on time.  You will find that other friends and family members will be so excited to share in the wedding details, and those are the people you will really value and appreciate.  It's too bad that your own sister's attitude is so poor, but unfortunately blood is not always thicker than water.  Focus on the people who are positive, and try to remove her as much as possible from the planning.  Like someone else said, lower your expectations for her - you won't be so disappointed.

MairePoppy

This is why your sister is not as excited about the bm dresses as you would like her to be: 1. She was not involved in the process. You scheduled a shopping day when she had to work because it is more important to you that your oot friend be included. That is fine, if that is how you feel. But don't expect your sister to be happy about it. 2. She is working. 3. She is feeling uncomfortable because her back hurts. 4. Last by not least, your wedding is 10 months away, way too early to be choosing bm dresses. By the way, I hope you talked to everyone, privately, about their dress budgets, before you made your selection.

Your sister sounds like a whiner. She has probably always been that way, so don't expect her to change for your wedding. Stop tallying these small, insignificant offenses because that makes you sound whiney, too.

StephJean83

Like PPs have said, you're overacting and no one will be as excited for your wedding as you will. As far as her not being excited for the dress, is it something that will flatter her post baby? Did you get her dress budget and pick a dress within her budget?

My FH and I discussed only having WP kids at the wedding or having just nieces/nephews but it would cause huge family drama on his side. Some people feel that family weddings should include the whole family from parents and siblings, to aunts, uncles, cousins to 5th cousin twice removed.

I've never been pregnant so I don't know what it feels like but I do that a lot is going on, after all she is for lack of a better term, growing a baby. My mom has 5 kids and she said each one of her pregnancy was different from the last. My oldest sister had a very hard pregnancy the first time around, including being on bedrest for over half of her pregnancy. In her 2nd pregnancy, she had it very easy and worked right up to the day they induced her. She may not be halfway through her pregnancy but how far along she is doesn't mean she couldn't be battling something with her pregnancy. By your own admission, you two are not very close, so she may not want to share with you that she has some issues going on or she doesn't know what is going on and doesn't want to worry anyone til she answers.

SJM7538

Can I ask, if she is married, were you in her wedding? And if so how much time and effort did you put into it?

Some people just don't get that excited about weddings. I have BMs that I don't talk wedding with at all. We go about our regular lives and friendships and when wedding day rolls around they'll stand up with me and a party. Thats all.

Maybe if you two were closer she would be more excited. As far as the kind thing goes... how close are you with your nieces and nephews? It might just be easier to invite them to appease her then argue with her and potentially have drama for years to come.

I feel like your sister isn't quite as bad as you think or there are bits and pieces of this story missing.

RamonaFlowers

Eh, I don't get why you're shocked by her behavior. This all sounds like it's par-for-the-course for her. Your engagement ring isn't some kind of magical talisman that suddenly changes everyone around you to being sunshine, rainbows and your wedding 24/7.

Both of my sisters have minimal interest in anything that doesn't revolve completely around them. I know this, and still asked them to be BMs anyway. Knowing how they are, I just didn't expect anything more from them than to get the dress and show up. There were a few times where they came to me on their own to offer their help, and because I wasn't expecting anything from them, it was just a really nice surprise for me.

TheVirginians

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sister-finds-a-way-to-make-everything-about-her-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:c7ec4b30-a328-445c-8c81-18393541a865Post:2ae7a956-7589-4891-bea9-fc473ed1bb5d">Re: Sister finds a way to make everything about her (Long Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]This is why your sister is not as excited about the bm dresses as you would like her to be: 1. She was not involved in the process. You scheduled a shopping day when she had to work because it is more important to you that your oot friend be included. That is fine, if that is how you feel. But don't expect your sister to be happy about it. 2. She is working. 3. She is feeling uncomfortable because her back hurts. 4. Last by not least, your wedding is 10 months away, way too early to be choosing bm dresses. By the way, I hope you talked to everyone, privately, about their dress budgets, before you made your selection. Your sister sounds like a whiner. She has probably always been that way, so don't expect her to change for your wedding. Stop tallying these small, insignificant offenses because that makes you sound whiney, too.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

All of this. She is a pregnant, single, working mom that is a PITA when she is not all three. Lower your expectations and let her do her thing. It will make you happier.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sister-finds-a-way-to-make-everything-about-her-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c7ec4b30-a328-445c-8c81-18393541a865Post:afa12c34-0244-45e9-bced-77f143436096">Sister finds a way to make everything about her (Long Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]Some Background: So my sister is one of my BM's. She had mentioned to my mom that she was upset I didnt ask her to be a BM yet. It was a tough decision to make her a BM as we are not that close but she is my only sister and I felt as if I'd regret not asking her. My sister is and always has been a selfish person. Everything is always about her. When I asked her to be a bridesmaid she didnt even hint about being honoured, excited or happy that I asked her, she made it clear she was not happy that her children were not invited. (We're not having any children it is not just hers). Anyways, she eventually said "Yes I'll be a bridesmaid but I'm not happy that the kids aren't invited." Since then she has not asked me anything about the wedding, she does not seem to care AT ALL. Fast forward to Now: I made an appointment to go BM shopping as one of my bridesmaids was in town last night. She lives 6 hours away and we're  not sure how often she'll be able to make it up so we thought we'd get the BM dresses out of the way while she was in town. All of my BM's were able to make time in their schedule to come to the appointment with my out of town BM except my sister. Which is fine, she had to work. Well we picked out the dress they would wear, my OOT bridesmaid got measured incase she can't make it back for the ordering and we picked out and I bought the clutches they would be using.   It was kind of exciting that we got so much done and so I texted my sister. (This is the only way to reach her, she has no computer, no home phone, she wont take calls on her cellphone only text. I learnt this when I asked if I could call her to ask her to be my BM) I let her know we picked out the dress and i got the clutches and that everythign was really nice. The conversation went like this; Me : Hey!! So we picked out the dresses and they are really nice. I also got the clutches for you guys. I think you'll like them they are really pretty" Sis : "k" K? Really WTF??? Me : You can pretend to be excited you know. ;) Sis : Sorry I'm just in pain. My sister is pregnant. So I thought something was wrong. Me : Oh why are you in pain? Sis : My belly is getting big and its starting to hurt my back. Seriously? Thats the reason she can't be excited that we picked out dresses and clutches? Shes pregnant, she's not even half way there. If shes in too much pain now to be excited, does that mean I can't expect anything out of her till after she had the baby? I have no idea how she can turn everything about her. I really don't get it. Not to mention, its my birthday and she didn't even said Happy Birthday, when we were texting. She must be in too much pain to do that as well. Gah, I'm starting to regret asking her to be a BM. As long as she shows up on the wedding day in her BM dress, thats all I care. We dont even have to talk before then if she wants it that way.
Posted by ftrmrsweatherdon[/QUOTE]

1. You didn't want to ask her but you let yourself get guilted/bullied into it. That's not her fault.
2. You knew what you were signing up for -- that she was selfish -- when you asked her to be your BM; expecting her behavior and personality to change just because you're getting married and discovering that they didn't is also not her fault.
3. The only universes your wedding will be the center of is yours and your FIs. She has a life of her own, one that in addition to whatever else, involves creating another human being; you're having a party next fall. NEXT FALL.
4. It sounds like she's not the only one who thinks her life should be everybody else's first and foremost concern.

What, exactly, do you "expect" out of her almost a year before the wedding?

HobokensFury

OP I have to agree with those that say you're overreacting. To be honest you sound like an entitled brat.

StephBeanWed61502

So what I'm getting from your post is that your sister is a selfish person who makes everything about her, so you asked her to be a bridesmaid, and now that she's a bridesmaid, she's being selfish and making everything about her... and this is a surprise to you why, exactly?

Sounds to me like your sister is being exactly who she's always been.  Newsflash:  Weddings don't change people.  I know movies and television have led you to believe that weddings are like magic and just being involved in a wedding is like being sprinkled with magical pixie dust that turns everyone involved into a nice person who selflessly bends over backwards for the bride so that the bride can have a super-special princess day, but that is not reality.  Reality is that everyone involved with your wedding is going to act exactly the same as they did when they were not involved in your wedding (or worse, depending on their natural personality).  

Learn to deal with your sister exactly the way she is, or cut ties (and FTR, I think cutting ties would be an absurdly drastic overreaction, but if your feelings really are as fragile as they seem from your OP, it's an option for you).  And stop expecting the wedding fairy to turn your sister into someone she's never been and has no interest in becoming.

catrb89

I feel like you're overreacting. She's not going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. No one really will, except maybe the groom. A clutch is not a reason for her to forget about her pregnancy pain and dance a jig.
Yes, she sounds a little bratty, but you knew what you were getting yourself into when you asked her to be a BM.

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sister-finds-a-way-to-make-everything-about-her-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c7ec4b30-a328-445c-8c81-18393541a865Post:876fdaff-0edb-4d3e-9cdc-ea7173c681d2">Re:Sister finds a way to make everything about her Long Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Ironically, I don't think anything she listed in OP was particularly selfish of her sister.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Honestly, I don't either ... it just sounds like she's pregnant and not into dress shopping.

But I also had my older sister throw a tantrum and refused to get dressed the morning of my wedding because it wasn't fair that I was getting married, and her (now ex) boyfriend/father of her 2 kids still hadn't even proposed to her ... so I have <strong>really</strong> skewed view on what constitutes a "selfish" sibling.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sister-finds-a-way-to-make-everything-about-her-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c7ec4b30-a328-445c-8c81-18393541a865Post:7abccab0-abe2-4569-9dc1-e146bb69d611">Re:Sister finds a way to make everything about her Long Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]An entitled brat because I want my sister to be a bit more into the wedding especially after she made a big deal to my mom about being a bridesmaid? You clearly do not know me and I guess you're entiteled to your opinion based on one post you've read from me. Thanks for your non constructive critisim, perhaps next time you can keep your name calling to yourself. I appreciate what everyone else has said. It really is hard to explain everything without going on and on so it's hard for people to understand. I'll do what most of you said and just leave it. It's true weddings don't change people, I shouldn't have expected anything but the ordinary from my sister. As long as she doesn't throw a fit on my wedding day as a previous poster had to experience I guess I'm ok. Sorry you had to deal with that unfortunately I can see that happening with my sister, as her ad her boyfriend got engaged 2 years ago, broke up last year, got back together and are now expecting their second child. It wouldn't be all that unexpected for her to throw a fit that I'm getting married first. Here's hoping.
Posted by ftrmrsweatherdon[/QUOTE]

Just keep in mind that your wedding is NEXT FALL. Nobody, not even your sister, is going to be as excited about it as you will be.

Legu

You've probably gone by now, and I didn't read all the responses, but I just wanted to point out... I am pregnant. My belly has recently gone nuts on the growing front, and I've spent the last four days walking like I siht myself due to my back absolutely killing. [Can't complain, had NO other pregnancy symptoms until this]. Also, it was my dads birthday a coupla weeks back, and I completely forgot :[ Oh... And I am here as solid proof that baby brain most definitely exists. Just, consider that your sister is goin through some crazy stuff right now.