Has the wedding planning process brought you and your FI closer or farther apart?

mattycam

There is a saying that how you and fiance(e) handle conflict/disagreements during your wedding planning is a glimpse into how you will handle conflict during your marriage.

Do you agree with this statement? Have you and your FI grown closer during the months leading up to your wedding or have you discovered things about each other that you definately need to work on/nip in the bud?

jenn.daniel

We did disagree about the engagement pictures.  I was upset that he didn't tell me it was $150 more to have them at a different location.  They were really important to FI though, and we did get good STDs from them.  We've agree to talk about any purchase over $100 now.

stinkerbell6879

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-planning-process-brought-fi-closer-farther-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:c9777245-7f54-411c-89cb-7afb43893e76Post:009ddf25-c0f5-4cdb-a7a2-1433a25be643">Re: Has the wedding planning process brought you and your FI closer or farther apart?</a>:
[QUOTE]We haven't had any arguments about the wedding.  We had some scuffles when we were buying a house.  But we got through it and eventually bought an amazing house. <strong> I think compared to the house-buying adventure, the wedding planning is way less stressful and time sensitive</strong>.  It's not do-or-die like the house was.  We ended up living at FILs' house for 3 weeks (needless to say, I was not thrilled) because our apartment lease was over, but our closing day kept getting pushed back.   As far as wedding planning goes, FI surprised me because he stood up to his mom who was giving us a hard time, which pleasantly surprised me.  It's not that he's a pushover, but he took a stand about stuff that I didn't think bothered him.  We'll see how everything else goes.
Posted by garcias1[/QUOTE]

100% Agree with that. I was way more stressed waiting for our house to close. We did not have any wedding related arguments, but, we did have a few moments where we had to step back and work on our communication about normal relationship issues that came to light . We had already had a lot of talks about our expectations, etc...But for us we started to nit pick at the little BS things that normally would not bother you. But we worked through it and I am enjoying married life :)

jessienjeremy

We haven't argued about really anything. I pretty much have done all the planning. He just sat back and did stuff if I asked him too.  I think the only thing we argued about was the flowers. He didnt see the point in them and said they are a waste of money.  I promised to keep them under a certain budget and since I got them cheap... he gave in.  I couldnt imagine my wedding with out them. I love flowers. I think its brought us closer.. we are so excited and cant wait to call each other wife and husband.

DanielleZZ

I do think it gives you some idea about your marriage and I know a few people who split up while planning their wedding but IMO there is more to it than 'if you fight while you are wedding planning, you will fight when you are married'.  The first time a couple is in a stressful situation it gives them an idea of how they will handle other stressful situations.  However if they work it out well and make changes accordingly than they can improve things for the next stressful event.

My FI and I have become a lot closer over the past year that we have been wedding planning but we have made some changes to our living situation that I think have more to do with it.  After 7 years we have been though many extremely stressful situations so the stress of wedding planing has only reaffirmed what I already knew, we are a great team!

garcias1

For some couples, wedding planning does end up being the breaking point.  This might be the first true test of your communication skills as a couple, since in some cases there is a lot of money and a lot of decisions involved.  I'm sure for some people, they learn new things about their FI during the planning process.  We may have tainted the wedding planning process since we bought a house first.  Maybe we got the scuffles out then so that we don't bicker or fight now.  I learned a lot about FI buying the house with him.  I learned a lot more about his finances, and I have a much clearer idea of what his vision is for our future.

aerinpegadrak

I don't think we argued about anything wedding related.  We discussed a lot, but I don't think the planning had any effect on our relationship at all.  We've always had really good communication, though, to the point where we think we've said something but the other just picked up on it non-verbally.

sb9411

We fought A LOT at first, and then I calmed the hell down... and things are going beautifully! I'm sure there will be bumps in the road, but we're getting better at compromising and listening to each other. We've been together 6.5 years, but this is our first really big joint decision (minus actually deciding to marry each other

Sparkles03

We've stayed the same.

Summer2011Bride

We haven't really had WR arguments at all. I think we've worked really well together thus far on the planning process. I'm sure as it gets closer and we get stressed, silly things will set us off, but that's to be expected and I'm not concerned about getting past it.

wiwicaty

We are just as glued to each other as we have for the past 14 years but the weddig planning has certainly surprised us with something really sweet and new to do together. It's a wonderful experience for boh and we didn't think it was going to be this much fun, from contacting our dream venue to wording the napkins and the invites, to picking the music together etc... We have a blast!

NillaWafer10

I think your engagement is more of a reflection of what your marriage will be like.  Being married doesn't change the fact that conflict will arise, nor does it change the fact that you will undoubtedly argue at times.  How you learn to deal with conflict is most important, and therefore should be learned before big arguments arise.

That being said, I've seen people choose not to get married over wedding planning issues.  It's probably best to decide these things before such a big commitment, as lost deposits are far cheaper than divorce.

AshleyR3

I think that deciding to get married has brought us closer not so much the wedding planning just because it is mostly me planning it. But since we have been engaged our relationship improved so much better communication wise

tlbattaglia

The planning process has definitely brought us closer.  While there isn't a lot that we've disagreed about...we've learned how to compromise a lot better. 

bril331

I think, for us, learning to live together was MUCH harder than planning the wedding. We had no problems at all buying the house, it was the adjustment to living together that was difficult. FI has been really wonderful during the planning process. He has even gone more overboard with the things he has ADDED to the wedding (with my permission of course)! We have agreed on everything, which is great. He has even put some people (FMIL) in their place in regards to what WE want for the wedding!!! Sometimes he will just look at me and say, "Your going to be my WIFE. Can you believe it?" I think the wedding planning has highlighted our stregnths instead of creating weaknesses.

Good luck everyone!

mklanich

I think my FI and I have defintely grown closer, but we've also learned so much more about each other. He's so much more involved than I thought he would be, and I'm definitely not complaining about it. There's things we've learned we need to work on, such as what church we'll attend afterwards. I used to think we'd continue with his but then learned I had some troubles with the Pastor that I simply couldn't over look. It's definitely been a learning and growing experience.

phut_action

I think ours has brought us closer. Until now we hadn't had much to conflict over, and, though I don't like arguing, I was grateful that we've finally had one or two significant enough disagreements to have to work through. I'd much rather find out now how the two of us handle conflict than after the "I do's" and I'm very happy to learn we work pretty easily through it, compared to some.

every couple argues at some point, its just impossible not to, and if you can't work through something like planning a wedding ('cause lets face it, in the grand scheme of life many of the details are just insignificant) then how will you handle raising children? buying/keeping a home? changing jobs? Its a great opportunity to learn to compromise and how to deal with differences in opinion. If you can't do that now, then thats a major red flag.

staceytaylor0704

Nothing has really changed for us.

ANThompson663

we actually haven't fought about anything, we figure there's just nothing in this that is so big that it deserves our time of fighting. Life is too short, he's also the only person who has ever been able to calm me and make me relazed so that helps. When I get stressed, he just takes up the stress and takes it off my hands so I don't worry about it. I know he'll get whatever task done and he'll do it perfectly, it's definitely helped us realize what we'll each be handling later on in life, and that compromise is the best. If I want something more he gives it to me (on decision making I mean) and vice versa otherwise we figure out a way to make both our ideas work together.

jumpyjoan12

Yea. it totally has. We haven't really argued over stuff but just orchestrating all of it on a budget and researching ideas and finding things takes time and adds stress. He's been a huge help in every aspect of it and actually has an input. All of this has just brought us together even more.

jeffsteph1207

We fought at first... but now we're good to go.  He's actually gotten a lot more involved, which makes me happy.  We're also both deployed right now (both of us are in the Army), and we also bought a house while we were on leave, construction just started this week!  So we've got a lot more going on to deal with right now, especially from across the ocean! We don't really have a choice but to work it out together