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I need to vent!

Ok so I was talking to my fiance (Bill) about his cousin, whom recently got married less than a month ago.  We went to the wedding and gave them a cash gift.  There is some kind of feud going on in the family.... before I came along there always has been.  So basically Bill's nana called his mom and was complaining that we only gave $50 for a gift.  That is our typical amount for every wedding we go to.  And since we are planning a wedding of our own, we really can't give anymore.  But seriously... WHY THE F*CK would you complain that someone isn't giving enough for a gift.  HELLOOOOOO.... IT'S A GIFT!!! Accept it... or give it back.  His nana must have found out about our gift from Bill's cousin. 

Bill isn't very close with this side of the family because of the backstabbing that goes on.  I work for Bill's aunt in this family and was over there on Thursday night with his Nana before all the shenanigans went on.  She was trying to get me on her good side even though she was mad at me and Bill.  Now that I know how his family is... I am not even going to try bonding with them.  Thankfully, Bill's parents and sister are sane and not crazy like the other family is.  *SIGH*

Re: I need to vent!

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Totally wrong.  If it had been a check, I would have stopped payment on it and called them and told them so. 
  • Actually.. it was a check.  And I have thought about that.  MUAHAHAHA! 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    what they did was inappropriate.   That said, it's not something I hold a grudge over.  I think we all have someone in our lives that does stupid stuff like that.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • This is why I never give cash.

    They had no right to complain, but I would just forget it and move on.  Not worth stressing over.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • In Response to Re: I need to vent!:
    Totally wrong.  If it had been a check, I would have stopped payment on it and called them and told them so. 
    Posted by MyNameIsNot

    This.

    Ok, I wouldn't really have the cajones to do that, but "Bad @$$ AE Meg" totally would, lol.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • that is absolutely ridiculous! My rule of thumb is to make sure I cover the cost of me and my dates food when we go. So I usually give about $60, but $75 if it is a closer friend. $50 is appropriate depending on where you are from and what not.

    That was totally out of line, selfish and greedy of her. I am a really nice person, but I have to say that  she is a B!!!

    Don't feel bad, your finances are you business and what you gave was fine!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • That is completely inappropriate. A gift is a gift, regardless if it's $50 or a $100. If you're not even particularly close to that side of the family, if they don't go out of their way to bond with you and your FI, why in the world would they expect you to give them a large amount of money? Regardless, they failed to recognize that planning a wedding is NOT cheap and you have your own budget to work with! I would totally cancel that check! If they're going to be picky, they don't deserve your generosity.
  • Wow she was totally out of line.  $50 is a good gift, and when you also take into consideration the economy and financial strain, I'm surpirsed she had the audacity to even bring that up.  Whew, at least his parents are sis are cool :)

    PS - I accidentally misread the poll and clicked "no".  I read inappropriate as appropriate, Oops!
  • I accidentally clicked "No" but I meant "Yes" lol.

    She is very rude and ungrateful.  A gift is just that, a gift.  Gifts are not mandatory.
  • Yes, I completly agree, it was completly rude of her  to complain about the amount of the gift. A gift is a gift and everyone should give how much  they are able to do at that point.

    Having said that... I have always thought that a $100 was standard to give per person-and more if its family. You should atleast be aiming to cover the cost of the plate. So maybe thats was her reasoning too and thats what she expecting...
  • Yeah I hear ya alabomb... and I think that is what she was getting at too.... but I don't think she was right to complain verbally.  Bill and I aren't expecting our guests to pay for their plates at our own wedding.  But that is just us I guess.
  • Ah, that sucks.  I feel for ya.  Just try to distance yourself best you can.  You guys enjoy your happiness!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that. --Michael Leunig-- Planning Bio
  • Wow.  Holy rude.  Good luck putting up with these people.
  • I'd say that the only gift for them would be etiquette books with a check inside between the "gift" advice.  If they never read it, they'll never get the check.
  • In Response to Re: I need to vent!:
    I'd say that the only gift for them would be etiquette books with a check inside between the "gift" advice.  If they never read it, they'll never get the check.
    Posted by anna.oskar
    I love that idea!
  • edited November 2009
    In Response to Re: I need to vent!:
    Yeah I hear ya alabomb... and I think that is what she was getting at too.... but I don't think she was right to complain verbally.  Bill and I aren't expecting our guests to pay for their plates at our own wedding.  But that is just us I guess.
    Posted by chrissy81981
    Nope, that isn't just you.  It is not right to expect people to cover their plate.  Guests are guests, not patrons.  People are expected to pay for their plates at restaurants or fundraising functions-not wedding receptions.
  • I agree, they shouldn't complain. Its done and over with and the other family members should 'let it go.'

     

    With that being said....most Asian weddings I've attended, I always put in cash (they don't believe in wedding gifts). My FI and I both attended and we put in $120 for the both of us.

    Immediate family tends to put in more.

     

    I know that when my uncle got married, my parents gave them $2000 as their gift. And his close friends were putting in $75 per person (yes even with this tough economy).

    If anyone were to put in $50 for a couple in an Asian wedding (Chinese mostly)...that would of raise some voices....BUT that's the norm for us.

     

    Sorry you had to go thru this type of stress.

  • Yes & no.  People will gossip and complain to each other about gifts they get, especially among the family.  But if Bill's aunt or uncle gossiped to his grandmother, it doesn't make it right for his grandmother to then complain to his mother, and certainly his mother should have kept her mouth shut and not insulted you by passing the complaint on to you  There was a lot wrong going on there on a lot of levels.
  • Wow! That was way out of line!  I don't know who seems like more of a spoiled brat - the cousin, or the grandmother who complained!  I think $50 is more than enough considering the economy and the fact that you're paying for a wedding also.  I am grateful for every gift I'm given and it won't hurt my feelings if someone comes to my wedding and doesn't give us a gift.  If a certain amount was required, she should've put that on the invitations but that might be a little too obvious that she's greedy.  I think it was very rude and tacky and I wouldn't stress over it.  Just be grateful that your FI and his sister and parents are not like that and try to avoid that side of the family whenever possible.

    Oh, I clicked "no" on your poll by accident too. 


    Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
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